Chapter 5: Viking the Brush Off
"Why so many papers?" Mike asked as he and three other marauders helped Spike carry a few letters in the townhall.
"This is the town hall. You'd be surprised to see how many there are here on a busy day."
"Horrifying..."
Once there were no letters left, the five of them began walking towards the door, everyone with their hands full. Spike opened the door and walked outside, Mike and two marauders followed, while the last marauder closed the door and caught up to them. They descended the small stairs, but as soon as they reached ground, they were met with a loud thunderstorm that scared them. Spike jumped back in fright, but Mike and the three marauders dropped their letters and desperately ran around seeking cover, with the marauders unloading their grenade launchers towards every single direction, succesfully striking the wall of the town hall and making it crumble upon itself. They didn't stop, they kept running and running while Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, the minds behind the prank, laughed loudly after Spike began hiccuping.
"Hahah, good one Pinkie Pie, you're always pulling a fast one on me."
As Spike was collecting the scrolls that laid on the floor, he unintentionally hiccuped, sending green flames towards the scroll, which also caught a marauder that was running around.
MEANWHILE, IN THE CASTLE...
Celestia's focus changed from a paper she was reading to a green flame that made its way towards her, unsure of what it might carry since she was not expecting anything. Out of it, a scroll apeared and fell to the floor. Confused, she just stared at how it fell, but once she looked up again, her eyes widened in shock.
"GAAAAAAH!" A marauder yelled as he fell on top of Celestia. "...I'm in a world of hurt..."
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash kept on laughing, while Spike managed to get most of the scrolls. By a certain turn of fate, he hiccuped again and sent the scrolls he carried to Celestia with that characteristic green flame, which, unfortunately, also accidentally engulfed Mike and the remaining two marauders.
"Incoming!!" Mike screamed as he fell on top of Celestia. Thud.
"Got a whole lotta love!" A marauder yelled, falling on top of Mike, Celestia, and another marauder. Thud.
"Don't leave me hanging!" The remaining marauder yelled, falling on top of the four unfortunate victims of fate. Thud.
An hour later, after Mike returned from the castle...
"So Pinkie Pie, are you sure that this friend of Rainbow Dash is really so mean?" Twilight asked Pinkie Pie, who were at Twilight's house while Mike sat on the staircase listening to the ruckus.
"Um, yeah. She keeps stealing Rainbow Dash away, she pops my balloons, and she told me to buzz off. I've never met a griffon this mean. Well, actually, I've never met a griffon at all, but I bet if I had, she wouldn't have been as mean and grumpy as Gilda."
"You know what I think, Pinkie Pie."
"Hmm?"
"Well, I think... you're jealous."
"Jealous?"
"Green with envy. Well, in your case, pink with envy." Mentioned Spike.
"Well, yes. Jealous. Listen Pinkie, I don't want to upset you, but just because Rainbow Dash has another friend doesn't make Gilda a grump. I mean, perhaps it's you, Pinkie, who needs to improve her attitude."
"Improve my attitude? But I... D... B.. It's Gilda that... D... Are you seri... GAH!" Pinkie Pie stormed out of Twilight's house, while Twilight sighed. Mike got up and started walking to the door.
"Where are you going?" Twilight asked.
"Uhhh... Overseering my base." He was obviously scheming something.
"..."
"Seriously."
"Fine..."
"Aaah! A rattler, a rattler! Run for the hills! Everybody forsake yourselves!" Granny Smith screamed as she ran ridiclously slow to the hills after confusing Gilda's tail for a rattler in the vegetable stand. Gilda popped out with a big smile, but upon noticing that a pony was staring at her, she began 'testing' a tomato with her tail.
"This stuff ain't fresh, dude." She mentioned before walking away. She walked innocently looking around, until she stopped in front of yet another stand. With her tail, while no one was looking, she stole and apple and ate it in a single bite.
Gilda kept walking around town, until a short distance in front of her walked Fluttershy leading a flock of ducks. She didn't change her direction, however, and kept walking until she hit Fluttershy. "Hey!"
"Please excuse me." Fluttershy said.
"I'm walkin' here."
"Oh, um, I'm sorry. I-I-I was just trying to..."
"'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'. Why don't you just watch where you're going, doofus?"
"B-b-b-but I... I..."
Gilda breathed in, preparing to let out a roar with an intensity unheard before, but before she could let it all out in front of Fluttershy, who was already frightened, the ground shook as if a giant was walking towards them.
"Stop right there criminal scum!" A voice that appeared to come out from a radio came out of a tall biped mechanized creature with gatling guns and missile pods, a Terran Viking in its walker form. "Nobody breaks the law on my watch! I'm confiscating your stolen goods. Now pay your fine... Or it's off to jail. --Wait, you already ate that stolen apple." The Terran Viking, with Mike himself piloting it, began revving up its right gatling gun and pushing it towards Gilda. "Regurgitate it and return it to its rightful owner!"
"What."
The Viking signalled Flutershy to go with its left gatling gun, seeing as she was still petrified. "You heard me."
"Ugh, please, all these lame ponies are driving me buggy. I gotta bail." She said as she began taking flight.
"NO!" Mike yelled as he slapped her with his left gatling gun before she could even take off properly, sending her to the ground.
"What the hell is your problem?!"
"You are my problem. You scared Granny Smith... You stole an apple... You almost made Fluttershy cry..." He revved up his gatling gun again and placed it directly in front of Gilda. "You threatened my people with slavery and death!"
"Wait, what?"
"Sorry, got carried away. Anyways! This can only be solved in one way..."
"Oh..." Gilda grinned, standing up. "So you want a fight..."
"I was going to suggest a freestyle breakdance tournament but... That's a good idea too."
"..."
"..."
"A fight it is then. When and where?!"
"In a few hours. No matter what happens, understood? Even if there was somehow a party, we will fight there and then."
"You got it..." Gilda agreed, with her face clashing with the Viking's visor.
And, lo and behold, there was a party. Arranged by Pinkie Pie herself for Gilda. Talk about funny coincidences.
Fast forwarding most of the party since it'd be boring and not time efficient to describe it in detail, Gilda had begun to lose her composure following the many pranks set against her.
"Hey, I'm watching you. Like a hawk." Gilda told Pinkie Pie as she held her with her claws behind the cake, out of everyone's sight.
"Why? Can't you watch me like a griffon?"
"Hey y'all, it's pin the tail on the pony. Let's play." Applejack suggested.
"Oh, my favorite game." Rarity stated. "Can I go first? Can I have the purple tail?"
"Well, I am the guest of honor, and I'll have the purple tail." Gilda said as she quickly grabbed the tail before Rarity could, much to her frustration.
"Yeah, Gilda should definitely go first. Let's get you blindfolded." Pinkie Pie said.
"Hey what-- ugh-- what are you doing? Rrrah!"
"We're spinning you around and around and then you can pin the tail on the pony. Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail."
"Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail. Hmph, yeah, right. This is another prank, isn't it? I'm going this way." She stated, walking to the opposite direction.
"Wait. The poster is this--"
"Whoa whaa waah waah waaaaah-- UGH!"
"Uh, Gilda? You pinned the tail on the wrong end." Pinkie Pie stated upon seeing Gilda with a fabulous purple moustache. At this sight, everyone in the room began laughing.
Out of fury, she let out a loud roar. "This is your idea of a good time? I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life. And Pinkie Pie, you! You are queen lame-o with your weak little party pranks. Did you really think you could make me lose my cool? Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together. Come on Dash, we're bailing on this pathetic scene. Come on Rainbow Dash. I said, we're leaving."
"You know Gilda, I was the one who set up all those weak pranks at this party." Rainbow Dash stated.
"...What?!"
"Ooh..." Pinkie Pie whispered to herself.
"So I guess I'm queen lame-o."
"Come on, Dash, you're joshing me."
"They weren't all meant for you specifically, it was just dumb luck that you set them all off."
"I shoulda known, that dribble cup had Rainbow Dash written all over it." Pinkie Pie said.
"No way. It was Pinkie Pie, she set up this party to trip me up, to make a fool of me."
"Me? I threw this party to improve your attitude. I thought a good party might turn that frown upside down."
"And you sure didn't need any help making a fool of yourself." Rainbow Dash continued. "You know, this is not how I thought my old friends would treat my new friends. If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new cool friends someplace else."
"Rrgh. Yeah? Well you, you, you are such a, a flip-flop: cool one minute and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, gimme a call." She ranted, opening the door and intending to walk out, only to be stopped by the sight of hundreds of mechanized Terran Vikings in their walker forms advancing towards her in the distance, with a cloud of smoke following them. As they got closer, a small earthquake caused by the feet of the Vikings followed them too. Everyone was petrified.
"Gilda!!" Mike yelled from his loudspeaker.
Gilda gave a face of both fury and excitement at the events that'd unfold shortly. She patiently waited for the Viking force to reach her, and once Mike stood in front of her with his vehicle, she stared at him.
"You ready for this?" Mike asked.
"Hah, this'll be easy..." She boasted as she took flight and stared at the Viking forces from above. "You all don't even have wings, how can you expect to win against me when I fly!?"
"Is that so...?" Mike said as he chuckled to himself. "Take it to the skies, brothers!"
At his command, the entire Viking force engaged their transformation modules, changing from walker, to assault mode. The exhaust of their engines as they lifted themselves from the ground burned the grass and earth beneath them, and leaving Gilda with a face of shock as she stared. Mike, now flying at the same level as her, laughed to himself.
"So, what now, griffon?"
"Uhhh..."
"Hear it, guys? She's not backing off. Looks like we have to take decisive action... Lanzer torpedoes, unload on 'er!"
The hundred vikings began shooting their torpedoes against Gilda, who could barely dodge them all at once. Unlike Mike's universe, friendly fire here truly was an issue; half the viking force already fell because the missiles didn't really ignore their brethen. Gilda desperately began retreating while the remaining vikings gave chase, with the ponieson the ground cheering at Mike for expelling the dreaded griffon.
"Spread out, leave no route for escape." He yelled through the radio as he drove the viking, with his hands pressing many buttons of the control board and missiles flying left and right. "Squads Charlie and Delta, take the sides and don't let her turn direc--" He was interrupted by a missile impacting his vehicle. "Watch your fire! Shots do not ignore friendlies! God dammit..."
"Alpha-13 reporting heavy casualties by friendly-- SHIII---" A viking yelled right before a missile accidentally impacted him, sending him flying towards another viking, who shot his missiles against two other vikings by accident.
"You're all god damned idiots!!" Mike yelled. "Shoot that feathered turd, not each other, retards!!"
Back at the "party"...
"I'm sorry everypony, for bringing Gilda here. I didn't know how rude she was. And Pinkie Pie, I'm really sorry she ruined that awesome party you put on for her." Rainbow Dash apologized.
"Hey, if you want to hang out with party poopers, that's your business." Pinkie said.
"I'd rather hang out with you. No hard feelings?"
"No hard feelings."
They both intended of giving eachother a handhoofshake, yet ended up electrocuting eachother in turn. At this, everyone in the room began laughing and enjoying the party once again.
"Hey Pinkie. Sorry I accused you of misjudging Gilda. Looks likes I'm the one who misjudged you." Twilight apologized.
"It's okay Twilight, even you can't be a super smart smarty smart-pants all the time. Come on everypony, there's still a whole lotta party to finish!"
Everyone began cheering.
"Dearest Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that it's hard to accept when somepony you like wants to spend time with somepony who's not so nice. Though it's impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behavior. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end, the difference between a false friend and the one who is true will surely come to light.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
P.S.
Mike got these things called 'Vikings'. I mean, giant towering machines that shoot MISSILES. I don't want to know what else he can get..."
"Dear Twilight Sparkle,
My most faithful student--"
"Yo, wrong ink." A marauder spoke next to Celestia right before the ink disappeared, being invisible ink, pointing to the correct jar of ink.
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Oh, god, I can't wait for the discord and changeling chapters to come into existence...
1671430 I have something special planned for the Discord and Chrysalis chapters specifically. Something very special.
1671443
inb4 nuke em all.
I think I overdramatized the 6th chapter. Mostly because I had to create a mini-branch plot to accomodate something. I'm sure it won't happen again, now I'm waiting for my proofreader to read it and then I publish it.
oh god my sides