The Crass Menagerie

by Coyotek4

Regression to the Mean

Starlight observes the valley, taking in the natural beauty of the surrounding area in the mid-morning as her thoughts return to her camping trip with Twilight and the others not too long ago. The sound of rustling grass causes her to turn around, where she eyes the six students exiting the cave. A broad smiles comes over her face as she addresses the group. “So, how was it.”

“It was incredible,” Ocellus states to break the ice. “I don’t think any of us have experienced anything like it before.”

“Yona not impressed.”

The yak’s stark response causes the others to turn to her in curiosity. “How can you say that,” Gallus asks.

Yona looks around the area, as if searching for an answer in the valley. “I … Yona not know. Yona very impressed.” The young yak quickly regains her composure. “Yona take back previous comment.”

“Probably still caught up in the moment,” Sandbar reasons. “I know I’ve never experienced anything like it before.”

“Well that’s wonderful to hear,” Starlight concludes as she turns towards the staircase and begins leading the group out of the valley. “We can discuss your experience on the way back, but I have a special surprise for you once we return.”

“Please don’t be an essay on the Tree of Harmony,” Gallus pleads, causing Starlight to laugh.

“No, no, nothing like that … in fact, you won’t have any more classes today; instead, there’ll be a special presentation just for the six of you.” The counselor’s comments elicit murmurs of excitement as to what awaits them upon return.

As the group reaches the stairs leading out from the valley, Smolder spreads her wings and quickly soars upward, leaving the rest of the group behind. “What’s the hurry?” Starlight calls out, causing the dragon to halt and hover in place for a moment before returning.

“Sorry, just had the urge to get away for some reason,” she halfheartedly explains, holding a claw to the back of her neck.

“Looks like someone really wants to get back to the classroom,” Ocellus points out, “and for a change, it isn’t me.” Her comment draws laughter from Starlight, Gallus, Yona, and Sandbar … but not Silverstream. Ocellus turns to the hippogriff. “Well I thought that was humorous.”

“Ehh, Silverstream’s probably just caught up admiring the stairs again,” Gallus states.

“Why should I care about those?” the hippogriff asks, causing everyone to turn and face her. “Wait … I do care about those. Don’t I? I think I do. They are cool … right?”

“Is seapony finally over stairs?” Yona asks.

“Maybe,” she replies. “I mean, we have been attending the school for a while now. That’s probably it. ‘Yeay’ things besides stairs,” she concludes with modest enthusiasm.

Accepting her explanation, the others refocus on exiting the valley. Starlight and the flightless creatures begin their ascent as the rest gently fly upwards at a slow, steady speed. Several steps up, Yona stumbles, loses her balance, and tumbles back down to the valley floor. As Starlight and Silverstream quickly tend to the young yak to check for injuries, a persistent chuckle causes everyone to turn to Sandbar. The young pony suddenly realizes he’s being glared at by the others.

“Why Sandbar laugh at Yona?” she asks pointedly.

Sandbar blushes. “I, I don’t know. I just suddenly had the urge to … Yona, I am so sorry for that. Totally inexcusable behavior on my part.”

“Are you hurt?” Starlight asks, refocusing everyone’s attention to the yak.

“Yona okay, but maybe Yona not take big staircase back up.”

“We can get you out of here,” Ocellus points out … as she watches Smolder fly up on her own to the plateau above. “That is, Gallus and I can get you out of here.” She turns to see Gallus standing alone, silently looking out over the valley. “Gallus?”

“I’ll help you help Yona,” Silverstream responds coolly. Ocellus nods, and the twosome grab Yona and fly her upwards.

Starlight turns to Gallus, who sighs and flies upwards on his own. She then turns to Sandbar. “What happened back there?”

“It was weird, Counselor … I saw Yona trip and fall, and I just had a sudden urge to laugh. That’s wrong, and I know it.”

“Well, you did apologize. And, you recognize that what you did was wrong.” Starlight smiles at Sandbar, who responds in kind. “Now let’s get out of here and head back to …”

Starlight pauses her thought as the sound of arguing catches her ears. What now, she thinks to herself as she instructs Sandbar to close his eyes. One *flash* later, and the two of them suddenly stand at the top of the staircase. She looks around and sees Yona staring daggers at Ocellus, who is now wearing Yona’s pink bows.

“Give bows back to Yona!”

“They’re mine now!”

Starlight quickly rushes between the two and faces Ocellus. “Ocellus, what are you doing with Yona’s bows?”

“I’m …” Ocellus shakes her head. “Wait, why am I wearing these?” she asks.

“That what Yona ask!” the yak responds angrily.

Hurriedly, Ocellus removes the bows from her head; Starlight’s horn lights up as they reaffix themselves to Yona’s braids.

Starlight’s focus returns to the changeling. “Okay, I want to hear what happened … from you first.”

“I don’t know what happened,” Ocellus states in earnest. “Silverstream and I were flying Yona up here, we set her down, and … I guess the bows came off in my hooves along the way.”

“Fair enough,” Starlight replies, “but then how did they end up on your head.”

“I put them there,” she snidely responds, before catching herself. “Whoa! Sorry, I mean I’m really sorry, that is not who I am!” Ocellus then walks over to Yona. “Yona, you know I’m not like that. Please forgive me. I know those bows are yours.”

“Of course bows are mine! Bows are family heirloom! Been in yak possession for many moons!”

“You didn’t have those until after we met,” Silverstream points out. Starlight’s focus turns to the yak.

“Yona, why would you say that?” Starlight asks.

“She’s just scatterbrained, like all yaks.” Sandbar callously replies.

“Sandbar!” Starlight shouts. She then turns to Smolder. “And why didn’t you try to break up the fight?”

“Why should I care?” the dragon responds. “Their fight didn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Okay, that’s it: EVERYONE TURN AND FACE ME RIGHT NOW!!!” Yona, Ocellus, Sandbar, Smolder, and Silverstream quickly turn to face Starlight. “YOU TOO, GALLUS!” she demands, causing the griffin to roll his eyes and do as instructed.

“NOW, EVERYONE CLOSE THEIR EYES!” The six do as instructed, Starlight focuses intently as her horn illuminates, and the group disappears with a loud *POP*, reappearing at the entrance to the students’ quarters.

Starlight takes a deep breath before addressing the group. “In case you’ve all forgotten, you’re all friends now! You’ve all been through so much together, and you’ve come out of it all as close as any group I’ve ever experienced.” Her tone softens as she continues. “Now I speak from personal experience when I say that friends know better than anyone how to get on the nerves of other friends, so I’m not angry with any of you. But perhaps a break is what you all need … take the rest of today off, give yourself time to unwind. It’s been a long day for all of us.”

“STARLIGHT!” The counselor catches Trixie’s voice and turns to face her fellow unicorn. “You’re back early, but The Great and Powerful Trrrixie is always ready to put on a show! … Uhh, I just need about fifteen minutes to prepare.”

“Actually, Trixie, we should probably postpone your special presentation today.”

“Oh, no-no-no-no-no, Trixie will have none of that defeatist attitude. Trixie felt powerless without her innate magical talents, and Trixie has your students to thank for this … and not Twilight, for a change. Besides, Trixie remembers the last presentation given at this school and would greatly prefer a different memory to take with her for her next tour.”

“But Trixie—”

“I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes; see you soon!” Trixie turns and trots back to the main entrance as Starlight turns to re-address the group.

“All right then … head inside, take a few minutes to reflect on that past half-hour, and meet me in the auditorium.” Starlight turns and follows Trixie’s path towards the school proper.

“You guys better not get me in trouble again,” Smolder warns as she enters the community room. “I’m not getting detention because of you five.”

“Wait up,” Ocellus calls after her as she follows, “I’d like to take a look at your gem collection.”

“You’re all just crazy nutcases,” Sandbar asserts as he follows the others.

“And you’re just a bore,” Silverstream counters.

“Yep … nothing wrong with our friendship,” Yona says.

Gallus observes the others filing in to their quarters, lets out another sigh, and trudges in after them.