Elegance

by Ryuler

The Show

"Where is it, where is it?! I must locate it at once!"

Rarity zipped back and forth throughout her workshop, desperately searching for the correct materials. It was early in the morning, and she had started on her design the previous night.

"I simply must finish this dress soon, or I'll miss the performance tonight!"

She opened drawers and overturned tables and desks. Disheveling her workshop in the process, she acquired the proper materials, and continued to sew the dress.

"And place this here, and put that there. Oh! This is beginning to look rather fabulous."

She was lost in her work. Red glasses equipped, she was focused and determined to reach her goal.

"Sis?... SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS"

A familiar but uninvited voice echoed

"Sis?"

Rarity remained focused on her creation. She could see her little sister, Sweetie Belle, approaching from the corner of her eye.

"Not now, please not now" She thought to herself

"Sis is it alright if I can go outside and play?" She smiled up at Rarity, but she received no answer.

"Maybe if I pretend not to notice her, she'll lose interest and leave."

Deep down, Rarity really loves her sister, but now was really not the time.

"Rarity... RARITY!" She poked her sister's flank. "Hey, hey Rarity."

Rarity closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She nudged the glasses up to her forehead to look down at Sweetie standing with attentive eyes.

"Yes? What do you need, I'm very busy right now." Rarity forced a gentle tone.

"I was wondering if I could go play with Applebloom and Scootaloo, we have a whole day of Cutie Mark Crusading to do!"

"Alright, but promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise! Hey, what are you working on anyway?" Sweetie pointed to the dress on the work desk

"I'm making a dress to wear tonight. It must be perfect, so I need complete focus and no outside distractions." Rarity replied

"Oh, where are you going?"

"To a performance Sweetie."

"To what perfor-"

"Sweetie, don't you have some... 'Crusading' to do?" Rarity twirled her hoof in the air.

"Oh yeah! See ya later sis!" Sweetie zoomed out the door, causing some papers and materials to fall off nearby tables and shelves.

Rarity sighed and shook her head. She nudged her glasses back in front of her eyes, and returned to her work.

______________________________________________________

"Alright. Let's see if we've missed anything on the list."

Twilight Sparkle had recently been shopping for more supplies for her studies. Spike had accompanied her, and was standing to her left with a list of objects Twilight needed.

"Quills?"

"Check"

"Parchments?"

"Check"

"Ink?"

"Check"

"Good," Twilight nodded "We have everything we need."

"This calls for a snack." Spike added in, smiling expectantly at Twilight.

She looked at Spike for a few moments before nodding slightly.

"Alright Spike, we'll stop by SugarCube corner, but then it's straight back home. I need to get started on my research."

Twilight took a few steps before Spike interjected

"Actually, I was thinking more of... Gems."

Spike salivated slightly at the thought.

Twilight shook her head

"Ok Spike. We'll swing by Rarity's and see if she has any to spare."

Twilight took a deep breath. Spike climbed onto her back, and she cantered off to the Carousel Boutique.

_______________________________________________________

"Yes, yes yes! Perfection!"

Rarity kissed her hoof and waved it into the air

"Magnifique!"

Her dress was complete, and touched with her own special charm that brightened up each and every one of her creations. She grabbed the dress and carried it to her room where she began putting it on. She was about halfway into the dress before she heard a knock at the door.

"What? Who could THAT possibly be? I am TOO busy right now" Rarity complained to herself.

She ignored the visitor and continued with her plans. However, the visitor knocked again, and again, and again. After prolonged periods of knocking and Rarity fussing into her dress, she had eventually gotten the dress on. Infuriated, she stormed down the steps of her home and towards the front door. She complained under her breath the entire way until she came to the door. Forcing a fake smile upon her face and wiping her brow, she opened the door.

"Welcome to- OH! Twilight! That was you knocking at my door. For a second there I thought you were an impatient customer or a filly pulling a prank."

Rarity regained her cheerful composure.

"Yes! Hello..." Twilight said. She paused in her train of thought as she gazed upon Rarity in her dazzling dress

"Wow! That's beautiful Rarity..."

Her dress was a mixture of blue and silver. She wore a small sparkling, silver tiara embedded with bright blue sapphires. Her dress was silver as well, lined with shades of blue and sparkles. On her hooves were light blue slippers that gleamed from the sunlight. The dress itself had a very sophisticated look, and the sparkles demanded attention. Overall, it was beautiful, and many ponies would be jealous.

Twilight and Spike stood motionless, still gazing at Rarity. Rarity had to break the silence, feeling a bit uneasy from two pairs of eyes staring her down.

"Twilight? You were saying?"

"Oh! Yes." Twilight exclaimed "Well Spike was a little hungry, and I was wondering if you had any spare gems laying around that he could eat?"

Spike nodded in agreement, completely speechless as he stood before Rarity.

She looked down at Spike, then back to Twilight. Spike was still in a trance, captivated by Rarity's beauty.

"Yes, I may have some around here. Come on inside if you want to. However, I don't have time for chatting, there's somewhere I need to be very soon."

Twilight stepped inside, and Spike mindlessly followed behind her. Rarity approached a wooden box perched upon a large desk. She opened the box to reveal multiple glistening gems of all colors and sizes, resting inside. Lifting some of them up with her magic, she placed them into Twilight's saddlebags draped across her back.

"Thanks Rarity," Twilight smiled "So where are you going anyway?"

"Hm? Oh yes. I am attending a performance tonight. Some of the prestigious musicians from Canterlot will be performing at the Ponyville theater tonight."

"Sounds fun." Twilight replied. Without thinking, she quickly added "Any room for one more?"

Rarity shook her head

"Sorry dear Twilight. You must have a ticket to enter, and they are sold out."

"Oh." Twilight lowered her head. "Well that's alright then. Hope you have fun, and thanks again for the gems."

Twilight and Spike exited Carousel Boutique and were on their way home. Rarity, in the mean time, was rushing to put her make up on and adjust her dress. After completing her attire, Rarity took one last look into her mirror. Satisfied with her look, she departed for Ponyville Theater.

____________________________________________________

It was late afternoon, the sun was merely an hour away from setting. Excited as could be, Rarity stood in line, awaiting entry to the theater. Many of the other ponies were dressed up a bit themselves, but very few came close to matching Rarity's display of fashion expertise. The line moved quickly, and Rarity eventually reached the front, where the only thing blocking her way as a red velvet rope and an intimidating brown stallion.

"Tickets please" the stallion requested in a repetitive monotone voice.

Rarity presented her ticket, and the stallion detached the rope, allowing Rarity to step inside. She came to see a large auditorium, with enormous red curtains hiding the stage. Many ponies had already taken their seats, and quiet chatter could be heard throughout the room. After squeezing down a few aisles of chairs, Rarity finally found a seat and sat down quietly. She received a few compliments for her dress from the ponies around her. She smiled and thanked them kindly.

Then without warning, the red curtains diverged to reveal several well dressed ponies holding their instruments proudly. An unidentified cheerful voice was heard throughout the theater, amplified by a microphone, but unseen backstage.

"Welcome ponies to our very special performance tonight. Please welcome our guests all the way from Canterlot."

The speaker paused to allow applause from the audience.

"And now, please enjoy the show."

They applauded once more. Rarity herself was more enthusiastic than most of the other ponies around her. The lights in the theater dimmed, and a few spotlights brightened the stage, illuminating the musicians. They began playing, the music filled the room and graced each and everypony's ears. Rarity was overcome with joy and bliss. The orchestral sounds of the piano, violin, harp, and much more filled her with uncontrollable happiness. She loved every moment, every song, and she didn't want it to end.

Although, inevitably, it did come to an end. The performance lasted nearly and hour and a half. The main auditorium lights switched back on, and the room was lit up again. The red curtains closed in front of the performers, and the audience gave one last round of applause.

"Thank you all for attending. The performers will be outside to mingle in about a half hour. We hope you enjoyed the show!"

Rarity followed the crowd to the exit. All of the ponies left the theater and spread out in front of the building. Most of them left for home, but some stayed around and talked about the show. The sun had set, and it was now night outside. Luna's bright moon and Ponyville lamps illuminated the paths and the small grassy field the ponies were socializing on. Rarity found a wooden bench to rest upon away from the crowd, and she gazed up at the stars, lost in thought.

"Greetings," a small gray mare said to her, and took a seat on the bench.

"Oh, hello" Rarity snapped from her thoughts and replied with a smile.

"That dress you're wearing is simply gorgeous." the mare complimented.

"Why thank you."

"You're very welcome. Where did you get your dress if I may ask?"

"Actually, I made it with my own two hooves."

"Really?" the mare raised an eyebrow. "That's quite some talent you have there."

Rarity nodded and thanked her again

"I actually sell dresses that I make at my shop. I own a business in selling clothes that I design. It's called Carousel Boutique. Have you ever heard of it?"

"No, I cannot say that I have. However, I assume your business is well if you create marvelous dresses such as this one. What is your name by the way?"

"My name is Rarity." she placed a hoof to her chest. "May I ask for yours?"

"Of course." the mare replied. "My name is Octavia."

They both gave each other a brief smile.

"Well, Octavia what is it that you excel at?"

"Oh myself? Well, don't tell anypony here right now. I'm one of the Canterlot musicians."

Rarity's jaw dropped slightly and her eyes widened.

"You?! Oh my goodness, I simply LOVED your performance. It was simply ravishing!"

Octavia laughed

"Thank you so very much."

"I must ask though. Why aren't you mingling with the crowd? Why are you over here?" Rarity asked

"I didn't really feel up to part with being swarmed by all of those ponies. I wanted to go for a walk, but then I saw you and figured I'd have a nice peaceful conversation without crowding and screaming involved."

"I believe I am lucky to be acquainted by you tonight Octavia. This night couldn't have gone better."

Rarity smiled, but her smile slowly turned into a frown.

"I suppose you'll be returning to Canterlot soon then?"

Octavia glanced at Rarity, then thought over the situation for a moment.

"Well, we weren't planning on leaving tonight. We expected the performance to be late, and we made reservations at an inn to stay the night. Then we are returning to Canterlot in the morning."

Octavia glanced at her again.

"That gives me time to see your wonderful designs. Would it be a bother if I visited your store tonight?"

Rarity nearly shouted in excitement "Oh heavens no! It would be a honor to show you around."

Rarity got off the bench, and gestured for Octavia to follow.

"Splendid, I'll just tell the director I'll be late to the hotel tonight and we can depart."

Rarity gave a nod, and Octavia walked away.

"This has been the best night I've had in months!"

Comments

This will sound mostly negative, but I hope you take it in a constructive light.

The big thing for me was your dialogue. It felt very stilted, not remotely natural. That's perhaps the hardest thing about writing dialogue for Rarity. She has a very carefully wrought idiolect that is hard to get and very easy to cock up, which I feel you have...

It's... It's not even easy to say where you've gone wrong, it simply doesn't sound like Rarity, but someone who is impersonating Rarity but who lacks her attention to language (not to cast aspersions on you). This is one of those 'one knows it when one hears it' things...

If it helps, the early lines felt natural, but things got worse as you went on. Perhaps you paid a little less attention to dialogue as you concentrated more on events?

Which brings me on to events... Your story has events, but it doesn't have a true narrative. It reads as a list of events - an outline of the story you want to tell, not as a story complete unto itself (I understand that this is only chapter one).

You need to flesh things out much more.

Please take this criticism in the spirit in which it is meant

[Banksyt]

I quite liked it... but i feel as if your story doesn't shed enough light on the feelings of the characters. And that you could have spent a little more time giving a description of the surroundings.
i hope to see more!

Its good some errors one being that SWEETIE BELLE DOES NOT LIVE WITH RARITY!! i'm sorry but it just getting SO annoying that people forget sweetie live with there parents

[Anonymous XXX]

interesting... i shall see where this goes. right now, youre lookin at a 4 star rating or so. but i wanna give you 5 so this better be pretty dang good when its done haha

[McSqueakers]

54227
She does visit often though. Geez how else does she hang out with the CMC so much?

[Fury of the Tempest]

Hmmm... as people are saying. Its a good story and all, but I am finding it lacking... Rarity doesn't seem to be herself and the talking is a bit... silted.