Rainbow Dash was eagerly waiting in a three mile long line to try the Apple Family's new product- Zap Apple Cider. She had gotten here before all of her friends and was first in line to taste the rainbow colored cider.
"Ah believe we're open!" a distinct southern female voice said as she walked up to the stand.
"Howdy Rainbow!" she said smiling "Never got yer cider first but got yer Zap Apple first huh?" she continued.
"Yep!" she said eyeing the mugs. Applejack laughed and gave her three mugs of the Rainbow colored treat.
Big Mac was working the field picking all of the others. The cider was only a barrel because it was only one tree.
She sipped the rainbow colored liquid and instantly, her eyes went wide. She drank it all extremely quickly and took off towards the Apple Family Farm-
Right when she got there- the sound barrier burst destroying all the zap apples and getting a very irritated glare from the orange earth pony.
"Hehe... Whoops!"
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"WHAT!?" Rainbow Dash said in shock
"Ah said ya'll are gonna help round here till ya pay us back! BTW it’s 5000 bits." Applejack said rolling her eyes.
"WHAT?!?! IM NOT PAYING YOU 5,000 BITS!!!" Rainbow Dash screeched, taking off into the air angrily.
‘Stupid AJ... With that super cu- NO! SHE WANTS ME TO PAY 5,000 BITS! IM NOT A BUCKING BANK!’ She thought to herself, flying through the air.
Applejack just rolled her eyes and grabbed her lasso. She twirled it around with her tail and shot it towards her rainbow friend.
‘She's so stupid! I have wi-’ Rainbow Dash thought until she felt herself being pulled to the ground.
"Owwww... WHAT THE BUCK?!" she started angrily.
"Ok. Help with the perimeter. NOW!" AJ growled receiving a Fluttershy-like meep from her friend.
"Yes sir, uh mam," Rainbow Dash giggled smiling.
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Dash has a crush on Applejack. Ever since they first met, there was just something she loved about her.
"Come on, sugarcube," Applejack smiled kindly at her friend.
"Hey! What's orange, honest and loves apples?" Rainbow Dash asked as she stood in front of her secret crush.
"Ah don’t know. Pinkie Pie?" Applejack responded giggling.
"You!" Rainbow Dash answered bopping her on the nose and running off. Starting a race around the perimeter
AJ also loves Dash, but thinks Fluttershy is who Dash has a crush on.
As Applejack ran she began to think. She's in love with Fluttershy..... I'm an ordinary earth pony who just bucks apples. I-I love her but.... Oh Sweet Celestia I'm confused!
Rainbow was so engrossed in the race she didn't see the upcoming pond.
"Uh…Rainbow?!" Applejack said worried.
"What AJ?" She responded looking back
"POND!" Applejack yelled
"WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash started to stop, but was too late.
SPLASH!
A very annoyed Rainbow Dash sat up and glared playfully at her friend who was laughing up a storm.
"It's funny huh AJ?" she said swimming over. Applejack just laughed.
"Y-yeah it is Sugarcube." she managed to gasp between giggles.
"So this is funny?" Rainbow responded grabbing the earth pony and pulling her in.
"Hey!" Applejack responded her hat soaking over her eyes. She threw her hat onto the bank and tackled her friend.
"Oh. It. Is. ON!" Rainbow screamed and splashed her friend.
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The two soaked mares waddled onto the bank and collapsed in a fit of giggles. Applejack looked up and saw Luna's glorious night staring back.
"Ain’t it beautiful, Sugarcube?" she asked her friend.
"Yeah.... Mind getting the rope off? It's really itchy." Rainbow asked
"Oh! Ah forgot just give me a sec," Applejack responded pulling the rope off.
Once the rope was off Rainbow shook her mane and it caught the moonlight earning a gasp from her friend.
"What?" she asked
"Errr... Nothin' nothin'.." Applejack responded blushing.
"Ok..." Rainbow said suspicious.
‘Ah gotta be more careful around her! I might blow my cover!’ Applejack mentally scolded herself.
"Hey, AJ. Let's *yawn* get back to the house. I'm bushed." Rainbow Dash said stretching her wings.
"Huh…oh yeah. I’m beat too." she said faking a yawn.
They started walking back to the house sleepy eyed and hungry.
"Uh... The stars are beautiful tonight huh AJ." Rainbow said trying to break the silence.
"Yeah....." Applejack breathed "But not as beautiful as you..." she whispered
"What was that?" Rainbow Dash asked hearing a mumble.
"Uh…Ah said not as beautiful as that moon," she responded.
"Ok...... Look here we are...." Rainbow Dash said opening the door for her friend. AJ wiped her forehead in relief as she followed her friend inside.
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"Ok, we got apple tarts for dinner and apple pie for dessert." Applejack said quietly looking in the fridge. The others were all asleep so they had missed dinner but that was ok with Applejack- she got more alone time with her favorite mare.
"Ok! So let's eat I'm starving!" Rainbow Dash said licking her lips.
"Ok miss beauty!" she said mockingly
"Haha." Rainbow Dash said sarcastically rolling her eyes.
"Come on, it's ready." Applejack said balancing a plate on her head on one on her hoof.
"Nice AJ, but I could do better." Rainbow Dash said smiling competitively.
"Ok, sugarcube, but let’s do that tomorrow," Applejack said smiling putting the plates on the table.
"Yummy!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she bit down on the apple tart.
They two mares quickly ate the food and walked upstairs.
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"Umm…AJ… This is your room,” Rainbow said earning a blush from her friend.
"Oh... Ah forgot we’re using all our rooms... Yah don't mind do ya?" Applejack asked awkwardly.
"Err…no. No I don't. Rainbow Dash responded blushing.
"Phew... Man big brother doesn't trust ya going back to ya house sorry." Applejack said relieved
"Ok... Goodnight AJ!" Rainbow said snuggling up in the covers as Applejack put her hat up and jumped in bed.
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After an hour the two were still awake.
"What was that AJ?" Rainbow Dash asked hearing a mumble.
"Err...Nothing. Nothing at all" she said her eyes shifting side-to-side.
"You’re a terrible liar AJ." Rainbow sighed. "Now what is it?"
"Ah can't tell you!" Applejack responded in a half yell.
"Yes you can! I'll tell you something that nopony will ever know!" Rainbow Dash responded worriedly.
"Ah said NO!" Applejack yelled angrily.
"WHY NOT?!" Rainbow Dash responded angrily.
"IT'S NONE OF YA BUSINESS!" She yelled.
"I HEARD MY NAME SO TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID!" Rainbow Dash yelled
"AH SAID AH LOVE YA!!!!"
{[AN: This was edited by GT so thank you!]}
quite a few spelling mistakes but a decent read so far
You missed a [ /i] in the middle of the text and the rest is displayed in italics, up to the end
The action unwinds a bit too fast for my taste, all the different relations between ponies aren't established that well.
I like how you jumped from them sleeping in the same bed to AJ saying she loved RD
You really need to get a proofreader (It's spelt until, not untill)
860688
I do have a proofreader actually I just wanted to get this out there first before I proofread it.
. 860675
My proofreader said that had happened to them and didn't know how to fix it sooo... I'll try but it may not work.
860675
I just fixed it so
860786
Cool, it looks like it's gonna be a good story
860675
Do you like it? I am a novice and this is my best story so.... Yeah...... I'm horrid at filler.
And the bombshell drops!! XD
AWESOME WORK!!! Looking forward to the next bit!
I truly am ecstatic that my second story has taken off like this! Tank you people!
you need a proof reader and i think you may have over did it with the accent. the stories good but you need to add description.
861304
I know! I have 8 likes/dislikes and 6 are likes! as Fluttershy says 'yay!'
861421
Ok ok. I do have two editors already and I really wanted this out there. After chapter five or so I'll go back and completely perfect the spelling. (I hope) and I use auto correct so you dant want to see it without. I completely SUCK a spelling.
861421
860688
860665
To you all I have a great proofreader now- GT!!! They read it all and fixed the mistakes soooo... As fluttershy would put it yay!
862069
just read the other comments. sorry
>>alafero
It's fine.
hmmmmmmmm. pretty good. has potential. please continue
863735
I shall my friend. Next chapter will be intense!!! I should warn you- it's not going to be as much as a AJ,Rainbow Dash pov as it is Rairity and Fluttershy
863765 hmm, curiouser and curiouser... I cannot wait to see what you have planned!
863861
Hehe.... I'm an evil person. Let's say my least favorite ponies will not be in the sequel.
Pretty interesting story, but there are a few problems. First, it is rushed, you need to slow it down so that there is more to read than what you have. Second, when character's are speaking their thoughts, it is better to have them italicized that is 'these'. Also "Err…no. No I don't. Rainbow Dash responded blushing. You are missing the extra set of quotation marks after don't. & before Rainbow. It is a pretty fair read, just be sure to fix the mistakes about, and I can guarantee that this will be better.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
887192
Thank you! I truly am trying to slow it down. I'm working about a paragraph a day with chapter two.