Chapter 1
Greetings. I am Major Wolfrick von Hartmann, part of the great Nazi German army who came back in World War III, which started in the year 2020. I wasn't the most liked person, not even in my own army, since I didn't really care about their supposed rightfulness and whatever. All I really cared about was war. Ah such a great thing. Strategies, military power, traps, the battle themselves and so much more, I love all of them. I suppose I could be called a war loving psychopath, but that's besides the point. And, to put it bluntly, the only reason they didn't get rid of me was because of the results I achieved. I was quite the effective soldier, if I say so myself. Although I may talk like this and usually act composed, I am quite the... *ahem* special soldier... I mean, who else would ever think of rocket jumping in real life? How I pulled it off is a story for another time... Hehehe... Also all those times I killed people with a shovel, got myself a nickname of "Soldier" due to my resemblance to the Soldier from a game called Team Fortress 2... Which I admit is quite true. MAGGOTS! Hahaha! Well... I was all that... Until the summer of the year 2025 when I committed suicide by blowing myself up along with my entire fortress and all the enemies in it... Heh... I still remember what they said... "*in a mock British accent* Surrender, you are only one man!" Oh and my line... God I still laugh about it... "Where you see one man, I C4."... Hahaha! The looks on their faces when they realized what I meant were priceless. But there seems to be a problem, I'm not dead. Not in heaven, hell or any other type of afterlife. No, I am currently inhabiting the body of a small equine creature called a pony, a pegasus to be exact... I was a small grey mare with a blonde mane and yellow eyes... Which are affected by Strabismus, Hypertropia to be exact; by the name of Derpy Hooves. Although it seem a little rude considering her situation, at least it's cute. Thankfully, I seem to have kept her memories... Let's just say her life wasn't sunshine and rainbows like others' lives. Everything was really bad, until she- or should I say I met a certain stallion. He calls himself "The Doctor", Doctor Whooves to be exact. My native language seems to have changed though... Since I seem to now speak Equestrian, which is pretty much a different version of English. Thank god I still speak German, or Germaneigh... Horse puns... Hehe... Oh and for some reason I seem to have a craving for american muffins. Did I mention I have a daughter? And no, she's not mine and Doc's, since we aren't married, or even dating; the story behind it is... Quite dark, I have to admit... She's 8 years old and I'm 20... I'll rather not talk about it... Ahem... Let me explain in detail what happened so far...
~Ponyville, in the Morning~
It was a peaceful morning in Ponyville. All the ponies were still asleep, the sun having barely showed itself from behind the horizon. Nothing seemed to be able to destroy this beautiful scenery that seemed to be cut right out of a picture. But you all know Murphy's law! When something can go wrong, IT WILL! And it all happened with a crystal destroying scream spreading all across Equestria.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Every single being in Equestria was woken up by it.
The Doctor jolted awake the moment he heard the scream, and he recognized it instantly. It was Derpy's. He quickly got out of bed and rushed to her room, kicked the door open and rushed to her.
"What happened?! What's wro-" He was quickly cut off when Derpy punched him in the face sending him flying.
"Oh... It's only you Doc." Derpy said as she stopped screaming.
"Oww... Your punch sure has gotten a lot more power into it..." The Doctor said as he rubbed the back of his head.
"Hehe..." Derpy laughed awkwardly as she smiled.
"*sigh* Come, I'll make breakfast this time." The Doctor then left out the door.
So here I am, in the bed, after a panic attack from a dream of fighting in a muffin helicopter against 3 evil cupcakes ones... And for some reason I'm handling the fact that I'm in another body in another world really well... Must be because I've seen so many fucked up shit in the war that I'm pretty much unaffected by it. Yeah that must be it.
I should get going. I slowly get out of bed, adjusting to hooves and standing on all fours pretty quickly, and then left for the bathroom. The house so far seemed really clean and simple. There were some painting here and there, but otherwise nothing much. I entered the bathroom, which might I add was pretty neat, having all the necesarry things along with a fluffy carpet. I love fluffy carpets. Almost as much as my shovel. I love my shovel. I miss my shovel... As I was saying, I looked in the mirror and couldn't help myself from a quiet "D'aww" at how cute I looked. Ah... I can just imagine how adorable I'd look with a bucket on my head and a shovel in my mouth. Simply adorable.
I shake my head. 'I must focus... My name is Derpy... I'm 20 years old, I have a cute 8 year old daughter, I'm a mailmare, and I live with a stallion named Doctor Whooves... Wait... Doctor Whooves.... The Doctor Whooves... The Doctor Who-... Wait... Doctor Who? No way... There's no way he's The Doctor... Must be just a coincidence, there's no way the Doctor exists it's just a show and movies- Wait... This seems familiar.... Ponies... Hmm... Eh I must be imagining stuff. There's no way that stuff's real. But I was supposed to be dead. And here I am as a pony. Something's not right... Tsk concerning myself with this will only make things more complicated, so I should just let it pass. Sounds about right.
I open the mirror cabinet and somehow manage to grab the toothbrush with my hoof, which not only sounds impossible it also looks weird, I mean, it looks like the toothbrush is stuck to my hoof with a really strong magnetic field. If I want to hold it it sticks and if I want to drop it, the "magnetic field" seems to stop... Weird. I started brushing my teeth quickly after I grabbed the toothbrush I started brushing my teeth. I quickly finished and made my way to the kitchen. I slowly went down the streets looking at the paintings on the wall. I couldn't help but smile as memories concerning them started appearing in my head. As I enter the kitchen I see Doc making some pancakes.
"Hey Doc, how's breakfast?" I asked the Doctor with a smile as I sat at the table.
"Good." He smiled back.
"Is Dinky awake?" I asked him as I tilted my head.
"Should be soon. Can you get her to school on your way to work?" Said the Doctor as he put the three plates of pancakes on the table. The exact second the last plate touched the table Dinky rushed in the kitchen.
"Morning Mom! Morning Doc!" Dinky said happily as she jumped on her chair.
"Good morning My Little Muffin." I giggled as I smiled at my daughter. It's really cute how Derpy calls her "My Little Muffin", so of course I have to say it too. I think I might get diabetes at how sweet this place is... It's worth the risk though.
"Good morning Dinky" I heard Doc say while laughing.
This is really calming... Makes me feel at peace... I don't like it. I mean, I do love them... I think? But I NEED to fight. To smack people with a shovel. To beat the crap out of someone... I need to do something about it as soon as possible.
Soon after we all finished eating, me and Dinky both got prepared to leave. Dinky got her backpack while I got my bag and hat. We got out of the house while saying our goodbyes to Doc. Firstly, we got to the town hall to pick up the packages and mail and then we went off to school, where I left Dinky with a goodbye and then went off to do my job.
Everything all went uneventfully... Is what I'd like to say. The exact moment I took flight I smacked face first into a tree. Which started an unfortunate series of events which included me hitting my head into things, crashing, flying into others and so on. The accident count at the end of my deliveries was exactly 43. I then went to pick up Dinky from school and get her home, which didn't take too long and without any accidents (thankfully). As we got home, which I forgot to mention is part house part clock shop. It looks really nice if I had to say. As we entered the shop we saw Doc working on fixing a clock.
"Hi Doc!" Said Dinky as she ran up the stairs into the house, dropped her bag and ran out the door to play. "Bye Doc! Bye mom!" Fact which made both me and Doc chuckle.
"So, how's work been?" Asked Doc with a worried smile.
"Eh it was fine, only had 43 accidents today." I answered him to which he sighed.
"I guess it can't be helped can it?" Doc smiled as he said that.
"I suppose. Hey can I borrow your workshop?" I asked him while thinking of what I was going to make.
"Sure, but why?" He asked while tilting his head.
"I want to make some things." I said with a smile.
"Alright, just be careful not to hurt yourself." He told me while he went back to working on the clock.
"I knoooow~ I'm not a filly anymore, I can take care of myse-" I got quickly cut off as I hit my head on the corner of the door to the workshop.
"I told you." Doc said without taking his eyes off the clock's mechanism.
"Shut up." I mumbled while rubbing my forehead with a hoof. I heard him chuckle as I closed the door to the workshop after entering it.
Now you all must be wonder. But Major Hartmann, what could you possibly want to make in Doc's workshop? Well, you know, just a shovel. Now you must ask yourself again, why would I want to make a shovel instead of buying it? Well it's simple! I will not buy just any shovel, I will make my own, I'll create the perfect shovel. Just what I've done in the war. Now, now, let's stop with thinking about the war. There were some stuff that need to never be mentioned. Hmm? Oh no, I don't have any flashbacks, hell no! I don't consider any of the stuff I've seen or done fucked up, I've done what I thought was right, and never once did I believe I've done anything wrong. Yes, I've killed, bombed, destroyed, burned: soldiers, military bases, cities, towns, civilians, even children. Do I regret them? No. No, I don't. Why? Simple, I've only done what was needed to end the war as soon as possible. Was it really needed? Yes, yes it was. To end the war with some countries as soon as possible to save my country. I... was a patriot, a really big one. I chose my country over others, it's that simple. Do I consider those actions inhumane? Yes. They are. I'm worse than garbage. The scum of the world. I... I have made myself a throne, for "The Monster of World War III". Heh... heh... heh... I guess I did my dream in the end. Write my name down in history. Ha... I must stop... That was the past, I'm not that anymore, I'm a cute young mare with an adorable daughter... I'm not a warmonger anymore... I... Aren't one... Yet... Kikiki... Kekeke... HeheheHAHAHA!
Ha... Ha... Ha... Calm down Derpy... Calm down... You aren't like that...This place is peaceful... There's no wars here... Yeah... I'm a peaceful pretty little pony... Yeah...
After I calmed down I started working on making my shovel. For nothing than comfort really, it makes me feel safe having my shovel with me. It took quite a few hours to finish it, since it had to be perfect. I managed to finish it at dusk. After I finished making the shovel, I opened the door to the workshop and walked out with it in my mouth. Since I wasn't looking where I was going I bumped into Doc on my way out, causing me to fall on my butt. And when I looked up to him he looked confused.
"Derpy? Why did you make a shovel?" He asked me as he tilted his head.
"I wanted a shovel. So I made one!" I said happily.
"Umm... Alright? Come, you missed lunch, at least eat dinner." Doc said with a sigh.
"Sorry..." I said as I looked down.
"It's fine. I'm not mad." Doc smiled as he waved his hoof for me to follow him. "Come." Both of us then went to the kitchen. I saw that Dinky was already back from playing outside. I smiled as I sat down at the table and Doc went to serve the dinner.
"Hello My Muffin, did you have fun?" I asked my daughter with a smile.
'Yeah! I've had tons of fun!" She said smiling as wide as possible as she was jumping up and down in her chair making me giggle, I also heard Doc chuckle while he came with the food, which was spaghetti. My arms are sweaty. Mom's spaghetti. My breath is heavy. Mom's spaghetti. We all then started eating while Dinky told us about what happened today. After that, I went with Dinky to take a bath with her while Doc was cleaning the plates.
~WARNING ! NSFW SCENE AHEAD! WARNING!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------YOU WERE EXPECTING A BATH SCENE, BUT IT WAS ME! DIO!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bath was really relaxing, after finishing it I grabbed Dinky, who fell asleep during the bath, and put her in her bed with kiss on her forehead. I quickly left the room after that so I don't wake her up by accident. After that I went downstairs where Doc fell asleep with his head on the table. I quietly got behind him. Got really close to his ear. And whispered softly.
"Hey Doc..." I then breathed in. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" And screamed in his ear making him fall down the chair screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed in agony as he put his hoofs over his ears. "Derpy what the fuck was that for?!" He screamed at me as his ears boomed in pain. My response being me on the ground laughing my ass off. "Derpy, this isn't funny!"
I got up slowly, stopped laughing and looked down, looking sorry. "Yeah you're right, it isn't funny... IT'S HILARIOUS!" I then collapsed on the ground laughing even harder.
Doc's response being facehoofing and groaning. "God damn it Derpy..."
"Heh... heh... heh... Sowwy... Couldn't help myself..." I showed him my best puppy eyes.
"Sigh... I can't get mad at you..." He shook his head. "Did you put Dinky to sleep?" I nodded. "Good. I'll go take a bath, you should go to sleep." I nod then leave.
I quickly got to my room and jumped inside the covers. Snuggling there comfortably and finally going to sleep.
That night I was dreaming something really nice~
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You got my like. Must be strange as male to wake up in a female body. So...Derpy's 20, Dinky 8, as such Derpy was only 12 when she got Dinky
8411534
Firstly, he doesn't really mind he's become female, he has really few fucks to give, and he ain't wasting them on that.
And secondly, yep. I'll touch upon that subject deeply in a future chapter.
8411539
I see, given his battle experience. Was a first reaction thought of mone when I read it. The second could be very interesting for the readers
8411539
COuld do with a bit of a rewrite, but the idea itself is interesting!
Try third person with reactions.
8411551
I suppose. I guess I didn't really point out that obviously when the points of view change, eh? Well curently I'm testing a new format of writing, so I'll try to make it better in due time!
8411558
ALso don't troll your readers too much. It's fine once in a while, but when you do it too much it's like having a PM conversation with an a-hole.
I see that someone likes TeamFourStar's version of Hellsing Ultimate.
is this split personality? or him faking at times and if split are they aware of each others actions
8411620
Sure sure. I won't troll everyone... Too much.
8411632
How'd you know?
8411653
Yes, we need a minigun that shoots shovels.
8411762
Nope, not split personality. It's kinda like Derpy's personality afected him. Since Derpy isn't gone, it's like Derpy just got a lot of memories all of a sudden.
8412407
That's all we ask. Actually, troll us in the Author's Notes. Actual story should be kept troll free except for EXTREMELY special occasions otherwise you run the risk of pissing off your readers. Also try third person.
8412411
Of course! If I put a troll in all chapters it'll get stupid too fast. I can't just make troll parts at random either. That'll be boring. In the chapters the troll parts will be exptremly rare, just like a really rare Pepe.
8412407
Because I just rewatched the episodes the day before reading this. Glad to see another fan :D
8412416
Hah, but I gotta ask. What gave it away?
8412418
This all leads to one scene in Episode 5.
8412426
Hehehehe... I love that part.
It would be fun seeing Derpy/Ditzy joining the Royal guard and putting them to shame with the military training
8412741
The picture of the story + the royal guards in the tags. Is it not obvious what she's gonna do?
8412415
Yup. Also try third person. I think it would be better to just have people react.
8413142
Working on it. I'll try to make it work somehow, since I have the habit of telling in detail what the characters are thinking.
8413147
And that's fine. It sounds like third person omniscient would work best for you then.
I'm not trying to sound experienced but for me personally, first person is a difficult way to write. People get tempted to overanalyze a single action to the point where it takes up three pages talking about why one put a cup in a certain place.
...I totally did not write a story like that. Honest.
Third person limited lets you do the thought process while reminding you, the author, to advance the plot.
8413186
I'll try. Just to be carefull about it. And not get stuck with writing each and every character's thoughts regarding a scene and make it for 10k words with only a scene or some bullshit like that.
8412889
Didn't really looked at it, sorry, got to the first chapter as soon as the page loaded
8413193
Yup. One POV tends to be enough. Two is okay. Three is pushing it. Four or more is a no go unless you're doing a mystery.
i didnt like the big wall of black bars if there isnt going to be something there it just seems a waste of space small trolls are fine
8413533
If it would have been short would anyone believe it? I doubt it. If I'm making a troll it's gotta be convincing.
8414120
I didn't notice this at first but with the teen rating everybody would know it's a troll since you can't be explicit or descriptive
8414122
Actually you can. You can describe in quite high detail and it will still be considered teen.
8414130
Really I didn't know that I suck at writing
I love this
I like the Ed, Edd, and Eddy picture joke at the end.