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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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BURN THE SOLAR HERETICS OF THE SOLAR EMPIRE
FOR THE NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC AND THE EMPEROR
Quote: Ivanakrushu
My god, man. I desperately wanted to like this story. Really, I did. The opener was good. It effectively introduced the main character and his struggles, the action was not too over the top, and the premise was good.
But I had to throw in the towel at chapter 3.. It was just a constant barrage of one run-on sentence after the other. It completely ruined my immersion. You seriously need an editor.
9545257
what that mean?
9549054
Response: It sounds like 'I vanna krush you' when you say it out loud.
9548629
I know, you are not the first person to bring this up and I doubt you'll be the last, but I cannot aquire an editor at this time, and believe me, I try to cut down the dialogue as much as possible because I am well of this short-coming in my writing ability. (You should've seen my first fanfic on FanFiction.net, I've come MILES compared to that train wreck.)
9550335
The dialogue is not really the problem. Let's use the opener as an example
That's three sentences written as a single one. Here's how it should look
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/run-on-sentence
https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/grammar/runonsentences
9550479
Ah, I'll see if I can work on that.
Indeed why should he be worried?
Aye man you did your best and that’s all that matters but just remember to improve upon what you can.
9545257
Is that an all guardsmen party reference?
I can’t think of anything that would insult that angry bastard more in That moment than this👏👏👏
11178164
I nearly thought those were Alphamarienes with how Tzeetchian that was.