Nice story but i still prefer Octavia than Nurse Redheart. I didn't noticed any mistake but i do not do a great job with that stuff. Also if you could make your next chapter a little longer it would be a great job.

One thing that really bothers me whilst reading this is the fact that you do not put spaces after fullstops and commas.
Another thing is that:

“all done”Octavia Says

You often capitalise words that don't need it, and some words aren't capitalised when they need to be, with the most noticeable being "I" which is sometimes capitalised as it should be, but more often than not it is left uncapitalised.
On the other hand though your story is interesting so far with decent potential, I would advise making suitable revisions to this chapter and making future chapters longer.

1908347
Can't promise anything like that.

1908430
Thanks. I totally forgot to reread it. I thought I forgot to add spaces.

Nice

Mister yawny pants? Pinkie, what have you done with Octavia? Yeah, sorry. Though we aren't given much to Octavia regarding her canon appearances, she comes across as more sedate and demure, maybe even reserved, to me. Then again, relationships do cause the participants to behave in ways which might be embarrassing in public. Well, keep her as she is, or change that particular part, since I guess it could go either way. An intimate look into Octavia's life where she doesn't have to portray a facade to pony society, or she lives her life, unconcerned of pony opinion and whereby finds no need to don a facade, whereby the portrayal of her being sedate, demure, even reserved would also require that part of the story to be edited/ touched up so the transition from public to private is smooth.