More in Common

by Batgirl639

The Unicorn at the Turntable

The Unicorn at the Turntable

Octavia walked down the streets of Manehattan recalling the notes of the song she was planning to play at tryouts for this years Canterlot Garden Party. If Octavia was able to get the job as one of the musicians at the party, it would really help her career as a musician. She also would be paid enough bits to finally buy her own house rather than renting an apartment or having roommates. She’d been saving up for awhile now, and the paycheck for playing at the party would give her just enough to buy a house.
Octavia was sure she would play at the Garden Party again. It was a classy party and needed classy music which was Octavia’s favorite and only kind of music. Octavia played for the party last year. She was positive she could do it again.
Octavia was so busy thinking about her solo and what would happen when she played at the party, she didn’t notice she arrived at the music hall until she almost ran into it.
“Remember, it’s pizzicato on the second line, repeat on the eighth, and then another bow lift,” she told herself before entering. She took a deep breath. “Here I go.”
When Octavia walked through the doors, she was greeted by the sound of a saxophone playing somewhere. Octavia walked through the same hallways she walked through since she was a little filly going to perform her first concert. As Octavia entered the auditorium, she saw a mare on stage playing a saxophone with a judge sitting at a table in front of the rows and rows of chairs. There were many ponies sitting in the rows of chairs waiting for their turn to play.
Octavia took a seat in the back row where she unpacked her cello and took her sheet music out from inside her case. looked at the music again. She was ready.
Only about five to ten ponies would be allowed to play at the party and there were tryouts in only the most popular cities in Equestria: Manehattan and Canterlot. Octavia knew that chances of her getting into the party were very slim, but she still felt confident with her playing.
The pony with the saxophone finished her solo and exited the stage as Octavia and the other musicians applauded. The pony was slightly nervous as she stepped off the stage, and she had good reason to be. Nopony would find out if he or she were accepted until a week from tryouts.
The judge called another pony onto stage and began listening to the colt’s fiddle. Octavia waited about twenty minutes before it was her turn to play. She picked up her cello, bow, and sheet music and walked to the stage. There were no chairs or stools on the stage which wasn’t a problem. Octavia never sat down while she played her cello because hers was rather large and was easier to play while standing. Nevertheless, it was a cello- not a bass. Octavia adjusted her bowtie before she began playing a song she wrote herself. The judge scribbled down some notes on his paper.
When Octavia finished, she took her stuff back up to her seat where she packed up her cello and stuffed her sheet music into the case with it.
Octavia was heading towards the door when she was startled by a repulsive screeching sound. She dropped her cello as she quickly turned around to see what made the horrible noise. She was shocked to see a yellowish-white unicorn with a mane and tail that were striped with two shades of blue and sunglasses on even though it was quite dark in the room due to the dim lights. The part that surprised Octavia was the unicorn was sitting at a turntable which- in Octavia’s mind- didn’t qualify as an instrument.
The judge also jumped at the screech.
“Oops...uh, sorry about that. I’m still setting it up,” the unicorn at the turntable said. The unicorn set up the turntable and began playing some kind of rap music which Octavia hated.
The unicorn played for awhile but the judge didn’t seem to mind the very long song. In fact, the judge seemed to enjoy the music even more than he had any song that was played today. Octavia, on the other hoof, stood by door staring at the scene with her mouth open.
Octavia finally snapped out of her stun when the song finished. Octavia picked up her cello and quickly ran out the door.
“I can’t believe it!” Octavia muttered to herself as she walked home. “The things that pass for music these days. And the judge enjoyed it better than any other song that was played. He almost fell asleep when that one pony played the lyre but enjoyed listening to that pony make noise on a turntable?!” Octavia wasn’t sure why she was mad. Was it that fact that the judge might put the unicorn in the garden party and not her? Was it that the judge didn’t know what good music was and somepony put him in charge of deciding who would play at the party?
Octavia sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I may not get to get enough bits to get my own house, but at least I have an apartment,” she said. “And good taste in music,” she added when she remembered the turntable.
Octavia arrived at her apartment. When she went inside, she put her cello in her bedroom, put her bowtie on her dresser, and took a nap.
The next morning, she made some cereal for breakfast, took a shower, then left her apartment and went to the store. While she was walking down the street, she saw the unicorn from the turntable leave her house and start walking down the opposite side of the street. Sorry, I typed that wrong. She didn’t start walking down the street, she started dancing down the street.
Octavia rolled her eyes. When the unicorn noticed Octavia walking on the opposite side of the street, she started running towards Octavia. When she reached Octavia, the unicorn greeted her with a big smile as if the two of them were best friends who haven’t seen each other in years.
“Hey, dude!” the unicorn said.
Octavia paid little attention to the unicorn. “Uh...Hi,” she said.
The unicorn frowned as if she expected a more excited response. Then the unicorn smiled happily.
“I know who you are!” the unicorn exclaimed. This made Octavia kind of nervous. But, she just decide to play it cool.
“Do you now,” was all she said. The unicorn realized Octavia was playing it cool so she decided to too.
“Yea, I’m a pretty popular pony around here. I know a lot of ponies,” the unicorn said. “HI LYRA!!!” she screamed at the unicorn across the street as she waved like a maniac.
“I can tell,” Octavia said in an annoyed tone. The unicorn didn’t seem to notice the annoyed part.
“Just ignore her. She’ll go away. Just be patient,” Octavia thought.
“Where you going, dude?” the unicorn asked.
“..........The store,” Octavie finally said. She tried the ignoring but she just felt so mean. After all, the unicorn was just trying to make friends.
“Something about this pony reminds me of a pink pony I met at the Grand Galloping Gala last year,” Octavia thought.
“Okay....” the unicorn said.
“Yes! It’s working! She’s running out of things to say! Just wait a little longer and she’ll leave,” Octavia thought happily.
“Oh, sorry, how rude of me. My name is Vinyl Scratch, but you can call me DJ Pon-3. What’s your name?” the unicorn asked.
“Octavia,” Octavia said.
“When you’re done shopping, do you want to come over to my house?” Vinyl asked.
Octavia sighed. “Listen, Miss.Vinyl, I don’t mean to be rude, but we don’t know each other and we’re not friends.”
“But I know who you are!”
“Do you?” Octavia asked as she raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, you’re that really talented pony who played the cello at the tryouts.” That caught Octavia’s attention.
“How did you know it was a cello and not a bass?” Octavia asked. “Everypony thinks it’s a bass.” She looked into the unicorn’s red eyes for the first time.
“Oh, well I play cello and bass, so I can tell the difference,” Vinyl said.
“You play cello and bass?” Octavia was surprised. Maybe she could learn to like this pony. Vinyl nodded.
“Um... You do know the Canterlot Garden Party is a classy party, don’t you?” Octavia asked.
“Yep!”
“Then if you play cello and bass (which sound really nice playing classical music,) how come you played rap on a turntable for a tryout for a sophisticated party?” Octavia asked.
“Well, because the style music is changing. Most ponies like rap and rock and hip-hop and stuff like that. And I like the turntable a million times better than a cello or bass,” Vinyl said
“Oh no, classical music is timeless,” Octavia said.
“Whatever, it’s just my opinion, dude,” Vinyl said. Octavia rolled her eyes at the “dude.”
“Oh, we’re already here,” Octavia said as she looked up at the front of the store.
The two ponies shopped together and had many musical conversations. Octavia told Vinyl about how playing at last year's Canterlot Garden Party was and Vinyl told Octavia about how operating the turntable at the Royal Wedding was. When the ponies finished their shopping, they walked out of the store together.
“So, you still never answered my question,” Vinyl said. “Do you want to come over to my house?”
“Now?”
“Well, you can go home first if you want to. Or, you don’t even have to come at all.”
“No, I’ll go right now if that’s okay.”
“That’s more than okay, that’s awesome!”
The two ponies went to Vinyl's house where she showed Octavia how to operate the turntable. Octavia didn’t hate it as much anymore. Then Vinyl showed Octavia her bass and cello. Octavia thought the cello was really small because she got used to her freakishly large one.
“This is my favorite song,” Vinyl said as she showed Octavia some sheet music. “It’s for cello, so you can have it.”
“Oh, I couldn’t take your favorite song,” Octavia said.
“I have it memorized,” Vinyl said as she seated herself on a stool, grabbed her cello and began playing the song. The song sounded jazzy. Another form of music Octavia didn’t care for.
“Wow, that was incredible! You didn’t miss a single note!” Octavia exclaimed when Vinyl finished the song. Octavia was looking at the music while Vinyl played. Vinyl shrugged.
“Do you want to try?” she asked.
“Sure, but I might not sound so good. I’m used to playing cello while standing,” Octavia said. She tried her hoof at the song and found it really fun to play. She started to like jazz.
A few hours later, Octavia decided to go home. She left with a bag of groceries she got at the store and three or four songs on sheet music.
Before going home, she went to the music store a few blocks away from Vinyl’s house. The bell rang as she opened the door. The colt behind the counter smiled when he saw her come in.
“Hello, Octavia. We haven’t gotten any new classical records or sheet music since your last visit,” he said.
“Actually, I was looking for some jazz sheet music,” Octavia said.
“Really?” the colt looked surprised. “Oh, okay. Jazz is over there,” he said as he pointed to a table which had books with jazz sheet music in them on it.
Octavia looked through books and chose one which was titled “Jazz for Cello.” She paid for the book and trotted home. She was so excited to play her new music.

All week she practiced her new music and didn’t once practice the song she planned to play at the party. Her new favorite piece was “In the Mood.” She considered learning how to play the saxaphone because “In the Mood” was traditionally played on a saxaphone.
The week came and went very quickly. One day, while digging through some sheet music, she found the song she wrote herself. This reminded her of something.
“Oh My Gosh! Today they’re posting the list of names of who will play at the garden party!” Octavia exclaimed. She galloped to the music hall faster than lightning. She saw a large crowd of ponies standing outside all trying to see the piece of paper hanging on the door.
After pushing and shoving through the crowd and being pushed and shoved by the crowd, Octavia could finally see the list.

Comments

[bronypanda]

Well done friend, good start

[Frenchie]

What a great start! I'd definitely like to see more! It's just marvelous! Can't wait to see how 'Tavi changes.

[fuckhead]

OH NOES, MAH FEELINS

[OnionFangs]

Forgive me if I sound rude, but there were a few things I needed to nitpick in your story. If I sound really, really stupid or really, really mean, it's because this is my first time trying to truly critique a story. I'm new to the site.

"She’s been saving up for awhile now..."
Shouldn't it be "She'd been saving up for a while now?
"...at the music hall until she almost ran into."
Into? lnto WHAT?
This is just me being picky, but I'm pretty sure Octavia-level pieces have more bow lifts. My sixth grade pieces had much more.
"When Octavia walked through the doors, she was greeted by the sound of a tuba playing somewhere. Octavia walked through the same hallways she walked through since she was a little filly going to perform her first concert. As Octavia entered the auditorium, she saw a mare on stage playing a saxaphone with a judge sitting at a table in front of the rows and rows of chairs. There were many ponies sitting in the rows of chairs waiting for their turn to play.
Octavia took a seat in the back row where she unpacked her cello and took her sheet music out from inside her case and looked at the music again. She was ready."
The first paragraph seems rather repetitive, while the sentence in the next line seems a bit run-onish. The paragraph after that (which I didn't include for adding unnecessary length to this comment) seemed to have the word "play" in it a lot. There's a lot of choices for how to fix these, so I'll leave you to your own devices.
"The pony with the saxaphone finished her solo and exited the stage as Octavia and the other musicians applauded. Nopony would find out if he or she were accepted until a week from tryouts."
It seemed to jump somewhere else suddenly between the two sentences. In between them you could put something like "The pony was slightly nervous as she stepped off the stage, and she had good reason to be:" blahbitty blah blah.
Also it's saxOphone.
"...because hers was really big..."
This is my biggest peeve. You could have said, rather large,pretty big, etc. Really big seems kinda...meh.
I don't believe that Vinyl is yellowish-white. She's really more of a white in general. Yellowish white makes me envision a light pastel yellow.
"...playing some kind of rap music, which Octavia hated."
Wouldn't she be playing something like electronic or (dun dun dun) dubstep?
"Octavia finally snapped out of her stun..."
I feel like it shouldn't be stun. It's just that I don't remember what it's supposed to be.
"...and start walking down the opposite side of the street. Sorry, I typed that wrong. She didn’t start walking down the street, she started dancing down the street."
Could replace that middle sentence with something like "Or rather,"? The sentence you have right now kind of jerks you out of the story.
"'Do you now,'" I'm probably wrong on this, but shouldn't there be a ? instead of a comma?
"Oh My Gosh!" should probably be "Oh my Celestia!"
And something on the plot itself. I feel like Vinyl and Octavia are warming up to each other too quickly, making the story go kind of fast. I think it needs more buildup.
So my total thought of the story as a whole? I know that I've done nothing but be negative so far, but this is AWESOME. I can't find anything but OctoScratch fics involving the two, which is a pity, because I love the relationship you gave them here; friends, but that doesn't mean they can stand each other. Shipping isn't always necessary, after all.
So yes, a favorite and watch from me!

[xprincesscelestiax]

^ ... that's like saying i cant read number's,...... THAT WAS A GOOD STORY CANT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER

[Batgirl639]

751956 Thank you for pointing out my mistakes and stuff. When you said "My sixth grade pieces had much more." My 6th grade sheet music had more too. I was just trying to think of another musical thing you do with when you are playing. For the "oh my Celestia" part- thanks! I spend so much time talking like a human I forget how to talk like a pony! This story is my first on this site. When Vinyal scratch is playing rap, I just wrote "rap" because I wasn't exactly sure what you play on turntables. The part with "she almost ran into." The reason I came done to my computer this morning was to fix that. :D The part where it says : -"she snapped out of her stun..." I couldn't remember what it was called either. That was the best I could think of. So, yes I have a lot of mistakes and thanks for pointing them out. :) Oh, and Vinyal Scratch is mostly white but does have a little yellow tint in her coat. I said yellowish-white because that's what it said here. Thanks again for pointing out my mistakes and giving an opinion.

[Batgirl639]

751384 Thanks! It really is my start because this is my first story here! I'm so glad you like it!

[Batgirl639]

.............I'm not sure what this means 751676

[Pegasmash64]

I has seemed to have finally find an Octavia & Vinyl story that stands out. JOLLY GOOD SHOW, MY DEAR CHAP.

[Batgirl639]

752128 Thanks so much!

[OnionFangs]

752037
Thank goodness, I thought I was being too picky.
I hope to see more from your story soon!
751963
Well, this is my first time critiquing something as seriously as I possibly can, and even my real life friends say I'm too touchy about writing.

[bill]

wow awesome story.

[Yoshifan30]

Oh this is a pretty interesting start here so Octavia audition for The Garden Party which that will be the episode where Rarity was invited by fancy pants there was a lot of musicians to audition but then Vinyl Scratch showed up and basically wow the judge which that makes Octavia pretty upset and decided just to go home thinking that these people don't know what music is anymore but then the next day she was about to go to the store when she bumped into vinyl and basically she talk with her about music and how which they have in common with each other a little bit she even told her about her favorite music and everything and it looks like it's turn out pretty well for them but now they the list is on now the question is did she made it?