Oh, wow! I'm kinda surprised that one of my old pieces inspired you so much, but also quite flattered. We always need more hypno-Screwball content. Keep up the good work!

11581286
Yep, I was browsing Derpibooru and on a whim was curious if there was any Screwball hypnosis pics. I saw that and got thinking. Hopefully I can think of more good stuff, I know I already have one good idea for chapter 2

This is a good start to the story, but I do have some critiques. You could stand to have some more detail, flesh out the transformation and hypnosis aspects on how they feel just a bit longer. Also, when you had Sunburst state that he probably has magic cum, it's less fun than having it be a big surprise, like they make him cum and it causes some kind of chaos-induced effect. But all in all, good start, keep it up!

11581906
Don't worry, I plan to do more with the magic cum idea. Also, I'm not totally sure how I could flesh out the transformation and hypnosis aspects when the method is so blunt, no pun intended. Regardless, thank you so much for your critiques and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story when I write more chapters

I feel this story could do with much more detail and pacing. Would you mind if I take this fic idea and redo it?

11676614
If you'd like to go for it. I'll freely admit I'm not a great writer because while I'm good at coming up with ideas, I'm not great at fleshing them out too much. I just wanted to get this out because the idea came to me and I wanted to see how it would go, I know it's not overly deep