"Starscream you oaf, where is that transport of Energon", Megatron yelled through his communication link. "The Autobots are trailing the ship". He yelled again. Megatron then walked over to the main screen, where a now holographic Optimus prime stood.
"Master, we should flee. The Autobots have all but tanked us", Starscream screamed through the com link.
"Megatron, surrender, or we will be forced to take other measures", Optimus tried to reason with Megatron. Megatron and his Decepticons had suffered a major loss at the hands of Optimus and the Autobots. They had destroyed life on earth, and Prime had found reinforcements and blasted him and his Decepticons off the earth. They had scrambled and fled for the space bridge, where hopefully they could get away from Prime and his new armada.
"We will never surrender Prime", Megatron yelled at the hologram.
"Than I am truly sorry for what is coming next", Prime said, before the hologram disappeared. Not even five seconds later, the ship was under attack.
"Take this ship faster, get to the space bridge, it's our only hope", Megatron yelled as they continued to get barraged by energon shots. The space bridge was just around the dark side of the moon. The ship began to take more and more damage as they got closer to the moon.
"You will not make it to the space bridge Megatron", came Optimus Prime's voice over the ship's com link.
"I will get wherever I want to get Prime", Megatron said as he powered up the gun on his arm. He then shot the com link and transformed into his alternate Jet mode and Flew out of the ship. Just seconds of leaving the ship, it exploded and the blast sent him reeling towards the Bridge. Some of the ship debris had travel into the bridge, crossing over into the atmosphere of Cybertron. Megatron then seen shots enter the bridge. upon entering the field, the bridge began to surge out energy and began to suck Megatron in. He had no choice but to enter the bridge. Upon entering the bridge, Megatron was transported than more than just space. He passed through the bridge and was transported into the magical land of equestria. He landed hard on what appeared to be dirt and a meadow. He transformed and looked upon the world he crash landed in. It was a seemingly happy place, and it disturbed him. It was too happy, and there didn't seem to be any energy anywhere, at least none he could use.
Megatron stood up as his optics rebooted and focused on the land around him. "What is this place?," He groaned as he checked his energon levels. The surge had knocked out a fair bit of energon of him. His levels were about half there usual normal levels. "There has to be energon around here somewhere?" he said as he began to walk around.
A few miles away, there sat the little town of Ponyville, where Twilight Sparkle sat at her desk inside of her library. She had come upon a funny spell that had sparked her interest. The spell was difficult at first, but was made easy after she read a deciphering page at the beginning of the book. The spell said something about energy, and as she cast it, she wished she hadn't. A green liquid, much like water, but thicker, now covered her and the room. "Ewwww, what is this stuff?" Twilight asked herself as she ran a hoof across her soaked mane. "I will need to get a sample for testing," Twilight said to herself as she brought a jar from one of her shelves with her magic. She scooped up some of the liquid and capped it. "Now to take this to the castle and get it tested," she said as she walked out of the library. She was greeted by a large crowd, all looking at her with a worried look on their faces. "What are all of you doing here?" Twilight asked the crowd.
"You didn't hear the explosion Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked with a touch of fear in her voice.
"Are you sure it just wasn't me, I mean look at me, I am covered in this green....., stuff?" Twilight said with disgust.
The ponies heard the whirr of a jet engine resounding from everywhere. They raised their heads in fear as the Grey jet flew towards them. Twilight and her friends grouped up and prepared for a fight. The jet slowed and hovered over the ponies before making a noise and Transforming. Megatron landed in front of the scared ponies. Twilight cast a spell towards Megatron. The spell hit him, but bounced off of his metal hide and went void.
"What are these insects?" Megatron said to himself and to the ponies.
"Insects, no, we are ponies from the land of Equestria. What may I ask are you?" Twilight asked.
"My name is Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. Wait....., where did you find that energon?" Megatron asked as he looked at the goo all over Twilight.
"Energon, is that like magic?" Twilight asked, intrigued that another being knew what this goo could be.
"Energon, the life blood of my kind. Where did you find it?" Megatron asked again, a little more harshly.
"I made it with my magic. It was pretty easy really" Twilight said, a little hurt by Megatron's words.
"Can you make of it?" Megatron asked, hands opening slowly.
"Yes, I can make more of it," Twilight said. "Why do you ask?"
"I myself am running low on energon, and I could use a refuel," Megatron said, persuading Twilight to perform the spell. Once this insect reveals how she makes this synthetic energon, I will use it and take control of this world and make enough energon to raise a new army and find a way back to Earth and destroy the Autobots and Optimus Prime.
Give me a few ideas if anybody thinks of them
A few things I'd like to mention.
The first is that thoughts should be italicized or put into single quotation marks.
'Such as this thought that you can somehow read,' the commenter thought. Or this thought you can still somehow read. It kind of disturbs me you can read my thoughts.
The second is the pacing feels a bit too fast.
Now, before I continue, it's still way better than it was with the first story of yours I read. So, it isn't too fast (or too furious).
I'm okay with how Megatron gets to Equestria, though I feel it would've been cool if he questioned his surroundings a bit more. He was in space prior to his before hand, right? Maybe you could've had him look around a bit and encounter a creature native to the land before we jumped to Twilight.
The second is... ehhh, more a nitpick. I feel it's a little OOC for Twilight to fire something at Megatron.
Granted, it is a... what, forty foot robot? I can understand it being a knee jerk reaction to seeing it.
At the same time, her not apologizing was a bit odd.
While I'm at it, I also feel she was convinced a bit too quickly to make more of the Energon.
That said, I'm definitely interested to see where this story goes.
My criticisms aside, there's potential here—especially as someone who only knows of the Transformers thanks to the Michael Bay films.
So, with my long winded comment done, keep it up, and don't take my criticism too harshly.
7449334 thanks for the feedback, I am kinda in the thinking out process of the rest, and I have though of going back and working on the first chapter. I will look foreward to more comments from you as the story unfolds.
7449387 I'm very glad you're taking my criticisms well.
I have one last thing to mention. You say you've thought about going back and working on the chapter you just put up.
If you aren't 100% satisfied—or sure—about a chapters quality, hold off on putting it up.
Re-read it and make sure everything sounds as good as you'd like it to. Once you feel it's as fantabulous as you'd like it to be, put it up.
That isn't to say that contemplating revising something down the road is a bad thing (I'm doing it right now with my story).
And, of course, I could've read into what you said so much that I somehow ended up in the Andromeda.
TL;DR, If I interpreted what you said correctly, and you're skeptical of a chapters quality, hold off on publishing it.
If I read too much into your comment, greetings from the Andromeda Galaxy!
7449412 oh no, after I put it up and reread it again, yea, I'm weird like that, I had a couple thoughts about making it better, and your comment was among them. it might be a little bit before the next chapter.
and on your last comment, about Megatron. I am using The Transformers Prime Megatron, which looks like this,
http://tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/e/ee/Tfprimemegatronjet.jpg/250px-Tfprimemegatronjet.jpg
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/transformers-prime/images/d/da/Prime-Megatron.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20121006043614
The Prime Megatron was very persuasive, and a mentor to Orion Pax (Optimus Prime). He has all the destructive qualities of Bay's Megatron, and very very cunning. He once persuaded optimus to become a decepticon. He also persuaded one of them to work on their own demise, by crafting synthetic energon to destroy the earth. don't want to fanboy too much here, I loved the Megatron In prime, the best besides G1, and I even think he's got that beat!! ok, that's all for now...
Looks good, characters are pretty good.
I noticed a ton of grammatical errors having to do with quotes- you might want to go over your work a few times before publishing it. If you don't want to do that, you could get an editor. I'm always available, and it shouldn't be too hard to get one otherwise.
Other than that, this has amazing potential!