Guarded Emotions

by Alabenson

Confrontation

Twilight Sparkle sat on her bed for several minutes, tears silently streaming down her face. Hearing Moonwhisper plainly state that he actually wanted to take his own life had left Twilight feeling as though somepony had bucked her square in the stomach. This would have been hard enough for Twilight to deal with, but Moonwhisper’s final ramblings led her to suspect that Moonwhisper was also harboring romantic feelings for her. Moreover, that revelation had forced Twilight to recognize the fact that she herself had developed an attraction towards Moonwhisper in return. Up until now, Twilight had been able to convince herself that her feelings for Moonwhisper were entirely platonic in nature. Now, however, all Twilight could think of was how she wanted to take Moonwhisper, throw her forehooves around him and kiss him until everything was all better. These thoughts weren’t particularly helpful when it came to deciding how to approach dealing with the more immediate issue of Moonwhisper’s suicidal inclinations, however. Especially since Twilight continually found herself fantasizing about what she and Moonwhisper would do after she finished comforting him.

Twilight continued to fret about what she should do about Moonwhisper for the better part of an hour, graduating from sitting on her bed to pacing around her bedroom. There wasn’t anything in any of the books in Twilight’s library that could help her with a crisis like this, at least that she could recall. Furthermore, it was too late at night for Twilight to confer with any of her friends and even if it hadn’t been there was nopony Twilight could think of that she could talk to. Even if it had been a more reasonable time of day, Twilight couldn’t think of anypony in Ponyville that she could actually ask for help. It wouldn’t feel right to ask Starlight Glimmer for relationship advice, especially given her admission that Moonwhisper made her nervous, and Spike was right out. As for Twilight’s other Ponyville friends, Twilight simply didn’t feel ready to ask them for help so soon after her outburst earlier that day. Twilight knew she would have to apologize to her friends soon, but she already felt overwhelmed just dealing with Moonwhisper’s drama. Eventually, Twilight came to the conclusion that answers weren’t going to simply come to her and decided to sleep on it in the hopes that things would be clearer in the morning. Settling into bed, Twilight hoped that a good night’s sleep would help her come up with answers, or at the very least enable her to put her thoughts in order.

*********

Twilight found herself chasing after Moonwhisper as he galloped away from her. No matter how fast Twilight ran or how loudly she called after him, however, Moonwhisper always seemed to stay just out of reach. Given their respective levels of physical fitness this wasn’t particularly surprising to Twilight, and it wasn’t until she saw that Moonwhisper was headed straight for a cliff that she became truly concerned. Realizing Moonwhisper’s likely intentions, Twilight pushed herself as hard as she possibly could in a desperate effort to close the distance. By the time Moonwhisper reached the cliff’s edge Twilight had almost completely closed the gap and with one final burst of energy she leapt into the air in an attempt to tackle him to the ground. However, when Twilight descended on Moonwhisper she passed right through him as though he were comprised of water. Unhindered, Moonwhisper proceeded to gallop off the cliff as Twilight could only look on helplessly. Fearing over the edge, Twilight watched as Moonwhisper plummeted out of sight into the darkness below. Twilight continued to stare down into the abyss for several seconds before backing away and falling down onto her haunches. Tears began pouring down Twilight’s face as the sheer hopelessness she felt overwhelmed her. Nothing she had tried had even come close to helping Moonwhisper and all she could do was watch as he raced towards his own seemingly inevitable self-destruction.

Twilight continued sobbing for some time, so consumed with her mental anguish that she didn’t even notice the flash of light that accompanied Princess Luna’s arrival. It wasn’t until Twilight felt a comforting hoof on her withers that she even realized she wasn’t alone. “I am sorry, Twilight,” Princess Luna ruefully began, “but it appears that your bodyguard is beyond my abilities to help. It had never occurred to me that Moonwhisper misery had already consumed him to the extent that…” Luna let out a sad sigh before shaking her head and continuing. “In any event, I can understand how seeing all of that must have upset you. Seeing the inner workings of a mind as tormented as Moonwhisper’s is never easy, even under the best of circumstances. At least in my case I’ve seen similar cases in the past, I can only imagine how hard it was for you.”

“I…I…I don’t know what to do.” Twilight admitted between sobs, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I’ve just never felt so helpless before. Nothing I’ve tried has even come close to working, and now somepony that I…I…” Another set of sobs wracked Twilight before she could finish.

“Somepony that you care about is suffering to the extent that he wishes to end his life.” Luna said, finishing Twilight’s thoughts. For several seconds more Luna simply sat with Twilight, patiently waiting for Twilight to calm herself. “Twilight, please, try to pull yourself together. I realize this is hard for you, but this isn’t the first time one of your friends has faced a crisis.” As Luna watched Twilight struggle to regain her composure, the Princess of the Night was struck by a sudden realization. “Twilight, could it be that you see Moonwhisper as more than just a friend?”

Twilight merely nodded her head in response before taking a few deep breaths. “At first I didn’t really think about it, I was more concerned with helping Moonwhisper than really thinking about how I felt about him. But when I was listening to him in the dream and I realized how it made me feel…” Twilight let her voice trail off as she found herself unable to look Princess Luna in the eye. “I swear, I didn’t ask you to do all of this just so I could see inside the mind of a stallion I had a crush on.”

“I never thought that you had,” Luna said mildly. “Sometimes understanding one’s own feelings can be difficult, and it takes something drastic to show you what’s really in your heart. That being said, it would appear that in your particular case your feelings are leading you down a particularly difficult path. I can only assume that you are already familiar with Captain Moonwhisper’s reputation when it comes to matters of romance.”

“You mean how Moonwhisper has turned down everypony who’s ever tried to get involved with him?” Twilight replied sadly as she nodded her head. “But, from what I’ve heard the reason for that has always been because of the rules the guard has against fraternization, so-“ “That isn’t exactly what I meant,” Luna interrupted, “the fact of the matter is, Moonwhisper has rather thoroughly closed himself off from everypony around him. It’s unfortunately quite likely that your feelings for Moonwhisper will not be returned.”

“I’m not so sure that part is going to necessarily be an issue. Right at the end of Moonwhisper’s dream I saw something some sort of light that was trying to fight off the darkness. And I know how this is going to sound, but when I got a clear look at the light, it looked as though it was taking the shape of my cutie mark. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I think that that might be a sign that Moonwhisper…well…” Twilight started blushing furiously, “I think that maybe Moonwhisper thinks of me as more than just his princess.”

“Interpreting the contents of a dream is never an exact science, even for somepony such as myself. While I will admit that your conclusions are reasonable, there is no guarantee that you’re correct and that Moonwhisper feels the same way about you that you do about him. What’s more, even if Moonwhisper does reciprocate your feelings I suspect he may be hesitant to admit it.” Twilight gave Luna a confused loot at her last statement, but didn’t say anything. As absurd as what Luna was saying sounded to her, there was a great deal about Moonwhisper’s behavior that made no sense to her. “Moonwhisper absolutely despises himself, deservedly or not, and it would appear that he feels that he deserves to be unhappy. It may even be that Moonwhisper fears what it would mean to care for somepony else.”

Twilight sighed at this, recalling some of her previous talks with Moonwhisper and how he had told her his reservations at the prospect of caring for somepony else as a friend. If Moonwhisper had been that reluctant to open himself up to friendship Twilight could only imagine how skittish he would be at the idea of actual romance. “You’re probably right about Moonwhisper being afraid to care for somepony else. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try and get through to him,” Twilight added with a note of increasing resolve.

“What do you intend to do?” Luna asked.

“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do; I’m going to talk to Moonwhisper and I’m going to get him to tell me how he really feels about me, even if I have to drag it out of him,” Twilight declared fiercely. “Every time I try subtlety with Moonwhisper I run straight into a wall of stubbornness from him. Up until now I thought that taking things at Moonwhisper’s pace would make him more willing to open himself up, but things are much too serious for that anymore.”

“Are you certain that proceeding like that is a wise decision?” Luna replied. “What will you do if it turns out you’re wrong and Moonwhisper doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about him?”

“Then at least I’ll know for certain. If I’m wrong and Moonwhisper really doesn’t feel that way about me than I can move on from there. But to do that I need to know how he feels about me, how he really feels about me.” Twilight stood up, wiping away the remnants of her tears as she did so.

At first it looked as though Princess Luna was going to try to argue with Twilight further about her chosen course of action. But, after giving it a moment’s thought the Princess of the Night simply gave a sigh of resignation. “I cannot say that I entirely agree with your decision, but it’s obvious to me that trying to dissuade you would be a futile endeavor. That said, I do sincerely wish you the best possible, luck both for your sake and for Moonwhisper’s.”

“Thank you, princess,” Twilight replied as she tried to maintain her confident exterior. It was all well and good to say that she was going to confront Moonwhisper and force him to confess how he really felt about her, but actually doing so was another matter entirely. They would need privacy, of course, which would mean finding a way to ensure that Starlight Glimmer and Spike were out of the castle for the evening. Suddenly, a mostly forgotten bit of conversation from that night’s dinner popped into Twilight’s mind, which gave her an idea as to how to solve at least part of her dilemma. “Princess Luna, I hate to keep asking you for favors, but if you wouldn’t mind there’s just one more thing I’d like your help with.”

Princess Luna lowered her head closer to Twilight’s as a bemused expression spread across her features. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

*********

When Twilight awoke the next day she almost immediately dashed to library and pulled out several volumes of guard protocols, which she had acquired after ordering Moonwhisper to attend therapy. While Twilight may have been largely confident regarding her recollection of the protocols she had read about she had no intention of leaving anything to chance. Twilight was so engrossed in her research that it wasn’t until she heard a knock on the library door that she realized that it was already noon. “Hold on, Spike, just give me one second,” Twilight called out as she carefully marked her place in the volume she had been reading. Idly wondering what Spike had prepared for lunch, Twilight found herself nearly bowled over as the library doors burst open and Pinkie Pie bounced into the room. Rarity and Spike entered close behind their bubbly friend, the latter pushing a cart laden with sandwiches.

“I do hope we’re not interrupting anything important,” Rarity said as she sauntered in, “but Pinkie Pie and I wanted to check in on you after yesterday’s…conversation.” Rarity looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment before turning to Spike with a sultry expression on her face. “Spikey-poo, would you be a dear and go make us some tea?”

“Sure thin, Rarity, I’ll be right back,” Spike replied as he practically floated out the door.

“Don’t worry, darling, there’s no rush. Take as long as you need,” Rarity called out to him as he left. Once Spike was safely out of sight, Rarity turned back to Twilight. “I assumed that this wasn’t really a subject that you wished to discuss in front of Spike,” Rarity said by way of explanation. “In any event, we both wanted to apologize for putting you on the spot like that yesterday.”

“We didn’t mean to make you mad, we were just really worried about you and wanted to help,” Pinkie Pie added.

“I know, I know. And, the thing is, as it turns out you were…well, you were right,” Twilight finally admitted. “Last night I came to a realization about how I feel about Moonwhisper and you girls were absolutely right, I…” Twilight’s voice trailed off as she began to blush furiously, letting her expression speak for itself.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie were both left speechless by Twilight’s confession, their mouths hanging agape. Pinkie Pie was the first to recover from the shock, the corners of her mouth twitching until it snapped into a massive smile. “So does this mean that you and Moonwhisper are going to be a couple?” Pinkie Pie asked, following her question with a high-pitched squeal of delight. “And I bet this is what finally gets Moonwhisper to smile, too! I mean, how could it not? I‘ll have to get started on planning a combination ‘Twilight’s got a coltfriend/Moonwhisper’s finally happy’ party right away!”

“Pinkie dear, as delightful as that sounds perhaps before you start planning your party we should first figure out whether Twilight’s feelings for Moonwhisper are mutual,” Rarity cautioned before turning back to Twilight. “I’m guessing that you haven’t quite had the chance to tell Moonwhisper how you feel about him yet, have you?”

“I’m planning on telling him tonight,” Twilight said as she glanced back at the volume of legal cases she had left lying on the library table. “And I’m almost positive that Moonwhisper feels the same way about me that I do about him. The trick is going to be getting him to actually admit.”

“Well if there’s anything that we can do to help don’t hesitate to ask,” Rarity offered. “For example, if you need help securing some privacy for this evening I’m certain something could be arranged to get Spike or Starlight Glimmer out of the castle.”

“Actually, I’ve already gotten that taken care of.” As Twilight spoke, an excited shout could be heard from down the hall, followed by the sounds of rapid footsteps.

“Twilight! You’re not going to believe this!” Spike yelled as he rushed into the library. “I got a scroll form Princess Luna and guess who’s been summoned to Canterlot to brief everypony on the new dragonlord.” Spike puffed out his chest as he smugly gestured to himself. “This guy!”

“That’s great Spike,” Twilight said, giving a wink to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. “So, how soon do they want you to come to Canterlot?”

“Um, yeah, that’s the thing,” Spike said, deflating a bit, “the letter said that they want me to come right away. Are you going to be alright by yourself tonight?”

“Oh, I think I’ll be able to manage,” Twilight replied with a small grin.

“Ok then, I’d better start getting ready, I don’t want to disappoint the princesses.” Spike turned to leave the library before suddenly stopping in his tracks and slapping himself in the forehead. “I almost forgot,” Spike said as he performed an abrupt about face, “Princess Luna sent you a letter too, Twilight.” As Spike spoke, he pulled out a scroll, which Twilight promptly levitated over to herself and partially unrolled. “What’s it say?” Spike eagerly asked.

“Nothing important,” Twilight replied as she quickly rolled the scroll back up, “just something Princess Luna sent me to help with a friendship problem I’ve been working on. In any case, shouldn’t you be getting going? I’d hate for you to be late to Canterlot.”

“Yeah you’re right,” Spike exclaimed, “I’ll see you tomorrow when I get back!” With that, Spike dashed out of the library and quickly disappeared down the hall.

Once Spike was gone, Rarity gave Twilight a curious look. “Well, that was certainly a convenient turn of events, “Rarity said with a raised eyebrow. “I’m guessing that was what you were referring to when you said you had everything taken care of?”

“I may have asked Princess Luna to help make sure I had some privacy tonight,” Twilight said with a sly grin. “This won’t be the first time that Spike has had to go to Canterlot overnight for royal business, and it turns out Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have been meaning to talk to Spike about Dragonlord Ember for a while now anyway.”

“Now all you need to do is make sure Starlight Glimmer is out of the castle for the night too,” Pinkie Pie said. “I know! We can trick her into thinking that King Sombra came back and kidnapped everypony and then Starlight and Trixie and Discord and Thorax can go on an adventure to save us-“

“I’ve actually got that covered too, Pinkie,” Twilight quickly interrupted. Privately, Twilight marveled at Pinkie Pie’s apparent ability to talk unceasingly without ever apparently needing to breathe. “When I asked Princess Luna to help with Spike, I also asked her for this,” Twilight said, levitating the scroll she had been sent.

“What in Equestria did she send you?” Rarity asked.

Before Twilight could explain, however, the sounds of hoofsteps came from the down the hall. Moments later, Starlight Glimmer poke her head through the library doorway. “Oh, hi Rarity, hi Pinkie Pie, I didn’t realize you two were here. Anyway, does anypony know what’s got Spike so excited? I just saw him running down the hall like he heard somepony was handing out free gemstones.”

“Spike just found out he’s been called to Canterlot on urgent royal business,” Twilight said as she unfurled the scroll Princess Luna had sent her. “I’m actually glad you’re here, I have something to give you.” Twilight levitated a pair of tickets out from the scroll and passed them to Starlight. “Here, there are a present for you and Trixie. It’s kind of my way of apologizing for not giving Trixie the benefit of the doubt earlier.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Starlight said as she enveloped the tickets in her own magical aura. “What exactly are they?”

“They’re VIP passes to the Hoofdini exhibition in Canterlot. I knew you and Trixie were planning on going tonight and those will give you full access to the entire event, including an after party they’re holding at Canterlot Castle.”

“Oh, wow, that’s really nice of you,” Starlight said, clearly taken somewhat aback. “It’s just, going to all this, I may not make it back to Ponyville tonight. Is that going to be alright?”

Once again, Twilight shared a knowing smile with Rarity and Pinkie Pie before responding. “Don’t worry, I’m certain I’ll be just fine.”

*********

“Good evening, your highness,” Moonwhisper greeted Twilight as he stood in the doorway of her castle. Rarity and Pinkie Pie had left not long after Twilight had given Starlight her tickets, both promising that they’d meet Twilight for breakfast the next day along with her other friends to talk about how things went. Starlight herself had left along with Spike on the Canterlot Express not long afterwards. Now, Twilight had the entire evening to spend alone with Moonwhisper. “Pardon me, your highness, is everything alright? You appear to be a little uneasy.” The sound of Moonwhisper’s voice made Twilight realize that she had spent the last minute or so standing silent in her doorway as Moonwhisper stared at her.

“What are you talking about?” Twilight replied with a nervous laugh. “I’m not uneasy, everything’s…” the image of Moonwhisper, overwhelmed by misery as oozing darkness engulfed him forced its way into Twilight’s mind. “Everything’s…” Twilight recalled the sickening sensation of watching Moonwhisper plummet into darkness as she looked on helplessly. “No, everything’s not alright,” Twilight said. “Actually, Moonwhisper, there’s something important that I need to talk to you about.”

“I see,” Moonwhisper said cautiously as he eyed Twilight. “What precisely is it that you need to speak with me about?”

“Um, actually this really is something that I’d rather talk about in private. Would you mind coming inside with me?”

Moonwhisper took a moment, as though he were thinking it over, before simply offering a simple shrug by way of response. Twilight led Moonwhisper into the castle’s map room in silence, magically closing the doors behind them with an ominous thud. “Your highness,” Moonwhisper began, “I still have the rest of my evening patrol to attend to, so if you don’t mind could you please tell me what it is you wanted to speak with me about?”

Twilight took a deep breath to steady her nerves before responding. “Moonwhisper, since you came to Ponyville I’ve been trying to figure you out, I can honestly say I’ve never really met anypony like you before. And, after all the digging and researching your past I think I finally understand the sort of pony you are. The funny part is, figuring that out has helped me realize something else as well; how I feel about you. I’ve realized that I…I really like you, Moonwhisper. No, more than just ‘like’, I…well…”

While Twilight found herself unable to fully put her feelings to words, her meaning was all too clear. For a brief moment a look of absolute terror crossed Moonwhisper’s features, only to immediately be replaced with one of tired exasperation. “Your highness,” Moonwhisper said with the tone of somepony repeating a conversation for the umpteenth time, “while I’m certainly flattered that you would think of me that way, I’m afraid a relationship would be simply out of the question. The guard has regulations which very explicitly ban relationships between enlisted personnel and their superiors, so-“

“Don’t worry, those regulations wouldn’t apply in this case,” Twilight cheerfully interrupted. “The rule you’re referring to specifically bans ‘romantic relationships between members of the same chain of command’. However in Parade Dress v. Princess Celestia, it was ruled that alicorn princesses are considered above and apart from the chain of command and therefore are not subject to the regulations thereof.” Twilight couldn’t stop herself from grinning triumphantly as she levitated a lawbook over to Moonwhisper. “Here, see for yourself,” Twilight said helpfully as she opened the book to the relevant case.

As Moonwhisper read through the case brief Twilight had uncovered his expression gradually shifted from bored irritation back to utter panic. This mounting terror was only added to as Moonwhisper looked up from the book and saw that Twilight had used his momentary distraction to circle around him, placing herself between him and the door leading out, cutting off his primary means of escape. “I can see you’ve given this considerably more thought than I had realized,” Moonwhisper said as he struggled to maintain his composure. “But, honestly, are you absolutely certain that I’m somepony you would really want to pursue a romantic relationship with? You’re the Princess of Friendship for Celestia’s sake! Whereas I am an irritable, morose, anti-social loner. You can’t really think getting involved with somepony like me is a good idea?”

“Somepony like you?” Twilight countered in a bemused one. “You mean somepony who cares more about the ponies around him than almost anypony else I’ve ever met? Somepony who’s smart enough to beat me at chess over twenty times in a row?”

“To be fair, that had less to do with raw intellect than it did with my talent for reading my opponents,” Moonwhisper said, almost reflexively.

“My point is that you’re a far better pony than you give yourself credit for. I’ll freely admit you aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” Twilight smiled as she moved closer to Moonwhisper. “The fact is, I’ve fallen for you, flaws and all, and you’re not going to be able to change my mind that easily.”

Moonwhisper closed his eyes as he rapidly backed away from Twilight until he ran into the room’s map of Equestria. Realizing that retreat wasn’t an option, Moonwhisper took several deep breaths before speaking. “You may not be bothered by the personal shortcomings of mine that you’re aware of, but there are things about me that you don’t know. Things about my family-“

“Like the fact that you’re related to King Sombra?” Twilight said, interrupting before Moonwhisper could work himself up any further. “I already know about that, and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me who you’re descended from, or what your family’s like, what I care about is you!” As Twilight spoke she inched forward until she was directly in front of Moonwhisper. “Now, I’ve told you how I feel about you, but what I really want to know is how you feel about me.” Moonwhisper’s eyes snapped open upon hearing Twilight’s demand. “I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me, honestly, how you feel about me,” Twilight continued, not giving Moonwhisper any opportunity to voice any objections. “If you really don’t feel the same way about me than fine, I can accept that, but at least have the decency to look me in the eye and tell me! What are you waiting for, do you need me to give you a direct order before you’ll answer me?” Twilight asked, tears starting to form in her eyes as she grew increasingly upset at Moonwhisper’s continued silence. Fine then! As a Princess of Equestria I hereby command you, Captain Moonwhisper, to give me a straight and honest answer about how you feel me about me!”

“Enough!” Moonwhisper roared, his face more inches form Twilight’s. “You want an answer, then fine, I love you! Are you satisfied now? I fell in love with you almost as soon as I arrived in this damned town! You’re one of the most incredible, brilliant ponies I’ve ever met and I-mpfh”

Without warning Twilight darted her head forward and pressed her lips against Moonwhisper’s, quieting him before he could rant any further. Twilight held the kiss for several seconds before slowly pulling back. All traces of panic and anguish had been wiped from Moonwhisper’s face, replaced by a look of complete befuddlement. At first it looked as though Moonwhisper was going to say something, but his voice completely failed him. All Moonwhisper could manage to do was silently open and close his mouth until his back legs gave way and he plopped down onto his hindquarters. Sliding forward, Twilight slowly pressed herself up against Moonwhisper, whispering a single word as she gently nuzzled her stallion. “Checkmate.”

Moonwhisper could only silently agree as Twilight went in for another kiss.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

That avatar of yours, is it a sprite? Did you make it?

[Alabenson]

7850935 My avatar is an OC of mine that I created with an old online ponymaker.

[Bluecatcinema]

Great chapter. Loved that final scene.