Judge-mental

by Gamerboygaming

A Talk with a Rock

All he could do was stare. He knew this was going to be weird, anything with the Pie’s usually were, but this was something else.

“So… ah, how are you today, miss…”

“I’m Maud.” She lifelessly answered.

“Uh, right. Heh.”

In all of his years of living, Sans had never seen a creature, monster or otherwise, that he could not get a read on through their facial expression. She was different. Very, very different.

“My sister said you like jokes.”

Sans smiled, “Yeah, I guess I do have a bit of a ‘funny bone.’ Though, I’ll be honest, I prefer situational humor or gags.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, check it. So, imagine a stand in the middle of winter selling fried snow.”

“That’s water.”

“Exactly. Set the cost at an exorbitant price and wait for someone to come up to you. Then, if they try to pay for it, you keep raising the price until they can’t possibly pay for it. If they somehow have the money, tell ‘em you can’t let go of it because it has sentimental value.”

“I see.”

“Uh, yeah.”

They sat there for a few moments until Maud spoke up, “I get it. That would be amusing to see. I think I see why my sister enjoys your company.”

“Yeah. Uh, what about you? What do you do?”

“I study rocks.”

“Ah, so you could say you have a ‘rock’-torate?” Sans laughed, but Maud only inched her eyebrow up a bit. Sans managed to notice this and began to pay closer attention to her face.

“Yes, I see you’re smart as well. No wonder you’re a judge.”

“Uh, is that a thing? I tried to make a joke because it… nevermind. So, uh, what kind of rocks do you study?”

Maud’s eyes widened by 0.7 picometers, “All of them.”

“Huh. Neat. Y’know, I lived underground for a time.”

Maud’s mouth twitched ever so slightly up, “That must have been nice. Being able to look at rocks all day.”

Sans gave a small smile, “Eh, not really. Kinda had nowhere else to go.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, some, uh, ponies didn’t like us and we were kinda forced to stay there. I'm the only one who managed to get out." Maud's eyes bore into his soul, not something Sans was entirely used to, having normally been in control of all the conversations he's been in. She almost seemed to be discerning his motives.

"Where?"

Sans blinked, "I'm sorry?"

"Where are the rest of them? If you got out, why can't they?"

The former judge of the Underground thought back to his many conversations with the ponies of this world. Very few asked about his origins and even less knew the truth. This Maud character was certainly interesting enough to warrant talking to again and Celestia did give him the freedom to tell anyone about his past so long as he didn't tell everyone he met.

"Tell you what, ask your sister about me and tell her my secret secret triple-secret password. Come here," Sans leaned in and whispered the password into her ear, "Then, if you'd like, we can have another chat. I do enjoy talking to ponies who give my ability a run for it's money."

"Your ability?"

Sans smiled, "Yep. I'm good at reading ponies' faces."

"Interesting. I think I may come back then."

Sans waved her off, "Cool. See ya."

Maud's head lowered for the briefest of seconds, "Farewell."

Sans watched the grey earth pony depart and contemplated his choices. Perhaps he had been a bit liberal with who he chose to confide his origins in. The ponies here were a whole lot nicer than the humans from his world, and even the human counterpart to this world were equally as kind. It couldn't hurt to have a few more friends in his inner circle.

Friends... Not exactly something he thought he'd get coming to this odd pastel world, but just something that happened nonetheless thanks to a particularly perseverant pink party planner. Sans chuckled, it's almost comedic how different the Pie sisters are. From the short time he spoke with Maud, he could tell she wasn't exactly one to come out of her shell very often, something Sans could relate to.

Sans shook his head, that's enough introspective for today. He still has a nap to catch.

Author's Note:

Did you know that sans only ever says 5 1/2 puns in the entirety of Undertale???

I say 1/2 because it’s typically a pun, but the way it’s presented makes it just a casual observation.

Takes place 2 years and a month after he arrived.