Metal Gear Toast 4: Guns of the Alicorns

by Tommy_Wiseau

Act 1 : Toasty Sun

~-------Act 1: Toasty Sun-------~

“Toooast, I need something to eat.” Said the hungry and impatient Guru.

“Super Kami Guru, if you do not shut your mouth I will shut it for you” said Toast

Toast threw a can at Guru to express his anger.

“Toast why do you do thiiis”

Super Kami Guru frowned and sat still for a couple of hours. Soon enough “The Super Kami Toastcopter” was drifting down for a gas stop. They were already half way to their destination in Afghanistan. They went into the gas station building, to get some food for Super Kami Guru, but before they could make it in, five black men with aluminum bats and bombs attached to their bellies, were standing in front of them. One of them stepped up.

“Where is the pizza Toast” said what looked like the main black man.

“I don’t have a pizza, I am not the pizza deliverer you used to know me as” said Toast

“You’re not understanding, I need food, for mah KEEDZ.”

All the black men ran at Toast and yelled “FOR MAH KEEDZ” They detonated the bombs, to early and did not hurt Toast at all.

“Toast why did you not just shoot those black plebs, black people do not matter, they deserve to die.” Said the prejudice Super Kami Guru.

“Super Kami Guru, stop being so racist…” Toast started to say, but Super Kami Guru cut him off. “Toast, stop hiding it, we all know you are a racist.”

“I am not a racist, I am a Boiling Kettle of Tea!” screamed Toast, offended at Super Kami Guru’s true statement.

Super Kami Guru then started laughing, both at Toast’s oblivious racism, and at their current circumstances. They both realize the Alicorn Crusaders were not the only ones trying to kill them. Once they got gas and food, they left once again. Toast turned on the radio, to hear something so horrible, that one shudders to understand the artists mind, one of harsh and sustained cruelty; it was All Star by Smashmouth. Toast screamed at the top of his lungs, and threw a can on the “radio off” button.

“You should’ve checked yourself, before you…” began Super Kami Guru

“Don’t you dare say the rest, if you know what’s good for ya.” said Toast angrily.

For the rest of the flight they had uneventful idle chitchat. When they arrived they descended to the helipad, and got out of “The Super Kami Toastcopter”.

“OH hai Toast” Wiseau said as he walked up to the duo.

“… How did you get here so fast?” Asked Toast

“I was flying in my Tommy WiJet filming my Tommy WiShow.” Explained Tommy Wiseau

Tommy, Super Kami Guru, and Toast started walking to his Tommy WiAPC.

“What is our job” asked Toast.

“As we speak Alicorn Applebloom is meeting with the rest of the Alicorn crusaders, if you intercept their meeting, you might be able to kill Applebloom.” WiXplained Tommy.

When they were all ready and settled, they drove off to where most of the fighting was occurring.

“UnWifortuneably, I cannot go any WiFurther.” Said Wiseau

“Pls for all of our sanity stop with the WiPuns.” Said Toast

Tommy released a frown, it was clear that he was deeply saddened. Toast did not care, as long as he would stop making ridiculous annoying puns.

“Ok, I must go, and save my people, or else I must face my Full Life consequences.” Said Toast determinately.

Toast released the hatch on top of the Tommy WiTank. Super Kami Guru and Toast got out and jumped off.

“Super Kami Guru, you are going to go 1253 meters southwest of this position, there, is a camp, I need you to take out the watch towers, got it?” said Toast

“Got it” said Guru

Toast walked up to a group of militia, trying to protect their homeland from being converted into a cancerland. On the other side of the street was a group of PMCs, attacking the militia. PMCs are soldiers who don’t fight for anything, they fight to fight, even when they were a kid they were designed to fight, playing Call of Toast, or Tommy WiField 3 desensitized them to death and destruction.

While Toast was deep in thought, his codec suddenly started ringing, so he answered it, it was from an unknown frequency, 956.72.

“Hello, this is Toast.”

“Hello Mr. Toast, would you like to hear about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?”

“No I do not, I do not want to hear bout your capitalist carrot bowl”

As Toast ended the codec call, three PMC troops ran up to Toast, and highered their weapons to shoot, but before they could, something had shot all three of them in almost an instant.

The Watchful Walter, was helping Toast this whole him, following him, making sure he was safe, but Toast did not know that Walter was even still following the fandom, he had claimed to of left, years ago. As matter a fact Toast did not know it was Walter who saved him. Toast continued to Fort. AppleBl0m.

Toast snuck into the compound using his Toast Camo.

He saw AppleBloom on a balcony. He got his Sniper Rifle ready to shoot. Applebloom noticed his presence.

"Hello Brother, how have you been?"

Author's Note:

O hai reader.

I worked very WiHard on this so pls WiXcuse my mistakes.

and as always, this has been a Wiseau Films production.