You have random punctuation and capitalization, you keep sticking random species/creatures into the story (bi-horn, tri-horn, gullfaxi, enbarr, etc.), you have an excess of long run-on sentences, and the messed-up dialog makes it extremely difficult for the reader to get into the story.
You have random punctuation and capitalization, you keep sticking random species/creatures into the story (bi-horn, tri-horn, gullfaxi, enbarr, etc.), you have an excess of long run-on sentences, and the messed-up dialog makes it extremely difficult for the reader to get into the story.