Not a clopflic

So... This story won't have graphic sex scenes?

7407044 Nope

The lines by Sunset every other paragraph, often stating the obvious, or things that might either be described or thought, really aren't good. It might better if you tried to give Sunset's impression of the new world clearly and briefly rather than going painstakingly through every last thing. I can't see that the attempted mugging is going to add much to the future plot either, plan out the story in advance and cut what doesn't meaningfully develop character or advance plot. Hope this helps with editing and further chapters.