Ascension
It was a pleasant day in Canterlot. The warm afternoon sun shown down on the towers of Canterlot castle, reflecting from the well-kept marble walls. Inside the castle, servants rushed through the hallways to keep all the dignitaries in the heavily crowded ballroom at good mood.
Even though the marvelous atmosphere in the grand hall, a particular unicorn stallion was locked up far below in the royal dungeons. On the verge of hopelessness he sat there, thinking to himself.
Two months three weeks and six days, this was the time span Shining Armor already sat in the darkness of a mossy dungeon cell. The old but strong iron bars gave him a good view of the corridor, but with his legs chained by heavy iron and an inhibitor crystal pierced through his horn he could not do anything. As he thought back to the better days, the memory of that one fateful day, the day his torture had begun, again nestled itself in his consciousness.
It was bright and sunny day in canterlot, reflecting it's glory in the smiles of all beings around. Shining Armor however could have received an award for the extent his happiness. Even for him, a private invitation from princess Celestia herself was something special. It was one of the rare occasions where he could talk with her like she was just another pony. As usual they met at princess Celestia's chambers. While enjoying a cup of tea they talked about the happenings in the high society, the plans for the next Grand Galloping Gala and even about the weather. But like every time they mainly talked about his sister and his life with Cadance.
This time however Celestia had to leave him alone for a while. Apparently some Manehattan politicians wanted approval for a very big building project and insisted that princess Celstia herself would be pleased to see this structure. Until Celestia would return Shining Armor took his time to take in the decor of the room. Even though the room looked exactly like it did the last time he visited his amazement never faded. Every single detail seemed perfect. From the soft cushion he sat on to the to the candelabra above, there was nothing that would not please the eye.
When finally the doors opened again Shining's mood darkened immediately, for it was not Celestia who entered, but his former comrade Silverbolt. The grey-coated and silver-maned earth pony stallion was the most corrupt guard Shining Armor knew, and right now he was entering Celestias chambers and closing the distance between him and Shining.
"What are you doing here?" Shining spoke, annoyed by the grin on Silverbolts face.
"Is this the way you greet an old mate, Shiny? After all the time we worked together, I had expected you to be more friendly."
It wasn't only that Shining did not like Silverbolt. It was mainly that obviously fake, slimy grin on Silverbolt's face that made Shining wish he could crush Silverbolt like the cockroach he was.
As his stroll brought him right next to Shining Armor, Silverbolt's grin faded, making place for a friendly, apologizing look.
"What is wrong, Shiny? I am not here to steal your muffins or something like that."
"Stop calling me Shiny!" was the only thing Shining Armor shouted as answer. He knew only to well that he could not trust Silverbolt.
The doors opened again, but as Shining spun his head to see who entered he was only greeted by a sudden darkness surrounding him.
When Shining awoke he already was in the dungeons. Since that day he had not seen anything but his cell. The memory of the grim news he got short after still stung like on the first day. He was accused for murdering the princesses.
His only connections to the outside world were Twilight, Cadance and the newspaper he got every now and then. But the only news he got just made him feel even worse. Apparently every single guard that trusted Shinng had been fired or imprisoned. Only a short time after he got into this mess a new ruling class had formed. Calling themself the "Ascended" they took control of everything. About one month ago, prince Blueblood even lost his social rank as royalty for doubting their decisions. According to Twilight they also began to censor the news.
After all he heard about the Ascended it seemed that they did everything they could to strengthen their power and their wealth, he even considered it a miracle that they let Twilight and Cadence visit him.
Again, the thought of these rats filled Shining's bones with rage. He tried to control his emotions by meditating on the cold, hard floor. If Twilight had a chance of helping him out of this, outbursts would only complicate it.
Suddenly there were hoofbeats echoing through the dungeon and a distant voice could be heard.
"Don't take your time. I still don't know why you do this willingly. This rat doesn't deserve it," said the guard on dungeon duty.
Another voice found it's way to Shining's ears.
"I only do what our laws of pony rights demand me to do. Every prisoner, no matter the crime, has the right to get enough to eat and newspaper on regular basis."
Shining knew this voice; it belonged to Iron Thorn, the guard that brought him his lunch and newspaper ever since he got imprisoned. Thorn also was the only one, aside his family, that was friendly enough to talk with him.
As the hoofsteps grew louder, Shining could make out the silhouette of the pegasus guard. Carrying dishes on one wing and a newspaper under the other, he made his way to the bars of Shining's cell.
"You are lucky today, Shining Armor," spoke Iron Thorn as he carfully placed the dishes in the cell. "The festivities in the ballroom already threw off enough food that was 'not good enough' to feed the entire palace staff. There was even a little portion left I could bring you today."
Shining inspected his plate; it had been a long time since he had seen cake, muffins and professionally-designed sandwiches.
"And of cause the newspaper," said the smiling guard when he put the newspaper next to the dishes.
Grabbing a muffin in his hooves, Shining let his mind wander to the better days before this misery begun. The most prominent question that formed in his mind had no need to be spoken, for he had asked it every time Iron Thorn brought him his meal.
"I'm sorry, but there still isn't any sign that you could be judged as innocent. It only seems to get worse. They...they even talked about bringing back the death penalty."
Taken aback by this Shining Armor felt like his body would turn to ice. His own heartbeat began to ring in his ears. Could they truly consider to reestablish a punishment that was outlawed by Celestia herself nearly a thousand years ago? Less than a year ago he had even seen Celestia shouting at somepony that only mentioned that it could be an adequate punishment. She even used the royal canterlot voice to make her position clear. But now these 'Ascended' ponies-, no these traitors- dared to go against everything he and the guard had represented. His emotions told him that this could only be a nightmare, that this could not be real. But his mind told him otherwise. All the pain he felt in these past months, all the humiliation he read in the newspaper were real. Again Shining felt like all these pains would come back, he could again hear every word of disgust thrown at him, see every face of every guard that hat spat on him and he again he felt every hit he had taken as they tried to make him confess.
When Shining finally started to calm down, Thorn was nowhere to be seen. Trying to control his rapid breathing he continued what could be his last sweet meal. Clinging to the hope that at least the news would give him a speck of light, ge reached for the folded newspaper.
But as soon as he began to read, the fire of wrath was ignited again in his heart.
Silverbolt was promoted to the rank of the high commander, giving him authority over not only the guard, but every single resource of equestria that could potentially be weaponized as well. The reason he got promoted was listed as "his unimaginable courage shown in capturing the murderer of our beloved princesses" according to the article.
This was too much for Shining. He could practically feel the fury fill his veins. All he wanted at this moment was to get to Silverbolt and slowly drain all the life out of the very essence of his bones.
Shining Armor sprang up, ready to blast his entire cell to clump when his body was suddenly filled with agony. The pain increased until he lost track of his senses and again fell to the ground, feeling nothing but unimaginable pain.
Now Shining remembered why the usage of inhibitor crystals was highly illegal under Celestia's reign. Not only had they to be pierced through a unicorn's horn, but in contrast to anti-magic rings, they also were known for turning a unicorn's magic against it's user, making him wish he would die.
Paralysed by pain, all Shining could do was lying on the cold ground below him, hoping that this eternity of pain would end sooner than later.
"Sad! So sad!"
This voice was completely foreign to Shining Armor. Struggling to regain control over his body, Shining opened his eyes. The magical backlash must have hit him harder than he thought, for he could only see a shadowy figure standing in front of his cell. Shining wanted to ask who or what this thing was, but the pain still kept him from forming words.
"Trapped in here for a crime you didn't commit, and soon executed for it. But-"
The thing was suddenly gone! It just disappeared, without a trace!
"I think we both know a better way."
It was right next to him.
---
Twilight was in distress. For months she had fought for her brother's freedom, but it all seemed to be for nothing. Since the day Celestia and Luna vanished she tried to convince the Ascended that Shining could not have killed the princesses.
All she got to hear was that her brother must have planned this for a long time and that she could not prove otherwise. What could she do? The Ascended had just turned her knowledge of right upside down.
Hoping for a wonder to save her brother she slowly walked down the hallways of canterlot castle. There just had to be a way to save her brother! If only she could...
Her line of thoughts was cut short by the sound of the alarm bells and a troop of guards rushing by.
"What happened?" Twilight asked one of the guards.
"Something happened in the dungeons."
A sudden fear got hold of Twilight. Not bothering for the guards or the security protocol she herself ran towards the dungeons. On her way she passed another group of guards carrying a badly wounded comrade to the medical wing. It only made Twilight's heart race even faster.
At the entrance to the dungeons Twilight was stopped by a guard posted at the, now-missing, door.
"No civilians allowed in there."
Ignoring the guard Twilight just teleported past him. Hearing them shout at her to stop she ran down the hallway. Fearing for her brothers safety she ran. No matter what penalty she could get for interrupting the guards, she just had to know.
Her heart nearly stopped when she was in eyeshot with her brother's cell. This could not be true. It just could not. Where her brother should be there wasn't even a cell. All that was left was a crater in walls and ground.
Suddenly Twilight felt another's magic grip her body.
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The first Chapter is unedited, don't worry the next will be. I hope I can post something on regular basis but I'm just beginning after all.
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Chapter 1 is now edited
Finally a Dishonored Fan-fic.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22267957.jpg
1460517
1460073
You two should realy not hype my story right now.
I've only written one chapter and after all this is my first attempt in writing fanfiction.
Still thanks.
1466671
OK, I realy had not thought that the first chapter would have souch an impact on someone.
Don't worry I'll (hopefully) won't take to long to write the next chapter
I haven`t played dishonored yet, but i nonetheless like this. Good story.
Have a stache
1468900
Thanks
And don't worry there won't be any part where one would need to know the game.
To be exact, I've begun writing on this befor I had played the game.
Hi! I read your story.
Let me start by saying that I think the premise you're going with has a great deal of potential, and could be extremely interesting.
However, I have to point out a few things that detracted from the enjoyment of your story.
You need to work on paragraph breaks. Keep them consistent - throughout your story, you switched back and forth between having and not having a line between paragraphs. From a stylistic point of view, this is very distracting and can make it hard to read.
There were a multitude of small spelling, grammar, and syntax mistakes which also caused me to stumble over many sentences. I would recommend you contact someone to be your editor or prereader, as these mistakes can have a very big detriment on how well your story is enjoyed.
Another thing that's a bit less tangible is your writer's voice. I don't know how to describe it except to say that your descriptive segments are a little lackluster, and start to feel repetitive after about five paragraphs.
Again, I want to stress that your premise is quite intriguing, and definitely not a commonly touched-on idea by any means. I see great potential in this piece, if you can just iron out the wrinkles.
I hope this helps!
CoAlFire
2103213
First off thanks for the honest opinion.
The first chapter was written befor I got a prereader, now I have one. Therefor the second chapter will be better, as soon as got it edited(it is suprisingly hard to rework a chapter without meking it feel 'wrong').
I won't edit this first chapter agein, but I hope to realease the next chaptrer soon and if I can trust my prereader it is definetly better than the first one.
And of cause again thanks for your opinon.
2103243 I know how you feel. Writing is easy, editing is the hard part.
When you have to take a scene you really love and patch over your errors, it can feel a little like you're cutting into yourself and taking big chunks out. Painful, and you really don't want to do it.
You have a good core here, you just need to give it the shine and polish.
2103257
Will do.