Soft Reset - A Novice Chronomancer's Guide to Tempomancy

by Foxvolt

17 - Between Truth and Honesty

BETWEEN TRUTH AND HONESTY

I’ve been woken up by a lot of strange things in my life. Alarms, spells, alarm spells, mail delivery pegasi crashing through my roof, baby dragons with tummy aches, and reality-bending non-euclidian nightmarescapes, to name a few. The Super Snore-y Princess Pony 9000 shaking the room with untold destructive capability is a new one.

Spike jumps as he’s startled awake, then falls out of the air and hard onto my chest, and I double forward as it knocks the wind out of me. As I do I drag my hoof across hers and her forehoof slaps across her own face, but as her hoof gets stuck so does mine, and I tumble onto my side, baby dragon in tow. Spike narrowly manages to not knock heads with the Princess, but instead lands beside her roaring head and bounces off the springboard the mattress now serves as, propelling him into her as they both tumble over the edge.

“Hmpfhwah-!?” Is the best she can manage before they land in a tangled heap on the floor.

“Princess!” I’m instantly awake and alert, and I swing over the side, lighting my horn to extrapolate Spike from the disheveled monarch in a frenzied mess of telekinesis. “I’m so sorry, are you hurt? Did something happen? I promise it was an accident! Spike, are you- I mean is- what are-“

“Twilight!” The Princess calls out from the floor, craning her neck and looking up at me with a half-conscious look of confusion, holding a hoof up to prompt me into silence. I set Spike down on the bed and glance worriedly between the two, and it looks like he’s doing the same as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.

"Princess?"

The Princess sits upright and stares at me with wide eyes. "What happened? Are you alright?"

I nod my head and rock back and forth on my hooves awkwardly, trying to think of the most delicate way to brooch the fact that her powerful snoring jumpscared Spike and I back to the waking realm. When I don’t respond for a few seconds, she, too, begins to blink the sleep away, sitting up slowly and looking around the room as if trying to remember how she got here.

“It seems I fell asleep too. Pardon the intrusion if you would, I didn’t want to wake you.” Her eyes meet mine, and she gives a slight smile. Oh horseapples, how do I respond to that?

“It’s no problem, Princess. Really. Sorry for, uh, hitting you with Spike.” I meet the smile with a sheepish grin. I hear spike start to open his mouth to protest, but with a quick spring to my hooves I’m able to interrupt his slanderous truths with a flick of my tail as I pretend to stretch.

She gives a small chuckle and stands up, following suit as my fake stretch becomes a welcome real one. While her eyes are closed I shoot spike a pleading look, rapidly shaking my head with a quick point towards the Princess. He doesn’t look amused, but he gives me a thumbs up anyways. I’m gonna owe him so many snacks when we finally get back home.

All of us as comfortably awake as we can be without coffee, I hop back up on the bed and sit upright to be level with the Princess. When she’s done stretching, I take a short breath in and try to get the ball rolling.

“Um…Princess? Do you mind if I ask something personal?” The passively content look she’s had on thusfar flakes away a little bit in anticipation of what I’m starting, but she nonetheless nods back in affirmation. “How old are you?”

Her smile falls away completely at the unexpected question, to a stark expressionless stare. She tilts her head to one side, considering my question for several seconds. After a moment she shrugs and answers in an almost dismissive manner. "I've long since lost count of the years, I’m afraid. Though suffice it to say a very long time.”

I frown. She’s intentionally misdirecting her answer, and she knows it.

“Princess, you promised-“

“At least five millennia.” She suddenly offers, closing her eyes and scrunching up her mouth as if the words themself were sour.

“Five…” Spike breathes as he looks down at his claws and flexes his digits, eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. Seeing his reaction reminds me to close my own mouth before it hits the floor, as I realize I have the same expression on. I force myself to breathe in again and move past the shock.

“Wow. Sorry! Sorry, it’s just, I mean… Wow.” I stumble over the words, trying and failing to alleviate the awkward tension that’s now lingering in the air.

“I apologize, Twilight. I promised you the truth and I intend to keep that promise. It’s been many lifetimes since I’ve told anypony my age, it’s just become habit over the years to omit such personal details.” She unscrunches her face, but keeps her eyes closed and tilts her head down in an apology.

“No, I get it. Sorry for making it weird, I just wasn’t expecting…” I trail off, trying to quantify five thousand years. That’s well over two hundred times my age. How much could be learned in that time? How much could be experienced in that time?

“Did you want to ask anything else, Twilight?” She prompts me, pulling me out of my train of thought and back to the present.

“Huh? Oh- Um…” I look at the Princess, a twinge of some strange feeling in my gut pulling at me as I struggle to move past her answer. Spike has questions of his own, though, and he addresses the ancient Alicorn- I mean the Princess.

“If you really do have a bunch of books and spells and stuff from the future, why do you hide it all? Princess Luna said ponies had died keeping some of that tech hidden, but wouldn’t it be better to share it so everypony can start to invent new stuff?”

I look over at him, and he’s staring intently at the Princess. He must have hit a nerve, because she quickly turns her gaze to him and shakes her head a little bit.

“There isn't anything wrong with wanting to improve things for others, Spike, but I think you know the implications a surge of new and potentially dangerous technology could have on a developing nation. If I were to give everypony Alicorn magic- not that I’m able, mind you- do you believe Equestria would be better for it?” The Princess asks him calmly while I try to think of something to say. My silence seems to prompt Spike into continuing.

“Well, yeah! Maybe not stuff like those amulets, but whatever you did to fix- I mean to help Twilight could help a lot of ponies!” His enthusiasm rises a bit more, but the Princess shakes her head, and it dies back down a little. His heart’s in the right place, but he’s not thinking it through.

“You can’t have it both ways.” I mutter absentmindedly, looking past him. They both look over at me, staring. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, please continue, Twilight.” The Princess urges with a gentle smile reserved for times when she’s guiding me. I look between the two, thinking of how to put it, and nod.

“If somepony were to show me that amulet, for example- its’ major rune is Elu, Necromancy. Not unheard of, but I’d assume it’s a relic, maybe for old Zebra rituals. It’s pretty easy to deform the spell matrix from there since it’s such a circulative casting form, but that’s besides the point.” I suck in a big breath, continuing, “A Divine-class Mitè rune with a Lov sub-rune, though? This is an entire subsect of healing magic just waiting to be explored! If we can reconstruct a pony, why not recalibrate them? If it’s possible to do that, why not make it target specific materials or tissues? I mean, the possibilities are literally endless! Hospitals and rehabilitation facilities would be phased out of existence in a matter of years!”

Spike looks unamused. “Yeah, that is all great. Where’s the ‘but?’”

I feel my face fall into a more somber expression, but I keep my lecture going.

“But… What’s to stop me from creating a second version of myself? Or ten? Somepony who thinks and acts exactly like I do? You remember what happened when-“

“-The pool, yeah, I remember.” He interrupts, sparing and robbing me the need for an explanation.

“Then there’s the moral dilemma-“ I catch myself too late, and in the corner of my eye I see the Princess shrink a bit with a wince. “I mean, there’s a lot of problems that come along with it. Like consent, overpopulation, regulation, the ethics of regulation-“ Dammit. Once again I see her recoil in shame, and I curse my lack of subtlety.

“But who wouldn’t want to have access to this? Anypony would consent to it! And if everypony says it’s okay, then-“

“What she means to say, Spike, is that malicious third parties could misuse the magic without the consent of the filly in question.” The Princess raises her head and looks over apologetically at me. I bite at my lip, still unsure how I feel about the invasion of my… Well, life.

Spike looks confused for a second, but when he follows the Princess’ gaze to me, his mouth falls into a silent ‘oh’ as the pieces click together from Luna’s explanation in the Everfree. There’s a million things she could have done with my data in that time. She could have recreated and enslaved a hundred of me and forced me to research and develop any number of selfish spells, or file her paperwork, or to learn how I think. The chances are low, astronomically low, with how well I think I know the Princess.

But not zero.

“And that’s all just from this one artifact. If I could figure out what any of those old machines did, just one, I’d probably figure out more in a month than the Manehattan Institute of Theory has in a century.” I finish my half-lecture, half-rant, looking down at Spike as he processes the implications of that. I’m thinking about it, too, but there’s so many moving parts even I still haven’t pieced it all together.

The Princess nods, and Spike’s face is stoic while he contemplates everything. I scoot over and sit next to him, placing a comforting hoof on his back.

“I still think it’s wrong.” He pipes up suddenly. I blink. The Princess straightens her back and raises her head, a look of determination forming that gets my fight-or-flight instincts running. I… Half agree with him. Despite the potential for misuse, the potential for good is very real. But on the other side of things, there are ponies like Star Swirl, who will do whatever they want if it means attaining some goal. I can only imagine what I would do if I had that kind of power, that kind of knowledge at my disposal. Spike continues.

“Even if some ponies could be evil and awful and cruel, what’s holding it good for if it means we’re not helping everypony we would help?”

“Spike, your ambitions are noble, and your reasoning is pure. As a young drake with experience against evil, truly evil creatures, I’m sure you could imagine the many threats that could arise. A changeling army with the potential to breed indefinitely, a zealot wreaking destruction for a despicable cause. I have seen cities larger than Manehattan obliterated in an instant. Truly, an instant. Mere seconds, with tens of thousands of ponies evaporated from existence before they could parse what was happening.” The Princess’ tone grows darker and darker, her face a concerning cross of somber recollection and despair. She’s holding strong, though, but Spike’s courage shrivels quickly under the weight of her words. I feel him shaking under my hoof, and his eyes grow wider with each word. By the end, he looks like he’s about to cry as he responds.

“But… A spell that big would have to-“

“No. It was no spell, Spike. It was an apparatus I should have never let seen the light of day, laboratory or not. If such research were to resurface, I fear it would be the end times-“

“That’s enough, Princess!” I yell, interrupting her again and putting some more pressure on my hoof against Spike’s back while he tries to get a hold of himself, reassuring him that none of that is ever going to happen. “That’s enough…”

I look over to her to find her staring back at me, piercing me with her knowing eyes that have seen thousands of years into the past and future. Suddenly, a realization hits me and I begin to falter under them, too. Who am I to assert that I could possibly know better than somepony who’s been through that much? To somepony like that, I’m hardly a foal in comparison. What could I possibly know that she doesn’t?

“Twilight, Spike, I’m sorry. That was too far.”

What possible input could I give that she hasn’t heard before? Surely in all that time she’s learned all the lessons I’ve sent her.

“Twilight? Please, say something.”

I’ve never learned a new spell in my life, have I? It’s all been done before, learned by somepony else who thought they were the first just before their city was obliterated by some not-spell and the cycle started all over-

“Twilight?” The Princess asks, but I can’t hear it. I’m starting to sweat, and my heart rate is through the roof. My body shakes and trembles, and every muscle in my body feels like it might explode from tension and anxiety. What if-

“Twilight!” They both yell, and I’m back. I realize I’m breathing way too fast, and my vision’s swimmy from the fluctuation in blood pressure. It’s harder to bring myself back, I realize, now that the ringing’s gone.

“Sorry, I-“ I look down at Spike, my assistant turned bodyguard. I remember all the lessons we learned together, all the late nights he stayed up late fetching me reference material so I could discover something new and exciting for ponykind. Except I was really rediscovering it all along.

“Was all of it really just a waste?” I ask in a voice quiet enough to be a whisper, as my chest fills with an empty, sinking feeling. Spike’s mouth hangs open a bit, and I’m sure he knows what I mean. He has to, because he looks down at the blanket we’re sitting on and his lip starts quivering. I remember all the nights we spent curled around one another in our library cubby, reading by candlelight until we fell asleep. I’m sure he’s thinking something similar, and even though the memory should make me happy, the prospect that it was all for nothing steals away the warmth, and I’m left with an empty, hollow husk.

“Your pursuit of knowledge was no waste, Twilight. You are an astute student, and an extraordinary academic the likes of which I’ve seldom seen-“

“-But you have seen before, right?” I ask, failing to keep the tone of bitterness out of my voice as I glare at her. I catch myself after a few seconds and force myself to look back down at my hooves. She physically recoils from my words, but honestly? She should.

“Back when Luna first told me about Star Swirl being her student, I thought about how horrible it would be. What if you knew the answer to my studies, but never helped me? Or what if you lied to keep me from learning too much?”

“I would never lie to you, Twi-“

“I realized it would crush me. I didn’t want to think about it, how… How horrible that would be! To know I was just being strung along, working so hard, and for nothing?” I scoff, shaking my head despite myself. I want to cry, but even with the emotions and the tears ready to go, I feel just as empty as the pit in my chest that’s been growing bigger and bigger all week. “And you know what? I was right.” I croak out, squeezing my eyes shut so I don’t have to see either of their reactions.

After a few seconds I gather up the motivation to force my head up. Spike’s eyes are closed, and he’s got his shaky fists clenched like he wants to hit something. It always breaks my heart seeing him sad, or upset, but it hurts even more knowing that he was right. I should have let Luna deal with things. I shouldn’t have helped, none of this would have happened if I’d listened to Spike’s selfish advice.

When I finally look back over at the Princess, though, my blood starts to boil. She’s still sitting there, back straight and head held high with that same neutral expression she always has when she deals with nobles or dignitaries or whatever else. She’s not upset, or sad, or understanding. She’s just sitting there, waiting for us to finish crying so she can talk us down.

“You really don’t care, do you?” I scoff again, and I feel Spike grab onto my hoof, distracting me from my rising tangent. I’m upset. I’m absolutely livid, I want to yell and kick and scream, but not in front of him. He shouldn’t have to see that, he shouldn’t have to hear that. He shouldn’t even have to be here.

You know what? He doesn’t have to be here. And you know what else? Neither do I.

“I do. I-“

Whatever the Princess responds with gets left in limbo as I reach my hooves around Spike and wrap him up in a tight hug, sparking my horn to life and blinking us out of existence.

I needed to get us out of there, to get away. To think. To be safe. To calm down, all of the above.

“Twilight, Spike!” A voice rings out from nearby. There’s a clattering of porcelain and something wooden scrapes against and falls onto the floor, followed by some hooffalls muffled by carpet before the pony it belongs to is right next to our sorry huddle of emotion.

“S-sorry, mom… I just, I couldn’t think of anywhere else. We had a fight with Princess Celestia, and I- we…” I look up at her and she looks back with a genuine concern. A look that reassures me that she’s there for us, that everything will be okay now that she’s there.

“Oh, oh dear. Twilight, honey… Spike, come here-“ She sits down beside the both of us and wraps us up in her forehooves, laying her head on top of mine and pulling Spike against her chest like she used to do when he got scared as a hatchling.

I hear him sniffle, and then he goes limp in both our hooves, letting the emotions run their course and crying into mom’s coat. For a few seconds I’m not sure if I’ll be able to, but eventually the gates crack and I’m right there with him.

- - - -

“I do. I- Twilight, what are you-“ I reach a hoof up and towards the two as she sparks her horn to life, a flash of light engulfing the both of them in an instant. Suddenly I’m alone, hoof outstretched towards nothing.

“…Doing…”

I stare at the empty spot of bed where my pupil and her assistant just were, the mattress and blankets already rising back up and evening out now that the weight that was holding them down has departed, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The room is dark except for the soft glow of my sun setting through the curtain behind me, and every part of me hurts as I come to terms with what just happened.

“It is seldom that words fail you, sister.”

Luna’s voice brings some sound to the room as the darkness she’s shrouded herself in melts off her form and bleeds away into the ether she drew it from, stepping out of the shadows the closed curtains provide. She circles the foot of the bed, standing a few feet to my side and staring down at me. She's grown the last few years, almost back to my height as her power's returned. This time last year she would still have been shorter than me, even when I sat.

“It's seldom I speak so truthfully.” I chide myself, letting the hoof fall back to the floor, and my gaze with it.

“tch. Perhaps in words. Though even then, lies of omission.”

“Luna, I’m quite capable of handling my own business. I’m not in a mood to be ridiculed.” I shake my head and get to my feet, turning away from her and the empty bed, making for the door. I grasp the handle in my golden aura, but before I can order it open it's scratched out of existence by a jittery burst of azure magic. I feel the corner of my mouth twitch, but I hold it down. Sister is delicate, I'm not allowed to be frustrated with her. "Luna, once more, not. Right. Now."

I keep staring blankly at the door, waiting a moment before I reach out with my magic once more, but again, the aura's eviscerated by tearing and clawing blue magic, and I find it increasingly more difficult to contain my annoyance. I hear sister's bare hooves canter towards me, and with a heavy sigh I turn to confront her. She's got a deadly serious expression on, and she looks like she's about to give me a lecture. 'This'll be grand. Just what I need right now.'

"No ridicule, sister. Aid. Tell me, Sol, do you despair?" She asks. I jerk my head up to attention, narrowing my eyes as I stare down at my little sister. Where is she going with this?

"As I said, I'm quite capable of-"

"I am not your adversary, sister." She interrupts me, and her face falls away into a tenuous fake smile to match my own. It shifts back to the serious complexion from only a moment before and she takes another step towards me. "I only wish to help, should you allow it."

"If you want to help, you can start by letting me go to my chambers to get my thoughts in order." I retort. A bit tactless, but I'm not up to playing this game with her right now. What I really want to do is just teleport away and leave this for another time, but Luna's not the type to take such disrespect kindly, and even if I'm agitated, I need to be civilized- restrained in my actions.

"Nay, I shall start by getting you clean and orderly such that you are presentable for our departure. And while we do so, you shall be honest with me."

I don’t like the tone she’s taking at all. ’Who does she think she is to order me around? If only she knew.’

"Honesty. So many ponies ask for that these days." I respond tiredly, shaking my head and holding back a chuckle. "Frankly, it may be the element furthest from me, terrible though it may be to say. I miss the old days when everycreature was content to simply believe what they were told, so long as their bellies were full and their safety assured. Nopony has ever seemed to understand that the truth often comes at a price."

"Or perhaps they believe ‘tis always worthwhile to pursue the truth than to remain willingly ignorant.”

“There’s a fine distinction between honesty and truth, Luna, you know that. Don’t blur the line for the sake of some argument.” I reply.

“What does it matter? They will all learn either way. If not from us, then from the next extremist whomst has not the discretion of Star Swirl.”

“What’s it matter? It matters everything!” I yell back, taken aback by the negligence and stupidity playing out before me. “Luna, you’re not so vacuous, I refuse to believe it. You’ve seen with your own eyes what ponies will do with knowledge, with power- Mother’s grace, Roan fell in but a day! If I hadn’t subverted the Manehattan project half a decade ago we’d likely be in ruins already! And you still think it pertinent to be honest?!” I huff, all but shouting by the end of my outburst. Luna seems unfazed, however- calm, even. Even more infuriatingly, she smiles.

“I do.” She says. My mouth hangs open the slightest bit, and again I scoff in disbelief.

“If that’s all you-“

“I need you to trust in me, sister. I must know what it is you are thinking, to hear these qualms. You are not alone anymore! So…” Her face is all screwed up, and I can’t tell if she’s happy or upset until she slams a hoof down onto the floor pointedly, yelling, “So cease acting so!”

I bite down hard on my tongue to keep my temper in check, but I can feel the heat inside me rising. She’s delicate. I can’t lose her again. I can’t be honest with her, I can’t be honest with anypony. To know is my burden, nopony else’s.

I taste a hint of blood pooling in my mouth, and decide it’s best I left before I say anything the both of us will regret. I turn my back on her with a huff and reach out for the door with my magic, and infuriatingly it’s once again swatted out of existence by her feral disruption magic.

I can’t stop the flames.

In a moment of unbridled rage my mane finally overcomes my will, streams of white-hot fiery mist roaring and licking at my chest and burning the air. The curtains behind me catch ablaze, and the blankets scrunched up on the bed begin to sizzle as I charge Luna with a painful cry. I close the short distance in fractions of a second, and there’s little in the way of resistance as I barrel into her and she falls backwards, her tiara scattering across the floor and out of my vision. Her coat’s singing now too, being so close to my flames as they billow out around us.

“I can’t trust you!” The words leave my mouth before I can think, and I feel my heart cracking under the weight of what I’m about to admit.

“I can’t trust anypony else to do what needs to be done! Millenia over we’ve ruled two kingdoms and watched them stamped out from within! You were all I had in those times, and then you left! You didn’t ask, you didn’t think to listen, you just left me to salvage your mess!” My vision’s swimming, but the tears evaporate mid-air before they can fall down onto her. She remains still, not flinching or attempting to escape the blistering heat that must be hurting her.

“Is that truly how you see it?” She asks, quietly. I can barely hear her over the pulsing rush of adrenaline in my ears that I haven’t felt in years.

“I forgave Nightmare Moon, I had from the day it manifested, and I bear the guilt for birthing it. I haven’t forgiven you, not for leaving like that; Not for running away from me.” I’m still furious, but the adrenaline is starting to dither as the flurry of seldom-felt emotions rising up to the surface begin to overpower it.

I feel my legs and voice starting to shake, and the flames begin to recede. My hind legs buckle beneath me, and I let myself fall on top of Luna, the tears finally making it to her as I let the thousand years of repressed anxiety, resentment, and despair make their way out of me. She’s cool to the touch, and it soothes my overheated and singed body like a wave of fine mist.

“Please… forgive me… please don't ever leave me again, Luna… I can't take it…" I cry into her mane. I can feel myself trembling, reason and logic slowly returning. I’ve just spilled my heart out, in the most tactless and insulting way possible. Of all the ways I could have admitted my misgivings…

I feel her hoof on the back of my head, and she gently strokes me until the tremors pass, and I hear her give a content sigh. Her voice is soft and understanding, and she breaks the silence, "There is nothing to forgive, dearest sister. I, too, am sorry. Sorry for running away, and sorry for allowing the evil to take root in myself to begin with.”

Her voice darkens slightly as she shifts a bit, and I feel her looking up at the ceiling. "I was never angry or disappointed in you, Sol, I only ever wanted the same respect and admiration I showed you. I wanted your honesty, and your criticisms all the same. Even if it were to mean bruising mine ego, I wish you would not shut me away. Forgiveness takes time, I understand that all too well, but… I do not wish to be alone either, you know.”

I try to swallow against a lump forming in my throat as I nod slowly, relinquishing any possible leverage there might have been to her. I feel drained now, defeated- a feeling unfamiliar to me in the many centuries since the founding of Equestria, and along with it a unique, whole sense of catharsis. No longer was there the weight nor responsibility of keeping my feelings hidden away under lock and key, and I’m free to hug my sister whom I love more than anything as a tenuous equal again.

“You will need to show Twilight this same honesty, Sol. And sooner rather than later. She needs you, just as you need her.”

“Show her how? What could possibly I say?”

Luna chuckles softly, and I look up at her curiously.

“Apologies, we simply find humor in you of all ponies being unsure what to say.” I don’t much see the humor in it, but she continues before I can levy a complaint, “What you say matters little, what you show will be of utmost importance. When she fled you, it was not because of your words, it was because you hid yourself from her, as you have with me. Be honest, not only with words but with your emotion.”

I’m not sure I’m even capable of that. After thousands of years of careful, meticulous behavioral self-training, what could I possibly do to show her my sincerity?

In a perfect show of timing and insight, just as the thoughts cross my mind, she leans up and nuzzles her head against mine affectionately, catching me off guard as what she’s saying finally hits me. I let out an amused breath through my nose, returning the nuzzles before rolling off of her and onto my back as well. I glance at the curtains, and sure enough it seems she’s already extinguished them.

“Luna, could I ask you a favor?”

“Mm?“ She responds as we look over at each other from our backs.

“Might I convince you to raise the moon early tonight? I want to show her myself, before somepony else tells her about it.”

She hesitates for a moment to consider what I mean, but a lightbulb sparks behind her eyes and a wide smile slowly creeps its’ way across her face until she gives me a firm nod.

“Of course, Sol. That is an excellent idea.”

I shift from my back to my side, giving her a quizzical look.

“Why do you keep using my old name, Lulu? Not that I take issue, it’s just strange to hear it after so long.”

“Mm, why indeed?” She giggles cryptically. I shake my head fondly and look back up at the ceiling, knowing full well getting a straight answer would be akin to chasing waterfalls.

She was right, I suddenly realize; I do feel better. Immensely so, as a matter of fact. I still have fences to mend with Spike and Twilight, but I feel as if my chances of doing so and giving her the proper answers she deserves are much higher now after gaining Luna’s guidance. Twilight’s eccentric in her thinking, but ultimately she’s logical, if not the most rational at times. I can only hope she’ll understand my faults in the same way Luna does.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Is this story going to go on forever?

[Foxvolt]

11513577
I expect it to hit a quarter million words if that's what you mean.