Hurt

by Mitslits

Silver Tears

I woke the next morning with a feeling of a warped reality. Surely all that had happened last night was a dream, just a fevered dream brought on by too much stress. But no, I thought, tugging at the still damp hat perched crazily on my head, it was real. No matter how much I wished otherwise. 'Work waits for nopony', I thought as I got to my hooves. But, Dear Celestia, was it hard to keep my mind on anything but Applejack! And it was only getting worse.

"Twilight! Twilight!" a shrill voice called. Without waiting for an answer of any kind, a pink bundle of energy exploded into my house. "Have you seen Applejack? I haven't seen her anywhere! We were supposed to go to a party today for one of my friends. She promised! I KNEW I should have made her Pinkie Pie Prom-"

I cut her off, placing my hoof gently on her lips. "Pinkie", I said slowly, "Applejack is gone." That was it. Three words sent me spiraling out of control again. I don't know exactly what Pinkie Pie did next. In fact, the rest of the day passed by in a blur, everything swirling into one big crazy mess. I went through the rest of my everyday activities with the feeling that I was detached from it all. It was only when I settled down on my bed with a book that I realized I was due for a letter to Princess Celestia. Sighing, I readied parchment and quill. I found myself writing a letter not to the princess, but to Applejack and, in way, to myself.

Dearest Applejack,
You have expressed some opinions that have changed our relationship forever. And so, if ever looking back at this letter through a screen of gray mane and creaky joints, I am going to write out what happened. We were talking late one night about various friends of ours and the conversation turned to colts. You wanted to hang out with Big Mac more often, but I wanted you to stay and talk with me. I was selfish. I eventually let you go talk with him, hoping it would all blow over. But it was too late. The final blow had been struck. The next morning, Rainbow Dash and I discovered your real opinion of us. You said that you would be leaving because you did not want to place any friends above your other friends. I was devastated. As you continued to talk about varying levels of friendship, a steady numbing pain engulfed me until it was all I could feel. I felt totally empty, as if there was nothing left but sadness. After two years in which I had thought the six of us had bonded, you dropped this bombshell. I guess Rainbow and I could have seen signs but, I at least, was blinded by sheer happiness at having such close friends. As soon as our conversation ended I felt even worse, wishing you would return but knowing you would not. Even now, I still feel as if it can never be the same again, even if you do come back. And, Applejack, if you're reading this, just know there are things I have never told you that may explain some things. I hide the real me. The me who cries at every little emotional tap. I'm weaker than you think. You've told me before that I can't keep a secret, but you have no idea. No one does. Except me. But I have built up a fake me and it is beautifully tough. I have spent years perfecting this shell and as of yet there are no cracks. This is the first one, the first chink in my carefully welded armor. The first and last glimpse into the black hole of guilt and pain that resides in me. I cannot and will not tell you why this exists, I only tell you that it does. And I know it is no excuse for how I treated you, but I hope it at least makes up for it a tiny bit. If it has done that, then it has done it's job. If I am truthful, I envy you. I have never wanted you to know, fearing it would make you feel guilty, but I envy you. You and Big Mac see each other all the time, yet I have to be content with longing for Shining Armor. I didn't want you to take any time away from him, but in my deepest thoughts and desires, I wanted you to be ripped away from him, like I was. I want you to have to go through what I went through. But these are selfish thoughts and I hate when they occur. I cannot help it, though I am trying. Please believe me, Applejack. And I apologize for what is to happen next. I am so, so sorry that I have spilled my deepest emotions. This letter was my hope for patching our friendships, but you will never see it. Again, I apologize and with that, I bid you adieu. Goodbye.

With much love,

Twilight Sparkle

I finished the letter, wiping my quill clean and setting it aside. I neatly and carefully rolled up the parchment, grabbing it in my magic with ease. Tears spilling gently onto the aged paper, I trotted to my bedside fire. Without a second thought, I tossed the scroll containing my secrets into the flames, watching them eat my admissions. What I did next I sorely regret.

The fire burned low and I watched the embers glow. A sudden gust of wind blew open the window, swirling the ashes all around me. I trotted closer to the now extinct fire, spotting just one scrap of the hat I had just burned. There was no sign of the letter and for that, I was grateful. Tears dripped softly onto the black ashes, flashing silver as the fell onto the beat up leather; the last sign of my friend.

Comments

[kiwiman40]

This is definitely a conflict I have never seen before, so I applaud you for you originality sir, it's something that sometimes this site lacks. Secondly, this is really sad. Thought I'd say that in case anyone missed it.

[mrmayortheiv]

poor AJ's hat... good story and very sad