Foalhood Days

by KayeStar

Parents Make Mistakes Too

An hour passed before their home fell silent. Eos and Astraios uttered no sound, wanting to be certain their ears weren't deceiving them. When they heard nothing after a full minute, they assumed their daughter had finally worn herself out.

"If this foal has Celestia's lungs, I don't know what we'll do," Eos moaned.

"She's only a filly. We have to expect her to act like that," Astraios said. "That said, maybe we've spoiled her too much?"

"Or not been there enough?" Eos questioned. "Maybe she needs more of our attention. I'm already scared about this new foal and... that didn't help." Astraios wiped away a single tear that rolled down her cheek. "What are we going to do?"

Normally, Astraios tried to be the one with the brave face when his wife couldn't, but even he was at a loss right now. "I wish I knew what to say, my love. We always planned for Celestia to be our only one, yet it seems fate has other plans for us."

"We could... we could..." Eos felt her voice was betraying her as she spoke. "We could offer this foal to a childless family. But I'm unsure I could forgive myself. I was praying so much the sickness was only passing. Maybe it was something I ate or maybe I went out into the rainstorm. But..."

"You knew it," Astraios finished for her. "And so did I. It was just like when you were carrying Celestia."

She looked at her husband with a pleading gaze, the sorrow her eyes expressed slowly breaking his break. "Am I a bad mother to feel like this? Are we bad parents?"

Her husband's silence answered the question for her, and the two sat together without speaking further.

---

The last of Celestia's tears fell and she lacked any energy to continue her sobbing. Her throat ached now and, were she to speak, her voice would've been raspy. But she was still upset, both at her parents and this supposed sibling she was supposed to be getting. This sibling wasn't here yet and was already ruining her life. Her parents just didn't get it. Parents were like that, she figured.

Too angry to be still, she hopped off her bed and began pacing around in a circle. Several angry thoughts flew through her mind, though anger may not have been the only emotion behind them.

"Why do they want another baby? What's wrong with me? Aren't I enough? Why don't love just me? What can a baby do that I can't?" Unknowingly, her face began to melt into an expression that was more sad than angry. "Maybe I'm not cute enough anymore? Have I been a bad filly? A really bad filly? Were they really, really mad I went on the roof? Did I make them angry too much? Is it because I forgot to clean my room? Or I snuck more cookies?"

She unconsciously halted her pacing as she felt tears began to well up again. She plopped herself on her bottom and stared at the floor as her mind continued racing with similar thoughts.

"Maybe Mother and Father can't love me anymore. Maybe they want a new filly who's better. A good filly. Maybe she'll be cuter. And she won't take cookies." She let herself fall over on the floor as she covered her eyes with her hooves. "She won't be me."

She suddenly found some new energy and began crying again, but this time, her sobs were light and quiet. In contrast to her loud tantrums, she was always quiet when she was genuinely sad.

"They're replacing me."

---

After a half hour of silence passed, and Astraios and Eos decided it was best to check on Celestia now. She'd usually knock on the door when she calmed down, so they assumed she fell asleep, but of course, it was best to make sure she was alright. They stood in front of her bedroom door, and Eos pressed her ear against it. Silence. Astraios undid the lock spell and they slowly entered, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.

Sure enough, lying in the center of the floor was their angelic-looking daughter, passed out from tiredness. The time apart had done them some good too, as their earlier anger at her behavior had faded entirely. Astraios tried to carefully pick her up, but she'd been sleeping lightly, so the motion woke her up anyway. She moaned a bit and rubbed her eyes. Astraios noticed the dry tears on her cheeks and rubbed them away. She didn't open her eyes, not because she was playing possum, but because she really just wanted to sleep. Her parents chose to give her some leeway and take the hint, so Astraios still carried her to her bed and they tucked her in. They kissed her and reminded her they loved her, and they'd talk about it later. When she didn't move again, they exited as quietly as they entered, closing her door behind them, but not locking it again.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Eos asked, speaking softly out of habit when Celestia slept.

"We should let her sleep," Astraios suggested. "A nap always mellows her out for a while."

Eos agreed. The couple walked outside and sat beneath a shady tree next to their home. It was the early days of winter, so the temperature was chilly and though the sun shined, it didn't bring much heat. Still, the fresh air soothed them and they let the cold wind carry away all of the day's stresses. Shade certainly wasn't needed in winter, but it was simply a nice spot to relax when they couldn't take a walk.

"Eos, I haven't told you this before," Astraios began, "but when Celestia was still a newborn, I carried her out to see the sunrise once. She was hypnotized by it."

"Was she?" Eos asked teasingly.

"I took her out there because she was fussy. It calmed her down and she stared at it until it was fully risen. She reminded me so much of you when I was watching it with her."

"I always felt there was something symbolic about her being born on the hottest day of that year," Eos admitted. "When I think about it, the birth was easy. I feel like fate was teasing us." She then let out a somber sigh. "I want to be excited about this new foal like we were about Celestia, but I just can't feel it."

Astraios looked downward for a moment before he spoke again. "Do you think Celestia can sense how we feel?"

"What do you mean?"

"If we're being honest with ourselves, we aren't excited about this foal. Is it really impossible Celestia saw through us?"

Eos pondered the question for several moments before she found an answer to give. "I guess not. I don't think it's abnormal she wasn't excited, but maybe she's more perceptive than we give her credit for. Do you think we told her too early? We still don't know what we're going to do. It scares me so much. We have a foal coming and we have no idea."

"I admit it. I'm scared too, and I hate that. But I am certain of one thing."

"What's that, Astraios?"

"We will love this foal." His voice rose in confidence as he spoke. "I feared how you would react, but before Celestia was born, I thought I wouldn't love her. I was wrong. You became pregnant earlier than we expected, she was born on the most sweltering day of summer, and we hit a level of exhaustion we hadn't previously known existed. But I was wrong. I loved her as soon as I saw her in your hooves."

Eos was surprised for a moment, but quickly smiled warmly. "I guess I should confess. I didn't feel any bond with her at first. I loved her, but that magic moment expected of mothers didn't happen the first time I held her. I was worried I was already doing something wrong. It didn't really happen until after I recovered. Of course, I feel silly I ever worried about it now, but at the time, I was so scared when it didn't happen right away."

She rolled onto her side and they looked at her belly, which hadn't yet begun to look as one would expect a pregnant mare's to. "Maybe we were expecting too much," Eos continued. "Before we had Celestia, we pictured a quiet, clingy filly who had few tantrums because we would be strict, firm, and fair. Look at how that turned out."

"I'd lie if I said I don't wish we could slap our past selves," Astraios admitted, now laughing as he remembered. "We were, well..."

"Fools!" Eos laughed. "Some laughs, some discipline here and there, and it would all be okay. Maybe a tough day once in a while. Sweet heavens! Why did we think that?"

The couple laughed as they remembered and spent the next few minutes recalling how Celestia had blown all their ideas and expectations to smithereens. They remembered when they chased Celestia around for an entire day because they couldn't keep up with her teleporting. They remembered when she went through a phase of trying to eat her own hair. They remembered when first learned to talk and played "500 questions" every day for a week, with 490 being "Why?". They remembered when she ran all around the neighborhood without a diaper and covered from head to toe in sand and dirt because she didn't want a bath. At the time, all of the those things were awful to deal with, but here they were, laughing about them like they'd been pleasant memories.

But they also remembered when she would fall asleep in their hooves. They remembered the times she crawled into their bed when she didn't sleep well. They remembered rocking her to sleep, when she first told them she loves them, the times she cried because she wanted only them, and the times she snuggled up with them just because. She had a way of making their worst feelings vanish temporarily when she was loving.

They slipped out of the memories and came back to reality, still holding warm smiles on their faces. Eos rubbed her belly as they gazed at it again, now envisioning the foal that'd grow inside for several more months.

Astraios spoke slowly. "I think... we'll be okay."

Eos nodded. "You're right. But I do worry Celestia won't come around."

"Maybe if we give her more time than an afternoon," Astraios said half-jokingly. "We can't expect her to behave like she's an adult, after all. But maybe we should be more careful from now on."

"Agreed. Let's keep our word this time. No more foals!"

"No objections, my love!"