Tempest's Tale

by BeautifulHorse

Touring Ponyville

“… And that is how Sweet Apple Acres was founded!” Starlight took a deep breath and gave a delighted grin, obviously satisfied with how part 7xy4a of her lecture was going. Tempest was very fit from all her invading and conquering, but even she was starting to get tired from all this trotting around and the seemingly endless lecture.

“Say, Starlight, what’s your story?” Tempest inquired curiously, eying her companion as they made a fast pace through the apple orchard.

“Oh, MY story? Do you want the good parts or the bad parts?”

“Everything!”

Starlight swallowed. “Well, my foalhood friend found his destiny and was sent away to magic school. I became very lonely and refused to accept that I could ever make another friend. I was actually scared that if I did, another cutie mark would take them away too! So I decided that I would make a village where that sort of tragedy would never happen again. I formed a settlement, made it a nice place to live, and kinda stole the ponies’ cutie marks off their flanks and brainwashed them into agreeing with me…”

“Wow,” Tempest gawked, “I feel a bit like I’m not the one exception of a rule anymore… did you do anything else?”

“I became really mad at Twilight and her friends and tried to undo the moment when they got their cutie marks… they got them at the same time, as well as the first unknown connection of their friendship. I travelled back in time and would have succeeded had Twilight not convinced me that if I really went through with it I would destroy Equestria,” Starlight lowered her head in almost shame. “It’s really hard for me to believe they forgave me, still. In the end of all my evils Twilight took me on as her personal student and taught me about friendship, and I ended up saving Equestria from a changeling invasion along with three other formerly evil friends, and then I graduated from Twilight’s teaching and became a counsellor at her school when they got the idea of building it!”

Tempest stopped for a moment, taking this all in. “So they give lots of ponies second chances here? I suppose that’s what Twilight’s crown stands for…”

“Not just ponies! There’s dragons, changelings, griffons, even a very naughty and unreliable draquonequs! Gee, I guess that could be what Twilight does. Anyhow, she gets us a lot of allies!” Starlight trotted to a ‘free sample’ barrel ahead of them and picked up an apple with her magic, levitating it to her mouth and biting into it. “Ooooo, Delifschiouf…”

Tempest looked through the trees and spied Twilight and her friends helping get the apples bucked for the harvest “Speaking of Twilight, she’s over there. Should we be running in the opposite direction? Or…?”

“Oh yeah, we should probably make tracks if we don’t want to be roped into how apple bucking builds character, friendship, strength… Want to come with me to visit Zecora? She is a friendly zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest.”

“Now that sounds good.”

---

The two ponies walked through the Everfree Forest, their pace slowed so they could duck under vines and branches as they came across them. The cool shade was comforting on their hot skin. The forest was humid and there were bugs everywhere. Starlight looked like she hated the bugs, while Tempest was a vast contrast, not minding at all except to flick away the occasional extra-annoying one. Their hooves left impressions in the soft dirt on the trail to Zecora’s hut as they made their way through the increasingly dense forest.

Tempest followed Starlight and they came up to a very strange-looking tree with ornate swirls and decorate masks all over it. The windows seemed a swirly complement, allowing light to stream in and ponies to look out.

A zebra with startling stripes and a swirly looking cutie mark came out and began to speak in rhyme. “Ah Starlight my friend, come in, come in. Who might the pony be that you bring?” This curious method of speech elicited a smile from Tempest.

Starlight spoke up, “This is Tempest Shadow, a unicorn who lost her way in trying to get her horn back. You may have heard of her escapades in Canterlot, but I assure you, it was simple desperation which blinded her to the welfare of her kind…”

“I have heard of Tempest, she caused a commotion, but far be it from me to judge on assumption. Thank you for assuring me there is naught to fear, now formalities are over what may bring you here?”

“Starlight is showing me about Ponyville and surrounds,” Tempest acknowledged, “She thought I might benefit from knowing of your residence.”

“It is indeed a valuable thing to know, in case of injury or illness or danger where to go. Come by here any time you like, I will be here most hours of daylight.”

Tempest smiled. “Thank you Zecora.”

---

It was later in the day and Tempest was now alone in her glitzy suite again. She was about to flop onto the bed for a moment of just doing nothing when she noticed a box on her bed. Inside there was a leather-bound notebook, a quill and ink, a copy of the Journal of Friendship and a note.

“Dearest Tempest,

I hope you enjoy this gift. It is a copy of the Journal my friends and I kept before we opened the school, and a journal of your own to write in. And, obviously, writing implements to write in. You don’t have to use it like I used mine, but it would be a good place to write down your feelings and unwind without anyone needing to see your innermost feelings.

In friendship,

Twilight”

Tempest smiled. It was considerate of Twilight to think of a way for her to express herself without needing to hurt anyone, literally or mentally. Maybe she'd pen an entry later this evening.

Comments

[Knight of the Raven]

I find the simple "Everything!" speaks volumes about the camaraderie that grew between Tempest and Starlight in the span of a "seemingly endless lecture."

The chemistry between them shines through this amusing little exchange a short while later, too;

“Speaking of Twilight, she’s over there. Should we be running in the opposite direction? Or…?”

“Oh yeah, we should probably make tracks if we don’t want to be roped into how apple bucking builds character, friendship, strength…

The other side of their conversations' coin is that their dialogue sometimes reads like heads talking to each other in a void. Not always, such as at the beginning with the very nice line "Starlight took a deep breath and gave a delighted grin, obviously satisfied with how part 7xy4a of her lecture was going," but Starlight explaining her past to Tempest is practically all talking and no description, just like the other way round was in the previous chapter.

Speaking of description, I enjoyed that of their trek through the Everfree Forest. I found it nice and well-written, short as it was. It does look out of place though, since that's the only part of the entire story where the scenery is so heavily described.

There was less repetition here, with only 'swirl(y)' showing three times in as two succeeding paragraphs. "time" was misspelled in "I travelled back in tine" as well. On the other hand, I noticed you've added scene breaks since I first read this story, so kudos.

[BeautifulHorse]

Thanks for the feedback! I'll definitely be fixing a few small things, and focusing on description more in the coming chapters