PROLOGUE
There are many legends throughout Equestria, stories that have been passed down for generations. Stories of brave heroes who rose to the aide of ponies in times of great need.
One such story tells of 6 brave ponies who rose up against a terrible evil known as The Dark One.
The Dark One was a terrible being, said to have descended from the stars, who ruled with an iron hoof. He spread his evil across the lands, enslaving ponies in both mind and body. Anyone who stood in his way was obliterated.
Until on day, 6 mares rose up from the crowds of slaves. Wielding the legendary elements of harmony, Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter and Magic, they sealed the Dark One away in the stars where he came from, for what they hoped would be eternity.
But the legend also speaks of a prophesy… that one day The Dark One would rise once again, and that the descendants of those who first sealed him away would have to face him, or all of Equestria would be lost…. forever….
You, my good sir (or madam), need to go over your writing with a fine-toothed comb. I found numerous spelling and grammar errors, as well as an outburst of erratic capitalization.
Another problem was that it seems formulaic (but then again, Trixie fics all follow the same two paths, I guess it can't really be helped). What i'm trying to say is that there isn't much novelty in the piece. if you continue writing, i'd like to see the tropes so commonly used in these fics (alcoholic abusive fathers, trixie is angry at twilight) used in a more innovative way.
Still, you did an all right job.
3/5
188051
Thanks :) I am going through and working out the typos and grammatical errors. As for the trope of Trixie's father being included, it was included due to a comment i made on a youtube video of a filly Trixie crying. Someone told me to include it in a fan-fic. I have plans for dear Trixie in the future of this fic, don't worry. :)
Good job. I get the feeling that at least one of the mane six will go insane.