A Spectator's Sentryence

by gapty

The Metamorphosis

One morning, as Flash Sentry was waking up from a poor night’s sleep, he discovered a cat-sized unicorn sleeping on his feet.

He had no reaction, as in his current state, which he always had in the mornings, he just saw Sunset Shimmer’s hair and assumed that his classmate was lying there.

Neither of the two implications crossed his mind, and it took all his willpower to stumble into the bathroom to get the needed cold shower for his morning routine. At this time, he had already forgotten the red-yellowish hair that was on his feet, even if he somehow remembered to put down the toilet seat—his subconsciousness must have reminded him that a girl was in his house.

The first sign of any reaction came when he walked back into his room to put on his clothes. His half-awakened eyes were fixed on the still-sleeping unicorn on his bed, and after rubbing them, he still saw the same image before him. However, he sighed, took his clothes and went back into the bathroom to put them on.

Truth was, Flash wasn’t a morning person at all, and his mind was completely blank as he followed the preparations for the upcoming day, everything done as if in a brainless, automated state. Even when scrolling through the messages on his phone, he didn’t comprehend any of them and just swiped to the next one—one of the reasons his close friends never asked him anything important in the morning, as they knew him well enough to know that he’d just forget it. It was a wonder that, whenever he left the house, he was all tidied up and prepared, not having forgotten a single thing—one of the mysteries in the world where there was no answer to be found.

What saved him every morning, though, was the hot black tea—not coffee, he hated it—that he liked to mix with milk. Several classmates had reacted with disgust whenever he shared how he made his tea, but he simply shrugged it off and enjoyed the beverage, giving him the energy to come back into his senses. Sure, only slowly, but it was better than nothing.

That’s why, when he was chewing on his breakfast and taking a big sip from his cup, his mind slowly came to the awareness that something wasn’t right today, but—as he had forgotten any stranger’s presence already—he put the feeling aside and soon left the house to go to school, making the morning like any other morning for him.

---

“Nothing?”

“Huh?”

“Anything weird?”

“Uhm, no.”

“Alright! Say if you see anything!”

Flash scratched his head as he saw Pinkie Pie bouncing away.

---

Now, seeing the unicorn on his couch watching TV and munching on apples it had taken from a fruit bowl in the kitchen, his mind suddenly proved that it could occasionally remember things, as he realised that that unicorn right before him, having the exact same look as Sunset Shimmer, was here in this house from the beginning of the day. Sure, it— she didn’t make a mess in the house like any other animal would, which he was glad about, but the matter of fact was that it was Sunset Shimmer, as a unicorn, right in his house!

There could be several explanations regarding this incident, as Sunset and her friends had all kinds of unexplainable and magical adventures before. And with the portal being literally before the school, some Equestrian shenanigan was always about to happen.

What bothered him more was the choice of the house Sunset chose to reside at. She had six best friends, was very close to each of them—to the point that they barely were separated from each other—and yet she chose his home as her current housing, not even saying that she had her own apartment.

In short, it was unclear to him what exactly she was doing here. If some Equestrian accident happened, he would’ve assumed that Sunset would be on the edge to figure out how to reverse the effect or discuss it with her friends and Princess Twilight, but not watching TV where some mystery show was about to reveal the villain of the story.

It didn’t matter though. If Sunset chose his house to live in during her transformed state, then he’d support her—as much as there was to support, considering that the unicorn just lived by herself, giving no attention to Flash, who was still staring at her. He assumed that besides making sure that she’d have food to eat, he didn’t have to do anything with her, which was, he had to admit, a relief. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to take care of someone he knew as a person, but suddenly acted and had the needs of a common pet—if unicorns would’ve acted as pets to begin with. At least Sunset still had her sapient mind, considering she watched TV, which, he was sure, no other pet besides Spike would do.

Speaking of Spike, how did it come that he spoke like a human? All he knew was that the Rainbooms just accepted it, and surely there was an explanation behind it related to Equestrian magic. He sighed. At one point he really should have asked them that question, but nonetheless, Spike was a different issue and, right now, Sunset was here, so he cleared his throat.

“Hello, Sunset! Can you talk?” he said, grinning a nervous smile.

She turned to him, her eyebrow raised and her lips straight. He knew that look, the facial expression he had to see too many times before the Fall Formal. He never imagined to see that again from her, not even mentioning it being from a unicorn, but here they were. A disappointed and pitiful look, showing him that he shouldn’t intervene in anything she did. He hated that look, hated that it was so effective on him—he guessed that he still hadn't gotten over Sunset's previous past as a bully, where he had let himself be controlled by her.

There was a single thought of resisting that look. Didn’t she reform after all? But as quickly as it came, the saving thought giving him the needed strength was suddenly forgotten.

He lowered his head and sighed, turning towards his room to change into his casual outfit he wore at home.

---

Did someone see it?

Sadly, no. We wrote to everyone, and several replied that they’re on the watchout. Anything new?

We’re still searching through the libraries. Keep watching for any signs!

We will.

Good luck.

---

Flash laid on his bed, as he heard hooves on the ground walking around his house. During the afternoon, Sunset had fallen asleep, but in return the unicorn was now making annoying noises, disrupting his own sleep. It wasn’t even her fault, as the walls were thin and the ground didn’t dampen any steps. After all, when his friends had visited him, he noticed that the living room had always been really loud, but hadn’t bothered to do anything about it, which he now regretted. Sure, he couldn’t have predicted that a unicorn would be roaming around his house, and he was sure that hooves are just by nature loud on solid ground, but a simple carpet would have done wonders for the noises and him falling asleep.

He didn’t want to ask her to be quiet, as he was sure that Sunset was already stressed from being a unicorn, so he took his headphones and plugged it into his phone. It helped, and soon his eyes were closing, not noticing how the door opened and the unicorn entered his room.

Author's Note:

"How about if I sleep a little bit longer and forget all this nonsense?"

Comments

[Jymbroni]

So this has potential to be a very interesting story, however it feels rushed. The best way to describe it is you have the is pancake on your plate. It has a golden top and crispy edges, just like you like, so you take a bite expecting a warm, fluffy pancake with a hint of butter and syrup. But what you get is a sticky goo that is undercooked and all you can taste is the batter. Flash feels like a passive observer recounting the events of the day, not actively engaged with it. I could look past it in the beginning because he's not a more person, but tell how he feels, example:

Flash opened his eyes as his head pounded from the restless night. Pressing his hands into his eyes to dull the pain, he felt an unusual sensation wrapped around his foot. Not fully ready to deal with whatever childish prank Rainbow Dash had planned, he tossed the covers aside to reveal the fiery hair of his friend Sunset Shimmer. A sense of relief eased his mind as he reluctantly exited his warm bed.

"Who thought starting school at seven thirty was a good idea is an idiot," Flash whined as his feet hit the floor.

The guitarist awkwardly rose to his feet as wandered over to the bathroom, hoping that a cold shower will be enough to jolt his body awake. Looking back towards his bed he contemplated waking his friend, but decide against it. it was too early to deal with Sunset's temper, plus she knows when school starts.

I don't know if you were trying to keep it short, but I hope this helps. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it should give you an idea of show vs tell.

[gapty]

11507924

Flash feels like a passive observer recounting the events of the day, not actively engaged with it.

Flash Sentry is the passive observer, and in the morning his state is indeed on "autopilot modus". The long, interluded sentences, the way he just accepts everything, it's done for a hold off-reason.

Nonetheless, it made the realise what might've scared of others of this fic: By putting the character of Flash "down" and making it passive, I had to give something in return to make up the lack of character—which I didn't, at least not for the beginning. I can't expect the readers to stick with me until they figure out the reasons for certain weirdnesses, especially since the first chapter determines if one keeps reading the fic or not

[Bicyclette]

One morning, as Flash Sentry was waking up from a poor night’s sleep, he discovered a cat-sized unicorn sleeping on his feet.

makes me think of the famous opening lines of The Metamorphosis, love it

What saved him every morning, though, was the hot black tea—not coffee, he hated it—that he liked to mix with milk. Several classmates had reacted with disgust whenever he shared how he made his tea, but he simply shrugged it off and enjoyed the beverage, giving him the energy to come back into his senses. Sure, only slowly, but it was better than nothing.

don’t worry Flash, your weird habits will be considered eccentric and fun when you are older! at least that is what i tell myself

He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to take care of someone he knew as a person, but suddenly acted and had the needs of a common pet—if unicorns would’ve acted as pets to begin with. At least Sunset still had her sapient mind, considering she watched TV, which, he was sure, no other pet besides Spike would do.

oh yes certainly a lot of questions raised by such a scenario

She turned to him, her eyebrow raised and her lips straight. He knew that look, the facial expression he had to see too many times before the Fall Formal. He never imagined to see that again from her, not even mentioning it being from a unicorn, but here they were.

hehe i am def imagining this look
media.tenor.com/zr35wwyyhVQAAAAC/mlp-eyebrow.gif