Most Cats Can't Fly

by Mockingbirb

Opalescence Takes Charge

A pony walked into the Ponyville Post Office. The snowy-white teenage unicorn was a stranger, who nopony could recall having seen before.

Opal said loudly, "Is there anypony here who can write? You see, I was turned into a cat at a very young age, so nopony ever properly taught me."

Ponies looked at each other awkwardly, not sure what to tell a pony who walks in saying such things.

Beyond the other ponies, Derpy Doo Hooves smiled. "I can help you! Tell me all about it!"

The other ponies seemed very relieved that somepony had taken this problem off their hooves.

***

In Carousel Boutique, frogs hopped around the showroom. The Twicat refused to chase any of them, instead resting on one of Rarity's couches.

Scootaloo said, "Are you supposed to get the frog to kiss the enchanted pony princess, or the enchanted pony princess to kiss the frog?"

"Ah just don't think frogs and cats like each other that much."

Sweetie Belle mused, "Maybe if they went on a date first? Oh! My sister has some romance novels I'm not supposed to read! Maybe there's some ideas in there!"

Opalescence interrupted. "I have...ONE idea. I don't know if it's a good one."

"Tell us!" Scootaloo demanded.

Apple Bloom said, "It can't be as bad as the ideas we've already come up with."

Opal looked embarrassed. "Do you remember when I said I didn't want to talk about my family background?"

"Ah, shucks!" Apple Bloom said. "Not everypony is lucky enough to be an Apple. I don't hold it against you, 'specially since you're a cat. Cats are an important part of makin' a good farm work right, 'less you want to drown in mice an' rats."

"My family background is...a little more complicated than that."

***

"But the ponynappers knew I'd seen their faces and cutie marks, so I was a witness. For days, they argued over what to do with me. But finally one night, they held me down and forced me to drink a potion that turned me into a cat."

"Those NOT NICE PONIES!" Apple Bloom shouted. "Leaving your family to wonder forever what had happened to you!"

Opal delicately stomped one hoof. "And selling me to a pet store for fifteen bits! I've never been so insulted in my life!"

The fillies looked at each other awkwardly.

"Anyway," Opal continued, "I escaped from the pet store, but I didn't know my way home and I had no idea how to find out. I couldn't exactly go around asking ponies for directions to 'meow meow meow,' could I?"

"Ah guess not."

"Fortunately, a kind unicorn found me and took care of me."

"My sister Rarity! She IS so kind!"

Opal cleared her throat. "No, not THAT kind unicorn. A DIFFERENT kind unicorn, Dusty Stores. But Dusty knew another unicorn who wanted a cat, but was afraid that a cat might claw up all her fabrics. Because Dusty admired how I never sharpened my claws on any fabric, clothing, or furniture, Dusty introduced me and Rarity to each other, and asked if we might like to live together." Opal sighed happily. "So that's how I went from being one of ponykind's legally designated aristocrats, to one of Nature's true aristocrats."

Apple Bloom asked, "Did your parents ever find out what happened to you?"

"Oh, don't worry. Yesterday I went to the post office and sent them a letter. They should get it soon, and then they'll know everything."

"Ah'm glad that's taken care of. Or it will be soon."

Scootaloo asked, "But what's your idea that you think you don't know if it's good?"

"When the ponynappers gave me the potion, they mentioned that there's one cure. A single antidote. Not that anypony would know how to get it."

Scootaloo hopped up and down, buzzing her tiny wings with excitement. "Get what? What is it?"

Opal chuckled dryly. "A kiss from a purple alicorn princess. As if such a thing were available to us."

"OH!" Scootaloo shouted, "We know one of those! Let's get Twilight--oh."

"Ah reckon cat Twilight MIGHT do it?"

"Or if you don't have the purple alicorn princess," Opal said, "A peck on the cheek from a wise zebra shaman or shamare'm might be close enough. That's what the ponynappers said the potion salespony told them."

Scootaloo exclaimed, "We know a wise zebra shamare'm! Or she MIGHT be a shamare'm? It's worth a try. Even though you already are turned back to a unicorn." She looked at the unicorn questioningly. "Are you hoping to get double turned back into a double unicorn? What would that even mean? Would you get two horns? Would you have twice as much magic?"

"Rarity said she wanted to change places with me. So maybe the cure that WOULD HAVE worked for me, will work for her. At least it can't make things worse. I'm just sorry we'll have to wait until we can get me, Rarity, and a zebra shamare'm or purple alicorn princess all in the same place at the same time."

Scootaloo jumped up and down. "That shouldn't be TOO hard."

***

"I'm just sorry I had to ask you to come all the way here, Zecora!"

As she walked into the Boutique, Zecora said, "Herding cats through the Everfree is not wise. That forest is always a surprise. Better it is that I come here. So losing cats we need not fear."

Zecora reached out a forehoof and gently scritched an adorable creature on the head. "WHO'S a cute little kitty-boo? YOU'RE a cute little kitty, that's who."

Sweetie Belle said, "Um, Zecora, that's a unicorn. My sister is over here."

The snowy white unicorn said, "Oh, I don't mind getting some head scritches. Zecora is really good at them." She looked at the fillies appraisingly. "You didn't know that? Doesn't she ever give YOU head scritches? You have no idea what you're missing out on."

"Ah'll take your word for it."

Sweetie Belle's ears twitched nervously. "Maybe some other time."

Scootaloo complained, "Don't look at me! Half the ponies in town keep calling me an orphan! I don't want them to start calling me a cat too!"

While still scritching Opal's head, Zecora looked over at Raricat. "So all I must do this problem to fix, is Rarity cat on the cheek to kiss?"

Everypony nodded.

Zecora bent down and kissed Raricat on the cheek, then stepped back. "Give us room for this cat to grow, back into the sister you love and know."

Rarity was enveloped by a bright magical glow. When it subsided, Rarity was her usual unicorn self.

"Well! That certainly was restful! I feel like a new unicorn!"

Scootaloo said, "We were hoping to get the OLD unicorn you back."

"Not that you're old!" Sweetie Belle said, "Because you're not."

Rarity tittered. "Don't worry, my filly friends! I'm not THAT old. But I do feel marvelously refreshed, after that little vacation."

From outside came the sounds of leaves rustling and branches breaking, followed by a loud thump.

"If my ears do not deceive, somepony fell through twigs and leaves."

Scootaloo went to the Boutique's front door, and stepped outside to look around. "Looks like Twilight just fell out of a tree. I didn't know you liked to climb trees, Princess Twilight!"

The purple unicorn stood up, but seemed somewhat unsteady on her hooves. "I didn't know either. Not until I was a cat. And I don't think I still like it, now that I'm a pony again. Now I feel like tree climbing is for cats and goats and sheep, not for ponies like me."

Everypony went outside to congratulate Twilight on her recovery from being a cat. But from very far above, the ponies faintly heard high-pitched screaming.

Twilight looked up. "Well, THAT'S not good." She lit up her horn, and shot some kind of magic beam into the sky.

A few minutes later, the fillies noticed a tiny cloud descending towards the group. "What is THAT?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Is it going to rain?"

Scootaloo shook her head. "It's not rain. But something's weighing that cloud down."

The cloud came so low that everypony could see the top of it, where Pinkie Pie stood. Pinkie turned to Twilight. "Thanks for the cloudwalking spell just now, Twi. It was a real lifesaver."

"Anytime," Twilight said. "I'm just so happy I was here to catch you. Especially since this whole mess was basically my fault."

Fluttershy walked up to the group. "I know you didn't mean any harm. You were just trying to grant Dashie's wish."

Rainbow Dash arrived by air, and hovered, enjoying her restored wings. "How was I to know cats can't fly? It's not like there were any cats around when I was growing up in Cloudsdale."

Opalescence gave Rainbow an incredulous look. "Did you ever think that when you were growing up in a pegasus cloud city, and there weren't any cats around, there was a REASON they weren't around?"

Rainbow scratched her mane. "Yeah, that IS kind of weird. Some ponies say cats are the coolest animals EVER. So if they're the coolest animals ever, you'd think they'd be able to fly, right?"

Applejack walked up to the group. "Ick. Mah mouth tastes horrible right now. Ah'm pretty sure mah breath smells like dead mice. It's the exact opposite of apples. Rarity, do you have a spare toothbrush?"

"I'm so happy," Fluttershy said, "that we all got through this okay. And I didn't even have to learn how to herd cats, which is the one skill with animals I've never seemed to have any talent for. As if there's even anypony who COULD do that."

Applejack perked up. "Cat herding? Ya know, when he was a colt, Big Macintosh worked as a cat herder a couple of summers. He told me a lot of stories about it. Ah'd love to tell you mah favorite cat herding story, right after I brush my teeth with something that isn't a mouse."

A gray postmare with a blonde mane and tail walked up. "Is this where Opalescence lives?"

The snowy coated mare waved hello. "That would be me. It's one of my names, anyway."

"Good. I'm here about a letter you sent?"

"What happened? Did I get an answer? Are my parents coming? Will our family be reunited?"

"I'm...not sure about that." The mailmare looked uncomfortable. "See, the thing is...the address you gave me was kind of vague."

"It's all I have!"

"I understand. But it might take a while for the delivery ponies to find the place. If they even can find it. An address like 'The Big Pink House Where Mommy and Daddy Live, But Not Their Daughter Who Was Ponynapped When She Was a Small Foal, Mommy and Daddy Are Both Unicorn Nobles, In The City Where Mommy and Daddy Live, Somewhere In Equestria, It's Fairly Near The Ocean And By A Big River Too?' That's not the easiest address to deliver to."

Opal looked away into the distance. "I guess you're right. I never should have gotten my hopes up. I just wanted so much to tell my parents what had happened to me. That even though their daughter was ponynapped and turned into a cat, I'm still alive and well."

Derpy said uneasily, "I believe the postponies will work very hard, trying to deliver an important letter like this one. So maybe someday they'll find the right ponies, in the right house, in the right city." She forced her face into an unconvincing attempt at a reassuring smile. "I'm sure I don't know what could go wrong."

Opal snorted bitterly. "Oh, who am I kidding? I should have known it would never work. And even if the postal service finds somepony to deliver the letter to, anypony who gets it will probably think it's a cruel joke. But thanks for trying."

Opal walked over to Zecora, grabbed the zebra by the ears, and kissed her on the cheek. In a flash of light, Opal transformed into the snowy white Purrsian cat form that Ponyville was used to.

"Meow!" Opal said.