Romance is Chaos

by zackepic22

The Horror(Or Comedy)Begins

Ringing, ringing, ringing. That's all that the mulberry alicorn could hear at the moment, even as she tried burying her face deeper into her pillow. Yes, it was going to be a pleasant, sunny, spring day, at least according to the weather ponies. But, it was her spring day! And, she didn't really even have anything important at all to do today. And, it was still morning! Honestly, she couldn't believe that her alarm clock would do this to her! Heck, she couldn't even remember setting it!

...Or, ever even getting a new alarm clock to be honest, after her changeling impostor had accidentally broken it.

With that realization, she lifted her head right up from the pillow, and turned it toward where the supposed annoying, ringing irritance was coming from— And, it was at that point that she saw not only the brown and grayish alarm clock, but the white eyebrows, the two eyes with the yellow sclera, the red irises of different sizes, the snaggletooth, and the especially terrifying—at least to Twilight, especially at this time of the morning—smile that it had on it's face.

"Hello, friend~"

Well, that caused the bookish alicorn to start letting out quite the high-pitched, resounding, yet comedic scream of terror. ...For approximately six seconds, before the draconequus, back in his normal shape, put a singular yellow talon finger up to her equine lips.

"Shhhshhhsshhhh, we don't need to wake up your little lizard assistant, or your overly magic-crazed pupil, now, do we?"

Twilight narrowed her eyes, and smacked his talon hand away from her face. "Discord!", she practically hissed. What was he doing here? At the very least, he wasn't usually this much of a pain in the butt. Sure, he could be an annoyance, definitely—even if he had helped out at least a few times in the past—But, he had never before come right into her room, while she was sleeping, and— ...Act as her alarm clock? Okay, honestly, even she was a bit confused by that. "What are you doing here? Why are you all of people hiding in my bedroom, watching me, and pretending to be my alarm clock?!" Twilight definitely sounded mad, but, also pretty bemused.

"Oh, Twilight~" ...He let out a joyful sigh, that only made Twilight further confused and terrified. "Sweet, sweet, little Twilight~" He hummed sweetly, before dracon-e-bamfing a book right into his lion-pawed hand, titled 'Relationships and you'. "Fluttershy bought me this book. She's been doing her best to teach me more about friendship and relationships, and said book covers more on the subjects~"

He hummed a bit, and started flipping through the pages, at which point, his face took on a more disinterested look. "Frankly, it's all a bunch of hogwash, hooie, and superfluous dribble that even I can’t get into." His expression changed to one of intrigue. "But, then, I found this section on 'love'. And, I have to admit, even though I never thought that I'd get into the subject, it's very interesting."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. So, this is why he snuck into her room, pretending to be an alarm clock? So that he could ask for her advice on how to woo Fluttershy? The mulberry alicorn sighed, not looking enthused about this idea in the least. Well, at least it could have been worse. It could have been like that time he had turned Smarty Pants giant, animate and sentient. She would not stop giving her hugs, no matter how hard Twilight had begged and pleaded with her. At least this time, Discord only wanted to know how to be Fluttershy's coltfriend.

"Well, I don't know why you couldn't wait until later for this—" Actually, she did. It was because he was impatient chaos. "—But, I guess I could try and help you court Fluttershy, if you'll leave me alone. Now, first, you—"

"Wait, wait, court Fluttershy?" For some reason, the draconequus' face twisted into pure confusion and bewilderment, and he held out both of his hands in her direction, shaking his arms continuously for a few seconds. "No, no, no, you've got this all wrong, Twilight! I mean—" He made a shrugging motion, as he started floating over Twilight's bed, toward the other side, even slowly spinning. "Sure, she's a great friend, and, I just loooooveeee our little get togethers~ But—" His irises bulged out, and his lips folded in, and he started making a whimpering sound. "S-she's just so delicate!"

He shook his head determinedly. "No, I'm afraid dear Fluttershy and I just wouldn't be a good match. You and I, however—~"

"..." Well, she stood—or, rather, laid, since she was still in bed—corrected. This was worse than what she had thought it would be. "Me?" She looked utterly shocked, especially as she pointed toward him. "You?" She chuckled, and shook her head. This was a bad dream. This had to be a bad dream. "No way. There is no way it would ever work out."

Discord hummed, before holding out the book again. "Well, that's not what the book saaaa-a-aaayyyssss~", he said sing-songingly, shaking the book back and forth. He opens it again.

"According to this book, 'Romance can be chaos. It's a bunch of ups and downs—' That's you and me, ups and downs~ '—with some twisty turmoil. Oftentimes, the one you will get together with is often the one you never thought you would be together with.' That's definitely you~ 'And, yet, even though you weren't close at first, at some deep part in your mind, you knew you were intrigued.'"

...Just what kind of pony even wrote this book that he was taking so seriously? Well, it didn't matter. "Discord, we have /never/ been that close. We will never be that close! Friends? ...Sure. Lovers? Never! Besides, you keep on targeting me with you crazy shenanigans!"

"I know! I didn't think it could be love either! But, that's not the only section about that I've read in this book. Lover? 'Person who you have interest in, despite your current feelings?' Check. 'Will forgive your various antics quickly enough?' Check! 'Someone you know can hold their own?' CHECK! 'Someone with whom you will learn mutual lessons, compliment each others' flaws, and become better people with?' Well, to that I say, CHECK CHECK AND CHECK!"

Twilight snorted, and rolled her eyes. Oh boy. "You honestly think that just because a book gave you examples that you think fit, that we're meant to be together...?"

"AYE! OHHHHH, IIIIII MUST PRONOUNCE MY UNDYING LOVE!" Using Chaos magic, he was now dressed in a tuxedo, with combed back, and had a little red silk box in his hands. "OH, TWILIGHT!" He knelt down infront of her, and opened the box, revealing a gold ring with a beach ball-sized diamond on it. "OHHHHHH, TWILIGHT, BEE MIIIINEEEEEEEEE~"

...This seriously could not be happening right now. "No." She flat out stated, a clear lack of interest visible on her face.

"...What." The draconequus looked dumbfounded, as if this were somehow an utter impossibility. "B-b-but, I did research! The tuxedo, the ring, the proposal—"

The mulberry alicorn leaned forward. Clearly, she was going to have to explain to him why this wasn't going to work. "First off? A ring with a diamond that size would break my hoof, which also makes it utterly impractical. Secondly, there are steps to this thing, Discord! You can't just begin with a marriage proposal right off the bat! It's just not something any sane pony would do!"

'But, I'm not a pony...', He muttered, starting to look a little bit down.

"Third? I'm sorry, but, I'm just not into you like that." She smiled kindly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "But, I think we could still be friends."

"...'Friends'?", the draconequus muttered. "Friend?" He looked up, a humourous expression of outrage on his face. "FRIENDS?!" He snorted. "Twilight Sparkle, are you implying that I would not make for a good lover?"

"What? No, I—"

"That we could not make for a beautiful—both figurative and literal—couple?!"

"That's not what I—"

"Well, then!" He snorted loudly. "I will just have to prove you wrong!"

"Discord, will you let me ta—"

"No more words, Twilight! No more words!", he stated, both dramatically and over the top, clearly not having not heard a word she was saying. He stood right to his feet, and put a fisted taloned hand to his chest. "I shall prove myself, both for your honor, and mine! MARK MY WORDS, I SHALL BECOME THE DRACONEQUUS OF YOUR DREAMS!" And, with that, he was gone, right in an instant.

Once he had vamoosed in his typical Discord way, Twilight huffed in exasperation. Well, this was going to be one of those days that she had never asked for, and had definitely never wanted, now, wasn't it?

Comments

[KingJulien13PL]

Yes! Thanks you did a new shipping Twicord. Upload some time in the comments. I look forward to the next chapter! Oh my god I can not wait! I'm a fan Twicord!

[livinthelife]

Fun so far. But man, em-dashes and hyphens aren't interchangeable. You had one sentence there I was staring at forever trying to parse what you were trying to say. Hyphens are for connecting two words together, dashes are to set part of the sentence apart.

[zackepic22]

Alright, is it better now, guys?

[KeyChain]

7912050 Very, can't wait for more!

[Legatus]

It must be a Tuesday