The Transcredible Exploits of Flash Sentry

by HiddenMac

Treats To Die For

"NYA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!"

Evil Chef Gustave twirled his old-timey villainous mustache while Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Apple Bloom sat helplessly tied to a chair. His nefarious plot involves poisoning the Princess of Friendship and her two friends for no reasonable purpose; and that purpose was to perpetuate evil. The captives struggle in their chairs, terrified, while Twilight kept a brave face in defiance of the dastardly, top-hatted and caped villain. Gustave, ever being the arrogant blaggard, continued to brag of the genius of his diabolical scheme.

"Once The Princess of Friendship is no more, I shall conquer all of Equestria with my poisonous pastries of peril! And no pony can stop me!" he raised his talons in premature triumph.

"Flash Sentry can stop you!" Twilight interrupts his maniacal laughter.

Gustave leans forward and points a ray gun at her head, even though the technology is far too advanced to be Equestrian. "Well, of course FLASH SENRTY can stop me! But he won't arrive in time before I finish this sent-"

"Ha-HAAA!" Flash Sentry kicks in the door to the room and poses in heroic fashion.

"Beep-boop-beep! It's Flash Sentry! Come to rescue us!" the now mechanical Rainbot Dash exclaims in monotone.

"My hero! He's so dreamy!" the tiny, red-maned Apple Bloom adds.

"Oh no! Flash Sentry! I shall surely be vanquished!" Gustave trembles in fear.

"That's right," Twilight grins at the villain, "for my love for Flash Sentry is so great that he can inexplicably find me without knowing where to start looking!"

Flash steps forward into the room, accompanied by his loyal yet useless assistant Spike. Our hero brandishes his own ray gun and points it at the cowardly villain. His heroic confidence is matched only by the fear of Gustave, the love of Twilight, and the admiration of her weak and forgettable friends. Flash is always victorious and this will surely get him another medal and promotion in rank to twenty-eight star General. He can already see the victory ceremony put on by President Celestia as waves of eager fillies throw themselves at Flash's hooves. But first, he must dispatch of this treacherous enemy.

"Surrender, Gustave Le BANNED!" his attempt to cleverly mock the villain's name draws snickers from the captives, "or I shall be forced to shoot!"

"Very well," Gustave drops his weapon, knowing he is no match for the overwhelmingly masculine hero, "I surrender! Please don't hurt me!" He kicks the weapon away and raises his talons in submission.

"I triumph again!" Flash exclaims, "and now that you are defenseless..." He fires his ray gun at Gustave, who instantly disintegrates into a pile of ash. "They'll now be calling him Gustave Le CANNED!" Flash twirls around his weapon before holstering it and striking another heroic pose. "Another courageous battle narrowly won by the indefeatable Flash Sentry!"

"Our hero!" the captives cheer in unison.

"Spike! Be of some use and untie the prisoners! Starting with the sultry Twilight!" Flash winks at Twilight who blushes profusely at her gallant hero.

The weak and tiny dragon comically trips and stumbles about before finally reaching Twilight. Once untied, Twilight jumps into Flash Sentry's embrace and gives our hero a romantic kiss on the lips. The feeble Spike proceeds to untie the other two less important captives.

"Spike!" Flash gives one final order, "inform the rest of the soldiers: I will be having relations tonight!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!"

---

The black and white illusion disappears as Twilight protests Flash's absurd story to the guards. She was having a pleasant picnic with her five closest friends at a table in the local park. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Big Mac, and Granny Smith also joined in the fun. Gustave Le Grand had even offered to bake some sweets and pastries during his visit to Ponyville. However, Flash Sentry has recently taken a much greater interest in Twilight and often attempts ridiculous displays to woo her. The authorities were now questioning Flash and all witnesses involved as to the assault on Gustave, who now lies against the picnic table with bandages wrapped around his head and being attended to by Applejack and Fluttershy. After her outburst, Twilight briefly summarizes the actual account of what happened.

"We were just having a nice picnic when Flash wanted to show off by sprinting into Gustave and knocking him down. Then he slapped the fruit tarts out of our hooves and claimed he saved our lives... before, once again, asking me out on a date." she was embarrassed to give that last statement.

"I DID save your lives!" Flash interjected. "Those tarts were poisoned! I heard him say so himself: Poison Berries!"

Twilight facehoofed at the idiocy of Flash, "Not Poisonberry; BOYSENberry! They were Boysenberry tarts!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash added. "And since when was I a robot?"

"Well, my boy, you've always seemed cold to me."

"BOY?!" Rainbow now grew upset at this accusation. "I'M NOT A BOY! I'M A FULL GROWN MARE!"

Flash appeared surprisingly relieved, like guilt had just been lifted off his back. "Really? Oh, thank Celestia! I thought I was attracted to another stallion; a sexy, seductive stallion!" Flash now started to rub his chest in small, pleasurable circles.

"Bite my magical rainbow ASS!" Dash approached closer before being restrained by Twilight. Not wanting to hear anymore of Flash's insults, Rainbow decided to leave the picnic with Scootaloo following behind. "C'mon Scoots, let's get out of here so you can tell me how great I am!"

"You are great, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo genuinely admired.

"Shut up, baby! I know it!" Dash pimp-strutted away.

Flash flinched back as a disturbingly enthused and creepy pink pony jumped in front of him.

"Ooh! If Dash can be a robot, can I be something different too?!" Pinkie Pie eagerly requested.

"Uh, sure kid, what do you want? To be some sort of alien?"

"WOW! CAN I?! How 'bout one with lobster claws and a freaky tentacle face!" Pinkie bounced overly excited.

"Sure...whatever. Knock yourself out..." Flash brushed her off before turning his attention back to Twilight with a wink while bobbing his brow.

Pinkie made a perfect imitation of a crab scuttling away as she pretended herself to be the crustaceous alien. "Woop woop woop woop woop woop woop!"

"Well, what about Gustave? You said you vaporized him with some imaginary ray gun, yet there he is! How do you explain that?!" Twilight pointed to the very much alive Griffon.

"Simple," Flash boasted, "he got better!"

"But... you still attacked him!" Twilight huffed as the guards took down notes.

"Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll apologize!" Flash motioned his assistant Spike over to the griffon, "Spike! Go apologize!" After a silent moment, Flash looked around to see what was taking Spike so long. "Spike? SPIKE! Where in the name of velour are you?"

In this reality, Spike grew up in Canterlot before joining the guard as Flash Sentry's shy and nervous assistant. He had never seen such a cute and unapproachable pony as Rarity. His tiny dragon heart pounded in his chest as he couldn't take his eyes off the pony fashionista. He crept his way over to the injured Gustave while never taking his eyes off Rarity. Even while speaking to Gustave, he was really talking to Rarity.

"Um, uh, Hi..." Spike battled his nerves as he tried to keep his lunch down. "I just wanted, er, uh...that is, Flash just wanted to say... you're very sorry. NO, WAIT! I MEAN...pretty. No..." He stuttered and mumbled for a few moments before finally getting it right, "Flash is sorry and thinks you're very pretty!" he blushed and did his best to hide his face from the embarrassment.

Gustave looked at Rarity as he knew what the scared little dragon was trying to say. Rarity figured it out too but decided to tease the nervous lieutenant in a friendly way.

"Well spluh! Of course Flash would think Gustave is pretty, but what do you think about me?" she rested a hoof on his shoulder and batted her eyes as she flirted.

"Well, um...oh geez!" Spike continued sputtering, unable to control his words. His legs grew weak and his stomach would eventually get the better of him. He lost all control as the contents of his stomach were forced up out of his throat.

"BUUUURP!"

"SWEET SPLATTIN' OF MANEHATTEN" Applejack cried in shock of the eruption.

Spike vomited, but not his lunch, much to his relief. He vomited a surge of green flame as he spat fire at the infirmed Gustave. As if to add one final insult, Gustave's mustache became enflamed. The singed facial hair quickly cooled off as Spike apologized, but the griffon was having one lousy day.

"It's all right, darling. It was an accident," Rarity comforted the worried dragon. "I know you're a good little dragon; and you're so cute when you're nervous." She kissed him on the cheek. "Call me next time you're in town!"

Spike melted into the ground with a long and winding smile across his face as the cute unicorn trotted away to help Applejack and Fluttershy take Gustave to the local hospital. Sweetie Belle also decided to call it a day and left for home. The guards continued asking Twilight about the details of the incident.

"So...can anypony else corroborate your accusations, Miss?" the guard asked Twilight.

"Yes! Big Mac, you can back me up, right!" she looked over to the quiet, scruffy looking stallion.

"Second." was all he said while he leaned back and crossed his forelegs.

Twilight grinned and narrowed her eyes at Flash Sentry, thinking she finally had him. Flash had pursued Twilight ever since they first encountered each other and she gullibly fell for his act for a brief time. After her initial infatuation, which consisted of little more than smiling and blushing, she discovered his true arrogant and idiotic personality. It was a personality that somehow got him promoted to Captain, but his cowardice and incompetence usually sends wave after wave of his own troops to their untimely deaths while he takes credit for their sacrifice. Fortune often favors the fool, however, and Flash always manages to escape and often come out victorious.

"Oh yeah?" Flash rebutted to Twilight, "well, this scruffy looking pony, whose name I can't remember or care about, isn't smart enough to remember right! He probably saw what I said happened!"

"Second." scruffy Big Mac agreed again.

"There! You see? He's an imbecile!" Flash accused while pointing at Big Mac who sat reclined, staring into the sky while lost in his own thoughts.

The insult was not lost on Mac as he eventually contributed to the conversation, if only to defend his pride. "These insults wound my sensitive hubris! Woe is my tormented soul in this setting of unpleasantness."

Apple Bloom felt bad for her big brother, but also impressed that he expressed his true feelings so eloquently, even if it was only in monotone. She approached to comfort him, "that was beautiful, Big Mac. It's okay, we can take it from here, if you want."

Big Mac remained reclined as he picked up and read a dirty magazine, unconcerned with reading it in public. "Eeyup."

"And just like that, the moment's gone..." Apple Bloom rolled her eyes.

"Good news, everypony!" Granny Smith blindly stepped forward, "it seems President Celestia will sort this whole thing out!" She pointed to the approaching head in a jar.

The monarch reigned a thousand years ago, but was recently reelected by a single vote. Though nobody could legally rule as long as she did, she got around that with the loophole that she technically no longer had a "body". Her proudest moment was taking the office once again with her brief inauguration speech of "LESTIE'S BA-A-A-ACK!"

Celestia approached being carried by her vice president, headless Luna. As always, she had an angry look on her face; she wondered why Flash had been gone so long. New events had emerged and she needed her star military commander to lead the charge.

"Sentry! What in blazes are you doing here! I need you to fight the pacifist sloths of the Hippie Forest!"

"Sorry, ma'am! These simple guards appear to be confused about how I heroically and selflessly saved the lives of these simple ponies...not to mention the sexy Twilight Sparkle!" Flash winked again at Twilight. Twilight groaned in disgust.

"AROOOOOO!" Celestia wailed in frustration, "get back to your troops; we have a war to win!" She turned her attention to the guards, "And you! Get back to work before I put you on the front lines under his command!"

The soldiers scattered as they knew that every mission under Flash Sentry's command was a suicide mission. Though shocked, Twilight should have known something like this would have happened; Flash always gets his way. Before she could protest, President Celestia was already on her way back to Canterlot being carried by the flying headless Luna. Mac continued reading his pornographic magazine and Granny Smith laughed maniacally while waving her forelegs about half-insane. The only consolation she had was the concerned look on Apple Bloom's face.

---

We now find our hero in bed; the voluptuous Twilight by his side. A satisfied smile stretches across her face while her eyes roll back in sexual bliss. Flash Sentry wraps one foreleg around her while smoking a cigar in the other, proud with his virile performance.

"So...was it as good for you as it was for Equestria?" he blows out a puff of smoke, already knowing the answer.

"Oh, Flash! Let's save Equestria again right now!" Twilight embraces the conquering stallion.

Flash snores loudly, his energy depleted from heroic battle and heroic-er lovemaking. Twilight pats him on the stomach as she rests her head on his chest.

And so, Gustave Le Can't has once again been defeated and the day once again saved by the once again heroic and brave Flash Sentry...once again! Treachery could not win this day; Flash has proven he is much too wily to be defeated by mere false accusations! For wherever there is villainy, wherever there are attractive fillies in nominal distress, wherever there are peaceful enemies waiting to be conquered, Flash Sentry shall be there to save the day!

Join us next time for more of...

The Transcredible Exploits Of Flash Sentry!

Author's Note:

A quick introductory story to set the tone and identify which character is which.

These should all follow the format of dream/illusion sandwiching the actual events.