Caverns & Cutie Marks: Companion Stories

by TheColtTrio

WHAT IS THIS?! [Pony 06]

The Mane Six plus three colts walked down from the castle steps, chatting amongst themselves. Out of absolutely nowhere, three strange figures materialized before them. The nine ponies trotted to a halt and frowned at the shadowy figures, curious as to why a mist had formed on such a fine sunny day.

“Prepare for trouble!” a snow-colored stallion said, cloak flapping dramatically in the breeze.

“Make it double!” the tall bipedal figure continued, its gray skin reflecting a dull sheen in the brilliant sunlight.

“To protect the world from devastation!”

“To unite all ponies within our nation!”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

The stallion posed, a rose held in his teeth. “Holdfast!”

The gray-skinned figure moved to stand back to back with the stallion. “Bael!”

A massive letter ‘V’ rose from the ground behind them, shining bright in the backlit fog. “Team Villains,” Holdfast continued, leaning against the ‘V’, “blasting off at the speed of light!’

Bael folded his arms across his chest and gave a crooked grin that was seriously out of place on his craggy features. “Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

“Why am I the one who had to wear these cat pajamas?” asked Just Duty as he came out of a conveniently placed bush.

“Because you’re the only one it fits and Holdfast said ‘not it’!” Bael replied promptly. Just Duty grumbled something under his breath as he assumed a pose.

“Meowth, that’s right,” he deadpanned.

The nine adventurers stared in complete silence as a giant scorpion reared up behind the trio, screeching at the top of its arachnid lungs. “SCOR-PI-ON!”

“Did-” Wits blinked, one eyebrow raised almost up into his mane. “Did that just- Did that just happen?”

“I’m afraid so,” Light Patch said looking at them with barely concealed concern.

“Whadaheck is going on?” Purple Heart asked weakly. “Why is this happening to us?” He turned to Wits End, his face a mask of pleading sorrow. “Can we please do it?” The Mane Six looked on, rather interested in how their three friends would react to this absurd situation.

“Hold on a sec,” Wits End said, holding out a forehoof. “Let’s see how this plays out.”

Holdfast chuckled. “You didn’t expect us to attack so soon, did you! Now you’re caught off guard and at our mercy!”

“They truly are, aren’t they?” Bael mused. “This is by far the best idea we’ve had to date!”

Fluttershy raised a forehoof. “Um, excuse me? Can I, maybe, ask you a question?”

“Oh?” Holdfast thought for a moment. “One last question before your imminent demise! Go ahead, speak the last words you’ll ever say!”

“Well…” Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably. “Um… Why-”

“Why’d you guys jump out and do that whole thing?” Pinkie Pie interrupted, pushing her way to the front of the group. “Why didn’t you go straight to the attacking part? You had the element of,” she pulled out an inflated paper bag and popped it for emphasis, “surprise!”

“I’m fairly certain that's on the Evil Overlords list somewhere too.” Light Patch muttered to himself thinking back.

Holdfast blinked, staring blankly at the ponies in front of him. “Uh…”

“Erm.” Bael furrowed his brow in concentration. “Eh… Why didn’t we go straight to attacking?” He posed this question to his two compatriots. The resounding sound of hoof on flesh echoed around the immediate area as Purple Heart facehoofed.

“Hey,” Just Duty said looking at the other two while shrugging out of the pajamas., “don’t look at me. I was against this whole thing in the first place. I suggested we just straight up take them out.”

“Now? Please? Can we?” Purple Heart begged, looking to Wits End. The Mane Six blinked in surprise at the purple barbarian’s tone.

Wits thought for a moment, scratching his chin. “Mmm… Sure, now’s a good time. Wanna start us off, Patchy?”

Light Patch sat there staring at the three apparent villains, not really feeling anything bubbling up. “I… I”M DONE!, I’M FREAKING DONE!” the pegasus suddenly busted out shouting and throwing his hooves into the air.

“THIS IS BULLSHRIMP!” Wits exclaimed, screaming in unexplained hysteria. “THIS IS FREAKING BULLSHRIMP!”

“WHAT IS THIS?!” Purple Heart screamed, throwing his hooves forward towards the villains.

“WHAT IS THIS?” Light Patch echoed.

“WHAT IS MY LIFE!” Wits turned to the Mane Six, tears welling up in his eyes. “I CAN’T DO IT, GUYS!”

“I CAN’T FREAKIN’ DO IT ANYMORE!” Light Patch continued tears dropping like rain.

“Well, I’ll tell you what, boys!” Pinkie Pie screeched, stepping forward to berate the screaming colts. “You can give up up now or you can keep it up, because we can’t do it without you, and I know you can’t do it without us!”

Purple Heart inhaled deeply before retorting. “We appreciate it... BUT LOOK WHAT WE’RE DEALIN’ WITH PINKIE!”

“Uh-” Twilight began to speak but got cut off.

“YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!” Wits interrupted, drawing a literal line in the dirt with his hoof.
Applejack flinched. “Guys, we-”

“YOU GOTTA DRAW THE FREAKING LINE IN THE SAND, DUDE!” Light Patch wailed throwing his forelegs out at the line Wits End drew.

Fluttershy lifted a hoof. “But what-”

“YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT!” Purple Heart snapped. “YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY ’WHAT ARE WE WILLING TO PUT UP WITH TODAY?’”

“NOT FRACKING THIS!!” the trio of colts bawled in unison. The Mane Six reeled back at the rant. None of them, especially not the Colt Trio, noticed the three pitiful villains sneak away.

“I underestimated how absolutely insane they are,” Holdfast muttered, keeping low to the ground as they retreated.

“Indeed,” Bael agreed. “They are truly not of this world.”

“I believe fighting them would be rather poor for our health,” Just Duty said glancing behind him while also trying to stay low and hard to spot. “You know, I hear the continent on the other side of the world is nice this time of the year. Perhaps we should relocate to there and leave them to burn this place down themselves?”

Holdfast nodded. “I agree. With those three here, this continent will likely burst into flames.”

“Seconded,” Bael called. “Leave these ponies to their rants and such. Let’s go next door. I hear they have 3D hedgehogs there.”

The three villain’s glanced back towards where the three stallions had been left, “Looks like Team Villain's sneaking off again~” they whispered in unison sneaking towards the nearest port.

Author's Note:

Authors: Wits End, Purple Heart, Light Patch