Magical Deathmatch

by Impossible Numbers

Intro: The Disorientation

Applejack creased her brow. Her brain was nothing but a concentrated spike of pain right now.

Dimly, she remembered the shaking and the rattling. Then someone had yelled, and the world had exploded with noise until she’d felt light and then settled down on something hard. Details slipped out of her mind, though. She couldn’t tell whether or not it was a dream.

Hard and cold blocks pressed into her hooves. Metal cuffs, presumably, or restraints. Feeling returned to her legs; they were splayed wide. Her back pressed against a slab.

Whistle… chug… hiss… whistle… chug… hiss… Machinery? she guessed. It was regular as clockwork, and sounded metallic to her ears. For a while, the undemanding regularity soothed her. Whistle… chug… hiss…

Voices hopped into her consciousness. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to listen. They were two males by the sound of it.

“Well well well,” said the first one. “Isn’t this a turn-up for the books, o brother of mine?”

“Truer words have never been spoken, indeedy not,” said the second one. “Fate plays with a strange deck of cards.”

“Then we’ll need nothing short of a good hand, a poker face, a hidden ace, a winnin’ case, a steady pace…”

Inside her head, a tumbler clicked. Her eyes shot open. Two blurry figures stood before her, craning their necks, and as she stared, they swam into focus.

Yes, there they were: the same roguishly tilted straw hats; the same snappy suits and bow ties; the same smug smiles and eyes shining with the generous, honest joy of born hucksters. She almost snapped her frogs trying to get up.

“You two!” Applejack glanced at the crystalline restraints. “What are you crooks up to now?”

“A swell good morning to you too!” said the moustached one, raising his hat respectfully. “Welcome to the first day of your new life, li’l’ missy.”

“I believe congratulations are in order, are they not, Flam?”

“In order and incoming, Flim! After all, we’ve just saved your life, Applejack.”

Behind the two, a gigantic boiler burned into her eyes when she tried to look up. Pipes spread out across the ceiling. All around her, tables and benches overflowed with toolbox spillage and metal parts she’d rather not know the names of. Otherwise, the walls closed in.

Hairs tingled on the back of her head. On the table next to her, someone snored; when she looked round, there was another vertical slab like hers with four restraints. Spread-eagled, Rarity shuddered under another snore. Her head hung from her shoulders.

“You dirty rats!” Applejack tried to lunge forwards. Blisters erupted under the restraints. “Ah always knew you were thieves an’ liars, but kidnappin’ ponies!?”

“Water under the bridge, dear Applejack,” said Flim with infuriating calmness. “Our raft on the river of life has drifted down to waters unknown. Besides, you’ve quite gotten the wrong end of the stick.”

“Oh yeah? Is that why Ah’m hung up like a girdle on a washin’ line?”

“Take it easy there, friend,” said Flam, and he levitated what could only be described as a cross between a crab and a Swiss army knife. “You would’ve been prisoners of the crystal ponies if we hadn’t ambushed them on the way back.”

“What are you talkin’ about? What crystal ponies? Wait!” History slapped her around the face. “We were on the roof. There was four of ‘em, an’ they sprayed this green stuff, and there was this crystal stuff they had like jewellery!”

Both Flim and Flam nodded. Now that she was concentrating on them, their eyes seemed a little lidded and the whites were puffy and pink. Their manes under their hats had random hairs sticking out too. Also, the room was a little angular.

“Where are we?” she said.

“Not that you’re going to trust us anyway.” Flam pouted, but continued, “This is our hideout. Beyond the doorway lies the crystal city. We’re going to let you down before you can say ‘sassafras’, and we’re gonna paint you a picture.”

“A grim and unwelcoming picture, it must be said, Flam,” said Flim.

“Grimly and unwelcomingly, I must agree, Flim,” said Flam. His device drifted across and clamped onto something beside Applejack’s tail. “After all, we’re just doing our duty as part of the underground movement –”

As soon as the restraints snapped open, Applejack swung a hoof. It was a clumsy swipe and she fell onto all fours trying to steady herself, but it did the job. Both brothers jumped backwards, yelped, and tumbled over a bench. Tools clattered over their prone bodies.

“You jus’ wait!” She rammed the device into the hole next to Rarity’s curled tail, and when it clicked, she grabbed the falling body and slung it over a shoulder. “When Ah get hold o’ Princess Cadence, y’all ‘re gonna wish you’d never set foot in our town to begin with!”

She kicked the door, and then grunted; the rebound flattened her nose.

“Stay where you are!” snapped a pony on the other side.

Applejack pushed through into the lobby, and almost ran into the crystal mare. Two hooves the colour of sandy soil rose up. To her surprise, the crystal pony barred the way towards the next set of double doors.

“Titanite! Don’t let her get outside!” Flim groaned against a clatter of metal.

Shock rippled through her mind. You dare work with ‘em!? Traitor!

With a glare, Applejack crouched. The traitor lunged forwards. One complicated sidestep later, the mare yelled after her and she burst through the gleaming double doors.

She’d expected the silvery sheen of the street, the carved cottages, the towering spire of the crystal palace. The crystal ponies should’ve been shiny and lustrous. It should’ve been the Empire.

Yet, what she faced now was brown stone. The street was one smooth slab. Every house bubbled with black rock or seemed to have been stretched out while it was hot, leaving each side corrugated with stringy cooled stone. Beyond that, blackness covered the sky. She could only see because of the torches lit along the rows of houses. Iron knockers seemed in the gloom to be nothing more than solidified locks. It was an outdoor dungeon.

Wait… This ain’t the Empire…

“Whoa Nelly,” she murmured.

Rarity grunted something. Her eyes were still shut, and she’d been shorn of her winterwear and her braids. Judging from the tangled knots and haystack hairstyle, it was just as well she stayed unconscious.

Angry voices followed her, but by then she was galloping up the street, looking for anyone in this pit of the world. Clopping hooves followed. She jinked down an alley to her left and soon burst out onto another street, little different from the one she’d left. The hoofsteps vanished.

Crystal ponies! They scattered along the street, maybe four or five spaced out every few yards. All of them were dull of coat, their eyes downcast, their faces pinched.

Suspicion began to creep into her mind. Yet, there were no dark towers visible above any of the rooftops. There were no towers at all. Lighter though the sky was near the horizon, it must’ve been shining on low-level cloud or fog, because only the brown lumps and bumps could be seen. None of them were moving, though.

Three crystal ponies stopped to watch. Nothing shone within their faceted eyes.

They were crystal ponies, but this was all wrong. Crystal ponies lived far to the north, in a bright capital where the streets formed a six-sided star that looked marvellous from the balconies of the central palace. Elsewhere, they were only visitors, the odd faceted head among a sea of ponies. Seeing this many at once suggested crystal pony settlement, but then why did the houses look nothing like the ones she knew…?

“Er,” she said around her panting, “excuse me.”

Suspicion stretched out its clammy claws. She could almost feel it creeping over her back, so it didn’t help when Rarity chose that moment to shift her weight.

“MmMmMmmm,” murmured the unicorn.

“Come on, Rarity,” Applejack whispered, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. “Wakey wakey.”

Around the two, a dozen crystal ponies gathered to watch. Many of them were blinking and cocking their heads. One took a step closer and narrowed his eyes.

“Who the heck are you?” he said.

No. This is way too wrong. Every pony in the Crystal Empire knows who we are. We helped ‘em set up that Faire. There’s no way they’d be this rude neither.

“Uh,” she said. Her instincts elbowed her and waggled their eyebrows until she added, “Oh, never mind. Listen. There’s a couple o’ criminal types holed up near here. They’re the ones behind these ‘ere kidnappin’s. Ah need to get to Princess Cadence right away before they give us the slip.”

“And what are you gibbering about? What kidnappings?”

But Applejack’s brain was playing catch-up. “OK, Ah get it. Cadence must’ve already left, an’ it’s big news in Manehattan. That’s a long way away. Fine. Now, the Prince –”

“She’s raving!” murmured a crystal mare. Her tones were hushed with horror and awe.

“What’s she doing with that unicorn!?”

“Kidnapper!?”

“She must be one of those escaped thugs.”

“Get her!”

“Now, you jus’ wait a cotton-pickin’ minute –” Applejack ducked under their leaps and galloped onwards, Rarity’s head bouncing on her shoulder.

This place has gone mad. No sooner did the thought stab into her mind when the suspicion leaped out of the shadows at her. She peered at the lit horizon, and then glanced back at another lit horizon, and then finally looked up at the darkness overhead. No, it wasn’t pure. There! A flicker of brown showed where the torchlight caught something pointy hanging down from the sky.

“No… way,” she said in between pants. “It jus’… can’t be.”

She ducked into an alleyway, much broader than the last one. Here, she eased Rarity off her shoulder and placed her gently against the wall before collapsing and wheezing.

“You ain’t gonna believe this, Rarity,” she said once she got her breath back. “Those kidnappers musta smuggled us into a cave. That weren’t no brown cloud or nothin’. That’s rock up there. There ain’t no sun or moon down here. Ah can tell.”

The unicorn snorted and heaved her shoulders.

Her head seemed lighter than it should’ve done. Applejack reached up instantly, and froze. There was nothing on her head. Someone had removed the twine tying her ponytail back, but worse still, where there should have been a felt brim, there was only air.

There was always a hat on her head. Oh, she might take it off for bed or if she was really sweaty, but the hat was Applejack and Applejack was the hat, and now there was no hat, and she suddenly felt numb and small and confused. In short, she felt like a filly, lost in a wandering dream.

Perhaps she could find a cave mouth. Anything to get out of this place was good in her books. Nonetheless, rooftops stretched away in hundreds. Even the most patient caver would need most of a day to run along the perimeter of something this big. Besides, whoever had brought her here – Flim and Flam couldn’t possibly have acted alone – was probably on her trail right now.

“Don’t worry, Rarity,” she said to the unicorn, whose face flickered with frowns. “We’re gettin’ outta here.”

Applejack’s ear twitched. She spun around.

Five crystal ponies blocked the alleyway. When she turned back to pick up Rarity, another five stepped out from the other end.

The walls were too high on either side. Perhaps, if she was lucky, she could take out most of them. Unless she abandoned Rarity, however, there was no way she was going to dodge or run past them. If she missed one, it would be one too many, because she was already struggling to control her breathing whereas they were steady and poised.

Years of rodeo, don’t fail me now. For the love of Pete, don’t fail me now…

“Ah ain’t lookin’ for no trouble, friend,” she said to the nearest one.

None of them spoke. They were wrapped up in dark cloth and wide-brimmed hats. Only their faceted eyes shone. Then the five in front of her grinned. Iron chains clinked and spun over eight of the heads like bolas.

“Listen,” she said. “Ah’m jus’ tryin’ to find the way out. We’re lost, that’s all.”

The nearest one had no iron. He did have a stick of hay in his mouth, though, and now he shifted it from one side to the other.

“How much d’you reckon they’d fetch from the Officer?” he growled. “Unicorn’s always good. Not much for an earth pony, but they’ll take anyone these days. Ain’t that right, guys?”

Terror knotted inside Applejack’s stomach. “Ah’m serious, fellas. Don’t push it.”

“A scrapper, eh?” He shifted his straw again. “That’ll fetch extra. The Officer loves a good scrapper. Knock ‘em dead, Pyrope.”

Wearily, Applejack braced her muscles before the chains lashed out at her nose.

A beam of light shot down. The iron shattered.

All those assembled peered down at the fragments and links strewn next to Rarity, who winced and muttered something about pie. Then they peered up at the nearest rooftop.

Applejack recognized the crystal mare. It was the traitor.

The traitor lowered her forelimb and hopped down. Barely thinking, Applejack dived on top of Rarity, felt a chain snap at her hooves, gasped, and tumbled with the body firmly clasped between her four legs, one cradling the horned head. Above them, whips cracked and chains snapped. Howls of derision fell back, and howls of terror faded away.

Soon enough, the general excitement died down. Still, Applejack didn’t raise her head until nothing had happened for a few seconds.

The traitor stood before her; no one else was about. By sheer fascinated horror, Applejack’s eyes locked onto the tangle around the creature’s front-left hoof.

“Idiot,” snapped the traitor. “There are thugs and bounty hunters all over this side of town. You gonna run, you run. You gonna fight, you fight. Don’t waste time talking to them.”

Applejack released her grip on Rarity. She hadn’t thought about it at the time – fright and instinct had hijacked the controls for the last few seconds – but suddenly she was glad the unicorn was not awake. In any case, she was no longer feeling ready to explain a thing.

“Um. Right.” Indignation caught up with her. “Hey! Ah ain’t a thug myself. Ah don’t pick fights.”

“Now, you come back with me.”

It was around this point that Applejack ran out, which came as a complete surprise. Whatever had geared her up for a fight had also decided it wasn’t getting paid enough for this. Only one thought remained in her head: Get out of here. Get out now.

“Ah’m goin’ nowhere,” she said. “Not with you.”

“You don’t know where you are! If you had only listened to us! We could have helped you!”

“Then you best explain yourself now, Shiny, while Ah’m still gettin’ mah breath back.”

“Disrespectful oaf! The name is Titanite!” The traitor aimed the device on her leg.

It looked like she’d stepped in a bamboo basket, but around the rim of the widened hoof, a dozen tiny rubies pulsed with light. Applejack shut her mouth. Strange pulsing gemstones were a bad sign, especially when they were pointed at a spot between her eyes. The fact that she had no idea what it was made her even less inclined to making sudden moves.

She blinked. “Ah’m sorry. It’s been… rough. Go ahead, if you think it’ll help.”

The device waggled, pointing back the way she’d come. Applejack sighed and slung Rarity over her shoulder again. She hoped the unicorn would wake up soon, but then Rarity was a big believer in beauty sleep, and they could have missed a few nights for all she knew.

Already, her mind was mining for what little she knew about the Crystal Empire. Its ponies were shiny and glasslike when happy, but dull as bricks when not. None of the ponies she’d seen here had been shining with happiness. Perhaps this “Officer”, whoever the guy was, did all that.

“We are the underground,” whispered Titanite. As Applejack shuffled along, she noticed the crystal ponies along the street scurrying to give them a wide berth. Yet somehow, they did it without actually looking…

“You’re a mite conspicuous up here, aincha?”

Beside her, Rarity kicked at some disturbing dream. Murmurings soon followed.

“This is just one district in town. Garnet District. Here, we can be open, because the ponies are on our side. You just keep walking.”

“Rarity?” whispered Applejack.

“You fleshy ponies are so strange,” continued Titanite behind her. “Why is that one not waking up?”

“Ah guess she’s not as hardy as yours truly.” Despite herself, a note of smugness crept into Applejack’s voice. “So where is this place, anyway?”

“We call it Titanium Town. Does that mean anything to you?”

Applejack’s mind drew a blank. “Should it?”

“Yes. The Crystal Empire is well-known, but it is not the only crystal pony stronghold. There were hundreds – no, thousands – of such places before the defeat of the Great Crystal Empire. Only the northern citadel survived, or so it would seem. Many believed the rest were destroyed or turned into settlements for fleshy ponies like you.”

Applejack barely listened. She wondered if history was this boring to Apple Bloom…

Apple Bloom! Sweetie Belle! Both names dropped as ice into the pink flesh of her brain. They were still in Manehattan somewhere, stuck without their elder sisters. Would Coco or Trenderhoof take care of them? Were the Royal Guard sending them home even now? She could almost see them, sitting on the train together, staring out the window as though hoping to see the elder sisters loom out of the green blurs of the countryside…

Rarity gave another kick, and then a slight tap on her shoulder almost made her jump. So the mare was awake now, and listening hard.

“We need to get away,” Applejack whispered. “Right behind us. Got a metal doohickey pointed at us.”

Another tap. Ever so carefully, she skewed her jaw.

“Say, stranger,” said Applejack as carelessly as she dared. “What’s that there doohickey you’re pointin’ at us? It must be good stuff if it can cut through iron.”

Titanite hummed thoughtfully, as though weighing up how much to reveal. When Applejack glanced back, the twelve tiny rubies pulsed.

“Well well well,” she said loudly. “Ah think Ah’ve seen gemstones like them before. Ain’t they some kind of energy ruby? Not very big, are they?”

“They are more than enough to handle you! Stop talking, you oaf!”

Oaf? We’ll be the judge of that, missy. Applejack grinned to herself as Rarity’s dangling hoof gave her another tap. Sometimes, it was nice to have a fashion-conscious friend, especially when they were a dab hoof with gemstones.

Of course, she wasn’t for violence. There were better things to do with her hooves than kicking others. Still, there were also things a farmer had to do to survive, and if she was going to do them anyway, then why couldn’t she at least enjoy it?

Besides, Ah ain’t gonna touch anyone.

“Turn left, you,” said Titanite.

Rarity’s horn flared. The rising screech was of the air itself charging up, and then the crystal pony howled before shards tinkled on the ground behind them. Applejack thrust a shoulder up, and Rarity landed on all fours, wide awake and narrow-eyed.

“Now what do we do?” the unicorn snapped.

“What else? Run, ya big ninny!” Applejack overtook her and turned right, but barely got her speed up when Rarity drew up alongside.

“Applejack! Do we really have to run!?”

“You got a better idea?”

“Where are we running to?”

“Don’t worry about ‘to’! Worry about ‘from’!”

From a side street, they heard the stamping of metal shoes. Applejack jinked to the left, away from the noise, ignoring the cries of crystal ponies that jumped out of their way. Beside her, Rarity was breathing hard. For all the scrapes the two had gotten into over the years, the fashionista was, on the whole, still the sort to treat ten minutes of yoga as if it were a full-blown marathon.

Suddenly, Rarity skidded to a halt. Almost knotting her legs in the attempt, Applejack spun and landed to face her.

“Have you gone plum loco? Don’t stop!”

“Hold on…” The unicorn sniffed at the air. Slight twinkles showered from her horn. “I can detect something. It’s some kind of magical trace.”

“So what? Let's just get outta here!”

Back down the way they came, the scattering of ponies scattered even further. A wall of dark shapes was galloping towards them. Green slits peered out from the silhouettes.

To Applejack’s astonishment, her friend ran left. She threw herself back into a gallop, but stumbled over the questions laying siege to her mind.

And then she realized her mistake. There was a tower. It was looming out of the darkness like a perspective illusion, one moment blending in with the cavernous shadow, the next as clear as a fang on rice paper. The pointed shape, the jagged outline, all of it was startlingly familiar.

Rarity galloped towards its base, horn still sputtering sparks, and there! Between its four massive, columnar legs, in the centre of a mosaic of obsidian, held with excruciating precision between a smooth stalactite and a smooth stalagmite, was…

No… that can’t be right. Applejack skidded to a stop. Ah’ve seen that before in the Crystal Empire. But this ain’t no empire.

“I knew I sensed something!” Rarity pointed and beamed at her. “The Crystal Heart! Look at that magnificence!”

Yet, it couldn’t be. An entire empire surrounded – should have surrounded – the original Crystal Heart, not this subterranean dump. Moreover, this Heart and this tower were dark. Even looking at its depths now, she could make out a faint purple sheen.

Applejack waved a hoof in front of her friend’s wide eyes. There didn’t seem to be any life there.

Iron shoes thumped against the ground all around them. Streets radiated from the tower – just like in the north – and walls of figures were stamping into view.

“Um, Rarity?” Applejack shook her friend’s shoulder. “You do know we’re bein’ chased, right?”

“Hm?” Rarity blinked.

A dozen guards surrounded the tower, hemming the pair of them in.

Their grey armour bristled with spikes. Black tufts of hair jetted from their helmets and rear ends like fountains of crude oil, frozen in mid-spout. Worse of all were the eyes; nothing but narrow slits, oozing with a sickly green glow. Each breath came out as a roar through the metal acoustics of their mouth guards.

Applejack crouched for a tackle. “We don’t have to take ‘em all. Jus’ follow my lead. If we get past ‘em, then we’ll –”

“What barbaric, uncultured thieves!” Rarity glared at the revolving Crystal Heart. “Plunderers! Uncouth appropriators of beauty! No one is going to blacken the Crystal Heart on my watch!”

“Then grab it, quick! Jus’ please! Let’s get outta here!”

Barely had she spoken when Rarity finished her run-up and leapt. It was an act of balletic grace that sliced through the dark chaos of Applejack’s mind, and even the guards stopped to watch in fascination, their heads rising to trace the curved arc.

Rarity’s horn glowed as her magic spread forwards and snatched at the Heart – which flared.

Every figure present winced before Applejack felt her entire mind blown away. Suddenly, nothingness was all around her.

…a pink face, long and definitely equine, opened its eyes and gasped…

Then there was a thump. The world lashed her between the eyes. Applejack rubbed her forehead and gritted her teeth, but the tendrils of shock spiked through her thoughts, purple trails of lightning ripped the dingy houses apart. By the time she could focus, her body was crouching and the guards were already surrounding her.

Beyond them, the dark Crystal Heart spun onwards. Two more guards marched towards it. And at its base, Rarity lay on her side, still and quiet. Her horn went out.

Applejack opened her mouth to shout, but then the legs seized her and yanked her upright. She could only watch – wincing at each remnant stab of pain – while her friend vanished behind the armoured bodies closing in. She screamed and, with one last burst of fire, rose up and surged forwards.

---

Applejack’s eyes stung, yet she couldn’t close them.

All around her, the bubbles were locked into place among the blueness, along with the glassy veins of trapped eddies and entombed swirls. The chill stuck needles into her skin, somehow suggesting by its slightness that the subzero worst of it was just a hair’s breadth away, poised all around to stab and shock her to death. Lungs inside her strained for a breath that hadn’t finished in hours.

Outside the ice block, if she swivelled her eyes and ignored the squeak, she could see Rarity lying supine on a bed. Crystal bed, of course. Every darn thing in this cell was crystal, even the pillow.

Ah swear, when Ah get out of this block, so help me, Ah won’t be held responsible for what Ah do…

“Getting bored in there, Apple Bob, aheheh OK?”

Applejack swivelled her eyes to the other bed, the one opposite the first. Suri was lounging on her belly, hoof tapping on the pillow idly.

“You did your best, I guess.” Suri shrugged and slipped off the bed. “After all, you do what you can to survive. Yeah, I heard what kind of escape you tried to pull. Guards wouldn’t stop talking about it. Plucky little country scamp, ain’t ya?”

If her brow hadn’t been frozen into place, Applejack would’ve frowned. In fact, she was becoming self-consciously warm; being frozen bellowing in mid-gallop did not leave a pony in the most dignified of positions.

Suri strode up to the block and peered through as though at a rare museum exhibit. “Now, I may be a simple fashion designer, aheheh OK? But I’ve got brains, me. And I think it’s not a good idea to make nasty to the ponies who got you beat in a park full of Royal Guards, right?”

Applejack groaned in frustration. Against the ice, it was the only sound she could make. Suri leaned closer and raised a hoof conspiratorially.

“Listen, I know what’s coming up,” she whispered. “Unlike you, I didn’t get sidetracked by the underground. So here’s a word of advice, one hard-working earth pony to another. When they say jump, you say how high. When they say kick, you say how hard. And don’t make ‘em say it twice, ‘cause they won’t use words the second time. Know what I’m sayin’, aheheh OK?”

A bolt screeched out of its slot. The vast sliding door of the cell ground its way out of view, and four hooves tapped on the reflective floor. Applejack’s eyes squeaked trying to widen.

It wasn’t a crystal pony. Instead, a pony-sized pig stepped through. She needed a moment to realize that it was a pig; unlike the pink, bulging specimens she kept at home, this one had more in common with a streamlined porcupine. There was a sense that it was running even when it was standing still, and its bristles clawed at the air behind it. The phrase “wild boar” jumped to mind at the sight.

Suri’s calm smile evaporated at once. White terror flooded her eyes, leaving her pinprick pupils alone and quivering. She drew back, bounced off the ice block, and gulped.

The pig growled words, but it was no language Applejack had ever heard. Surprise rushed through her. None of the pigs back home had ever said anything beyond a grunt. Among hoofed citizens, they were a bit of an embarrassment in that respect.

Suri’s knees knocked together. “Not already!? I was on only this morning!”

The pig bared its teeth. Or rather, it bared its tusks, fangs, bone-crushing molars, and half the contents of a cutlery set. If there had been any normal teeth in there, they’d have been weeded out by survival of the nastiest.

Head hanging low, Suri shuffled past the pig and out through the open door.

What’s a pig doin’ in a crystal pony place? Applejack tried to work her jaw, but all she did was heat it up through sheer muscular effort. An’ they ain’t this smart. What’s got Suri all worked up anyway? What did she mean by all that?

Applejack peered across at Rarity. She was still… asleep? Unconscious? Maybe even…

No. She’s gonna be OK. She’s jus’ gotta be. It was my fault she’s like she is now. Ah told her to grab the thing!

The pig narrowed its eyes at her. Slowly, as though wary of her breaking out, it walked around the block and disappeared from view. A moment later, she felt the slight vibrations when the block scraped along the floor. It wasn’t a bad job, either; the thing slid without stop or stutter, curving away from Rarity’s bed and towards the open doorway at a trotting speed.

Don’t worry, she thought desperately. Panickin’ ain’t gonna solve this. Rarity’ll be fine. Jus’ keep your eyes open, an’ be ready for when a chance comes along. Every jail has a weak spot. Gotta find this one’s.

She stopped on a hexagonal platform. That was all that the door opened out onto. No more doors, no windows, not even a corridor of any kind.

Crystal ponies, a pig that can think, a big ol’ cave city, an’ a tower an’ Crystal Heart like the one Ah know from the Frozen North. Don’t add up to much. Maybe we can figure this out if we get more clues.

A jolt rippled through her. Then, the walls rushed past. By the time she realized it was actually the platform rising, they’d both clicked to a stop. Now a second doorway loomed before her. Like its predecessor, it ground open. The pig pushed her through.

This chamber swallowed everything up; forcing her eyes to swivel upwards, she could see the cylindrical upper slopes of the room stretching onwards to a general glow of white light. Columns lined what should have been a red carpet, except that there was nothing but a pale strip where one had once lain. After what felt like several minutes, they approached a desk so high and solid it might have been carved from a boulder.

She stopped moving. Behind her, the pig grunted something and then kicked.

Ice shattered around her, and she dropped to her hooves. The impact ran through her weakened legs. She fell onto her knees and cannons, gasping and coughing.

“Welcome,” said a chirpy voice over her head. “Welcome, dear Applejack, to the humble reaches of Antipodean City!”

Lights flickered on and off in her vision, but the mare’s face gleamed from the peak of the desk. Unlike the other crystal ponies she’d seen so far, this one was shiny and translucent. It reminded her of the happy ponies of the Crystal Empire.

On either side of the desk, pigs stood in a line of honour. All of them were as rugged as the first, which had joined the rightmost side.

“Who…” Applejack shook herself down. She’d be darned if she was going to look frail in front of any stranger’s face, especially from this height. “Jus’ who the hay are you? Let me outta here or Ah start kickin’.”

Crystal came grinding up from the floor. When she looked down, her hooves were encased.

“Hey! This is goin’ too far!” No amount of pulling got them loose again.

“So you wanna know who the hay I am?” continued the chirpy voice. The crystal pony’s face leaned closer and smiled genially as though indulging a precocious scamp of a niece. “Well, I am the Officer. That’s short for the Ultimate Supreme Company Executive Officer Feldspar of the House of Silicates. I rule this city. And I love every second of it!”

The face disappeared and reappeared with a squeak of axles.

“That’s my swivel chair. Neat, huh? And the pig who brought you in was Peccary. There, now we know each others’ names, where shall we begin?”

It was the smile. All broad and friendly and crinkling the eyes above it, just like her Granny’s did on a really good day. But if Applejack squinted, it changed – without any kind of alteration, without so much as a facial spasm – into a leering smirk. It said, I know the rules of this game, and you are seconds from losing. And you don’t know how to stop it. That’s what makes it fun.

Hairs rose all along her nape. If she wasn’t shuddering before, she was now.

Applejack finally gave the frown she’d been holding back. “It was you. You kidnapped us.”

“Me? Of course not. I don’t get involved in the hurly-burly of ground affairs myself. I simply gave the order. One of the heroes of Equestria, and a rodeo champion to boot. How could I refuse?”

“Look, once the Princesses and my friends find out what you did and where y’all are, so help me, there won’t be nothin’ to stop them marchin’ in here an’ tearin’ this place apart. You let me an’ my friend go now, an’ Ah’ll make sure they go easy on you.”

Both lines of pigs bent low into a crouch, ready to pounce. Officer Feldspar waved a hoof airily and they relaxed again.

“Happy hunting for them,” said the crystal mare with a careless shrug. “Antipodean City is cut off from the rest of the world, isolated and impossible to reach without the right know-how. You were looking for tunnels earlier, I’ll bet. Well, I’ll save you the bother. There are no tunnels to these caves. You are not getting in or out. Quite a challenge for your friends, eh, even if they could get here before you ended up dead?”

“What. Do. You. Want?” said Applejack. Each word echoed back to her in the vast chamber.

“Simple. I want you to fight for my subjects’ entertainment.”

“What? Have you gone mad?”

“No. Better. I’ve been freed from everyday, tiresome constraints. Freeeeed!” The face disappeared and reappeared again with another squeak of axles. “And this city is only the start. Look at your left leg.”

She did so. Strapped to it was a corrugated ring of emerald crystal.

“That is Deadly Dendrite. Its roots have already grown through your skin and flesh, so there’s no chance of removing it without ripping your own bones out.”

Chills went down Applejack’s spine. Her legs had been so numb from the ice that she hadn’t even noticed, but already she could feel the slight pressure under her skin, exactly where it shouldn’t be.

“For now, my agents are keeping this thing in check. However, do anything that might irritate or bore me, and the crystal threads will grow further, up and over your skin, until you are entirely encased. And this time, there’s no freezing or preservative in it, so you’ll simply suffocate where you stand.”

Looking closer, she could make out the nubs of crystal on each of the corrugated faces. Applejack stood up at once.

“Then how about Ah take you down before that happens?” she growled.

“Oh, but my dear,” continued the voice in plummy tones, “I thought you might not be entirely swayed by any risk to yourself. That’s why I have a second means of persuasion…”

“You dare hurt one hair on Rarity’s head,” Applejack roared, “an’ it’ll be the las’ thing y’all ever get to do!”

Officer Feldspar’s smirk bloomed at last. “Rarity’s head? One of my most promising catches? I don’t think so. Show ‘er, Peccary.”

The pig squealed a reply and jumped behind the desk. In her head, alarms began ringing, but Applejack was too busy trying to keep herself from falling over. Ice still bit into her, despite the fact that most of it lay about in puddles now. On top of that, Officer Feldspar’s smirking words were slapping her brain silly.

From round the corner came a scraping of something big and heavy. Suspicion crept into her mind.

“I’m not a total dummy, you know,” said Officer Feldspar conversationally. “Heroes always love a good self-sacrifice. The nobler, the better. In fact, that’s what I’m looking forward to. But even heroes have their limits, and it doesn’t take much to figure out yours. After all, you earth ponies breed like crazy.”

Another shove from Peccary’s head, and the ice block slid into view. Applejack stared at the two figures trapped inside.

“While everyone was dilly-dallying around the Centre, some more of my agents went to the park to get me some leverage. Did they deliver, or did they deliver?”

Applejack gasped. Locked behind a veneer of cold blue, two fillies had been thrown through the air, the earth filly curled up with tail billowing in her wake, the unicorn filly with limbs spread wide as though in freefall. Both pairs of eyes squeaked to focus on her.

“So, now you know our terms and conditions” – Officer Feldspar leaned forwards, chin resting on hooves – “would you like to rethink that statement? After all, there are nicer ways to… break the ice.”

As soon as she took a step forwards, Applejack stopped. Everything in her head had just stopped. The only sure thing was that block of ice, inside which the screaming faces of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle looked back at her, reflecting the scream now echoing through her head.

Behind them, the pig leaned down. When it reared up again, some clanking metal mishmash rose under its hooves too. Apart from being the size of a cannon, it looked just like the device Titanite had aimed at her. Lights flared in the head-sized crystals. Something inside the mechanism began to charge up; there was a whirring in the air.

It was pointing at the ice block.

“Sweet! I guess you understand the situation.” To her ears, Officer Feldspar’s voice seemed a long way away. “Come on. It’s not all bad news. You sign a contract with me, and I’ll make an entirely new kind of hero out of you. I'll make you something you've never even dreamed of being! You’ll be a star brighter than any in the entire galaxy! So c’mon! Whaddaya say? Another shot at life, and a very handsome life at that?”

Applejack sighed and turned back to the desk. Nobody had touched her, but she might as well have been kicked around the room. She staggered slightly and stiffened her scowl.

“Ah guess… Ah don’t have a choice,” she said. “What… do you want me to do, exactly?”

“I told you. Fight.”

“Ah gathered that. But jus’… why? What good’s fightin’?”

Applejack stared up at the face, which smirked at everything and sparkled like polished glass and stared back like a connoisseur eyeing up a fine vintage for the evening dinner.

“Think of it more as a kind of extreme performance art,” said the smirk, “that sometimes ends when your head explodes. Shall we discuss time and place?”

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