The Infestation of Canterlot High School

by Bonster

Sixteen - Regroup

Sixteen - Regroup

Rainbow and Applejack locked eyes.

“Ah raise ya’ll three pebbles.” Applejack pushed three more of the stones they were using as poker chips into the center pile.

“Ha! You think I’m falling for that? Make it four!”

“Rainbow, dear, you should really know by now that Applejack simply doesn’t bluff. I fold, by the way.” Rarity dropped her measly hand to the ground, and pouted at the dwindling number of pebbles she had in her possession. Luck simply refused to be on her side today, it would seem.

Pinkie Pie and Applejack matched what Rainbow offered, and Applejack smirked.

She slammed her hand to the ground. “Four of a kind! Suck it, Rainbow!”

Rainbow pouted, and reluctantly showed her three of a kind.

“Royal flush!” Pinkie shouted, flashing exactly that to Applejack.

“I—but—”

“Oh, my,” Fluttershy whispered from the sidelines as Pinkie collected her winnings. She had been the first to lose all her chips, but only because she’d given them all to Rainbow Dash, who had actually been the first to run out of chips. She had said that Rainbow would enjoy playing more than she would anyway. “Not to be rude, but Pinkie is… How do you put it, Rainbow? ‘Kicking your butts to uranus and back’?”

Rarity tutted. “I wonder if simply being Pinkie Pie counts as cheating at poker.”

“I bet we could enter her in some official competition and get loaded!” Rainbow said.

“Are you kidding?” Pinkie exclaimed. “Those boring boring-heads practice how to not smile! I don’t want anything to do with crazy people like that!”

Applejack only rolled her eyes as she dealt out the next hand.

But as the four of them went to pick up their cards, a bluish-grey light thundered into existence, and a sudden wind upended their game forever as a mess of ponies tumbled onto the ground between them.

“Sunset?” Applejack asked. “That you in there?”

Sunset groaned.

“Oh, good.”

A minute later, the ponies had finished the awkward process of untangling themselves from one another, and the five humans sat in a circle along with Sunset, Princess Twilight, Spike, and the blue unicorn (Lyra and Bon Bon having volunteered to make sure the other ponies returned safely). Twilight, friend that she was, conjured a few couches into the room for them to sit on.

“And you’re sure these aren’t changelings?” Starlight asked.

Sunset looked like she was about to combust. “For the last ti—”

Twilight shoved a hoof in her mouth. “No, they aren’t changelings, Starlight. They’re from a parallel universe to ours, and they’ve come to help. There’s no need for hostility.”

“But what if they’re lying?” Starlight argued. “What if this was all just some elaborate ruse?”

“You were already captured, blockhead!” Rainbow yelled. “Why the hell would we break you out?”

Starlight looked away. “Well, it’s possible…”

Fluttershy was inspecting Twilight a bit too close for comfort. “Wow. So this is what you really look like?”

“Um. Yes?”

“You’re really cute,” Fluttershy said. Then blinked. “Um! Not like that! I mean, you-you’re, like, you know, adorable-cute! Oh, that’s not helping.” Fluttershy disappeared behind her mane.

Twilight laughed. “It’s okay, Fluttershy. I think I know what you mean.” She paused. “Sort of.”

“Oh, I wish I had my phone with me,” Rarity lamented. “I’m sure our Twilight would be fascinated by what her counterpart looks like.”

Starlight raised an eyebrow. “What’s a ‘phone’?”

Dead silence.

Slowly, Pinkie turned to Sunset. “Sunset. Do ponies not have phones?”

“Nope. No internet, either.”

“What?” Rainbow screeched. “Please tell me you have video games here.”

Sunset shook her head, and Rainbow groaned.

“Actually,” Twilight cut in, “we do have video games! It’s a very recent invention, so I’m not surprised you don’t know about it, Sunset.” She turned to Spike. “What’s the name of that one you like so much?”

Spike lit up. “Pac-mare! I have the second highest score in Ponyville!” He puffed out his chest and smiled proudly.

“Pac-mare?” Applejack put a hoof to her forehead. “Please tell me that isn’t…”

Sunset nodded, and Applejack groaned.

“Is Equestria younger than our civilization, then?” Rarity asked.

“I think so,” Sunset said. “But it could just be necessity; with magic, there wasn’t much historic need for advanced technology.”

“We’re still making progress, though!” Twilight said. “In fact, many of the inventions I saw in your world inspired me to try some experiments of my own!”

“Is that what you’re doing in the closed off area of the castle that you won’t let anypony into because it violates health and safety codes?” Spike asked.

“It’s not all I’m doing in there, but yeah.” Her face grew more serious. “I hope Chrysalis doesn’t screw it all up…”

The room grew darker after that comment.

“How did you get past her, by the way?” Twilight asked. “She seemed to be pretty well prepared, at least when we fought her.”

“The creepy goat-lizard,” Rainbow said.

“Hey!” snapped Fluttershy. “Don’t say mean things behind other people’s backs!”

“What about to his face?”

Fluttershy sighed. “I guess so.”

“Creepy goat-lizard?” Starlight repeated.

“Discord helped us,” Sunset clarified.

Twilight smiled. “He did? That’s great! Last time something like this happened, he betrayed us and almost caused the fall of Equestria.” Eyebrows rose. “I was worried something similar was going to happen this time. It’s nice to hear that he learned from his mistakes.”

“Where is he now, then?” Spike asked.

“I…” Sunset frowned. “I don’t know. He should’ve gotten back before us, and he usually isn’t this quiet for this long.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. That stallion’s insufferable.”

“Ya don’t think Chrysalis got ‘im, do ya?”

“I hope not! How would he attend my ‘Congratulations on rescuing Twilight’ party?”

Sunset furrowed her brow. “I doubt it. If the myths about Discord are anything to go by, he’s incredibly powerful.”

Twilight was deep in thought, her face somber. “It’s actually quite possible. Keep in mind, Chrysalis was able to beat Celestia and Luna; she’s not so weak herself. Additionally, Discord’s power comes from chaos. The less chaotic he acts, the less potent his magic.

“Ever since the pony version of Fluttershy reformed him, he’s been weaker than before, but not too noticeably. But hiding in a cave, rounding up an army, and executing a plan to save the Elements of Harmony themselves? I wouldn't be surprised if Chrysalis did manage to beat him.”

The cave fell to silence once again as they all let that sink in.

“Hey, uh, Starlight, Sunset?” The two turned to Twilight. “Would you mind going and searching for… a lab? Yeah, a lab. One I can use for, you know, science. Discord’s bound to have one, right?”

The two mares turned to look at each other, and quickly looked away.

“Sure, Twilight.”

“No problem.”

“Thanks so much! That’s a big help.”

They could feel Twilight’s princessly gaze on them all the way until they left her sight.

---

Sunset and Starlight trotted through the caves, checking the frankly preposterous amounts of rooms within the system. Discord sure liked to use this place; so far, they’d found a volleyball court, a laundry room, a seemingly bottomless pit that emitted a weird hissing noise whenever either of them got too close, several extravagant bathrooms, a room filled entirely with framed pictures of Discord’s body parts, and a broom closet. As they opened another door that comically led into a brick wall, Sunset groaned.

“He could have at least installed signs. I mean, how are we even supposed to know if there’s anything we could use as a science lab at all?”

Starlight sighed. “I’m pretty sure Twilight isn’t actually too worried about that.”

Sunset shot her an inquisitive and encouraging glance.

Starlight continued. “This is probably another one of her secret ‘Friendship Lessons’ she’s always planning. Honestly? I’d prefer to skip this one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That’s not what I was saying, stupid. It’s just… Ugh. I’m not very good at this.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Sunset grumbled under her breath; but her years away had made her forget the sensitivity of equine hearing.

Starlight glared at Sunset, whose face shifted from guilty to indifferent in seconds. Starlight raised Sunset up a few points on her mental bitch-o-meter. At this rate, she was going to surpass Rarity’s high score.

“How did you become Twilight’s student, anyway?” Sunset asked, and Starlight swore she could taste the implied insult.

“Well, what about you? Aren’t you her student too? Even if you are, like, an alien or whatever.”

“I was born in Equestria, thank you. And you haven’t answered my question.”

“You haven’t answered mine.”

Sunset grit her teeth. She didn’t exactly know what was bothering her so much about the other mare; perhaps it was that she got to live with Twilight as her student instead of having to settle for magical journal-letters when the princess found the time. Maybe it was Starlight’s infuriating blend of patronization and haughtiness. Maybe it was just the stress getting to her. Whatever the case, she had neither the time nor the presence of mind to deal with a stuck-up unicorn.

Starlight watched in mild amusement as Sunset turned and made her way back to Twilight. “Well, I don’t think we’re going to find any lab, so let’s just go.”

“For future reference, Sunset Shimmer, you shouldn’t ask someone a question you won’t answer yourself. It isn’t very polite.”

Cause you know so much about being polite, Sunset thought as she stoically marched onward, not so much as glancing back.

---

Back in the main cavern, Twilight was marehandling her friends with scientific gusto.

“It’s intriguing—I’ve never had a chance to study the portal transformation in reverse!” she rambled, holding out one of Pinkie’s forelegs and inspecting it.

“What could be so interestin’ ‘bout it?” Applejack asked. “Ain’t it just the same thing but backwards?”

“Well, yes, but it does confirm a few theories I had! Specifically, how the ingrained transformation spell in the portal calibrates itself dynamically to each new passenger.”

“Yeah, in English, please?” Rainbow deadpanned.

Twilight blinked. “English?”

“The language we’re speaking, dear.”

“…We’re speaking Equestrian,” Twilight said.

“Wow! I didn’t know I was bilingual!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Fluttershy collapsed to her haunches. “My head hurts.”

Twilight had started to furiously take notes with a pen and notepad she had conjured. “Does the portal have an ingrained universal language spell, too? No, that would have to place an enchantment on everypony the travelers interacted with… Unless it just made the travelers think they were speaking their native language when they really weren’t! But that still seems impossible. I suppose if anypony could pull it off, it would be Starswirl…”

“Hey, Twilight?”

“Yes, Spike?”

“What if we are speaking the same language, but it’s just called different things in different dimensions?”

Twilight’s pen froze.

“I mean, not everything has to be some huge magical miracle.”

“This requires further research,” she concluded after a few moments. “That aside”—she magicked the notebook away—“the fact that all of you came out of the portal looking exactly like all of my friends suggests that the portal is transforming you according to your dimensional counterpart, and not just fitting your various characteristics into a predetermined mold for the relevant species.”

“But wouldn’t we look exactly like them anyway?” Fluttershy asked. “They’re us, right?”

Twilight got a scholarly gleam in her eyes. “Not exactly like you! We’re all four to eight years older than you!”

They stared at her. Except for Rarity, that is, who rolled her eyes. Here we go.

“Wait,” said Rainbow Dash. “Run that by me one more time.”

Twilight frowned. “How is this surprising? Did you girls really think seventeen year olds can become princesses?”

“Well, there was that one king of England who took the throne at nine or something,” Pinkie mused. “So yes!”

“Wow. I’m glad our governmental system isn’t that bad.”

“Yeah, not like we have a newborn princess or anything.”

Twilight glared at him. “Flurry Heart is only a princess in title. It’s not like she has any responsibilities.”

Rainbow’s eyes suddenly grew wide. “Wait, hold on. So our counterparts are, like, future versions of ourselves?”

“No, more like—”

“Am I still single?”

Twilight flinched back slightly. “Well, yes, but that’s not in any way indicative of—”

“Oh, is the grown me a veterinarian?”

“Yeah, but—”

“Ooh! Ooh! Can I ask a question?”

“NO!” Twilight all but screamed. “Look, none of this means anything about what will happen in your lives! For all their similarities, the universes are wildly different!”

“Aww. That’s no fun,” whined Pinkie. “Wait, if you’re older, are we all still virgins?”

“PINKIE!” Rarity shrieked.

“Hey, you don’t know that we’re all virgins now!” Rainbow argued.

“Yes I do! I keep tabs!”

Applejack grimaced. “That ain’t right, Pinkie.”

“Oh, hey, Sunset, Starlight! Welcome back!” Twilight said, much louder than she needed to.

“Uh, hi?”

“If we’re interrupting, then—”

“No, no, not at all!” Fluttershy said, smiling innocently.

“So, did you find anything I could use as a lab?”

“No, sorry,” Starlight said.

“Oh, that’s okay. Did you, perhaps, I don’t know, have a good time? Maybe connect on some deeper level by realizing that you have a lot more in common than you originally thought?” Twilight questioned, beaming broadly and hopefully.

Starlight threw Sunset a Told you so look, and Sunset replied with a Never disagreed with you, idiot look.

“Yeah, no, not really,” Sunset said. “Hey, if it’s alright with you, I’m going to take a nap, then we can start training these guys. I swear I passed a bedroom somewhere around here…”

Twilight sighed as she left. “Well, that didn’t work. They seem so compatible, too. Comparing their pasts, they’re practically the same pony!”

“Ya can’t force a friendship, Twi. Some ponies just don’t get along.”

“Maybe you’re right. It’s just frustrating, you know? They’ve both come so far.”

Rarity tapped her chin. “How did you meet Starlight, anyway?”

Spike sat forward. “Oh, man, you won’t believe what happened! So, Starlight was the mayor of this village, right? But the thing was, she was more of a cult leader than a mayor, because she—”

Twilight cast a sound barrier around Spike. “Let’s just say she was misguided, we showed her the magic of friendship, and now she’s my student.”

“Okay, yeah, you were right,” Rainbow said. “That’s pretty much exactly the same as Sunset.”

Twilight nodded.

“Something’s still bugging me, though.”

She turned to Pinkie. “Hmm?”

“You never did tell us if you’re a virgin or not.”

---

“Motherbucking ponies and their motherbucking infinite friends!” Chrysalis raged, incinerating one of the dead changelings on the ground in an angry green flame.

“We may still be able to track them, your majesty,” vibrated a voice beside her. Her angry eyes fixed themselves on Traxx, who was examining the still-rising smoke where the ponies had teleported.

“Traxx,” Chrysalis acknowledged. “You’re the real one, right?”

“Yes, my Queen.”

“Not another ancient being here to ruin everything?”

“No, my Queen.”

“Well, you certainly pass the boring test.”

“I am grateful, my Queen.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She paused, and followed his gaze. “You’re saying you can track the teleport?”

“I cannot. But somebody might.”

“Right.” Chrysalis pushed her mind into the hive.

Mraxx. Report to the throne room.

R-right away, my Queen! I just have to finish this chapter—the princess’s collection of magical references is vastly superior to any I’ve seen! She has the first edition of ‘Advanced Evocation’ by—”

Now!

Of course! Of course.

Another minute, and her magic expert galloped into the throne room, round glasses comically small against his large eyes.

“What’s the matter?”

Chrysalis jutted a hoof towards the jagged triangle of scorch marks. “Trace this teleport.”

“Right, right, of course. Do you happen to know what spell it was?”

“Missy Floor’s three-spleened group teleport or something, I don’t know. Just tell me where they escaped to!”

“Easy now, my Queen. You can’t rush a magician.”

“You seem to want to rush right on to a demotion,” Chrysalis threatened. “Names are a privilege, you know.”

Mraxx jumped into shape at that, bustling about the thaumic burn with a bee in his chitin. He probed with both his magic and his hooves, pawing at the ground, sniffing at the smoke, and analyzing the traces of arcana in the air. Chrysalis was just about to tell him to hurry it up when he turned to face her, levitating his glasses up his nose.

“The spell was cast excellently, my Queen—not that I would expect any less from a princess. If they weren’t so rushed, I imagine I wouldn’t be able to track it at all! B-but! But!” he stammered out as Chrysalis’s gaze hardened, “I do have a general idea!”

In a poof of green smoke, a map fell onto the ground. “The teleport was going roughly in this direction”—he drew a line on the map with magic—“ and I’d guess the distance was about… here?”

He circled the Whitetail Woods.

“It’s certainly close enough,” Traxx observed. “Only a few minutes’ march from Ponyville. The cover of the forest would also be tactically advantageous. Unfamiliar ground to us, as well. An ideal place for a camp.”

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes, and blasted a hole through the map where Mraxx had circled it, causing the changeling to leap back in surprise.

“Thank you, Mraxx. You are dismissed.” She slid her eyes past him. “Traxx. Dispatch a scouting team at once, and give me hourly reports; sooner if you find anything.”

“Yes, my Queen.”

They both left the room in a hurry, and Chrysalis clenched her eyes shut, releasing a weary breath. I think I need another bath.

Author's Note:

Happy Thanksgiving, to those Americans among you! I'm thankful for you guys

On a different note, we've passed fifty thousand words, which is pretty cool. It also coincidentally coincides with the two-thirds-mark. I'd celebrate, but I don't have any ideas for how to do that, so I'm just going to eat too much food tomorrow and call my bases covered.