Why! Just why did a pony called nightmare moon come from the moon! Then Fluttershy started running to a large tree.....and went inside it?! My day is just getting weirder and weirder every minute! Now, calm dow-IS SHE NOW GOING IN
TO THE EVERFREE FOREST!? Ok calm, now step 1: get there and stop all monsters. Step 2: hurry up!
In my bunny form I ran into the forest changed into my sans form and-5 animals have challenged you!Oh great, now they challenge me! Ok calm, calm down, now...... let’s attack! 3 minotaurs almost hit me but smashed into my bone shield first. Then with a wave of my hand the two basilisks were blasted by my gaster blasters and the other 2 minotaurs were killed by bones. Now with them gone and all turned to dust......wait weren’t there 3 minotaurs? As I said it the minotaurs crashed into my back sending me across the forest into some ruins. (i later found out the minotaurs got tamed by Fluttershy) When I woke I had discovered that I lost 0.5 health and was regaining slowly.
Then I heard a voice saying something about killing when I walked into the room she said” now let’s kill those pesky pony’s! The most is pesky is the yellow one, she can tame almost any beast!”
When she said those words I decided to walk into the room“It’s a beautiful day outside”I said. She turned around. “The birds are singing, flowers are blooming” I said while my voice and the atmosphere in the room started to get darker. “And on days like these” I said as my voice became creepy, the atmosphere of the room felt like you were about to die and the temperature of the room turned to 0 “on days like these, you ponies that say bad things about Fluttershy should be.......BURNING IN THE DEEPEST CIRCLE OF TARTUS!!!”
Then my right eye turned purple like sans but purple and it was my right eye. Suddenly I charged. The dark blue pony shouted a war cry and charged too. I threw a bone at her while she threw a laser beam at me. Both of our attacks clashed for dominance before both exploded. Suddenly a bolt of pure energy flew at me. At the last moment, I dodged resulting in another part of the castle getting destroyed. Her expression was of shock for I had dodged her beam. "Why look so surprised?" I asked. "Did you expect me just to stand there to take?" I asked again. After she had recovered from the shock I was already aiming a gaster blaster in her direction.
When she dodged it she asked "Did tis also expect we to stand there and take it?".
"Nah" I answered. "I just ex-" I started saying before I was slammed into a wall and lost 0.49 health.
"Expected what?" she asked
"That this was all a distraction," I said before turning into a bunny and run away.
"What!!" She screamed realizing that I took her mind off Fluttershy and her friends.
Music end
After Nightmare Moon's fall
"Oh there you are angle!"Said Fluttershy then picked me up.
At the exact moment she picked me up Celestia appeared in front of the mane 6. She then explained that Nightmare Moon was Luna and her sister. When Luna awoke she begged for forgiveness and support. When Celestia hagged her she asked "Why did tis send a monster after Nightmare Moon?".
"I did not," replied Celestia.
"When tis say that, I also remember that being protective of a mare called Fluttershy." Said Luna.
"Fluttershy? Do you have any monsters that are protective of you?" asked Twilight.
"Oh I have no monsters but only 2 creaturs might, I have Harry who is a bear, I have angle who is right here," replied Fluttershy.
"I don't think a bear or bunny might try to kill nightmare moon so I have no idea princess," said Twilight to princess Celestia.
"I don't think we should think about it anymore since it is gone," said Princess Celestia
10 minutes later at Fluttershy's house
Fluttershy has now gone to bed and is sleeping now how much XP for the little fight? "What i"squeaked."how did that little fight give me 2 "LEVEL UP"s. Oh it was a mission, that makes sense. Now there are 3 new upgrades "Pony transformation" allows me to turn into a pony version of me. "Connections" allows me to be able to contact the other sans and "Fear snap" snap your fingers and they will start to see scary things for 10 seconds. I chose "Connections" and "Fear snap" then I closed the menu and went to bed.
Tommarow morning
"Angle!" Fluttershy called softly. "it is time for breakfast".
"Thank you for the breakfast Fluttershy!" I told her in animal language.
"Now I will go out to the shop, please stay home!"Fluttershy told me.
"Ok," I said in animal language.
5 minutes later
“Angle!” said Fluttershy.
“What is it!” I said in surprise and shock.
“I need your help to clean Twilights house so I can be Twilights guest to the gala!” said Fluttershy who wanted to go.
“Ok” I said while whewing in my mind since nothing bad had happened.
After the gala thing
“Whew, that was hard doing all that work," I thought."So, I helped Fluttershy today and made her happy!"."Perfect I thought and went to bed.
"Ahh, look at you....how happy.....soon your happiness will be destroyed.."Wispered a mysterious voice from the darkness.
The next day
"Hmmm, Fluttershy is going to Canterlot for something?" I said in animal language."Oh welp, time for me to establish connections.
"Oh look" I said. "I landed in an anti-void."."Welp, time for me to guess who is in here!" I said while thinking hard. "Hmmmmmm, Error!" I said and then I saw the blue strings almost everywhere. "Yep! this is Errors place!" I said surprised. Then Error came in and said "Who the funk is a bunny doing in my anti-void?"asked Error. "And why the funking idiot fresh doing here too?"asked Error who now had a temper."One" I said."I am not a bunny" I said shocking Error while transforming back to my sans form."And two" I said then lowered my monocle for a second to let Error see horrors behind my monocle. "Don't mess with fresh" remembering the fresh from the fan fiction online that said"don't mess with fresh or die.".
"I agree with this rad dude" said Fresh.
"But my visit is to ask for assistance and how I can earn that assistance" I said.
TO BE CONTINUED
I'd say that this story has potential. However it feels extremely rushed and there are some spelling and grammatical errors, these things tend to throw readers out of their immersion. Not to mention I had to read this a few times before I had a clear picture of what is going on. Characters seem flat to me.
I say that placing your character in the shoes of Angel bunny as her guardian angel(pun on so many levels please stab me) is an interesting concept. I'm not sure if I ever read Angel bunny ever being used this way.
You should take time to flesh out your world and characters. Set the stage by describing the environment, in this case what your character's senses pick up. Having him interact with your setting provides insight for your protagonist's character. Describe the way other characters act and how they react to your protagonist's actions.
I advise that you spend time reading more stories. You seem to be a fairly new writer. Try to learn as much as you can from more experienced authors, by reading their works you'll gain a lot of insight into the do's and don't of writing. And the most important thing is that you keep writing!
Also I'm sorry.... But in my head I'm hearing this whole story in text-to-speech.
Thank you for the feedback!
10242258
it is not pony words because my character is not a pony, he is a skeleton like undertale sans
That is why he is angle bunny!
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
10314002
Give a from 10 Jul to 17 Jul.
Sorry but just got a fever and sore throat I think the chapters will be delayed a bit.