Brainwashed

by SweetieStar

The Denied Letters

My name is Sweetie Belle; I am the sister of a very famous designer in Canterlot, Rarity, and I am also a famous hot-shot pony of pop! I achieved this level by hard work and by help from my friends, who always cheered me up when I felt down. Unfortunately, Apple Bloom, my very good friend, died. I sang a song to her in the hospital, and it was great to see her smile… one last time. My other friend, my first friend, Scootaloo was sent to flight school and I’m sure she finished it already. I would like to pay her a visit sometime, but the last time I saw her she was going bat-shit crazy about a nightmare she had... about the Rainbow Factory. I wish it was different… I don’t think Scootaloo even remembers me now… but I would like to see her again.

I woke up in my light-pink and purple bed and looked around my peach-colored room. It was already morning, from the look of my white opened windows. I got off my bed and headed to the bathroom. I looked at the mirror and squeaked as I saw how terrifying my mane was. I levitated a brush with my unicorn horn and started gently brushing my hair. I was singing the tune of my favorite song called ‘Equestria Girls’ that I heard at the disco I’d attended last night… or was it Thursday? I don’t even remember! I went downstairs and waited for my maid to arrive and make me some breakfast; I was never the best cooker and I realized that only when I tried making breakfast for MYSELF for the first time. I yawned and looked at the time; my maid should arrive anytime soon. I looked at the clock again and decided to check my mail. I yawned again and walked out of the door. I saw lots of fans screaming outside of my gates. I smiled and went to the mail box. As I approached, the mail mare arrived.

“Hi, Derpy!” I greeted my mail mare. She smiled at me with her weird mouth and looked at me with her crossed eyes.

“Hey Sweetie Belle! There is male from a brainwashed mare!” She opened my mail box and put a few letters in. She smiled “See you later!” She said, flapped her Pegasus wings and flew away. I shook my head and smiled as the Pegasus pony crashed into the door of another house.

“That mare Derpy has some imagination!” I sighed. I opened the mail box and thousands of letters in it, most of them was fan mail, but I have noticed two letters that said ‘Denied’ I thought for a moment; Why would they send me denied letters? It was just pure nonsense! So I took them inside and I have decided to read them out of my own curiosity. As I read through the first Letter, I was shocked; It was from my friend Scootaloo! I was so happy at first… but then I was shocked.

Dear Sweetie Belle,

Hi, it’s me, Scootaloo. You might have forgotten me, Sweetie Belle, but I’m your friend… and Apple Bloom’s. I know that you are in Canterlot, a famous singing pop star, and you don’t have time for me. But I’m writing this to you because you are my only friend to write to. My coltfriend, Orion, has died a few days ago and my other friend, Aurora, wants to have nothing to do with me. Sweetie Belle, please read on, I have something important to tell you… I have had these nightmares lately… I remember I told you about them when we were the CMC’s together? Well, they never ended... until yesterday. I am not allowed to tell anypony about the Rainbow Factory, but my nightmares were true. I’m now a worker in the Rainbow Factory… if you could ever forgive me! I-I don’t even know what to say, I had no choice Sweetie Belle, please… I can explain… it all happened when I was taken to the Rainbow Factory, when Rainbow Dash killed Orion before my very own eyes! I had no other choice but to join. Now, I need a friend, to hug, to cry out my feelings to. I have no other Ponies to love us much as I did you anymore… not even Rainbow Dash. I’m sorry If I wasted your time and you don’t know me anymore… but I wish to hear a reply from you.

-Scootaloo

I nearly cried. I didn’t expect it to come up like this and by the date, I was supposed to receive it a long time ago. I didn’t even notice how my maid already arrived and how she was apologizing for being late and she got straight back to work. She made me scrambled eggs and toast, like my sister used to make. I started reading the second letter and it terrified me more than the first one. She wrote and described in detail about every single thing Rainbow Dash told her about the Rainbow Factory. That’s when I started to sob. I felt pity for Scootaloo, not only because she had to work in such a horrible place, but because the letter was denied it must mean anything. The Pegasus ponies must have read her letters before sending them that meant Scootaloo was in trouble and that meant that they might of killed her cause they are very strict and that also meant that Derpy ignored the command ‘Denied’ and went on sending it, and that meant it was me who was supposed to get to the bottom of this and bust those Pegasus’s on their job! But how? I thought for a moment. If Scootaloo is still alive, I must find her and with her help we will stop this horrible punishment!

In the train station, lots of fans came to me and asked me for my autograph. I tried to finish with it as fast as I could to make sure that I wasn’t late. As I got the tickets for the train to Ponyville I took a deep breath and waited for the train to arrive. I just hoped that Scootaloo was still alive. She'll be very happy when she sees me! That at least made me happy. When the train has arrived, I took a deep breath and stepped into the train.

“Ponyville, I will be ready for you!” I gulped and sat at my seat. I ignored the screaming fans and the paparazzi and flowed into my own worries. “I hope she is okay...” I whispered to myself. I started crying thinking of what horrible punishment they have prepared for her and I really hoped I wasn’t late.

Comments

javascript:smilie('');? Not to be mean but your grammar isn't topnotch, and you misuse a lot of words. I suggest waiting a little bit before uploading and rereading your chapters before you upload them. Maybe your doing it for style but it isn't very good. Take this sentence for example: I achieved this level by hard work and by help from my friends that always cheered me up when I felt down.javascript:smilie(''); It could be better said as, I became this famous through hard work with some help from my friends. They always knew how to cheer me up when I felt down. Or I achieved my level of fame with hard work and some help from my friends, who always cheered me up when I felt down. Certain parts of this chapter seemed to be incomplete or at least missing a word or two for example: When the train has( I would have used had for continuity of past tense in this sentence) arrived, I took a deep breath and stepped into( onto) the train. “(Get ready?) Ponyville, cause I will be ready for you( instead of I will be ready for you I'm ready for you would suffice)!” An example of a misuse of a word in context: I ignored the screaming fans and the paparazzi and flowed into my own worries. Flowed is misused in this sentence try saying I ignored my screaming fans and flashing cameras of the paparazzi, and instead I focused on my own worries.javascript:smilie(''); You have to think of it as an actual persons dialogue I doubt many people when worried about someone would say "I wish she is ok," in place of "I hope she is ok." Also in Scootaloo's letter I have to wonder why exactly she would write in her own stammers and pauses "please… I can explain… it" as opposed to just writing normally. When writing a story adding detail is important, but adding details about a maid who will probably never be involved again is pointless, unless that maid is Chekhov's Gunman.javascript:smilie('');