The Ponies and the Ponies

by Ponygon

Chapter 2: Inquisitor and Inquisited

Nightmare Moon scowled at Rarity from the other side of the hotel foyer, the eyes painted in such a manner as to follow her across the room. It was a strange work of art; she couldn’t quite imagine the process that had resulted in that becoming the Official Portrait. Had the artist annoyed her throughout the entire session? Even so, why not have another done? Perhaps Nightmare Moon had just thought, ‘Screw it, I’m not sitting through another one of these; let’s just use this one—even if it does make me look as if I’m going to leap out of the canvas and kill everypony in the room.’ Now that Rarity thought about it, she’d seen friendlier looking mugshots of serial killers.

It was yet another thing that Rarity felt she shouldn’t comment on. She wasn’t sure how lenient Fluttershy was going to be. Though her guide had never mentioned it, Rarity was sure she was a government minder from the Ministry of Information.

“Goodness!” exclaimed Rarity in horror. “This is awful!”

“Mevrouw Rarity, what’s the matter?”

“I had my suspicions, but this—!” She turned to Fluttershy. “This visitor’s hat fails to coordinate with anything!”

Rarity had counted at least a dozen different styles of foreign clothing. She had hoped that—even though it failed to coordinate with her entire wardrobe—that it would at least accessorise with some outfit. This was the worst possible thing she could ever imagine! Did the Nocturnal Equestrians have no sense of fashion at all? Such wonderful outfits of hue and cut, spoiled by a garish accessory.

Fluttershy paced backwards a bit, her ears flattened. She looked around her as if she wanted to bolt out of the room. Rarity couldn’t blame her—the hat was a fashion disaster of epic proportions—she didn’t want to be in the same room as those horrible things either.

“Oh, I believe that’s the inquisitor over there.” Fluttershy gestured to a unicorn mare seated on an Ottoman couch, her attention focused on a book.

As they approached, Rarity noticed that the dust jacket was inside out. It was difficult to tell what the inquisitor was reading, though it was one of those book jackets with a three-dimensional imprint. Rarity could just make out the outline of a familiar pegasus pony wearing a pith helmet.

“Lang lebe die Nacht,” greeted Fluttershy.

The unicorn Inquisitor startled at the sound and quickly snapped the book shut, before she shoved it underneath the dramatic purple cape draped over her black military tunic.

“Lang lebe!” greeted the inquisitor quickly. “Lang lebe.”

“Mevrouw Rarity, please allow me to introduce Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle,” said Fluttershy with a gesture of her wing. To the inquisitor, she said, “Inquisitor Sparkle, darf ich Ihnen Frau Rarity vorstellen?” The word order was slightly different, but the Nocturnal Equestrian phrase was similar enough to the Diurnal Equestrian that Rarity understood it in its entirety.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mevrouw Rarity,” responded Inquisitor Sparkle in remarkably good Diurnal Equestrian. She tilted her black military cap in greeting with her magic.

“Likewise, Inquisitor Sparkle,” responded Rarity.

“I’m sure you’re eager to see your compatriots,” continued the inquisitor. “As soon as you’ve freshened up and left your belongings in your room, we can get started with the interviews. I’ve had your fellow countrymares moved to this hotel for convenience’s sake.”

“Oh, well that was quite generous of you,” said Rarity. She had expected to find them crammed into a single unsanitary prison cell, so this came as something of a relief. “I hope you’ve been treating them well.”

“You wouldn’t believe the fences I had to jump over to arrange this,” said the inquisitor, “but I assure you that they’re as comfortable as can be.”

“So, Inquisitor Sparkle, what leads do you currently have on the case?” Rarity asked.

“I’m afraid I’m not allowed to tell you anything until we can rule you out as a suspect,” responded the inquisitor.

Now that was interesting. “But this is my first time in Nocturnal Equestria,” protested Rarity. The Royal Inquisition had outright dismissed the idea of the murder taking place in Diurnal Equestria, so how could she be a suspect?

“We still have to rule you out. If you wouldn’t mind undergoing a dream walk—I’m trained in oneirology—we could—”

“Absolutely not!” protested Rarity with a dismissive toss of her head. “I will not submit to such a blatant violation of equine rights.” She let her magic lift open a flap on one of her saddlebags, before she fished out a folder. “Both the Marechaussee and I had a suspicion you’d try something like this,” she said as she levitated the folder to the inquisitor. “You can have this instead. If this doesn’t satisfy you, I don’t know what will.”

Besides which, she was sure the Diurnal Equestrian Foreign Ministry had explicitly informed their Nocturnal counterparts of this. “Your superiors know about this folder; the Head of the Marechaussee assured me he spoke directly to Grand Inquisitor Sunset Shimmer herself,” she said.

The inquisitor sighed as she took the folder from Rarity. For a moment, their auras merged into a distinct colour that was neither Diurnal nor Nocturnal Equestrian in nature. Rarity averted her gaze; she wasn’t sure if she should have seen that, but she wasn’t going to take any chances. Who, after all, knew whether Concordia was watching?

“Well, I’ll see about this,” said Inquisitor Sparkle reluctantly. She glanced at Fluttershy. “For now, I’m sure your minder would be happy to see you to your room. I’ll call for you if I deem this good enough.”

Rarity wanted to shout at the inquisitor. What was the Inquisition’s problem? A foreign national was dead. Couldn’t they put aside petty national differences to work together?

“Mevrouw Rarity, p-please follow me, if you would?”

Well, she’d find some way of gleaning more information, and they couldn’t stop her.

After she changed, of course.

* * *

The inquisitor’s tune had changed far more quickly than Rarity had anticipated.

She had barely finished changing into a cream blouse and black skirt combo before she received a call from a lictor. He led her and Fluttershy down to the basement, where the inquisitor waited for them in a large meeting room.

“Thunderlane, bringen Sie das erstes Pony, bitte,” Inquisitor Sparkle instructed the lictor before she closed the meeting room doors. “Mevrouw Rarity, I’m happy to report that you’re in the clear.”

“Oh, that’s good,” exclaimed Rarity as she looked around her. They were in a basement room with plain grey walls adorned with various propaganda posters of ponies smiling in front of rye fields, smiling in front of factories, smiling at the night sky, and generally being ecstatic about the most mundane of things. The slogans all exhorted ponies to work hard in Nightmare Moon’s glorious utopia. “I take it we can start when the first pony gets here?”

“I’m satisfied you couldn’t have killed the decedent,” responded Inquisitor Sparkle as she made her way over to a long table in the heart of the room. “Your alibi checks out.”

Well, of course, thought Rarity. She had been in Canterlot to fit a dress for a wealthy mare. The train journey there had taken a good six hours, and she’d spent two days there. There was no way she could have snuck back to Ponyville, murdered the human and snuck back, without her clients noticing. At least, not until the promised upgrade works to the rail tracks had finished. Diurnal Ponyville’s train station, the strangely unimaginatively named Ponyville Central (despite not being anywhere near the centre), was even going to get a new extension. That is, when the archaeologists were done removing ancient artefacts and remains from the ground.

“I’m glad I’ve gained your trust,” said Rarity as she watched the inquisitor carefully align a stack of folders with an obviously human-made tape recorder. It appeared as if the unicorn was trying to get all the edges perfectly parallel with the edge of the table. “So, what can you tell me about the deceased?”

Inquisitor Sparkle shook her head. “I’m afraid there’s no time for a full debriefing,” she replied. “You’ll just have to pick up on the details as we go along.”

“Well, that’s absurd!” exclaimed Rarity in disbelief as her tail flicked irritably behind her. There was that inane stubbornness again. Was it national pride? She could believe it. Ever since the Hearts and Hooves Revolution in the Crystal Empire, Nocturnal Equestria had become increasingly erratic. Their actions were mad, often bordering on the suicidal. Did Nightmare Moon want an all-out war? There was no way Nocturnal Equestria would win, not with the most powerful human armies backing Diurnal Equestria, and that didn’t take into account the new Interdimensional Gateway the US was building, one that would open out directly onto Diurnal Equestria.

“That’s just the way things are, I’m afraid,” apologised Inquisitor Sparkle.

“How much time do you think we’ll really need?” she asked. “There’s only—” she began as she looked to the folders. “Uh, excuse me, Inquisitor, I don’t mean to be a bother, but how come there’s only five folders here?” She was sure that the Inquisition had arrested six ponies.

“One of your compatriots managed to avoid arrest,” explained Inquisitor Sparkle as she closed the door behind her. She trotted back to the table. “We believe he may know something about the murder. Part of our efforts are now directed towards finding him.”

“I don’t understand,” protested Rarity. “How could you have lost somepony?” She stomped a hoof onto the table, nearly toppling the inquisitor’s pile of folders with the force. “I know you probably don’t care much about a foreigner, but what about your own citizens? You do realise this could spark an international incident?”

“Yes, I’m well aware of that,” responded Inquisitor Sparkle with an irritated sigh. “You mustn’t worry too much, Mevrouw Rarity,” she said. “I’ve already instigated an internal affairs investigation and we’ve petitioned the Oversight Commission for access to the Harmony District’s security footage. We will find out what happened.”

“Wait, why would you need to petition the Oversight Commission for that?”

The inquisitor gave her a look that reminded Rarity of her third-grade teacher. “The Harmony District is a special binational location,” explained Inquisitor Sparkle slowly. “The police force of one side isn’t supposed to act unilaterally.”

“Wait, wasn’t your arrest of my fellow compatriots a unilateral action?” asked Rarity. “You discorded!”

“Not me!” protested Inquisitor Sparkle with a furious shake of her head. “I didn’t make those arrests!”

“I’m sorry, but Concordia has no jurisdiction in the Harmony District,” Fluttershy pointed out.

The inquisitor nodded. “Admittedly, what my predecessor did was wrong,” she said, as she nudged the folders in front of her. “I don’t blame your Government for reacting the way they did, but haven’t we all agreed to put it behind us?”

That was why Rarity was there. She looked away for a while. Her eye caught sight of a propaganda poster where a bunch of unicorns smiled up at the visage of Nightmare Moon—the Nachtkönigin—who smiled down at them from the Moon, as if it was some portal to her Throne Room. The poster exhorted the Nocturnal Equestrians to work together for a better future. It was very appropriate.

“Well, what about the victim’s identity?” Rarity asked. “Have you any lead on that? Or do you not have time to tell me?”

The inquisitor looked away, her ears flat to the sides. It was subtle, but Rarity noticed she was looking towards Fluttershy.

Before Rarity could enquire further, the door opened and a pair of lictors marched a pale blue unicorn into the room.

“Inquisitor!” shouted Rarity. “Is it really necessary to practically disable my compatriot here? You’re treating her like a common criminal.”

“This is just standard procedure, Mevrouw Rarity,” said Inquisitor Sparkle dismissively. “Please think nothing of it. I assure you, we’ll remove the inhibitor ring when we take her back to her room.”

Rarity huffed in disgust. Though the interviews were taking place in a hotel—specifically the hotel’s training room—there was no doubt that Rarity’s compatriots were prisoners. A unicorn’s magic was as much a part of her body as a pegasus pony’s wings or an earth pony’s legs. She would have loved to see how the inquisitor would like it if her magic was taken away.

“What’s your name, dear?” Rarity asked of the unicorn. “Have they been treating you well?”

The unicorn gave her name as Orchid Dew. She seemed fine, but from the way her ears flicked nervously, Rarity could tell that something was wrong.

“I do believe you suffered an injury when we arrested you,” said the inquisitor, as she read from the mare’s file. “I apologise for that. I take it our physicians healed you well; you have no leftover pain or stiffness?”

Orchid shook her head quietly.

“What kind of injury was it?” asked Rarity.

“One of our lictors was a bit overzealous,” said Inquisitor Sparkle quickly before Orchid Dew could respond. “I do believe—”

“Inquisitor, I would prefer it if you allowed Mevrouw Dew to speak for herself,” said Rarity sternly with the sort of withering glare she’d often received from her own mother when she was young. She turned to Orchid Dew and put on her best reassuring smile. “It’s alright, darling, you can speak freely here,” she told her calmly. “You won’t be punished for it. I will see to that.” She glanced at the inquisitor meaningfully.

“Well, Meneer Caramel, the forepony, was in a meeting when two lictors tried to get in,” explained Orchid Dew slowly, her ears constantly flicking back and forth between Rarity and the inquisitor. “I tried to reason with them, but they got… violent.”

“And I assure you, their administrators admonished them appropriately for their aggression,” interjected Inquisitor Sparkle.

“That’s beside the point!” snapped Rarity angrily as she glared daggers at the Nocturnal Equestrian.

She presumed she must have been doing a good impression of the Nachtkönigin’s portrait. Unfortunately, only Fluttershy seemed to be intimidated by her act; Inquisitor Sparkle merely returned the cold glare. In hindsight, Rarity should have expected that; many a criminal had given her the same stare, and she had learnt to brush it off herself.

“Our physicians have used their best healing magic on all your fellow nationals, so any injuries they sustained are irrelevant,” responded the inquisitor sternly. “So if you’re done, perhaps we can continue with the interview?”

Rarity could have done without the inquisitor’s disdainful tone. If the Inquisition had been more reasonable, perhaps Diurnal Equestria would have left them to their own devices. “There’s still one more thing, Inquisitor,” she responded. “Mevrouw Dew, I’ve been asked to check whether the Inquisition has dream walked on you. Would you mind standing very still and keeping your mind as clear as possible?”

“Uh–okay?”

The spell the Marechaussee had taught her wasn’t easy. It required all her attention to focus her magic onto Orchid Dew, but at least it was relatively quick. The spell returned an answer in a matter of seconds; there didn’t seem to be any sign that the Nocturnal Equestrians had dream walked through her mind. That was good, even though she couldn’t tell precisely what other harm had come to Orchid Dew.

“Okay, you may commence now,” said Rarity.

“Thank you.”

With her magic, the inquisitor switched the tape recorder on. She dictated what sounded like a standard statement, confirming the ponies present and that yes, Twilight Sparkle was indeed an Inquisitor tasked with enforcing the Nachtkönigin’s Peace. Then came the first question.

“I’m Meneer Caramel’s secretary,” responded Orchid Dew.

“Working for the Will Foundry?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Caramel’s company, the Will Foundry, was one of many that had taken advantage of the special administration region that was the Harmony District. The original idea for the district had been to foster good relations between the two kingdoms for ‘the greater good’. Diurnal Equestrian companies got cheap labour; Nocturnal Equestrian citizens got money they wouldn’t have otherwise earned.

A shame it had recently been a focal point of tensions instead.

“So you mentioned Meneer Caramel was in a meeting with somepony at the time of the arrests,” said the inquisitor as she opened a folder. “With whom?”

“A local Lictor,” responded Orchid Dew. “She was here to see Meneer Caramel about some vandalism to our fleet of vehicles, and a theft.”

“What was stolen?”

“One of our goods carriages.”

“Is something the matter, Inquisitor?” asked Rarity.

Inquisitor Sparkle growled irritably. “Witnesses to the body dump claimed it was transported in a carriage,” she said as she pulled out a photograph from one of the folders and slapped it down in front of Orchid Dew. “I thought we could use it to prove something, but if it was stolen, then we can’t prove anything.”

As Orchid Dew peered at the photograph, the inquisitor asked her if the ID on the photo was that of the stolen carriage.

“I’m afraid I don’t know,” responded Orchid Dew. “But you can ask Meneer Caramel. He was the one who made the call that afternoon.”

Rarity watched as Inquisitor Sparkle’s ears folded back again; the Nocturnal Equestrian stole a glance at Fluttershy. Would the inquisitor attempt to explain to Orchid Dew that Caramel was missing?

“Well, you can always ask that lictor,” said Rarity. “Oh my!”

A thought had occurred to her. She remembered what Inquisitor Sparkle had said earlier about the Harmony District. “Mevrouw Dew, was a marshal also in attendance?” asked Rarity.

“No, ma’am. It was just him and the lictor.”

“Wait, what?” exclaimed Inquisitor Sparkle. “Are you sure about that, Mevrouw?”

“I’d be sure if I saw a marshal there,” responded Orchid Dew. “The Marechaussee uniform is quite distinctive.”

Now Rarity found that interesting. It seemed strange that the Inquisition would risk sparking an international incident twice.

“What was the lictor’s name, darling?”

“I think it was… Night Glider.”

* * *

Night Glider lived in a polytopic area. Rarity could tell from the lack of street lamps and luminescent paint. If Inquisitor Sparkle hadn’t brought a firefly lantern, they would have been in utter darkness.

Polytopic areas tended to be underdeveloped compared to the monotopic areas—that is, areas that were wholly Diurnal or Nocturnal Equestrian. The strange dual jurisdiction meant no one kingdom’s national infrastructure could extend into the area without triggering an international incident. These areas had no running water, no electricity, no gas and no emergency services.

It was a wonder that the inquisitor was here in the first place.

“Ah, here we are!”

Rarity turned to see a house. Someone had attempted to decorate it, despite its undesirable location. It had window boxes on its upper floors from which grew clumps of Poison Joke, which was considered an invasive weed in Diurnal Equestria. Where the plants tried to grow heterotopically—across to the Diurnal Equestrian houses either side—some pony had viciously chopped the leaves at the intersection between the two kingdoms.

From Rarity’s experience, attempts at decoration were always a good sign. No pony who lived in a bad area would have the time to take such care to the appearance of their home. She looked opposite. It seemed the lictor’s house wasn’t the only one. She wasn’t sure how she had missed that earlier.

“Thunderlane,” said Inquisitor Sparkle with a nod in the lictor’s direction.

The pegasus stallion nodded in response before he took to the sky in a cloud of dust that made them all cough. More outrageously, it meant Rarity was absolutely filthy! Well, she thought it was outrageous at least. Nobody else seemed to care, which in itself was an unspeakable travesty.

The inquisitor rapped on the door, then waited very patiently. Rarity wasn’t sure how long they waited, but by the time she thought to ask, she was sure any other police officer, Inquisition or not, would have long since busted the door down. Instead, Inquisitor Sparkle knocked again.

“Maybe she’s not at home?” suggested Fluttershy after a while.

“We can’t take the chance,” replied Inquisitor Sparkle. She rapped on the door again. “Lictor Night Glider,” she called out. She sighed, closed her eyes, and counted under her breath as she gathered magic into her horn.

“Inquisitor, what are you—?”

Light flashed within the lock of the door before it swung open.

Rarity was about to protest when she heard a cry. There was a rumbling on the floor above like a herd of yaks in a builder’s yard. She winced upon hearing a smash like porcelain against stone. “Oh dear,” she exclaimed. “I hope that wasn’t a priceless vase.”

Suddenly, a light blue unicorn ran down the steps. He skidded to a halt, eyes wide in surprise on seeing them.

“Party Favor!” exclaimed Inquisitor Sparkle in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“Inquisitor,” yelled Thunderlane as he flew down the stairs, “we have a mare down. Perp’s downstairs!”

“What?”

The curly-maned unicorn turned. The lictor on the stairs blocked his way; he bolted down the hallway to the kitchen at back. He didn’t get very far before an irate Inquisitor Sparkle blinked into existence in front of him. Thunderlane landed behind him.

“You’re not going anywhere, pal!”

The explosion of balloons suggested otherwise. Rarity had never seen so many balloons in one place. They knocked the inquisitor through another door, and Thunderlane crashed into a wall.

Running. Why did they always have to run? She’d have to chase after them, and she’d end up all sweaty and smelly afterwards. Often covered in mud too.

As if she had a choice. Rarity broke into a gallop. She leapt over Thunderlane and gave chase after the fleeing unicorn stallion into the kitchen.

Carpet gave way to sticky linoleum. Rarity tried not to think too much about it as she grabbed the nearest object her magic could reach. A frying pan. Brilliant. She flung it at Favor in the hope of striking him.

Did seven years’ bad luck apply to windows? Rarity hoped not.

The backdoor led out into a narrow garden that was longer than it was wide. He ran through the overgrown grass, his focus on the fence at the end of the garden. Presumably, he didn’t have a good enough running jump for the side fences.

Just as she feared, he vaulted the fence. She’d never clear it if she followed him, but in her time she had learnt a trick or two. Rarity leapt at the side fence and kicked off it with her rear legs to gain height. For a few precarious seconds, she was afraid she’d become the subject of the next ‘Hang-in-there’ cat poster. However, a few more kicks of her legs and she tumbled over.

The polytopic area was unfamiliar to her, but at least she didn’t have to worry about heterotopic ponies at that time of the night. It was quite late; most Diurnal Equestrians would be asleep, surely. At least, she hoped they were; she didn’t want to accidentally discord whilst chasing down a perp in unfamiliar territory.

She kept hot on his hooves. He had to slip up sooner or later if she just kept on the pressure.

Favor barrelled past ponies, bowling them over. One happened to be heterotopic; Rarity only noticed at the last moment and quickly blindsighted her as she ran past. That was a hazard of giving chase in a polytopic area. Not all heterotopic ponies could be avoided. A pony had to minimise the collisions with the heterotopic whenever possible and never acknowledge.

The street up ahead was a slow-moving river of carriages, but Rarity had seen suspects flee through congested traffic before. Then a careless driver came to her rescue and Favor went spinning off the hapless pony. The unicorn stallion ricocheted off the back of another carriage with a thin scream of rage and went staggering across to the other side.

Typical, thought Rarity sourly. Luckily for her, the traffic had ground to a halt thanks to the spanner of potential insurance claims. She dashed across the street and found herself less than five metres behind Party Favor.

It didn’t matter in the end. She’d chased him into a dead end. The alley ended in a very decisive wall.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” she shouted as she watched the unicorn ascend upwards through the power of balloons. She looked around her.

There was only one thing for it. Rarity grabbed a lid off a metallic rubbish bin and flung it through the air. No broken glass this time. With a satisfying pop, the balloons burst and Party Favor went tumbling back down to the ground.

“Now darling, I must admit I’m not entirely sure what’s going on,” began Rarity as she edged closer to the stallion, “but if what the lictor said was true, then I’d really appreciate it if you came back with me. We can sort this all out like reasonable ponies and—”

Party Favor lashed out at her the only way a unicorn knew how. He charged straight at her, horn lowered, sharpened point aimed straight for her chest.

Rarity reared back and slapped the horn away from her vitals with her front hoof.

It didn’t stop him from barrelling into her. The two of them went head over heels and not in the way Rarity had been hoping for since she’d come of age. Why was it that the only stallions who wanted a little tumble with her were the ones who wanted her dead? Granted, the feeling was mutual, but still—!

Rarity kicked with her rear legs and managed to throw the stallion off her. She quickly righted herself and slid into a combat stance she’d once learned from a martial arts expert.

Party Favor threw a bunch of balloons at her. A trivial distraction. Rarity’s magic quickly tossed them aside just in time to see the unicorn charge again.

This time, she ducked down and kicked the legs out from underneath him. He faceplanted straight into the tarmac.

“That’s quite enough!” protested Rarity. “You don’t have to do this. I’m not with the Inquisition.”

The unicorn stallion gave her a look of outright contempt.

There was suddenly a flash of light. Party Favor collapsed. A light blue glow rose from the unicorn stallion and in it, Rarity saw a pink balloon animal surrounded by confetti. Was that the stallion’s cutie mark? Before she could tell for sure, it suddenly shattered.

In the distance, Rarity heard sirens.

Not that it mattered anymore.

Comments

[totallynotabrony]

It appeared as if the unicorn was trying to get all the edges perfectly parallel with the edge of the table.

Oh Twilight, you might be an alt-universe pawn of a tyrannical regime, but never change.