Twilight Spiteful

by thiswasamistake

The Ticket Bastard

"A-ha!"

Ceasing his rustling-about in her baskets at last, Twilight turns her head just in time to see Spike pull out the most delightfully red, plump, and juicy apple she's ever laid eyes upon. Her aching stomach twangs, as if to remind her that it's painfully empty.

"Oh, Spike, that looks delicious-"

And then it disappears from her gaze forever as Spike manages to shove the entire thing into his knife-toothed maw, chewing it up into a fine paste and then swallowing it with a rather exaggerated 'gulp!'

Great.

"Spiiike!"

He raises his claws in a clear display of confusion, though the sheepishness in his drawn-together shoulders renders the facade ultimately useless.

"Wha-" But his speech is cut off as those same apple juice-coated claws abruptly rush up to clasp over his mouth, cheeks puffing out before a loud belch forces its way out between them, the green swirls of sparkling smoke quickly coming together to form a scroll neatly tied off with a red ribbon and Princess Celestia's recognizable golden seal atop that. Once it floats low enough, Spike grasps it in one claw, uses the other to clear his throat, and unfurls the letter to announce its contents.

"Hear ye, hear ye! Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot on the 21st day of...ugh...yadda yadda yadda..."

It takes a considerable amount of Twilight's already waning levels of self-control to resist snatching the scroll out of his grip to read the date for herself. She wouldn't have been sent the invitation it weren't imperative for her to know the exact time, date, and place that the event were being held!

"...cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest."

She can feel her face lighting up at the exact same moment she can see Applejack's doing the same, and it doesn't surprise her in the least as they both exclaim in perfect synchrony:

"The Grand Galloping Gala!"

Eyes shut tight from how wide their overjoyed grins are, they begin to bounce up and down, the action only interrupted as Spike burps once more.

"Look, two tickets!" He announces, rather pointlessly, seeing as how the foil-coated slips of paper are grasped tightly in his claw, sunlight glinting off of them and making them quite hard to miss.

"Wow, great! I've never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?"

"No, and I plan to keep it that way. I don't want any of that girly, frilly, froufrou nonsense."

Twilight just barely avoids rolling her eyes, choosing not to mention his heart-spotted apron laying on the kitchen counter back home.

"Aw, come on, Spike! A dance would be nice."

It's at this point that Applejack chooses to butt in.

""Nice?!" It's a heap good more than just "nice"! I'd love to go...land's sakes!" Her mind's eye fills with visions of countless ponies lined up for her food stand as she monologues. "If I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chawin' our tasty vittles 'til the cows came home! Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin' up 'round here!" As she speaks, Fantasy Applejack fills up a large chest with bits. "We could replace that saggy old roof. And Big Macintosh could replace that saggy old plow. And Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip!" Every time she talks about another thing that could be fixed if the Apple family simply had more money, she imagines the worn-out parts being replaced with new, fresh ones, and grins wider and wider. Her eyes are practically shimmering as she leaves her imagined world of Rich Applejack, heaving a wistful sigh when she does.

"Why, I'd give my left hind leg to go to that Gala..."

Throughout all of this, Twilight Sparkle simply isn't sure what to make of Applejack practically frothing over her imagined sales, but she seats herself on the packed dirt path and listens all the same. Once she's sure the farmer won't start drooling, she walks over with a smile that's only slightly tinged with pity.

"Oh. Well, in that case, would you like to-"

"WOAH!"

And then something slams into both of them, sending apples flying everywhere and worsening the steadily growing hunger-induced headache that had just begun to thrum behind Twilight's eyes. When her vision stops swimming, she realizes that there's two legs across her back, and a few strands of multicolored hair floating in front of her eyes.

Rainbow Dash.

"Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?"

"Rainbow Dash!"

Applejack's voice is as reprimanding as Twilight's own would be, at least, the unicorn grumbles internally as she shoves the pegasus off of her and gives a half-hearted attempt at dusting herself off.

"You told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples. What were you busy doin'? Spyin'?"

"No." With a too-smug flick of the tail, she turns and looks pointedly up at a tree with a pillow and blanket draped over one of its branches. "I was busy...napping. And I just happened to hear that you have an extra ticket?" Hovering upside-down, she flies in juuust close enough to Twilight's face to make her feel pressured and a little bit nauseous...or maybe that's just the hunger pangs. She really needs to get some lunch.

"Yeah, but-"

"YES!"

It's a wonder that the krrk-krrk of her teeth grinding together isn't audible, even over Rainbow Dash's elated aerial loops.

"This is so awesome! The Wonderbolts perform at the Grand Galloping Gala every year!" Her eyes defocus as she stares into the sky, her imagination filling the fluffy white expanses with visions of her hopes and dreams as she, too, begins to monologue.

Silently, Twilight Sparkle laments her inability to simply walk away when her newfound friends are starting to become both intolerable and a danger to her blood sugar count.

"I can see it now...everyone would be watching the sky, their eyes riveted on the Wonderbolts. But then, in would fly...Rainbow Dash!" The athlete's wings flare out as her eyes widen, pupils enlarged and nearly overtaken by white stars as she sees herself flying in to interrupt the Wonderbolts' performance, somehow being met with adoration and praise instead of fury and security guards. "I would draw their attention with my Super-Speed Strut!"

When Rainbow's legs twitch as she recreates the vision she's "viewing" in the clouds, Twilight is vaguely reminded of when sleeping dogs are dreaming of chasing rabbits. She stifles a snort.

"Then, I would mesmerize them with my Fantastic Filly Flash! And then, for my grande finale, the Buccaneer Blaze! The ponies would go WILD! The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves be incorporated into their routine. And then...welcome me as their newest member." She's rather abruptly thrown out of her fantasy as she attempts to push both hooves out in front of her to replicate the position that Fantasy Rainbow Dash is flying in, but her grin doesn't shrink.

"Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff. You've gotta take me!"

Right as the mage opens her mouth to respond, though, Rainbow Dash's face begins to rapidly shrink as Applejack takes ahold of that rainbow-colored tail and yanks until they're only a few feet apart.

"Hold on just one pony-pickin' minute here." She spits the other filly's tail out with a rather rude sound. "I asked for that ticket first."

Chest puffed out pridefully, however, Rainbow Dash presses her face right up into Applejack's own challenging one and sneers out, "So? That doesn't mean you own it."

Applejack matches the sneer with a scowl of her own, nearly knocking foreheads with the pegasus as she retaliates, "Oh yeah? Well I challenge you to a hoof rassle. Winner gets the ticket."

Both of them zip to a nearby tree stump, elbows pressed into the wood there as they lock hooves and begin to struggle to pin each other's arms to the relatively flat surface...for about three seconds.

"GIRLS!" Flinging the two apart with a little bit of magically-assisted strength, she ignores another painful squeal from her stomach - fighting down a grimace as she does so - before taking a deep breath and continuing. "These are my tickets. I'll decide who gets it, thank you very much!" She breathes deep once more to calm herself down, then forces a light but (mostly) believable smile. "Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think?"

'Maybe now they'll calm down,' she thinks to herself, the smile growing just a little bit more genuine. It lasts for less than a second as Applejack rushes up to her, and she narrowly avoids falling flat on her flank to avoid getting headbutted by the overenthusiastic farm pony.

"Drummin' up business for the farm?"

Now it's Rainbow Dash's turn to invade her personal space. She has half a mind to form a solid barrier around herself.

"A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?"

As orange and freckles dominate her vision, she resigns herself to the fact that this is one loss she'll simply have to take.

"Money to fix Granny's hip!"

Rainbow hairs and nap breath tickle her face. She manages to force the gag from escaping the back of her throat.

"Living the dream!"

It takes her a few moments to realize that they're now awaiting her answer, seeming to have recognized that, just short of actually entering Twilight Sparkle, they can no longer get any closer.

"Oh, my." Her head is swimming; what had Rainbow Dash eaten before napping?! "Those are all pretty good reasons, aren't they?"

As her stomach rumbles so loudly that it visibly undulates, she's never been gladder in her entire life for her stress-induced acid reflux. Forcing out a laugh that's more irritated than pseudo-embarrassed, she starts to slowly back away, the base of her skull now absolutely pounding.

"Ahahaaa...listen to that. I am starving. I don't know about you, but I can't make important decisions on an empty stomach. Sooo, I'll, uh...think about it over lunch, and...get back to you two, okay?" The look she gives Spike must be pleading, because he crawls up onto her back without a snarky comment, and she turns around to start speed-trotting away before she's even finished speaking, not giving a single indication that she hears nor cares about the dejected pair of "okay"s she gets in response.

Comments

[WorldWalker128]

Getting a headache over not eating a single snack? Is your Twilight Diabetic?
Orrrrr is she just regular Twilight and she neglected to eat regularly in favor of extra reading?

[thiswasamistake]

10384622
Well, she's not a very athletic pony, and when combined with my personal headcanon that she probably doesn't eat as much (nor as often) as she should...suffice to say, strenuous activity + not enough food = headache after several hours of hauling big baskets full of apples in the hot sun.

[Vaguely Demented]

10384622
To be fair people have different reactions to a lack of food. I almost never get hunger pains I just go straight to lightheadedness and light trembling.

[Sir Starshine]

10384622
I, on the other hoof, get stomach pains and migraines quite easily if I go too long without eating, ever since I was a little kid. And I’ve never been told I was even borderline diabetic.