Year Zero

by KATCompositions

Insomnia

Something was wrong. Twilight Sparkle could not sleep. It wasn't because the room was cramped or because the bed was itchy or even because of the relentless snoring coming from the bunk above, although all those things were themselves immensely irritating. Something was troubling her. She knew it was something vitally important, but the worst part was Twilight couldn't remember what it was, which worried her even more. If it had anything to do with her, it was probably something the whole fate of Equestria depended on.

Well it would have to wait until the morning, whatever it was. The blaring numbers on the wall opposite told her that if she went to sleep now she would have five hours before it was time to get up again. Of course there wasn't anything to get up for in particular. Oddly enough, the range of different ways to occupy one's time while marooned in crashed pod, millions of years from civilisation, was in fact rather limited, the incident with the giant muffin monster notwithstanding. Technically there was no night or day here anyway; it was a sunless, moonless, toxic wasteland. Nonetheless Twilight insisted on keeping to a strict routine; after all, it was best not to slip into bad habits.

Twilight rolled over, pulling the covers tight around her. As she did so, the sensation jogged her memory. "That's it," she cried out loud.

She heard groaning coming from above, followed by movement.

"Trixie," she whispered, "Trixie, are you awake?"

"I am now," her bunkmate replied,

"Sorry. I just remembered that I didn't get a chance to make my bed before we left Equestria,"

"Oh no, what a disaster," Trixie muttered,

"I know, it's awful. How was I supposed to know I was going to be whisked away to the end of the universe in the middle of the night?"

"It wasn't the middle of the night, and anyway, we've been over this enough times already. There's no point in dwelling on what happened, or whose fault it was,"

"It was your fault," said Twilight,

"The point is, it happened. It's in the past now and there's nothing..."

"Is it me or did it just go cold in here?"

"What?" Trixie snapped, annoyed at being interrupted,

"It just got really cold in here, can't you feel it?"

Trixie huddled up in her blanket, shivering. "I don't know what you're t-t-talking about," she said, "the great and powerful Trixie does not get c-c-c-cold,"

Twilight sighed. "It must be the heating malfunctioning again. The sooner we get out of here the better,"

"If we get out of here,"

"Of course we're going to get out of here, we have to get..." Twilight stopped herself and lowered her voice, "the Doctor's very clever. I'm sure he'll get the temporal drive repaired any moment now so we can go back to Equestria,"

"Clever? The only pony who knows the first fifty digits of Pi, yet can't tell his left hoof from his right hoof?"

"But he built this pod remember?"

"And crashed it," Trixie reminded her,

It was true that Twilight didn't have the upmost confidence in Doctor Whooves herself. He spent most of his time shut up in his laboratory down in the belly of the pod, occasionally calling for Derpy's assistance, and from the few times she had glimpsed the Doctor, Twilight still didn't really know what to make of him. He was an eccentric, no doubt of that, and one who seemed more comfortable in the company of his freakish experiments and inventions than with other ponies.

"I'm just trying to stay positive," she said, "besides, the Doctor's been working on it for what, four months now? He must be close to getting it fixed,"

"Or perhaps he's never going to fix it,"

"Not helping with the staying positive".

They were cut off at that moment by a wailing, piercing siren.

"What is that?" Trixie shouted,

"I can't hear you," said Twilight,

Trixie leaned over the side of the bed, "what is that noise?"

"I don't know. It's even worse than your snoring,"

"Trixie does not snore,"

Before Twilight could reply, the door slammed open and Derpy skidded into the room, panting. "Come on," she gasped, "battle stations,"

"What are you talking about? We don't have battle stations," said Trixie, rolling her eyes, "and can somepony please shut off this racket. I'm trying to sleep here",

Twilight stood up, "Derpy, what's happening?"

"Haven't you read the safety notices all over the pod?"

"Oh please, nopony reads them," said Trixie. She lay back down.

"Well it says quite clearly that when the siren sounds there is an emergency and all of us must report to the midsection at once,"

"You mean like the last emergency, with that invasion fleet which turned out to be some muffin crumbs a certain somepony had dropped under the scanner,"

"Listen," cried Derpy, "the Doctor could be in danger, and we have to help him. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Okay, I'm coming". As Trixie began to climb down from her bed, the siren stopped. "Thank Celestia for that,"

"What does it mean?" said Twilight,

"I don't know," Derpy replied.

It seemed unnaturally quiet now they were used to the noise. "I think we should still investigate," Twilight decided,

"Do we have to?" said Trixie,

"Yes. Something's not right; I can sense it".

The door creaked as Twilight pushed it open. Outside, the long corridor disappeared into a fog of darkness.

"Strange. The lights should have come on automatically," said Derpy,

"Well, you obviously seem to have everything under control," said Trixie, "so maybe I should just stay on guard here".

"Trixie, come on," Twilight urged.

---

With Twilight using her magic to light the way ahead, the three mares moved cautiously along the corridor, Trixie bringing up the rear. Only the patter of their hooves on the metallic floor plates and the ringing in their ears from the siren broke the silence. Shadows shifted uneasily. "It's so cold," Twilight noted,

"Er, is it okay if I go in the middle?" said Trixie,

"Why?"

"Because if there is some hideous monster lurking about, then the pony at the back will get picked off first. That's how it normally works in these situations right?"

Twilight frowned.

"It's not that I'm scared or anything, obviously, it's just that with me being such a valuable member of the team, it's best not to take chances". She looked at Twilight pleadingly.

"Fine, whatever. Derpy, do you mind?"

Derpy stepped aside. They carried on until eventually they reached the midsection. This was the largest part of the pod, joining the cockpit to all the other rooms in the aft portion as well as the Doctor's laboratory. It felt as though they were in a vast underground cave. The loose wires and other junk that hung from the walls formed jagged shapes in the dark which only added to the effect.

Twilight thought she spotted movement in the distance. "Doctor," she called out, "Doctor, are you there?"

She started to run forward, but stopped as a wall of fire blocked her path. A shadowy form rose up above her with huge pointed wings and flaming red eyes. "The Doctor is not here," it croaked,

Twilight gasped. "Phoebus. What have you done with the Doctor?"

"He is not important now. What is important is you, Twilight Sparkle,"

"Okay, who's the scary eagle creature and how does he know your name?" asked Trixie,

"Listen," said Derpy, "I know what..."

"Not now Derpy. Phoebus is spectre who appears in many forms, but is most commonly depicted as a powerful phoenix. It is said that when all Equestrian civilisation has been extinguished, Phoebus will rise from the ashes to pass judgment on all of ponykind,"

"Then what will he do?" said Trixie,

"Go for a lie down or something I suppose. The prophecy isn't very specific about that part."

"And how exactly do you know all this?"

"I've read about it, in books," Twilight explained,

"Of course you have,"

"Excuse me, I am right here you know," Phoebus croaked.

Twilight turned back to the impatient phoenix in embarrassment. "I'm sorry Phoebus,"

"Anyway, as I was saying, you, Twilight Sparkle, are a traitor to Equestria, and to all ponykind,"

"W-what do you mean?"

Realising the attention had deflected away from her, Trixie saw her opportunity. She began to move, stealthily into the shadows. Putting one hoof cautiously behind the other, she backed straight into the table. A pile of assorted clutter belonging to the Doctor crashed onto the floor. Why couldn't he keep his junk confined to the laboratory? Trixie glanced around. Remarkably Phoebus didn't appear to have noticed.

"When you deserted Equestria, you left devastation in your absence," he croaked,

"But that can't be right," cried Twilight, "we're going to get back, aren't we?"

Phoebus didn't reply.

"Well, what happened? Oh no, it's Starlight Glimmer isn't it? She used some mind control spell to brainwash the whole of Equestria,"

"No,"

"No? Then it must be Tirek then". Twilight was getting excitable now, her hooves striking the floor plates as she paced up and down. "Tirek escaped, and made an alliance with Queen Chrysalis, and they were able to infiltrate Canterlot, and then..."

Phoebus was shaking his head. "It's best if you just let me explain,"

"Do I get a guess?" said Derpy,

"I said not now Derpy. Oh, I know; Flim and Flam turned their business into a gigantic empire and managed to overthrow the princesses, and become rulers of Equestria,"

"Flim and Flam, seriously?"

"Well what happened then?" she demanded.

"There was a conference, shortly after you left, between delegates from all over Equestria, and beyond,"

"And something went wrong. The conference was sabotaged,"

"No, the conference was a success, at least until the complimentary nibbles were brought out. You see, without your scrupulous, obsessive planning of every last detail, there were not enough oatburgers for all of the delegates,"

"Is that all?" questioned Derpy, "but I thought you said there was devastation,"

"I don't think you appreciate the severity of what he's saying," Twilight gasped,

Phoebus resumed. "What started as a polite altercation over who should get the last one soon escalated until it became a world war".

Trixie, who had almost made it back to the corridor, stopped.

"This is a disaster," said Twilight, "I don't believe it,"

"Yes, okay, we get it," Trixie cried, running back up to confront Phoebus, "all you have to do is breathe and it impacts the whole future of Equestria because that's how important you are. Well what about me?" She knelt down in front of the phoenix. "Oh great and powerful Phoeburt, Phoebe, whatever your name was. I am ready to face your judgement,"

"And you are?"

"Very amusing. If you know Twilight then you must know who I am".

Phoebus responded with an awkward silence.

"Trixie?"

"Ah yes. Trixie Lunamoon. No, you're okay,"

"What do you mean, I'm okay?"

"You haven't done anything to incur judgement,"

Trixie put on a slighty demented smile, sweat dripping down her cheeks. "You must be mistaken, I left Equestria behind too, "what about all the devastation that occurred because of my absence?"

"There was none," Phoebus replied, "You leaving had no effect. Actually, if anything, Equestria was better off without you,"

Trixie's head sunk, followed by the rest of her body. "No. It can't be true," she said in a weak voice, "I refuse to believe it,"

"And now," croaked Phoebus, "Derpy Hooves".

Derpy looked up at the dark apparition, into its piercing eyes, that burnt like lasers. Then she looked across at the despondent figures of Twilight and Trixie, and burst out laughing.

"Is something funny?" Phoebus snapped,

Derpy laughed even harder, rolling over onto her back. "You can't fool me," she said.

"I'll show you how funny this is".

A sheet of fire cascaded out in either direction, encircling the ponies. Unfazed, Derpy walked forward, straight into the flames.

"Derpy, wait," gasped Twilight.

"It's okay," she replied, and as she spoke the wall of flames disappeared, and just as abruptly as he had appeared, Phoebus also vanished.

The pod was once again filled with a cloud of darkness. All except for a faint glimmer near the forward bulkhead, where a curtain was drawn across the entrance to the cockpit. Derpy crept up to the bulkhead, grinning at the others. In one swift motion, she pulled back the curtain. There, sitting in the engineer's seat, was Doctor Whooves. He looked like a discarded puppet, legs twisted and stretched at odd angles as he manipulated various levers and controls with his hooves. He leaned in to a microphone and spoke. The voice of Phoebus rang out from behind them.

"I bet you're scared now aren't you? Well, good, you should be scared because I am big and threatening and, scary...",

"Doctor," Derpy called out in a flat tone.

"Doctor?" Twilight and Trixie cried in unison.

The Doctor stopped mid-sentence and slowly turned, rubbing his hoof on his neck.

"You said that the siren was only for emergencies," said Derpy,

"But it was an emergency," he replied, "you saved me from that terrible phantom,"

"You can drop the act now Doctor," said Twilight, frowning, "we know it was you all along".

"Oh alright, I suppose you've got me," the Doctor conceded. He flipped a switch and the familiar sterile light illuminated the pod.

"But why did you do it?"

"And more importantly how did Derpy figure it out?" added Trixie,

"I might not be smart but I know this pod just as well as the Doctor does," Derpy explained, "and I know there are holographic projectors here, and here". She gestured to where two lights blinked above them.

"Of course," said Twilight, "the siren, the lights not working, the cold; it was all part of the deception,"

"The cold?" said the Doctor, puzzled,

"I think that was just the heating playing up," said Derpy,

"Well whatever, you still haven't answered my question. Why did you do it?"

"Because it's Nightmare Night," the Doctor replied, his eyes wide and excited.

The others stared at him blankly. It was a reaction he was all too familiar with.

"Problem?"

Twilight cleared her throat. "Doctor, in case you had forgotten we are millions of years from civilisation, stranded on the outermost reaches of time and space. There is no Nightmare Night".

"Now that is where you are wrong," said the Doctor, "since you've already implemented days and nights, I thought I would take it a hoofstep further and add months and years". He marched over to a calender he had printed and attached to the wall above the table. "This is year zero, and today is the first of Doctober, which means tonight is Nightmare Night".

"Wait, Doctober? You can't just name months after yourself,"

"Why not? Augusthooves did,"

"You see, the Doctor came up with this brilliant idea," said Derpy, "by making each month three days shorter, you can get a whole extra month," she gazed into the distance in awe, "it's like, magic,"

"Indeed; the magic of mathematics," added the Doctor,

"Isn't it clever?"

"Genius," Twilight replied rather less enthusiastically,

"You all fell for it though, didn't you",

"What?" The Doctor's habit of abruptly changing the topic of conversation without giving any context had tested the patience of Twilight on more than one prior occasion. She would have proceeded to make an impassioned speech about it if she wasn't so tired.

"It just shows, you ponies are so quick to believe any old mare's tale you hear. Perhaps you would benefit from exchanging that superstition for science,"

"You'd be surprised how many old mare's tales turn out to be true," muttered Twilight,

Trixie, who had been silent for a while stepped forward. "You know what Doctor, you're right. I mean, as if anypony could really be silly enough to think that, thing, was real," she scoffed,

"You believed it," said Twilight,

For a moment Trixie was flustered. The very thought that she, the expert of tricks, could be made a fool of so easily with a few fancy lights was too much to bear. "I did not. I, I was just playing along," she raised her hoof proudly to her chest, "obviously I know that there are no such things as ghouls, ghosts or little green mares,"

"Incorrect," said the Doctor, "aliens do exist,"

"What?" Trixie snapped, seething with rage, "but you just said..."

"You will most likely find however that most of them aren't actually little, or green".

"Do you really believe there are aliens out there?" said Twilight,

"Of course there are, and very soon we shall have proof. As it happens there is another reason I brought you all here".

Doctor Whooves indicated for the others to follow him back into the cockpit. There he gestured to a monitor with various cables splaying out from behind, close to the navigator's seat. The screen appeared to be filled with blotches. None of the gadgets in the pod looked like anything Twilight had ever seen before becoming stranded with the Doctor.

"This is just a localised meteorological radar," he offered by way of explanation, "crude design, but then this stuff was hard to get hold of. Equestrian society is a little on the primitive side,"

"Radar, isn't that to do with measuring circles?" said Trixie,

"That's radius," Twilight corrected her,

"Any noxious gases present in the atmosphere will show up as spots on the monitor," the Doctor continued,

"Well it doesn't look very clear at the moment,"

"Oh no, that's not... it's just a bit dirty". He brushed a layer of crumbs off the screen with his hoof while the others glared at Derpy.

"But what does this mean?" said Trixie,

"It means that for the first time in four months, there are no toxic storms in the vicinity; we can go outside".