Chapter 4: The Bounty Hunter- Part 1
What a hero Truly Need?
By: Zelkova48
Chapter 4: The Bounty Hunter- Part 1
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Gondar was not having the greatest time. Falling from the sky after getting sucked into a black hole and deposited into who knows where had sent him into a panic. Adrenaline rushed through his veins faster than Storm Spirit in his Ball Lighting form as the ground below him grew closer and closer. He needed to act fast before he became Gondar, the late Bounty Hunter.
He quickly holstered his sword and mancatcher before scouring the impending earth to see if there was anything to soften his landing. Sure enough, he spotted a dense forest next to a rocky field and rushing river.
The trees were tall enough for him to try and grab onto one of the branches and slow his descent down to earth. One wrong move however and he'll end up careening directly into the treeline, crashing his way down and mangling him along the way. There was absolutely no room for error, Gondar had to make sure of it.
Being a professional, he took advantage of the adrenaline coursing though him, granting him enhanced agility and heighten reaction. He steadied his nerves and locked away whatever fears that plagued his mind on the drop.
He was ready.
Gondar stared at the earth, his eyes locked with resolute determination, much like whenever he was going for the successful kill of a long and harsh manhunt. He wasn't about to die now; he simply refused to accept his fate.
His mind now a fortress of willpower and focus, he prepared to push his body to its absolute limit in order to save himself.
The forest slowly moved into view and he could see the individual pines and oaks instead of a large mishmash of green and all of its tints and hues. With measured movements, he turned his body little by little in the air until he changed his course and glided towards the forest just as he planned.
Before long, he found himself within the treeline, moving with incredible dexterity as he nimbly dodged branch after branch towards his safety.
"Got to time this just right," he thought.
This was it, he couldn't fail now.
The world was still crawling with crooks, criminals, and brigands. Gondar couldn't die now, the world still needed him. So long as someone had a price on their head, the Bounty Hunter will find them and take their head as proof of his successful hunt.
Gondar peered through the various branches of the tallest pine tree he was falling next to, reaching out with his hands, searching for the right moment to latch onto one of the branches and to slowly descend his way back onto the ground.
"Come on, come on!" Time was a luxury he didn't have. The earth was getting closer and closer and he had to grab now, otherwise he'd be nothing more than a memory. Without a thought, he pulled his arm all the way out and grabbed the nearest branch he could find, only things didn't go as he had planned when he looked at his 'hands'.
He didn't have any fingers. For a moment he thought he lost his hand, until he closely examined it mid flight. It was a hoof. He had hooves now.
"Wait? What the hell!?" was all he manage to say before his disrupted focus caused him to shift ever so slightly. This lapse in concentration caused him to bash right into the trunk of the tree and spiraling him out of control, crashing into almost every tree branch down the line. The only sound you could hear echoing from the forest was the grunts and pained yells coming from Gondar.
"Gah! Guh! Huh!? Yah! Ugh! Hyuugh! Wah!"
*Crack!* went his ribs.
*Snap!* went the bones in his limbs.
*Clang!* *Rip!* went his backpack and weaponry as they were torn off of his person.
*Thud!* went his body as he tumbled and rolled to a halt upon the soft dirt, blacking out on the spot.
After what felt like an eternity to Gondar, he was finally coming to. He hacked out a few coughs and breathed in deeply before feeling the cold wind blowing across his face like a flat blade of ice running across his cheek. He was still alive but he was hanging onto life by a very thin thread.
"*Cough* *Cough* Well.... that could have gone better."
Using whatever strength he had leftover, he opened his eyes very slowly and took in his surroundings. Now that he was grounded he got a good view of where he was.
Though his vision was still very blurry he could make out some of the features that made up the land. He looked around with his aching head and saw that the trees were far away now, his fall had dropped him past the forest and rolled him unceremoniously onto the rocky fields he saw in the sky earlier.
Everything was either a hazy brown or a blocky gray judging from the land. Gondar could tell the grays were the many rocks and boulders that made up the clearing and the browns being the bare soil in which he laid.
It wasn't a soft and cozy bed, but after coming into contact with so many trees and branches it felt like an exquisite silk mattress to him.
There was really nothing more to the land. He couldn't see if there was any other signs of life aside from the occasional chirping of the birds or the skittering of the small woodland creatures.
He was alone in the middle of nowhere.
Aside from the modest scenery he also noticed that most, if not all of his equipment, were gone. His sword, mancatcher, and shuriken were nowhere to be found, and his backpack was missing as well. He was only left with the clothes on his back and his favorite bandanna around his face.
He was left with nothing to defend himself with in the wild. Not that he needed his weapons at the moment, but they would've helped. His hand to hand combat skills was second to none and keen survival instincts were a part of his very being. However, they were worthless if he couldn't move at all.
Even though his situation was quite dire he kept his cool as he tried to move his body. He shifted his body to the side but several shocks of pain rang out from his injured limbs cried for him to stop. His arms and legs weren't doing so well, he tried to move them only to feel several broken bones get jumbled around.
He suppressed another cry of agony as well as he could before the pain subsided. Moving his limbs were out of the question. It felt like being shocked by Zeus each and every time his body made even the barest of movement.
His chest fared no better. There must have been several ribs that were either completely broken off or fractured like glass. It was a miracle that none of those broken ribs punctured any of his internal organs along the drop.
Yet, even in the unimaginable amount of pain he was experiencing, he struggled to stand up using his sheer force of will to resist the pain that was constantly tormenting him with each waking second.
"Gyuuuh!" he let out another yell as a sharp pain rang out from his side. He shifted his vision, and to his disbelief, saw a large wicked gash on the side of his abdomen. To top it all off, he was bleeding profusely.
"What's this?" He glanced over at the wound and saw a piece of broken metal just barely sticking out of the wound. From what he could make of it, the foreign object was a bloodied blade that was once part of his shuriken. It must have cut into him on the way down then broke off from the force of the landing after all of his equipment were ripped off of him mid fall.
He reached over with his han... hooves, to try and remove the blade from the gash. He'd have to figure out what happened to his body later. That is, if he lives at all to get some answers about his altered form. His arms racked with pain as he reached on over to the wound to try to pull the blade out, how he was going to do it with hooves instead of hands was something that completely slipped his mind as his hoof finally reached the blade.
His muddled thoughts were interrupted when he felt a tingling sensation atop his hooves. He couldn't see the mysterious energy, but he could most definitely feel it. The energy warped and contorted to the will of his thoughts, which gave him an idea.
He focused this alien energy around his hoof and shaped it into something that he could grip objects with. Sure enough, the energy formed around the blade with a tight hold.
"Well, that is interesting. Now all I got to do is... hyuugauh!" he grunted through gritted teeth as he attempted to pull the blade out. Slowly but surely (and painfully) the blade made it way out from the gash. His breathing grew heavier and more labored the longer he took to remove the blade. His mind and vision were beginning to be enveloped by a dark haze.
"Okay *sigh*, so far... so good." Beads of sweat grew more and more frequent as the blade edged its way out. "Halfway there, just got to... gaaaah!" The blade cut into his side as his hooves nudged it the wrong way, sending another wave of shock rippling throughout his body and blood to leak out at a hastened pace.
His focus broke, and with it, the grip from the blade. He immediately let go and laid down on his sides, waiting for the pain to subside. He couldn't try again. He had no more strength left and the dark haze was overpowering him. He could feel his soul being pulled out of his body by an unseen force.
"Is this *cough* how it will end?" He chuckled at the thought. "I never would've thought I would be finished off by something so simple as... falling, heheheheh," he whispered to himself as the encroaching darkness grew nearer and nearer.
"I guess this is really it. I gambled... and I lost... Time to... cash out..." His thoughts filled with regrets as his consciousness began to slip.
He cared not for the vast amount of wealth he was leaving behind, he could always make more on his own time. He cared not for the fools that will stain his name once word reaches that the fearful Bounty Hunter was killed by something so humorous as falling from the sky, his reputation was the least of his problems now.
No, the things he regretted most were not being able to hunt down criminals anymore, and never getting the chance to properly say goodbye to the friends and acquaintances he had made during his time fighting for the Ancients. He would probably never admit this to anyone, but personally he enjoyed his time fighting alongside the other heroes among the battlegrounds.
As a person who kills for a living, it can be a lonely pursuit. The people he calls his "allies" were always prepared to stab him in the back. Yet, no one has ever succeeded in killing him. He really was unbelievable as the stories, myths, and rumors spoke of him.
But the heroes of the Radiant and Dire were different. He enjoyed their company every chance he got.
He could relate to Rikimaru's situation. He never had a real family but they were both assassins who shared similar skills and goals, and it was always ridiculous to track down fleeing enemies while completely invisible with him.
The beautiful Lanaya was also an assassin who he has fought alongside. She'd often assist him from all the way across the battlegrounds with her helpful traps, of which he was ever so grateful for. He also liked the fact that she could keep a secret, unlike others he had worked with.
Meepo was a shady character, but you could always go to him whenever you needed something that was otherwise unattainable, which proved an invaluable asset to have when Gondar was hunting down his toughest bounty yet: the Crimson Cut-Throat.
Underneath the tough and hardened exterior of the hidden hunter was a hero that was willing to defend his closest friends to the last breath.
" *Sigh* I miss my friends..." He then used his peripheral vision to look around to see if he was truly alone. His heightened senses reassured him that there was no one watching or listening to him from a distance. "I really hope no one heard me say that..."
With his last word spoken his body began to grow cold and his consciousness slipped from his mind. The darkness that was waiting patiently for him finally took over and the mighty Bounty Hunter was finally unconscious, surrounded by a small pool of his own blood. All was still and quiet for a few seconds, until the silence was broken by the sound of a faint squeaky wagon echoing throughout the calm clearing.
Rarity calmly trotted down the dirt path that led to the mineral quarry just outside of Ponyville, hauling a rather unique looking gem cart behind her and wearing one of her more extravagant sun hats.
What? It was more than just a fashion statement. She was going to be out in the quarry under the hot sun all day and she needed proper protection from the sun's rays.
She had no time to lose, the deadline for Hoity Toity's dresses were creeping closer and closer. The explosion and shaking earlier cracked and chipped all of her gems and she needed to gather some undamaged ones before it was too late.
One would assume that with Rarity's posh and refined personality she would be easily shaken, pun intended, by the recent tremor that shook the little town and wouldn't be able to make the long trek to her destination.
But her friends knew otherwise. She hated dirt, true, but she knew it wasn't exactly the end of the world if she got a little dirty (though she still highly detested dirt and mud stains upon her fabulous coat). As for her physical safety, that was another story.
It was at this very same rock quarry she was traveling to where she was captured by the dastardly diamond dogs, who held her prisoner after discovering her talent of finding gems. Rarity's mind recoiled at the memory as she reminisced on what happened after.
They had had her captured, outnumbered, and with no real method of escape. She was at the whim of the dogs. They would've made her search for gems until she was a old wrinkly mare.
But then she turned the tables upon them. A small smile formed upon her face as the memory progressed. The dogs thought they had the upper hoof until she complained them into the depths of insanity. She giggled at how a clan of large, oafish, and semi-intelligent dogs could submit to something so trivial as Rarity's simple complaints.
Rarity knew how to take care of herself, she was strong that way. Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie weren't the only ones who could defend themselves. Heck, she even bucked a manticore in the face on their very first adventure together in the Everfree to stop Nightmare Moon.
"I wonder how they're doing right now?" Something had crashed in the White Tail Woods and everybody but Pinkie and Fluttershy went to investigate. She would've gladly joined them on their little excursion but she had work that needed to be done.
She'd only wished that her little Spikey Wikey was with her, he always assisted her whenever it came to gem hunting. He would help her dig the gems out so that she wouldn't get dirty and he would receive some gems in return as a reward (although to Spike, the real reward was getting to spend time with the pony of his dreams). He would've help her gather the gems twice as fast but he was on duty at the moment.
She would have to pulls the gems out herself using her magic. It will take a while to gather all the gems she required this time around, but she was ready to do it.
Rarity had brought along her surprisingly stylish gem cart to carry all of the gems with. Truth be told, it was the same one she had 'borrowed' from her captors, she just cleaned it up and had it glamorized to suit her taste. Nobody expected that she could transform an old, beat up, rusty wagon into a thing of beauty, but she managed to do so regardless.
It was absolutely fitting for the young fashionista. All of the rusty metal parts had been polished to achieve a mirror shine of brilliant silver. The rest of the cart was painted a glossy pure white that matched her flawless coat, it even had her cutie mark emblazoned on the side to represent who the cart belonged to.
In it was a picnic basket filled with all assortments of treats and refreshments, and her emergency sewing kit (for sewing emergency's of course).
Was she afraid of the diamond dogs? Was she afraid that they might come back and attempt another kidnapping? Heck no! If anything, the diamond dogs were more afraid of her than she was of them.
"I doubt those ruffians will be back if they know what's good for them" She huffed at the very thought of those dirt covered troublemakers trying to pull another fiasco like that again. She could handle herself no problem.
She slowed her pace down to a full stop when she had finally her destination. The view that stood before her would be unimpressive to the average pony. Nothing but dirt, rocks, and at least one tree off in the distance. But Rarity begged to differ. It was gems that helped her acquire her cutie mark in the past, and it was gems that brought her dreams of being a fashion designer into fruition.
Rarity could sense the vast never ending veins and stashes of minerals and gems that downright littered the deceptive clearing, she had always known there were an audacious amount of gems in the very soil of the land.
It wasn't until she was captured when she truly realized how massive it really was. It spanned all the way down into the very depth of Equestria with various caverns and cave systems that not even the greatest of cartographers could map out in their lifetime.
She took a breather as she unhooked the cart from herself, stretching to remove any soreness or aches that may have occurred during the travel. She briefly took in the scenery and her surroundings, she could sense all of the beautiful gems hidden beneath the bountiful earth.
If the diamond dogs weren't still scouring the depths of the quarry to sate their lust for the shiny and colorful rocks she would actually consider making a summer home here, even if it was just a short walk away back into Ponyville.
"Alright Rarity, time to go gem hunting!" Without a second thought, she dashed directly into the clearing using her magic to sweep the area to find any hidden caches of gems.
Sure enough, she immediately finds a small cache just a couple meters into the bare field. Using her magic she unearthed the gems from the ground. One by one the precious minerals made their way up. Diamonds, sapphires, topaz, and several other precious stones floated around in mid air, basked in a light blue glow. With a light shake all of the dirt and loose soil crumbled off of the gems.
She grinned as she had just found her first batch of gems, admiring the shiniest ruby of the bunch that displayed her flawless complexion in its reflection.
"Oh! Who's that gorgeous looking filly looking back at me?" she joked. She quickly placed the gems into her cart and continued on with her errand. She ran briskly back and forth throughout the clearing, constantly returning with a collection of gems, each one larger than the last. It was a solid pace and she should be done collecting all the gems she needed before it was noon.
Then all of a sudden, her gem detection spell began to react violently.
"Oh my! What's this?" She felt something enormous off in the distance, right next to the nearby river. It was perhaps the largest cache she had discovered today or even in her life. If she were to mine this cache she would have collected all of the gems she needed to fill out the order, plus extra!
"What a lucky score! If can I get to that cache I'll be finished with the dresses before the week is over!" She ran on over to her cart and hooked it back on. With vim and vigor, she dashed towards the direction of her miracle gem cache.
It only took seconds for Rarity to reach the source of the gem cache, she could sense all of the gems underneath her perfectly hooficured hooves. There was so many that she almost got a migraine sensing so many at once.
She quickly scanned the ground to see if there was a opening in which she could pull the gems out without causing dirt to fly everywhere. Too bad there was going to be dirt everywhere. It wasn't going to be clean but she knew what she had to do.
"Oh, sweet Faust. Please let this end quickly," she prayed as she discovered a decent opening to harvest the gems.
With deep focus, she used her magical grip and grabbed one of the many gems underneath. With a solid pull, the gem dislodged itself from the center of the bunch, popped up from out the ground, and landed with a small *klink* sound.
Rarity waited eagerly for the veritable explosion of gems that was to come, but no such thing happened. She stood there, confused.
"Why, I was sure that would've..."
Her thoughts were cut short when the ground suddenly began to rumble, not quite as violent as the earlier shaking, but it had enough force to nearly cause Rarity to trip and fall. A small well cracked open from the earth that grew larger and larger until a literal geyser of gems erupted into the air, causing it to rain dozens, if not hundreds of gems from the sky.
Rarity's eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. It was like a beautiful dream, a dream where it rained precious stones from the Heavens as a result of her hard work.
She couldn't contain herself. She tried to hold back the urge to giggle and prance around hysterically like a young school filly with a new toy, but the feeling persisted and overtook her senses nonetheless. There she was in the middle of a barren field next to a hill of gems hopping around without any signs of self control.
"This has got to be the greatest day of my young life!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, the shouting apparently snapped her out her unrestrained euphoria and she slowed down as a result. When she finally collected herself her face was about as red as a tomato.
"Ahaha... I really hope no one saw me act in such a vulgar manner..." She looked around a bit to see if she was truly alone. To her relief there was no one besides her and her pile of gems.
"*Phew* Thank Faust there was nobody her- *gasp!* " whatever relief she may have had earlier was replace with shock and fear. She raised a hoof to her mouth to try stifle a scream that desperately wanted to escape. Diamond dogs she could could handle but the sight before her made her blood run cold.
It was the body of a male earth pony lying in a pool of his own blood.
" H-h-how... c-could this have h-happened?" her trembling voice did little to help her maintain rational thought. "Did the diamond dogs do this? No, they couldn't have". As annoying as diamond dogs are they could never resort to something as barbaric as attacking and killing an innocent pony without reason. It was probably an accident or a blind attack by the animals of the Everfree forest. The pony could have stumbled all the way out here and collapse from exhaustion.
She couldn't deal with the image she beheld in her eyes. She felt was beginning to feel incredibly nauseous, in fact it looked like she was turning a fair shade of green as she suppressed the urge to vomit.
She swallowed whatever gruel wanted to leave her stomach in an act of defiance, such an act as vomiting would be considered very unladylike even if it was in the middle of an empty field. Time seemed to have froze as she stood there trying to cope with the mental trauma she was currently suffering from.
Luckily she wouldn't have to suffer anymore as the sound of raspy breathing coming from the unconscious pony brought her back into reality. " *Sigh* thank goodness, he's still alive" Her sensitive mind calmed down slightly but a new problem arose in the wake of the last. She has a dying pony in her hands and she had to do something about it.
Her mind raced to find a solution, she could attempt to move him into her cart and bring him to Ponyville's hospital to receive proper medical care. It seemed like a good plan until she actually got close to examine the poor pony's body.
The bruises on the limbs indicated several broken bones within the body from his arms to his legs. Then there was a large bloody gash on his side with something shiny jutting from it, this along with the bones discouraged any effort to move him anywhere without causing any more damage to his already ravaged body.
"Good gracious darling, what did you get yourself into?" she couldn't move him at all in his current state and running back to Ponyville to fetch a doctor would take too much time.
She ran through her list of options one last time before coming to a medically sound conclusion, she had to nurse him back to reasonable health here so that hopefully he would be conscious enough to accompany her back to the hospital. It was a bit of a stretch but there was really no other way, he could die anytime being carried back into town and the death of fellow pony was something she would not want to have haunt her conscience in the future.
Without missing a beat she used her magic and pulled out her picnic basket and emergency sewing kit, quickly bringing them over to her side. She looked over the poor pony one last time before taking deep breathes to steady her nerves.
She couldn't believe that she was about to help a dying pony escape the brink of death, she couldn't understand why something like this had her so rattled. She and her friends stopped NIghtmare Moon from plunging Equestria into eternal darkness, they ended Discord's chaotic reign of psychopathic madness, She has handled problems where the very fate of Equestria hung in the balance!
So why was this one pony so troublesome to her thoughts, her morals, her ethics? What was so special about this one lone pony compared the thousands of others she and her friends have saved time and time again.
Was he a wealthy noble? Was he royalty? He could be nothing more than a roamer, a nobody, or even a rotten thief. She didn't have to do this, she could just leave him here and no one will even care. She would just take her gems home and continue on with her life. What was the one compared to the many? She doesn't even know him!
*WHAM!*
Her head rang like a school bell, her right cheek was red with pain. She looked over at her hoof, tears beginning to form at her eyes. She'd just slapped herself. Why did she do that? Was she starting to lose it? was her sanity starting to unravel? It was something she subconsciously did, she was so confused at why she just harmed herself until she looked over to her gem cart and saw her cutie mark. It all became clear.
She was Rarity, the very pony that was the embodiment of generosity. She felt glad that she slapped herself now that she remembered, at the moment when her mind was questioning everything there were two Rarity's at the moment instead of one.
She was disgusted by the fact she had even considered abandoning this injured pony, leaving him for dead. She was acting selfish and it was up to her other self to bring her back to her senses. She'd the same conflict of interest a few months before during her trip to Canterlot between the canterlot elite and her friends. It didn't seem like that big of a deal then even after the problem was resolved, but the fight within herself was a painful indeed. She was still glad she made the right choice.
And now she has chosen to help save this pony's life. This was the life of element of generosity, always giving with altruistic intent, always thinking about others more so than herself. Her mind was free of any doubts and fears that have been troubling her, and her heart was in the right place. As she gathered her tools of her trade she was prepared to use her special talent in a new manner.
She glanced over the wounds a few more times to understand what she was getting into, after carefully observing the large cut she made it her number one priority to seal it up to prevent any more blood loss. Using a spare cloth she had in the picnic basket she soaked it in water from her canteen and began cleaning the wound. She held her breath as she cleaned the bloodied area around the gash, before she knew it the wound was free of any dry or wet blood that remained, underneath that harsh shade of crimson was a clean but scraggy looking shade of yellow.
" *Sigh* so far so good" she wiped away the sweat that was forming near her brow, the wound was now clean.
Next came the hard part, she had to suture the cut to prevent any more blood loss. Luckily for her that was not that deep but then there was the foreign object that was still lodged in the opening.
She braced herself for what she was about to do next, using her magical grip she held onto the object and gently pulled it out, being precise and cautious to avoid damaging any of his internal organs. When she finally heard a sickening squishy sound she realized that the object was fully removed from the gash.
She wiped off the blood from the strange curved object to see what it was. She was shocked to find out that it was a small blade, she ran her hoof on the edge to feel its quality. She didn't put any pressure on the blade but when she looked at her hoof she saw that there was a small cut. It wasn't anything serious although she could tell this little blade was comparable to that of a surgeon's scalpel.
This was a professional blade. Once again her mind struggled to piece together what this pony might had gotten himself into.
" Ugh, I really hope he's not some thug being chased by the royal guards" she pondered, then another thought occured. " Wait, what if he's really a prince from a foreign land? Maybe his throne was maliciously usurped and he fled from his country to contact Princess Celestia and ask for her help!" Her thoughts were teeming with some fairy tale fantasy that only a unicorn like Rarity could come up with.
" Perhaps he requires the help of the elements of harmony!" She shifted her gaze from the blankness she was staring so passionately at towards the mysterious pony, trying to see if she could get a glimpse of his face.
Her expression fell when she noticed he was wearing a mask, half of his face was obscured by tattered bandanna. She tried to remove it to get a better look at his face but the large gash on his side made her remember why she was helping him in the first place. There she was fantasizing again when somepony's life was in danger.
Breaking away from her made up stories she quickly threaded her needle with only the speed a master seamstress could possess. One quick sterilization of the needle with a little fire spell and some water and she was set to suture the gash.
With intense focus and her magic she quickly and cleanly sewed up the wound with her own brand of surgical precision in a single deft movement, after the wound was sealed she cleaned it once more for good measure. It was a jaw dropping sight, the once bloody and life threatening cut was all closed up and clean within a matter of seconds.
Her friends would've never believed her if she told them she manage to perfectly clean and suture up an open wound of a dying pony on her first try.
Little did they know that all of those times she spent volunteering down at the local hospital has taught her a thing or two about proper medical treatments and procedures. Nurse Redheart always said that if Rarity wasn't already a dressmaker she would have made an excellent surgeon, with her incredible precision she could possibly the very best there was to offer.
Too bad she would never have the nerve to become a doctor with all of the blood, diseases, and the awful scrubs all of the staff members had to wear even if they did match the curtains.
" There we go, all finished... eh, sort of" with a snip of the thread with her trusty scissors and one knot later the injury was no more, he was still breathing but she had to make sure that he was going to make it.
She approached him and leaned in to listen to his heart. It was still beating, which was a good thing and his pulse seemed fine. For as much as she knew about medicine he was stable enough to live. His bones on the other hoof would have to wait. She didn't know anything about setting bones so she had to wait until he was up and about to get some real help from a doctor.
She fell back on her haunches to relax a bit after going through so much in so little, she looked at the pony she just saved. A smile graced her face, being the element of generosity was a lot of hard work. But she wouldn't have it any other way. She just hoped that she wouldn't get any wrinkles when the day was over and done.
She stood up and walked on over to the pile of gems she neglected when she was helping out the stranger, she just stared at it for quite some time before she started gathering them into her cart.
She did not forget about her order nor did she forget about the sleeping pony, as she was moving the gems into the cart she simultaneously used her magic to fold her picnic cloth into a makeshift pillow and gently place it beneath the strangers head making sure not to startle him. She would let him rest until he is well enough to be moved into town.
" Honestly, can this day get any stranger?" she wondered as she piled on the gems into her cart. First explosions and earthquakes then a mysterious stranger ends up nearly dead in a mineral quarry.
She should have a talk with Twilight and the others later, but not before she finished her errand without anymore interruptions. She used her magic and levitated the gems into her her cart. Within a few minutes of work the gem cart was overflowing with gems of all shapes, colors, and sizes.
"There we go, a pile of fresh gems to work with" She gleaned over at her bounty.
It was finally done, she had collected all of the gems she required. It had been a strange day indeed but that did not impede her work in the slightest. She just wanted to stare in awe at the giant pile of gems she had collected.
Her mind was locked onto the pile until the stranger started to stir. She was quite surprised that he regained consciousness so quickly, she ran on over to make sure he didn't strain himself when he wakes up. His eye began to open and Rarity was right beside him.
"Are you alright, darling?" she calmly asked.
The stranger didn't respond immediately, her looked around blearily and stared at Rarity, a confused look in his eyes. She was getting a little uncomfortable being stared at and she couldn't tell what he was feeling beneath that mask of his. Was he frightened? Or maybe he just doesn't understand what was going on.
She wanted to break the awkward silence but before she could get a word out, he spoke. In a raspy but clear voice he asked:
"Who are you?"
Chapter 4 end
Stats
Page generated in 0.072 seconds
Total duration
719 users online
1,430,420 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Either place a coordinating conjunction after the comma after "form" or replace the comma itself with a semicolon. Also change "becomes" into "became".
Place a comma before the "however".
Replace the comma with a semicolon.
Delete one of the "to":
Change "as" into "a". place a coordinating conjunction after the comma, and delete the apostrophe in "it's".
Delete the apostrophe in "it's".
Awkward formatting, you linked three independent clauses without anything to actually link them comfortably.
Change "here" to "hear", and change "form" into from".
Change "had may had" into "may have". Also place a comma after leftover.
Either he's telling lies on the ground, or change "lied" to "laid".
A minor one, but you may want to change "cloths" into "clothes". On the other hand, however you could somewhat make an argument that most of what Bounty Hunter wears is just sashes of cloth (I'm looking at you, Master Assassin's Tails) . Your choice.
This though will have to be changed to the singular form.
Change "are" into "were".
Change "speak" into past tense.
Change "is" into was. Change "has" into "had".
Change "to" into "you". Also change "is" into "was".
Not really an error, but saying "ground floor" is redundant and makes it seem like he's in a building.
Change "one" into the plural form. Never realized how weird it was for the word one to ever be plural.
Change "know" into the past tense.
Change "is" into "was".
That "but" is misplaced and doesn't belong there.
.
Place "a" after "was".
Change "manage" into the past tense.
Change "have" into "had".
Add an "it" after massive.
Spot the spelling error.
Replace "out with" with "without".
Capitalize the first word.
Delete the apostrophe in "it's".
Add an "a" after was.
"Weren't" is a conjuration of were not, so "wasn't" is a better fit here.
Place a "be" after "the".
Add an additional "o" to the first "to", and replace the second "to" with "the".
Change "is" to "was".
Just curious, but how long did you work on this? I noticed as the chapter went along, there was less and less errors, a definite sign of improvement. I also have one suggestion: hint to what the overarching plot is. It's quite enjoyable of how everyone first meets everyone, but right now I'd honestly classify this as slice of life. You need to show the audience that you DO have some grand adventure planned out with little hints here and there. Also:
Sorry Rariy, but you're looking for either Riki , Lycanthrope, or possibly Undying.
1887679 I worked on this chapter for about 2 weeks on and off during my winter break on my spare time ( aside from the greeviling and a vacation), I spent most of the time rewriting a lot of the story and fixing most errors that I managed to find. Still looking for a proofreader though
as for the whole clothes debate on Gondar I'm not very sure myself. From what I know all he wears from top to bottom is a Bandanna, one on his face and another around his neck. Then he has his back pack and some shoulder guards. Followed by pants with a belt and some weird loincloth thingy (I have no idea if there is a name for that or not) and then there are bandages around his legs tendon area I guess to protect himself from any maiming strikes.
As for the future of our favorite fillies and heroes I do have something big planned. Don't worry, it's just a little slow to start. Actually as I'm typing this I started work on the next chapter already, expect it by the end of the week.