Star Trek: Into Equestria: Part 2 of 4: Saving Grace

by admiralthunderstorm

Kirk's Problems

Chief Medical Officer's Log
Stardate: Unknown

Jim annoys me. I mean, he literally does. He thinks saving this planet will help in foreign relations. How will it help if you crash a starship on their planet?!? I've also been getting some scattered reports that they say Kirk has undergone sexual intercourse within the previous week and a half. They're starting to say he screwed Celestia to get her to change her stance on the Federation. How will that accomplish anything?!?! She's not going to bear any children from you!! Dammit man, I ask too many questions about that man. We got two new cases of Equinlogartus yesterday. Most of our crew have been exposed to this planet for long enough that they're starting to turn into horses themselves. Spock has gotten some strange blue hair growing out of his Mastoid Bone region behind his ear. I don't think he could live with being a horse. It'd be too 'illogical' for him. Knowing him, he'd probably illogical himself to death in the process. If there is such a thing. Crew morale has been lower than average after figuring out our only way of escape, the U.S.S. Endurance crashed because of some stupid horse shooting it down and then threatening to destroy Canterlot. Scotty is helping the warp core of the Enterprise to get back online. I really hate the fact that this happened to US and not anybody else but, at least we aren't losing any crew; they're just turning into horses. God help me. I'm going crazy. Get me off of this infernal wasteland.

I sit the Chief Medical Officer's Log down on my desk and look around the room. On almost all of the operating tables, beds, and examination tables lay someone with a hoof, horn, or a wing growing out of someplace on their body; squirming from the pain.

I shake my head and get up from my chair. I continue out into the hall. The hallway is dark except for the flashlights being carried by crew members and the sunlight poking through the spaces in the hull which hadn't been patched up yet. I was watching as one was covered and the sound of welding torches blasted through.

Then, all was quiet.

I walked to the deck one conference room and got there right as Kirk finished his sentence to Celestia about what they could use to get rid of a 'Nightmare Moon.'

Who the heck is Nightmare Moon? And why is it any bother to me? I thought to myself. I shook off the idea and continued into the conference room. I spoke up to Kirk and said,

"Jim, Is it true?"

He turned toward me and said,

"Is what true?"

"Did you really induce intercourse with her?"

"Can we change the subject, Bones?"

"Is it?"

"My business is my business. I was just doing what was needed to save everypony."

"To save everypony? What kind of word is that?"

"Horse puns." Kirk stamped his foot. "I've been on this planet for so long that I've started using them. Bones, go to the Med Bay. I require a check up after this meeting.

So, i nod to Celestia and hurried down to the Med Bay. Kirk came in 5 minutes later, grinning like a lunatic.

"What's the happy face for, Jim?" I ask him.

"Well, Celestia asked me if we could have dinner sometime."

"You're not actually going to stay on this planet, are you?"

Kirk's expression loosened a little.

"Do you think she's actually going to make me do that?"

"I don't know, Jim. Pardon my use of puns here but, mares can be unpredictable sometimes. Now open wide, I need to see your Uvula."

Kirk opened wide and I checked his Uvula. I'd figured out that is the first thing that changes before horns, wings, and hooves stat popping out.

"Nope, looks to be normal." I scanned my Tricorder over him. "It still says you've 'done it' in the past week. I don't like it, Kirk. The fact you've got better relations with the females than the rest of us men do ever."

Just then, Carol Marcus, Admiral Marcus's daughter, limped into the Med Bay with an orange leg and a rainbow tail.

"Doctor! Don't just stand there! DO SOMETHING!" She said, exasperated.

"If I knew a cure, I would but, there's no cure so, i can't."

She replied by saying,

"WELL, FIND ONE!"

I turned to Kirk and said,

"Now, how in the hell does she expect me to do that?"

Kirk just shrugged.

So, for the next day and a half, I researched all possible causes of this disease and found one that i believed caused it. So, I called up the medical officers into my office and gave them the news.

"So, I have found what caused this disease. One, almost everybody that came in contact with the planet's surface; with the exception of Kirk and I, has this disease. Also, the infected have acquired a taste for only fruits and vegetables. No animal protein at all so, give them meat and then to finish the curing process, we need to leave the planet's atmosphere within 7 days. Got that? Now, go cook some fish, beef, pork, ham, chicken, or turkey and feed to the patients." I told them.