(Quick note, I took everone's comments into consideration, and I'm going to try making this a bit slower. Thank you to Aurora Dimmet, Dorkside, UnintentionalFan, Brony0ne, SatoshiKyu and Spiili for your concise and constructive criticism. I won't do this many shout-outs every chapter, but this time, seeing as these were really good comments, and are really helpful. Now, on to the story.)
Spitfire and Dash had retreated to the latter's house, thinking it would be more private than Spitfire's, which was constantly under siege from an army of fan-fillies.
After the events that happened earlier that day, they wanted to take their relationship a step back. Having gone from friends to Marefriends in a matter of hours after Rainbow broke into tears on the cloud near the practice track.
“want some coffee?” Rainbow asked, remembering the prank Spitfire pulled last time.
“Sure” Spitfire replied, with a smirk. “Black, 2 sugars and this-” she tossed a small vial of liquid rainbow to Dash, who caught it and stared in bewilderment.
“Didn't... Didn't you just come from practice?”
“Yes, but I always carry a bit. Never know when you'll need it. Also, it helps me be more precise- broken vial means bad form,” Spitfire replied.
Rainbow accepted this, and turned away to make the coffee. Soon, she asked spitfire a question that was on her mind- “Why did you put a track so near Ponyville? I would've totally known about it if it was there for long”
Spitfire's reply surprised her- “We move it every month- having a permanent one would make the fan-fillies be busting down the gates every couple of months. Besides, moving it is good for strength training.”
“Woah, you move an entire building every MONTH? That's so awesome!”
With that, the conversation ended for a minute, until the coffee was done. Rainbow poured in the contents of the small vial first, watching in awe as the drink changed color until the sugarcubes she put in dissolved, which changed the color back to the dark brown. For her own, Dash simply added a few cream packets and carried them both in to the room.
“So, Spitfire, I was wondering- how did you see me on the cloud? Even though I could see the stadium, it was almost impossible to see the details from where I was. How could you notice a single pony on a small cloud?”
Spitfire responded to her after a short period of thinking- presumably to express what she was going to say in words. “It has to do with being a Wonderbolt- we all have to be completely aware of our surroundings, and no matter how insignificant the obstruction we have to keep tabs on it. The color of your mane didn't hurt, either.”
Dash smiled at her own ignorance. She always wondered just how her favorite team stayed so graceful in the air, even when the “show” was somewhat unplanned- no matter how much Dash practiced, she couldn't get anywhere near the turning speed or smooth looking flight of the five pegasi when they were in the air- she had always just attributed it to the many many hours of practice they put in. This information was surprising and revealing to her.
Picking up on this, Spitfire mentioned “That's the main reason we haven't yet scouted you is that you haven't figured it out yet. Other than that, we were seriously considering asking you to join.” She noticed that what she said could be hurtful to her friend, and she looked up at the cyan mare.
Rainbow Dash was slightly shocked at the blatant examination of her ability, and normally she would have yelled at the pony who said that, but from her idol she accepted it almost without question. The surprised look quickly turned to one of deep thought as she planned how to incorporate it into her daily flight routine.
Spitfire was relieved- she had nearly forgotten who she was talking too, instead taking a tone she would adopt with a normal recruit- and thought she had damaged her new relationship. Instead, she could almost see the cogs of Rainbow's brain working.
Spitfire smiled.
Rainbow eventually broke out of her trance and saw Spitfire still smiling.
Spitfire, noticing Rainbow had come back to reality, changed the subject to something she still wanted to know- “What did you say 10 years ago that was so bad you still feel bad about it?”
Rainbow's smile fell off of her face, stunned that the conversations seemed to keep going back to this in particular. “I pulled him aside one day, and I told him not to hurt her... But not like that. I threatened him. I never knew if he forgave me or not. I guess he did- I like to think we were rather close, but I'm still not sure.” Even though they had said that they loved each other, Spitfire and her, she still wanted to stop talking and put her regular demeanor back on.
Spitfire was sure of this, as the Cyan mare nearly spat the last few words of her phrase out. She decided not to press further, but instead said this: “I know the feeling. My friend lost her parents, and felt just as bad as you do now. She thought the only reason they died was that she ran away after an argument. The last thing they said to her was 'We love you' before she stormed out. The last thing she said? She never remembered. Unlike her, I still remember how much she cried, newly orphaned. They died looking for her. They had only just left as the harness broke- they fell nearly 100 feet and died instantly. I had nothing to say that would help,” Spitfire said, a tear breaking free of her eye.
This surprised Rainbow, the tear she shed proving Spitfire spoke the truth. Rainbow leaned in and hugged her friend. Whatever she suffered, she knew that Spitfire had suffered much the same. Watching a friend hurt was bad no matter who you were- and Rainbow was no different. Another tear fell down her fa
ce before she dried it. Spitfire heard the sniffling, and looked at her friend. She looked sad.
“You don't have to be strong for me, Rainbow. I always need to be strong for other people. Everyone needs people to cry on once in a while. I have Soarin- he is the only Wonderbolt I really knew outside of the suit.”
She noticed what she said and blushed, adding “Not... umm... never mind.”
Rainbow laughed, but was silenced quickly as it seemed rather inappropriate. She had a question of her own. “Why did you kiss me two days ago?”
Spitfire looked at her and thought deeply, waiting several minutes before responding. “I felt like it had to be done. I met part of you at the Grand Gala, the part that thirsted for attention and was brave and magnificent. That day, I met the other side- the side that needed to come out more often. No matter what you like to show, you really do have a soft spot. It isn't a small one, either. Most ponies like us have one, but I've never seen a pony react so much to so little of a... Push.”
Rainbow looked back, and pulled her back into the embrace.
Several minutes later, after Rainbow had let go, Spitfire said “I'm glad we had this talk, but I wanted to say something- all of the things that happened in the past few days happened so quickly. I'd like to take it a little slower, get to know each other better. I don't regret what we did, but... it seemed... fast. I don't usually mind rushing things, but usually I don't have these kinds of feelings. I usually am just in and out... If you'll excuse the very bad pun.”
As much as she hated to admit it, Rainbow felt the same way. She nodded, saying “See you tomorrow, Spitfire. Thanks for... well everything.”
Spitfire looked relieved, before saying “Great. I'll see you tomorrow, Rainbow.”
As Spitfire left, Rainbow looked happy that she had a new friend, but also sad that they wouldn't be together, at least for a while.
To be continued
(Author's note- See what I did there?)
Okay, the new chapter was posted a few minutes ago, and I hope you enjoy it. If it is not on par with what I've done so far (Ohai Zecora ), I'll probably be taking a short break. I have some time tomorrow, so I might get to work on getting more into the story- watching rainbow vids, reading more fics, etc., and then spend some time writing. I was really excited when I started writing, but I ran out of ideas about halfway through, and I wanted chp. 2 to be about twice as long. In addition, I feel like I'm moving too fast- typing out story after story without even a day's break. Hoping this chapter fixes some things and helps me write more in the future.
Much better paced this time around. I found a few problems such as having one too many o's early on in the word to. Other than that the pace seems much more appropriate. Here's to a good chapter!
139104 Glad you liked it. I don't know why, but it felt... off. No other way to describe it.
Trust me, I have the same problem. I've been working on my story for this website. I'm sitting at a 10k word chapter that I keep re-writing due to not liking it. I'll wind up posting it eventually, but I understand it feeling off at times when writing.
139161 Thanks for your comment, I'm glad to see others have this problem .
I have a good idea of how to get this to play out well, and I think the story will be better for it. However, some things need to be done at once (see: my other fic) and some things need more time to be done right. Also, go ahead with posting it, I'm sure it'll be fantastic.
Is that my name I see up there? Olawdy, why do I feel like I just won something?
On a related note, I'm glad you decided to take it a bit slower with the romance. One thing I noticed about this chapter is that you have a fair number of grammatical errors throughout, such as forgetting to capitalize names and using improper punctuation within the dialogue. But clean it up a bit and this one's a success.
139699 Because you did win something- you won TEH INTARWEBZ! Yes, show them Donnie!
*announcer voice* "Each hand crafted Intarwebz (or 1|\|74|2\/\/3|3Z as the l33t p33ps like to call them) comes with OVER 9000 freshly made muffins, a TARDIS and NO restrictions on where you go! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU CAN EVEN GO TO THE MAGICAL LAND OF EQUESTRIA!"
In all seriousness, though, I really do want to listen to my fans. I'm not writing this for my own enjoyment- although I am having a fantastic time while doing so. One of the best parts of writing these fics are for me to see the reaction of fans or critics- I love making people think. I'll definitely make a run through of this while I'm writing the next chapter, which came from a huge idea that just made me go nuts over it. Thank you for the read, please rate if you haven't already. (lots of people comment, and while that's good, it doesn't really give me a tangible number that I can use to gauge peoples reaction to the story so far. )
I'm a little late in the reading, as it would appear, but it was a good chapter, though relatively short. You did a lot better with the pacing and thank you for going into more detail about Rainbow Dash's problem at the beginning.
Wow amazing writing grammar and punctuation I ca really feel the romance tension etc only problem is too many human references like arms etc
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