Ten More Yards

by 5aszs

THE FIFTH DOWN

“And then he dived forward and caught the ball with one hoof just as the whistle blew! One hoof, isn't that awesome?!”

The colts and fillies around Atomic listened in wonder as he concluded his re-telling of the dramatic finale of the Dragons-Hawks match that took place two weeks ago. The group had gathered on the courtyard in front of the main building as they waited for the first bell to ring, and Atomic had taken this opportunity to fill his classmates in on the weekend’s game. The Dragons had since been able to win their next three matches, thus placing them at the top of the league table.

“You’re so lucky you got to see the Dragons win!”

“And is it true that Nick Foals actually signed your shirt?!”

Atomic nodded and opened his saddlebag to take out his jersey, holding it up by the sleeve so that the message was clear to see.

“Woah!”

“I know! Hopefully me and my dad can go to a few more games this season.”

The first bell rang and Atomic stuffed his shirt back inside his saddlebag and said goodbye to the colts and fillies before heading off to homeroom alone, since Thunderhoof had come down with a bad flu over the weekend and was still not well enough to come to school.

Today’s gonna be crap without Thunder.

Atomic joined the back of the queue outside his homeroom and the group only had to wait for less than a minute before Miss Ivory arrived, and she unlocked the door to let her students in. The colts and fillies came in quietly, having become well accustomed by now to Miss Ivory’s expectations regarding behaviour.

“Good morning Miss Ivory.”

“Good morning. Now, before you begin updating your progress diaries, I have two announcements to make.”

The students immediately sat up and listened carefully.

“From next week, there will be a competition until the end of this semester between all of the homerooms in your grade to see who can get the most merits.”

Atomic rolled his eyes and began checking his bag to make sure that he had all of his books, clearly not interested in sucking up to his teachers to get more merits.

“The winning homeroom class…….a tour of Almerald Centre!”

Atomic’s ears perked up when he heard Almerald Centre.

“Miss, did you say Almerald Centre?!”

“Yes I did Atomic; clearly you were not listening.”

Atomic blushed and looked down at his desk.

The other students began excitedly discussing the prospect of visiting the Dragons’ stadium, with a few of the fillies complaining that the prize should be changed to something more interesting.

“Excuse me, did I give you permission to discuss the prize?”

Silence quickly descended upon the classroom.

“There is another announcement. There is a new pupil joining our homeroom today.”

The door opened and a colt walked in. He looked down at his saddlebag and adjusted the strap as he walked to the front of the classroom.

“This is Chestnut Oak.”

Chestnut lifted his head up and smiled weakly. Atomic immediately recognised him and gave him a huge smile.

“Master Oak, take your timetable and sit at the empty desk at the back.”

Chestnut nodded and sat at the desk next to Atomic. Miss Ivory handed out the class’ progress diaries and instructed them to review their monthly targets. She sat back down at her desk and se became quickly engrossed into her work.

“When you told me your mom wanted you to move schools, I didn’t know it would be so soon,” Atomic whispered, glancing at the front every few seconds to make sure Miss Ivory couldn’t hear them.

“My mom put me on the waiting list here before the end of last year, and we came in to see the deputy head on Friday and he told her that there was a space available in your grade.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re coming here. Since Thunder’s ill today, it'll be cool to hang out with you.”

Chestnut smiled gratefully and the two continued conversing quietly for the rest of homeroom. When the bell rang, Chestnut unfolded his timetable and turned to Atomic.

“Do you know where Miss Bellflower’s classroom is?”

“You’re in the same English class as me, that’s awesome! Follow me.”

---

“The food here is actually way better than my old school. How long is lunchtime?”

“An hour, but the bell always rings five minutes early.”

Atomic and Chestnut left the canteen and headed outside onto the field.

“This school’s actually really big; well, a lot bigger than my old school,” Chestnut remarked as the two colts walked through the grass.

“It doesn’t seem that big to me, but that’s probably cause this is the only school I’ve ever been to.”

Atomic led Chestnut to the back of the field to sit at the spot that he and Thunderhoof frequently sat at, and the two sat down before Atomic took out his EHL cards.

“I forgot to take these out of my bag last week. Do you have any EHL cards?”

“Yeah, but I only started buying them at the start of the summer holidays and the ones I got aren’t that good; my best one is a gold Shadow Mark from the Mustangs,” Chestnut admitted, rubbing the back of his head.

“Here, you can have one of my elites,” Atomic looked over his pile of cards and smiled as he picked out the running back Ice Heart, Chestnut’s team’s best player.

“Woah, you have an elite Ice Heart?! I can’t take this, here,” Chestnut immediately handed the card back to Atomic, who shook his head and put it back in Chestnut’s hoof.

“I’ve been doing this for nearly three and a half years, so I have elites to spare. Besides, I know the Manehattan Mustangs are your team, so it’s a win-win.”

Chestnut smiled gratefully and thanked Atomic as he placed the card in his bag.

“So, what are the ponies in our grade like?”

“They’re pretty cool, I don’t have any problems with most of them.”

“Most of them?”

“Yeah, there’s this colt in our homeroom class, lemme try and point him out for you.”

Atomic scanned the field looking for Pablo and spotted him nearly twenty yards away with Blaze and Mustang.

“You see that light green colt over there, catching the ball? Presenting the biggest asshole in Equestria: Pablo Scar.”

Atomic and Chestnut watched Pablo miss the ball thrown to him completely and fall onto the grass, and Blaze and Mustang sniggered quietly when Pablo’s back was turned. His ears perked up and he suddenly turned around and threw the ball at Blaze, aiming for his face and hitting it. Blaze immediately dropped to the ground, groaning and clutching his face. Mustang rushed over to see if his friend was okay, but Pablo shot him a fierce glare and the colt stopped in his tracks immediately.

Chestnut frowned. “I see what you mean.”

Atomic and Chestnut sat in silence for the next two minutes, with neither colt being able to think of a new topic of conversation. Atomic shuffled his cards back together into one pile and he carefully put it back inside his saddlebag.

“Does Greenfield have a hoofball team?” Chestnut asked, and Atomic shook his head.

“We did have one a few years ago but the old coach got caught putting his nephews that were in high school onto the team. When our principal found out, he fired the teacher and got rid of the team straight away.”

“Oh.”

“So, who d’you think is gonna get win the Sugar Bowl this season?” Atomic asked, and what followed for the rest of lunchtime was a debate between the two colts over their different opinions.

“You know that the Dragons are gonna win, we have Nick Foals, and you know that nopony is gonna be able to stop him this season. You know what, I’m gonna call it right now; he’s gonna be MVP this season!”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying but you have to remember that they lost to the Canterlot Knights in the semi-finals last season; and they didn’t even have La Salle playing, and you know he’s the best QB in the league and a top-three QB of all time. Watch, they're probably gonna beat the Dragons today and then that’ll prove my point.

“Okay then, we’ll see who wins today, and it’ll be the Dragons, and then I’ll be right.”

The bell rang just as Atomic finished his point, and he sighed as they got up from the grass.

“I swear, they need to make lunchtime longer,” Atomic complained, and Chestnut shrugged nonchalantly.

“At least we have PE next,” Chestnut pointed out, and Atomic’s mood instantly brightened.

“Oh yeah, that’ll be cool! What was PE like at your old school?”

“Our teacher was so biased to the best hoofball players, so it wasn't really fun. Do you remember Alabaster? From the tryouts?”

“Oh yeah, I remember him!” Atomic exclaimed as memories of the pale gray colt’s stellar performance in the tryouts came back to him.

“He used to be in my PE class at Oakleaf, and he was the best in our class, so you can imagine how much he was adored by my old teacher.”

Atomic led Chestnut through the crowd of students that were heading inside and they walked through the buckball courts to join the line of colts waiting for Coach Cobalt.

“Look guys, Atomic’s already babying the new guy. Guess he’s replacing Thunderhoof as mommy today!”

Pablo was stood behind Atomic and Chestnut and he smirked as a few colts sniggered, and Atomic turned around and narrowed his eyes.

“Pablo, I don’t get why you’re so obsessed with me, is your life really that boring for you to be involved in mine 24/7?”

A chorus of ‘oohs’ rang out from the colts and Pablo grumbled before turning his attention into Chestnut.

“Hey Cheese Nut, or whatever your name is, why are you with this guy? Come over here and hang with us.”

Chestnut nervously shuffled his hooves and answered quietly.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“What did you say?” Pablo moved his head forward.

“I said I’m-”

“Dude speak up I can’t hear you!” Pablo sneered.

“I said I’m-”

“Just ignore him, he’s an idiot,” Atomic whispered, glaring at Pablo.

Pablo stepped forward and opened his mouth to counter.

“Ladies! We have a hoofball unit to get through! Come on, go get changed!”

Me Cobalt clapped his hooves quickly as the colts began to make their way to the changing rooms.

“Hold on, where’s the new student?” Mr Cobalt asked, and the colts stopped where they were, with Atomic gesturing to Chestnut that he should speak up.

“Um, sir, I’m the new student,” Chestnut said quietly.

“This is your first day right? You can borrow a shirt from me for today, but you need to have your own one by next lesson, or the usual half an hour after school detention will apply. Understood? Now wait here, I’ll go and get you a shirt.”

Chestnut nodded and as the other colts entered the changing room and headed to their usual spots, he waited outside and watched Mr Cobalt gallop back towards the school to retrieve the shirt.

Nearly two minutes later, Chestnut was handed the spare shirt and Coach Cobalt ushered him inside. Chestnut stood still, looking for Atomic before his friend called out his name.

“Over here Chestnut!”

Chestnut quickly headed over to Atomic, who was at the back of the changing rooms, and he put his bag down next to Atomic.

“What are you guys doing today?” he asked.

“Probably some more drills, that’s what we’ve done for the past two weeks, but I really wanna play a game today.”

“I wouldn’t mind if we just did some drills today, I’m not really in the mood for a game.”

Atomic pulled his shirt down over his head and looked at Chestnut quizzically.

“How come?”

“I’m kinda tired, that’s all,” Chestnut suddenly yawned loudly and placed a hoof over his mouth. Atomic looked at him quietly, clearly not convinced by his excuse but decided not to push it.

“Let’s go! We’ve already lost ten minutes of the lesson!”

Atomic and Chestnut followed their classmates and left the changing rooms, but not before they were stopped by Mr Cobalt.

“Thank you in advance,” Mr Cobalt said as he handed two buckets one by one to Atomic and Chestnut.

Atomic grumbled as he carried the bucket out onto the field, but Chestnut didn’t have too much trouble with it. The two slowly walked up the steps and passed through the gates and onto the field. Atomic dropped the bucket he was carrying and groaned, rubbing his jaw with his hoof. Chestnut placed his bucket down next to Atomic’s one.

“How is your mouth okay? Mine feels like I was holding a ton of bricks!”

“You were holding the heavier bucket, so that’s probably why,” Chestnut replied.

The two joined the other colts that were all waiting in the middle of the field, and Chestnut began to talk to some of the other colts whilst they waited for their teacher.

---

The class had been split up into five groups of four for their first drill, and the colts waited silently for Mr Cobalt to explain the drill to them.

“Alright, this drill is called ‘Hit the Hole’. Pablo’s group, come on up.”

Pablo and the three other colts came to the front of the group, and Mr Cobalt organised them into a running play, with Pablo acting as the running back.

“Here’s how it works. Blaze and Mustang are the safeties for this example, and Pacific Sail is the quarterback. When I blow the whistle, he’s gonna hand the ball off to Pablo, who will try and get through Blaze and Mustang.

Mr Cobalt brought his whistle to his lips and blew loudly, and the ball was quickly handed off to Pablo, who moved the ball to his mouth and used his teeth to hold the strings. He lowered his head and tried to charge through the safeties, who were able to grab Pablo just before he made it through and they pushed him to the ground.

“Perfect handoff Limerick. Pablo, use your body to get your way through, otherwise you’re just gonna keep getting knocked down easily. Right, spread out and get going, and make sure that each pony in your group is the running back twice. Off you go!”

Atomic’s group moved back and Atomic quickly took charge, dictating everypony’s position whilst making himself quarterback with Chestnut playing as the running back.

“Okay, three, two, one, go!”

Atomic quickly handed the ball off to Chestnut and stepped aside, and Chestnut struggled to place the ball into his mouth, and he was charged by the two defenders, who didn’t hold back.

“Ow!”

Atomic winced loudly and bent down to help Chestnut up.

“You’re gonna have to be quicker next time, otherwise they’re just gonna keep knocking you down like that.”

Chestnut nodded and slowly moved back to his starting position. Atomic counter down from three and handed the ball off to Chestnut, and this time he was able to get a firm grip on the ball before making a move. Chestnut galloped forward and the two defenders came charging forwards very quickly. Chestnut tried to duck underneath the two defenders so that he could get through but he slipped and tumbled down onto the grass.

“Let’s switch over now, I’ll be the running back,” Atomic declared as he helped up Chestnut. “That was better.”

“Still pretty crap.”

One of the defenders became the quarterback and the next play began, with Atomic being able to squeeze his way through Chestnut and the other defender.

“How, did, you do that?” Chestnut exclaimed, his eyes wide open as he tried to catch his breath.

“Natural talent, Chestnut. Natural talent.”

Five minutes, everypony in the group had been the running back, and they waited for the other groups to finish.

“Right, let’s move on to the next drill!”

The colts stopped what they were doing and they stood quietly, waiting for further instructions.

“Right, for the next activity I want three ponies in each group to each get a ball.”

Atomic volunteered himself, Chestnut and another colt to get the three balls.

“Once you’ve done that, line up and stand away from each other and take….six steps back. The pony without a ball should move away from the others. You guys are gonna be the receivers for this play.”

Atomic quickly got himself into position, having already done this drill in the Buccaneers’ tryouts a few weeks ago.

“When I blow my whistle, the receivers will run, and when you pass the first pony with the ball, they’re gonna throw it to you and you need to make the catch. The same will happen with the next two ponies holding the ball. If you miss a catch, you have to start again and each time you make a clean row of catches, the three ponies with the ball will take two steps back. The group that lasts the longest without missing a catch will get a prize, so if I were you, I’d choose the best catchers for this drill.”

Atomic decided to be a thrower for this drill and their group began the drill as soon as they heard Coach Cobalt’s whistle. Their receiver was able to make the first six catches and Atomic’s group found themselves tied with Pablo’s group since Pablo was also able to make his first six matches.

“Come on guys, we can’t let them beat us! Let’s keep doing what we’re doing and win!” Atomic clapped his hooves together despite holding a ball to try and push his group to win.

The next round of catches was successful for both groups, and as the three throwers from each group took two steps back, the distance between the throwers and receiver became much more significant.

The receiver in Atomic’s group made the first two catches, however for the second catch he had to reach forward in order to catch the short ball. Atomic was stood at the end of the line and he reached back and threw the ball, it took a hit from the side of his head. This meant that the ball spun wildly as it travelled through the air, and despite the receiver’s best attempts to lunge forward, the ball fell short.

“Sorry guys, that was my fault, crap that was a stupid mistake!” Atomic called out, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. The others watched Pablo make his three catches, and he turned to check on Atomic’s group.

“Let me guess, Atomic was the one who messed it up,” Pablo sneered, taking note of Atomic’s downcast expression.

“Well done guys, nice teamwork from all of you. Right, let me check the time… we have just enough time to fit in a game, or we could head inside and I’ll give a lecture on the best defensive formations used in the league.”

Mr Cobalt smiled at the resounding cries of ‘let’s play a match!’

---

With seven minutes left of the lesson, the score was tied 18-18, and Atomic and Chestnut had been placed on separate teams, with Chestnut’s team on their fourth down and they were set out in a passing play, with Atomic ending up marking Pablo who was a receiver. As Coach Cobalt brought his whistle to his lips, Pablo elbowed Atomic’s ribs and he fell to the ground, groaning. Pablo quickly called for the ball whilst moving backwards, and he was able to make the easy catch and get fifteen yards forward before he was eventually tackled.

“Atomic, are you okay?” Chestnut rushed over to his friend and knelt down to help him up, but Atomic shook his head and moved Chestnut’s arms away from him.

“I’ll be fine, that jerk just elbowed me,” Atomic pushed his arms down and slowly got up, just as Mr Cobalt came running over.

“Atomic, is everything okay?”

“Yeah sir, I’ll be fine,” Atomic replied slowly, before glaring at a smirking Pablo when Mr Cobalt turned around and returned to the sideline.

“Play starts from where Pablo got tackled. Hurry up, we’re gonna head in after this play!”

The colts groaned but quickly huddled in their teams to decide which play they were gonna run.

“They’re gonna try and get it to Pablo again, we have to make sure he doesn’t get the ball or they’re gonna win,” one of the colts pointed out, and the others nodded in agreement.

“I’ll mark him again,” Atomic stated determinedly, and his teammates looked skeptical.

“What if he gets past you again?” they asked, and Atomic shook his head.

“He won’t, trust me.”

The two teams broke from their huddles and lined up in their respective formations, with the offensive team lining to throw another long pass, which didn’t go unnoticed by Atomic.

“They’re gonna throw it long to Pablo, get ready!”

The quarterback was shocked that Atomic had figured out their play, but he tried to downplay it by shrugging and as the whistle was blown and the defensive and offensive lines locked together, the quarterback moved back and threw a long ball to a running Pablo. Atomic tried to intercept as it came down towards Pablo, but he slipped and took a hard landing.

He’s not gonna make that catch.

Crap.

Pablo quickly moved the ball to his mouth and used his teeth to grip the strings as he made a dash for the end zone. One by one, he passed the defenders around him, sprinting along the clear path to the end zone. Atomic got up and gave chase, desperately trying to catch Pablo before he made the winning touchdown. Atomic’s teammates tried to help but weren’t fast enough to keep up with Atomic, and he quickly pulled away from them as he came closer and closer to Pablo.

Pablo whipped his head back and despite seeing Atomic running close by behind him, he judged that Atomic would not be able to catch up to him, and he began to slow down and relax a little as he came closer and closer to the end zone.

Nearly there!

Suddenly Pablo began to lose balance as he felt something pulling down his hind legs, and he desperately tried to twist out of the grip on his hind legs, but the grip did not budge and Pablo was roughly brought down a few yards before the end zone. He groaned loudly and felt his torso, which bore the brunt of the fall and now felt delicate to touch. Atomic was the first to get up and he walked around Pablo and knelt down to pick up the ball.

“YEAH!”

Atomic threw the ball high into the air and his teammates came hurling towards him and pulled him to the ground in jubilation. Mr Cobalt blew his whistle and brought an end to the match and lesson, telling the colts to pack up and head back to the changing rooms.

“Atomic, that was such an amazing run, I can’t believe you caught up to him so quickly!” Chestnut hoof-bumped a grinning Atomic.

“Ponies should never doubt my speed, never,” Atomic replied, and the two followed the rest of their classmates into the changing rooms.

---

“Thunderhoof, Atomic’s here to see you okay?”

Thunderhoof’s mother stepped aside to let Atomic come inside, and he rubbed his hooves onto the carpet before making his way up the stairs to Thunderhoof’s room. Once he reached the top of the stairs, Atomic walked straight towards the door with a large, green label that read ‘Thunderhoof’ hanging on the front, and he gently knocked on the door.

“Come in, it's open,” came the weak reply. Atomic opened the door and stepped into Thunderhoof’s room, which like his own room, had posters of the Dragons hanging on the wall. The mahogany carpet was covered with tissues, some of which were covered with snot, and Atomic grimaced as he stepped over a few of the snot-covered tissues. Thunderhoof was sitting up slightly in his bed, his pillow propped up against his back, his eyes were slightly red, and he sniffed as he picked up a tissue in his lap and loudly blew his nose into it.

“I was gonna ask how you’re feeling but I think I have a pretty good idea now,” Atomic remarked, and Thunderhoof smiled.

“You can sit over there,” Thunderhoof pointed to the wooden chair in front of his desk.

As Atomic sat down, Thunderhoof slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position.

“I still can’t believe that Nick Foals actually signed your jersey. Do you know how lucky you are?!”

Atomic took out his jersey and laid it down against his chest to show the front.

“I’m never gonna wash this jersey, no matter what my mom tells me.”

“So, how was school today?”

“It was alright, and I have surprising news.”

“Good or bad?” Thunderhoof asked, and Atomic smiled.

“Miss Ivory quit. For good. She said she’s never taught a class as bad as us lot and then she just walked out of the classroom and didn’t come back for the rest of the day.”

“She did what?!” Thunderhoof’s eyes widened and he began to breathe heavily. “She actually left, I can’t believe it, we’re finally gonna have a nice, normal teacher!”

Atomic bit his lip hard to try and stop himself from laughing, but as Thunderhoof began to do a little dance in his bed, he lost what little composure he had left.

“Why are you laughing? Wait, are you lying to me?!”

Atomic nodded mid-laughter and Thunderhoof glared at him as he eventually calmed down.

“Don’t do that to me, I actually got so happy for a second there!”

“Okay, that wasn’t true but I do actually have some good news. Do you remember Chestnut from the Buccaneers’ tryouts a few weeks ago? He’s goes to our school now and he’s in our homeroom.”

“Oh yeah, I remember him! That’s pretty cool, have you told him he can hang out with us?”

“I didn’t say it but he pretty much would be able to tell, we hung out the whole day. Anyway, are you gonna be able to come to school tomorrow?”

“I do feel a lot better now but we’ll see.”

The two sat silently for the next two minutes, neither colt able to think of something new to talk about.

“Oh yeah, I forgot, I was gonna give you something!”

Atomic unzipped his saddlebag and took out a pack of cupcakes.

“From past experience, I’ve learnt that cupcakes always help me feel better whenever I’m ill, so hopefully they’ll work and you can come to school tomorrow,” Atomic handed the cupcakes over to Thunderhoof, who thanked him before tearing open the plastic covering the cupcakes and taking out two cupcakes, handing one to Atomic.

“What team does Chestnut support? I don’t think I ever got the chance to ask him at the tryouts.”

“The Manehattan Mustangs, but he only moved here a few months ago and his family used to go to their games, so it makes sense.”

“True. At least he doesn’t support the Hawks.”

“Why would he support the Hawks? It’s not like he’d be able to go to their games in Cloudsdale anyways.”

“That’s also true.”

The two were interrupted by a sudden knock at the door.

“Thunder, it’s four thirty now, you need to rest for another hour!” Thunder’s mother called out from downstairs.

Atomic slowly got up from the chair and hoof-bumped Thunderhoof before leaving his house to go to his. As he walked up the steps leading to his front door, Atomic noticed that the door was slightly open and when he pushed it, it swung open.

“Mom, you left the door open!”

Atomic headed straight to the living room to find his mother, but instead found a note lying in the middle of the dining table.

I’ve taken Butterscotch to the doctor’s for her monthly check-up. Dinner’s in the large pot on the kitchen table. We'll be back at six o’clock, stay safe XO.

Atomic headed to the kitchen and his bag dropped onto the floor as he tiptoed up to reach the nearest pot on the cooker and take its lid off.

Vegetable soup again?

Atomic grumbled as he put the lid back onto the pot and he headed back into the living room, falling back onto the sofa and turning the radio on.

“We’re about two minutes away from kickoff! Final predictions, guys?”

“Dragons.”

“Knights.”

“Um…. I’m gonna go with the Knights.”

“Hmph, those last two are gonna be wrong,” retorted Atomic.

Wait, I don’t have to listen to the game by myself.

Atomic unplugged the radio from it's socket and got his saddlebag from the kitchen to ran out of his house with it, remembering to close the front door behind him, and he galloped towards a house a few blocks down the road.

“Atomic, what brings you back?”

“I was wondering if Thunderhoof wanted to listen to the Dragons’ match commentary with me?” Atomic asked, holding up the radio.

“If he’s awake then yeah, sure. I’ll just go and check on him.”

Two minutes later, Thunderhoof’s mother came down the stairs.

“He’s feeling a lot better now. Must have been the cupcakes. Come on in,” she said with a smile.

Atomic thanked Thunderhoof’s mother and clambered up the stairs, making sure that he didn’t drop the radio.

“Atomic, hurry up, we can’t miss the start of the match!” Thunderhoof called out, and as Atomic entered his bedroom, Thunderhoof was already fully sitting up in his bed, wearing his Dragons jersey.

“What? It’s for good luck!”

Atomic laughed as he closed the door behind him, and he placed the radio on the desk, plugging it into the socket nearby. He then took out his own Dragons jersey and put it on as we'll.

“Man, you were right about cupcakes, they do make you feel better!”

Atomic smiles as he turned the volume dial on the radio up.

“In fact, I’m not feeling too great right now, maybe one of these will help,” Atomic leaned over and took a cupcake from the box.

“Hey!”

“And the stage is set for a marquee match here between the Canterlot Knights and the visiting Fillydelphia Dragons. Stay where you are folks, you won’t wanna miss this one!”