• Published 8th Oct 2015
  • 357 Views, 5 Comments

Cider Theater Blues - A Random Guy



Discord needs some last-minute help for a theatrical production, so he enlists Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash for assistance. What can he say? He's desperate.

  • ...
 5
 357

Cider ain't for kids.

Scootaloo burst through the door of Rainbow Dash’s cloud house, yelling into the main foyer. “Woo! Sisterhooves Social victory party! We’re the best team around, bam na na na!” The filly slid on her knees down the cloud carpet, strumming a rift on her air guitar. “Weeoo, na na naaa!”

Rainbow Dash burst in behind her, soaring up near the ceiling. She flipped around, pulling out her air microphone to sing her power ballad. “Not gonna stop her, she’s the utter victor!”

“Ba na na Waaa na!”

“Gotta give her room, the finish line is going”—Rainbow held her breath, swinging down in the air and coming up next to Scootaloo. They both raised their heads and yelled the song in sync – “BOOM!”

They both smiled at each other, and then collapsed to the floor, bursting in laughter. Scootaloo caught her breath and got up from the floor first. “Why didn’t we do this last year? If we came in first place last Social, we would be two time winners now!

“If we came first place? No, we would’ve won last year.” It wouldn’t Rainbow Dashed rolled over the floor to rough up the filly’s hair. Scootaloo giggled as she squirmed away, but Rainbow Dash pulled her in for an even bigger nuggie. “But some of us don’t tell me these things until after they happen. Can’t win a race if you don’t know where the finish line is.”

Scootaloo pushed Rainbow’s hooves away and popped out of her hug. “What if you get in a race you don’t know about and win it? What if on one morning, you’re going out to get lunch, flying as fast as possible, then next thing you know you’re flying over a finish line and won Equestria’s Fastest Flier Competition?”

“Then that would be my second best lunch ever.” Rainbow Dash stood up and walked through the foyer. “Hey, a winning filly needs a winning drink. Are you thirsty? I’ve been saving something for a special occasion.”

The filly bounced up behind Rainbow Dash. “Ooh, what is it? Is it fruit juice? Gotta stay hydrated with fruit juice.”

“Nope, even better. It’s a special case of apple cider Applejack made for me at the start of cider season. I never have to wait in line again!”

“A whole barrel of apple cider? You mean it?” Scootaloo hopped up as she followed Rainbow to the kitchen. “Whenever cider season is here, my parents never let me go. I don’t know why.”

“Probably so they can hog all the cider for themselves. It’s really that good.” Rainbow walked into her kitchen and to the pantry, pulling out a large barrel from it. She grabbed two mugs from a cabinet and filled them up from the nozzle on the barrels bottom. Within seconds, they were both filled up with golden, foaming, rich apple cider. She passed one to Scootaloo, who eagerly grabbed it. “Enjoy it. I’ve been saving this for a special occasion, and today’s special enough. When was the last time we both won a race together?”

A wide grin spread across the filly’s face. “Thanks!” She watched Rainbow Dash take a swig from her mug, foam pooling around the pegasus’s upper lip. Scootaloo took a sip of her own. Her grin scrunched up as the first taste of the golden liquid landed on her tonge. “Uh, Rainbow, this tastes a little funny.”

Rainbow Dash pulled her mug away from her mouth, smacking her lips together. “Mhmm, tastes fine to me. In fact, I think this is the best batch Applejack has ever made. Maybe there’s something in your mug.”

Scootaloo took another sip, swishing the drink around before swallowing. “There’s something odd about it. Are you sure this is the best cider in the world?”

Out of thin air, a third voice chimed in on the conversation. “Oh, believe me, this is the cream of the crop. But you need an… acquired taste to truly appreciate it.”

Rainbow Dash’s ears perked up, and then flattened against her skull when she put a name to the voice. “Discord, where are you, and why are you in my house?”

The Chaos Spirit’s disembodied voice giggled everywhere, nowhere, and everything not in between. “In reverse order. As to why, I’m being a responsible adult. As to where, look down.”

The pegasus looked down, where her eye’s met up with two yellow orbs floating in her cider mug, both looking back at her with two red pinpricks. The foam curved in a grin, then opened up in synch with Discord’s voice. “You’ve found me.”

“Out of my cider!”

“Sheesh, no need to yell.” Discord coiled out of the mug, forming into his usual physical form. He towered over the pegasus, crossing his arms and looking down. “I’ve just come by to say hello to one of my dearest friends. Heck, I was going to even ask a favor from you, no strings attached. But now I see you started a party with your…”-- He glanced over at the filly, who stared back at him with wide eyes --“Um, what’s your relationship with Scootaloo?”

“It’s not important right now,” Rainbow Dash snarled, the foam on her lip curling with her mouth. “You said you wanted a favor. What is it?”

“Straight to the point, but I’ll get around to that. There are more important matters to attend to.” He slithered over to Scootaloo, arching above her in the air. “Scootaloo here thinks there’s something wrong with her drink, but I can’t fathom why. Applejack makes the best cider in town, unless...”

Discord lifted a claw in the air, dipping its point ever so slightly into the mug. He pulled it back out, along with a single drop of cider. His finger ran down his tongue, followed by the smacking of his lips. “Hmm, no, nothing wrong with the cider. It’s perfect, just like every batch that comes out of Sweet Apple Acres.”

Scootaloo looked at her mug, in which the foam was settling down. “But, why does it taste weird?” she asked, giving it a quick sniff.

“Probably because Discord messed with your tastebuds or something,” Rainbow Dash said, glaring at the Spirit of Disharmony.

Discord waved his paw at the pegasus. “Naw, I would never do such a thing. Both your taste buds are normal, and so is your cider. It’s normal, sweet, hypnotizing, inexplicable, undeniable, enchanting”— He slithered around to get within inches of the Rainbow Dash’s face –“alcoholic, apple cider.”

Rainbow Dash gulped at the last thing Discord said. “What?”

The spirit wiped the leftover foam off of Rainbow Dash’s lip, squishing it between his talons. “Cider foams when it has alcohol in it, my dear. Didn’t you know that?”

Scootaloo jumped away from her drink as if it turned into a rattlesnake, knocking it over it over and spilling it all over the cloud carpeted floor. “I’ve been drinking alcohol?!”

Discord gave a solemn nod. He snapped his fingers to summon a tiny purple elephant, which sucked up the spilt cider with its trunk. “It’s true, you’ve been drinking an alcoholic beverage. Rainbow Dash may not have known, but that doesn’t excuse her for her ignorance. Just think, if I, a responsible adult, hadn’t come to intervene, you would’ve consumed an entire mug of cider, maybe more, just so you can look cool in front of your idol.” His head hopped off from his body and flipped around to look at Rainbow Dash. “What would her parent say, her real parents, if you brought their precious little filly home, drunk out of her wits?”

“No!” Scootaloo squealed. “If they found out, they’d kill us both! Please, don’t tell my parents! They’re gonna freak, and I’ll never get to see Rainbow Dash again!”

Rainbow Dash let out a long sigh. “Don’t worry, he won’t. He’s going to blackmail me for a favor instead.”

Discord winked, putting an arm around Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “You know me so well. Don’t worry, it’s nothing evil.” Rainbow Dash smacked his arm away, which flew off his body and splattered against the wall. The purple elephant rushed over to suck up the goop. “Here’s the deal, believe it or not, I have hobbies, normal hobbies. Shocking, but true. One of these hobbies is acting. I go out on stage and act for an audience.” A large, overdesigned ball gown appeared on Discord. He knelt down and held out a candy skull in his paw.

“I agree, that is hard to believe,” Rainbow deadpanned. “So what, do you want us to act with you?”

“In a sense. I’m performing an opener tonight, but my acting troupe is down for the count on a very important role. This is a last minute fiasco, and I needed to blackmail two ponies to fill these roles, pronto.”

Scootaloo perked up as she imagined being part of a play. “So, you won’t tell my parents about the cider thing, as long as we act in a play.”

A sly grin stretched across Discord’s face. “Oh, you won’t be acting…”