The Light of Despair

by Gordon Pasha

Ceaseless Striving

The sky had become a hazy purple as the remains of smoke hung in the night air, dimming the stars into nothing. Only the moon above was visible, if just barely. Not that it mattered much to Radiant Hope. As she slipped down the wall of the hovel, she barely even opened her eyes. She was tired. Incredibly tired. It had been days – Hope could not remember how many – since she had had that one decent night of sleep.

Her long blue hair fell in disheveled locks down the front of her face. Mud had gotten caked onto her; she had not found a chance to wash any of it off. Not that it made much of a difference – daily washing for most was an innovation centuries in Equestria’s future – but crystal ponies had a reputation for being much more hygienic than their non-crystalline brethren. So much the better to show off their trademark sparkling shine.

Not that Hope looked much like a crystal pony any more. Her coat and mane had both dimmed considerably, and there was no trace of the diamond-like grooves and glints that usually distinguished her kind. Hope put her head in her hooves.

She heard voices. Slowly, she lifted up her head, just enough to look at the ponies speaking. One was Oriflamme, who had once more come to check on her progress. The other was Fallen Fortune. They were not paying much attention to her. Which was strange, since she was the topic of their conversation.

“Not to put too fine a point on it,” said Fallen Fortune, “but she has singularly failed, day after day after day. All of the ponies she’s treated have, well….”

Hope did not need to be reminded of it. She had tended to countless ponies over the past several days. She had used her most potent healing spells. She had used seemingly every spell in her arsenal. And yet, events just repeated themselves. The ponies would improve, the plague would seem to be eradicated. And then, late in the night, they’d go terminal. And there’d be absolutely no clue as to why.

“What do you want me to do?” Oriflamme responded. “Boot her out of town? There’s a blockade on all the roads, remember?”

“I was merely thinking that maybe she should not be trusted around the infected. She clearly has no idea what she’s doing.”

He looked over Oriflamme’s shoulder and sent a friendly wave in Hope’s direction.

Then, more quietly, he added, “She’s a danger to herself and others.”

“Now, look. I’ve tried to be patient with you, but–”

“No, no, hear me out! I’m just suggesting that you allow a pony with more qualifications and a proven record handle them instead.”

“Then that rules you out, too.”

The fake grin fell from Fortune’s face. “May I remind you that I am a trained alchemist? Practicing for nearly ten years now!”

Oriflamme shook her head. “You know what I think of alchemy. I have no trust in it!”

“Perhaps not, but….” Fallen Fortune began rubbing Oriflamme’s foreleg with his hoof. “Do you have trust in me? Maybe that is something we can work on.”

The mayor slapped him with her wing, nearly knocking Fortune over. “You’ll try it on any mare, won’t you?”

Fortune picked himself up. “But you’re willing to put all your hope in Radiant Hope?”

“At least she makes the plague go away for a few hours before it kills them!”

“And that’s better?”

Oriflamme readied her wing. Fallen Fortune quickly blocked his face with his hooves.

“Get out of here before I do something worse than hit you!” the mayor said.

Fallen Fortune did not need to be told twice. Once he was gone, Oriflamme approached Hope.

Hope looked up when she became cognizant of the tall pegasus standing over her.

“Any luck?” the mayor asked.

“Same as all the rest,” Hope answered. “I’ve done my best and the plague seems to be gone, but….”

“But she has to make it through the night first.”

“Yeah….”

Hope wondered if anypony she treated would ever make it through the night.

“Thank you for sticking up for me,” Hope said. “I think Fallen Fortune really resents what I’m doing.”

“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Oriflamme responded. “There’s nothing stopping him from continuing his trade, other than the fact that nopony wants to buy from him since you showed up.”

Hope hit her head against her hooves. “But I’ve failed! Whenever I treat anypony, they don’t make it through the night.”

“They wouldn’t have made it through the night even if you hadn’t,” Oriflamme said, her voice suddenly soothing. “The plague at least reacts to your magic. It never did that for him.”

Hope stared at Oriflamme, her eyes full of confusion. “W-why are you being so nice to me? You were so mad… a few days ago….”

“I was just disappointed. I had thought for a moment that you might actually be able to cure the plague. And then, when you couldn’t…. But I’m over that now. You’re not the first pony who thought they could beat this thing. Fallen Fortune wasn’t even the first. We’re used to being disappointed, and it barely even registers for most of the townsfolk anymore.”

Hope thought back to the past few days. Indeed, that first day had been hard. Though nopony had said anything to her directly, she had felt glares of anger and betrayal wherever she went. She had tried to explain things to a few of the family members of those she had treated, but they would not even talk to her.

Then, the next day, everything changed. The fanfare was gone, the interest in having a “princess” in town was gone, but nopony seemed to single her out for any special attention. They were not friendly to her, by any means, but neither were they harsh. And, when new cases of the plague broke out, ponies still called on her to do her best against it.

Hope had never been able to understand it.

“I know everypony is disappointed in me,” she said, “but they keep coming to me and asking me for help. Why….”

Oriflamme smiled. “Why do they do that? As a princess, you should understand a thing or two about ponies.”

Hope was, by this point in her stay, a past master at guilt, but now she felt it for something which she had barely thought about. She realized that she had never corrected this particular misapprehension of her.

“I’m… I’m not a princess….” Hope said quietly. She felt like she could not look Oriflamme in the eyes.

“Yeah, that was becoming rather obvious,” said the mayor.

Hope jerked her head up. “You knew?”

Oriflamme tilted hers and lowered it a little closer. “I started to figure it out after the first few days. What princess comes to town with nothing but a beaten-up old cloak and a couple saddlebags? What princess could stand to be covered in dirt and mud for so long? And Celestia would be crazy to allow another princess past the blockade if her own powers were insufficient. So, yeah, you’re no princess.”

“I could become a princess someday,” Hope said.

“I don’t care,” Oriflamme answered. “I don’t care if you’re a princess or not.”

“Is that why you haven’t told the townsponies?”

Oriflamme briefly looked at the cluttered hovels behind this one. Then, she said, “The townsponies are the reason I don’t care. You could be Celestia’s prize pupil for all I know. Or you could be a conpony or a madpony that just forged that badge yourself. It doesn’t matter to me. Because those ponies believe you are a princess.”

“I don’t know about that. They must be starting to wonder….”

“Well, they want to believe it, then. And they don’t really have anything else to believe in. They made themselves believe in Fallen Fortune for so long, no matter how much he failed, because it was either that or give in to despair. And now that you’re here–”

“I’m the new Fallen Fortune,” Hope said glumly.

“You’re better. You’ve at least had a little more success. You’ve given them a little more to believe in. Oh, it’s not much, but it’s better than nothing. Hope is hard to find in this town, so I’m not going to take what little they do have away.”

Hope did not answer.

“I thought it would at least cheer you up a little,” said the mayor. “You are living up to your name. Admittedly, in a completely unspectacular fashion, but still.”

“I’ve always hated my name,” Hope said.

“Granted, ‘Forlorn Hope’ might be better than ‘Radiant Hope’, but what can you do?” the mayor said.

Hope rose from the ground. Every joint and muscle ached, but she had to stand up.

“I can get back to work,” Hope said. “I’m going to sit with this pony all night if I have to, but I’m going to make sure she makes it until morning.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” the mayor said. “You really should get some rest.”

“I have to,” Hope said. “I’ve never been there when the plague reappeared. When I arrived, it was always too late.”

“But you might not be able to do anything when the plague comes back.”

“I can try.”

“What if you can’t save her, though? Are you going to be able to stand seeing what happens to her?”

“I’m a healer. Nopony ever said it was a happy profession.”

Oriflamme sighed. “Is there anypony else with you? You know, in case you fall asleep?”

“She has no family,” Hope said.

“Will you be alright all alone with her, then? I wish I could stay, but I need to get some sleep. There’s a trial tomorrow that I have to preside over. I’d send one of my assistants, but they’re all so terrified of catching plague.”

“I’ll be fine,” Hope answered.

Oriflamme surveyed Hope. Despite being clearly exhausted beyond what most ponies would consider their natural limit, Hope seemed alert and determined. Finally, the mayor nodded.

“Very well. I’ll come to check on you in the morning.”

“Thank you,” Hope said, managing a large smile.

When the mayor was gone, she turned back to the hovel. The smile did not fade. Even though Hope felt the weight of all her previous charges, all the ones she could not save, on her, she was still smiling.

I wasn’t there for them before, she thought. But I’m here now. And I just know that, as long as I’m by her side, this pony is going to live.

With that thought, she trotted inside.

---

What would Radiant Hope experience that night?

Read on.