Hexed

by Umbra Languish

Fury And The Sound

Fury And The Sound

The cave echoed.

A drop of water crawled down the uneven surface of a stalactite. Slithering to the tip, it bulged outwards, preparing to fall onto the matching spear of stone below. Despite the warmth in the air, it trembled, buffeted around by the barest hint of a zephyr of wind. With the tiniest of 'plink's, and the smallest of showers, the droplet released its hold on the rock.

It hurtled down, straight onto Pinkie's tongue.

"Bleh!" She shook her head violently. Gah! Why did she do that? That wasn't yummy at all! It just tasted like soggy limestone. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that seemed obvious now, but it had felt like such a good idea at the time.

Growing up on a rock farm sure gives you the weirdest habits.

"C'mon, Pinkie!" Twilight called back to her. "There has to be something down here!"

That's right, she had forgotten. They were exploring! With a bounce, the party proficionado trotted after her friends, her enthusiasm quickly making up for lost ground.

"Heeey, Twilight?" she sang. "How do you know there's something down here? Because of that super-scary growling?"

The unicorn nodded, her pretty ribbon bobbing as she did so. "Well, yes. That's part of it. But if you really want to know, Fluttershy just found some solid evidence of another animal. We might be able to persuade a friendly resident to help us against the timberwolves."

Solid evidence? Why wasn't the growling solid? Oh! "I get it." Pinkie winked knowingly. "It's because you can't touch a sound! Gotcha!"

"That's … That's not what I …" Twilight sighed, and turned to the quieter pony next to her. "Fluttershy, help. She's talking again."

The pegasus shied away slightly. "Y-yes, I, um, saw a pawprint in the dust."

A pawprint? Maybe … from a paw? Pinkie decided to point out this devastating insight to the less perceptive ponies. "You mean like from those grouchy old twiglets outside?"

The butter-colored mare hesitated. "Well, I guess it's possible, but I'm not too, uh, sure about that. The shape—"

"Hold it!" The baker loudly interrupted. "If it's possible, then why are we going towards the scary growlies?" That sounded like bad news in general.

Twilight shook her head despondently. "We haven't got a lot of choice. Either we deal with the unknown threat in here, or the very real threat out there. Darkness or wolves. At the moment, I'm rather enjoying being uneaten."

Wow, the purple librarian looked really sad and tired. There should be a word for that kind of look. Un-happy, or something. It was a strange expression to have.

And, for some reason, it made Pinkie feel like she had failed.

Anyway, it was clear that Twilight needed cheering up. But that silly old unicorn wouldn't be happy while she was worrying! Maybe if there weren't as many problems, they could all be happy again! Okay, Pinkie. Time to put on your thinking cap.

Well, the problem sure was a super-tricky choice. Scary cave or brown, stick-y dogs. Hmm.

Haha, whoops. That sounded sorta funny if you said it like that. And it reminded her of that huge mousse moose she saw once, on a train. Except a fuzzy mousse puppy instead! Ooh! What if it was a fuzzy fudge puppy? That would be fudgerrific! Pinkie licked her lips dreamily.

Mmm. Fudge.

More on track, the wolves were not happy chappies. And even though the darkness was scary, she knew a fantabulous way of cheeri—

"Mmm. Fudge." The baker was startled by her mouth actually catching up with her brain.

Since when could it do that? Oh, and, come on. Really? You chose that line, mouth? Nice timing. That didn't help everypony out, it just made her look stupid. Let's make a new rule: 'Don't talk when thinking'. Otherwise, Twilight will make a scary blank face at you when you say something dumb. Ooh, yeah, see? That's not a normal expression.

The librarian's eyelid twitched in a perfect three-four pattern. "What."

It wasn't a question.

Pinkie whistled innocently, and pretended she didn't blurt out the names of random desserts every so often, even though she totally did. For some really strange reason, other ponies happened to think that kind of thing was weird.

"No, seriously. What."

Geez, Twilight was pretty persistent.

But their fun was interrupted by Fluttershy's ears twitching at another sound only she could hear. Eyes widening, the yellow mare pressed herself up against the wall. "Shh! I hear dogs!" she hissed.

The other two decided that staying out in the open might not be the safest idea, so they quickly flung themselves at the rock-face as well.

A pebble clattered in the distance.

Pinkie's heart pounded as she tried to remain still. Argh, it was way too loud! She couldn't hear anything over that thump-a-dump-bump! Stupid heart.

Breathing out slowly, she strained her hearing to its limit. The pegasus was right – growls and yaps were echoing up the tunnel. But the dogs weren't the only creatures she could hear! Broken words in rough tones were layered underneath the barking. It was giving commands … a voice? It sounded kinda familiar, too.

"No way. I've heard that accent before," Twilight muttered, narrowing her eyes at the impenetrable darkness. "It couldn't be."

Fluttershy gasped, and it was like a light had turned on in the tunnel. She smiled so brightly that Pinkie couldn't help but grin alongside. "That's it! Now it makes sense!" the yellow mare whispered. "The tunnel shaking, the shape of the footprints, even why the timberwolves didn't try to enter. This place isn't a cave of wolves, or even a natural cavern! This is a diamond dog warren!"

"Oh, um, excuse me?"

The huge, red stallion turned away from the tree he was pruning, looking over at her with the big pair of shears still in his mouth.

Colgate tried to smile, but was sure she still looked pretty nervous. Wow, uh, he was big. That was kind of intimidating, you know? The light-blue mare had never been the tallest around, and big ponies still scared her a little.

Also, he still had those shears in his mouth. She awkwardly coughed, hoping he'd take a hint.

A low chuckle came from the burly farmer. Carefully placing the oversized scissors down, the stallion gave her a reassuring smile. "Eeyup?"

"Um, I was told that princess Luna was here. Is that true?" she asked.

Big Mac nodded confidently. "Eeyup." He raised a single massive hoof, and indicated the charred remains of what looked like some sort of building. "Discord, too."

She blinked, and looked over at the crater. Discord? What the hay? The ponies in town had been telling the truth, then. Colgate had thought it was some sort of joke! A really bad one, yeah, but still.

Well, it didn't matter. She had to get moving. After all, her father wasn't getting any less missing, was he?

"Uh, thanks a lot!" She waved at the nice stallion over her shoulder, as she trotted away. With a nod, the apple-farmer turned back to his work.

Soon, Colgate was warily edging closer to the rim of what turned out to be a large depression in the earth, like a giant had slammed a hammer into the ground.

Huh. It looked like the two immortals were talking together. Were they friends now? Wait, so did Discord suddenly feel a surge of guilt, or did Luna turn evil again?

Uh oh. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Or … maybe it was! Princess Luna sounded like she was questioning the creep, not conspiring with him in a secret plot to overthrow Equestria. Take that, Lyra! Conspiracy theories were for ponies with too much time on their hooves.

"Hm. Are you certain that an Element impacted here?" the alicorn interrogated Discord imperiously.

He nodded thoughtfully, stroking his beard. "Well, I'm no expert, you understand, but the large pit of crispy rock might be a clue. Just a thought."

The princess closed her eyes, visibly counting backwards from a pretty high number.

Glancing back, the draconequus smiled broadly at the alicorn's annoyance. He pretended to make a perfunctory sweep of the area. "And yet, it doesn't look like the foolish thing is here. How shocking! Ah well, perhaps that's for the best. Wouldn't want to have it too easy, eh? That would just take all the fun out of our little adventure!" Clasping his strange hands together, he giggled in childish glee.

"I despise you," Luna helpfully informed him.

"Oh, I already knew that, my dear. Don't worry, I forgive you."

The princess' terrifying glare only caused him to start laughing uncontrollably. "Ugh. Accursed aberration." The dark-blue mare began prodding the upturned dirt with a hoof.

Colgate shifted her weight slightly. Unfortunately, what she thought was a solid rock turned out to be a clod of soil, which crumbled under her hoof. She had drawn their attention to her eavesdropping. "Oh! Uh, um … p-princess?" she stammered.

Luna perked up. She was probably pleased to meet someone new, after being alone with Discord for so long. "Ah! My loyal subject!" she boomed. "What news do you bring?"

"I … I was wondering, if you aren't too busy, that is, if you could … help me with something?" The young mare drew circles in the dust with her hoof, nervous at meeting a real-life princess. Luna was one of the ruling sisters, a living legend! Colgate's problems seemed silly in comparison.

The alicorn furrowed her brow, and took on an apologetic tone. "I see. Unfortunately, we do have a pressing agenda—"

"Oh, let's hear her out," Discord rudely interrupted. Luna snapped her mouth shut, and gave him a dirty look.

Wow, this was not what Colgate had expected. Why was the draconequus supporting her? Wasn't he a bad guy? Everything was backwards!

He snorted. "What? It'll be more entertaining than staring at this heap of geology. No, really. It will. I'm very bored."

The princess continued to stare at him, obviously trying to find an ulterior motive. After a few seconds, she nodded slowly, turning back to the unicorn. "Very well. We were lacking useful evidence, in any regard. You may elaborate upon your plea, citizen."

Colgate nodded furiously, and began to explain. "R-Right. Uh, I think my father went missing a few hours ago, right about when the castle blew up. I thought he might have gotten lost, but nopony has seen him around town. All I found was his saddlebag, but he never takes that off outside!" She glanced beseechingly between the two of them. "Please, help me find him!"

"How dreadfully tedious. This is the type of problem you come to royalty with? Dull, dull, dull." Discord yawned. "I suppose I was wrong, princess. We might as well get back to discussing the inimitability of rubble."

Luna, however, ignored the spirit. The alicorn seemed unusually focused upon her story, fixing the blue mare with a piercing gaze. "Most mysterious indeed. There was supposed to be another. Very well, citizen! We shall inquire into the disappearance of this Mister …?"

Oh, thank goodness! Colgate had never felt so relieved. Her dad would be fine. After all, she had the help of one of the royal sisters at her side! What could be better than that?

"Hooves," she replied. "My father is Dusty Hooves."

Bits jangled in Trixie's bag as she made her merry way along the road. A cloud of dust rose up behind her shiny new wagon, painted delicate silver and rich purple in dizzying patterns of stripes. Even her hat and cape were well-repaired. Why, they looked better than they had when she first bought them!

The reason for her run of good fortune? Simple.

She'd done her job.

And how! The showmare had finally lived up to all her lofty promises and boasts. Villagers and cityfolk alike had recognized her power and skill. Now she was truly great and powerful! She was successful! She was important! Yes, there was only one stain remaining on her record.

Trixie gritted her teeth as she passed a signpost, the name carved into it bringing back painful, shameful memories.
Ponyville.

Compared to the bigger cities, it was a hive. A collection of worthless hovels. Nothing worth mentioning, even in passing.

But that incredibly unimportant place had seen 'Trixie the failure' at her worst. She had been unable to live up to the legend she herself had created, running from a challenge she had claimed to have completed with ease. After dwelling on her injuries, she had gone mad with power, using the Alicorn Amulet to subjugate the town forcefully! Then she had lost the Amulet.

Once given the chance to fight back, those ponies were not happy with her. They branded her a dangerous charlatan, and it was made very clear that she would not be welcomed back to Ponyville, should she ever return. All the ponies in that entire town hated Trixie. Well, all but a certain unicorn. Of course, she had to admit that even Twilight's tolerance was born from pity, not respect.

There was simply no denying that Ponyville had been her greatest failure.

Now that tiny village thought Trixie was greedy, vain, and worst of all, weak. Their opinions could spread, tainting her reputation elsewhere.

That had to change. That would change! She'd show them all!

"Ahahaha, yes!" The unicorn cackled, inadvertently startling a pigeon. "Trixie will show them! Trixie will show them all!"

With her new abilities, she would create a new mare! She had the power to reinvent herself, to rise to the very top of the theatrical food chain! Not a city in Equestria would be unaware of her prowess! Trixie the Great and Powerful would become a household name!

There would be no more mocking looks! No more scathing reviews!
No more nightmares.

Nothing could stop her now.

"Rise and shine, squirt! We've got a big day ahead of us!"

Rainbow groaned, and curled into her makeshift bed. It was way too freaking early for this.

Seriously. Just go away, Pinkie.

The relentless prodding between her ribs soon forced her to reluctantly crack an eye open. "Mnuh? Wha …?" Dash sat bolt upright, her wild movements almost toppling the little cloud she had slept on. "Spitfire!"

"In the flesh, kid." Her idol smirked, easily keeping her balance on the swaying ball of vapor.

Was this a dream? A surreptitious tug of her mane reassured the blue pegasus that this was, in fact, real life.
So then. She just made Spitfire act as her personal alarm clock.

Rainbow started to panic. "Omigosh! I'm so sorry!" she blubbered, but the professional flyer waved it off.

"Relax, kid." The orange mare checked the sun. "But we should get started. You want to get better, right? Hard to do that when you're asleep."

Dash gulped and nodded. This was her only chance to impress the stunt-flyer. She wouldn't blow it, she wouldn't screw it up, and she definitely wouldn't crash. If she kept holding on to that distant dream, maybe it would even come true.

Walking to the edge of the cloud, Spitfire glanced down at the glistening city below them. "Now, there's some big festival or meeting down there, so most ponies will be in the town square. That's good news for you." The other mare sent her a pointed look.

"I guess," Rainbow reluctantly mumbled. She could see the sense in that. The fewer ponies to see her fail, the better. Otherwise it would just be the mocking she'd received in school all over again. Bad memories.

The older mare winked at her. "That way, you won't land on anypony important."

Eh? That was the reason? Oh, kickass!
Dash squirmed a little in admiration. Spitfire was just so awesome!

"Right." The orange pegasus peered over the edge again. "Let's give this a trial run. Why don't you take a quick hop off this cloud?"
"Eh?" Did Rainbow hear that right? There must be some kind of mistake, or something. Yeah, she probably heard it wrong. "Could you repeat that?" she asked, wiggling a hoof in her ear.

"This cloud. Jump off it."

Okay! What the freaking heck! Was Spitfire trying to kill her? Dash liked her neck right where it was! Wonderbolt or not, that was asking a little too much. "But I can't fly!"

The orange mare rolled her eyes. "Did I say you should fly? I want you to fall."

Rainbow, old girl, you've gotten yourself into a pretty sticky situation this time. Spitfire was clearly insane. Now you'll have to use your limitless powers of persuasion to convince this crazy pegasus that your life is worth living.

"Yeaah." She began to back away. "No thanks."

"You'll be fine!" Spitfire tried to cajole her.

Dash gingerly shook her head. "Um, I think I'm still gonna say no. But, uh, I'm sure there are other things we can do that … don't involve my horrible death. We should try doing those! They might be fun!"

Nice work, Rainbow. Nice work.

The professional stuntspony groaned, placing a hoof over her eyes. "Look. You slept on a cloud last night. That means you have plenty of magic. Any adult pegasus worth their snuff can control their descent. It's easier than cloud-walking, in fact."

"Oh. Really?" She wasn't sure if that was true or not. Probably because she kinda slept through most of her classes in flight school. She passed the core tests anyway, but a lot of the technical stuff just didn't mean anything to her. So, in the end, it made sense to trust a more experienced flyer.

Now she felt bad for doubting Spitfire.

The mare nodded. "Really. This is basic stuff, kiddo."

"Well, uh … okay." Dash was still seriously dubious about the whole thing, but whatever. As a Wonderbolt, Spitfire definitely had to know what she was talking about. So awesome!

Here goes nothing.

Rainbow glanced behind her. There was a little room, but not much. Still, at this point, she'd take whatever bonus she could get. She backed away as far as she could, and prepared herself for a running takeoff. Clenching her jaw, she rocketed forwards.

With a grunt, Dash jumped, spreading her wings to their greatest extent. She pushed her muscles as hard as she could. She did everything she could to keep herself airborne.

"Aaaaah!" she screamed as she fell straight down.

"Flap, kid! Flap!" came the not-so-helpful advice from above. Spitfire might have been an amazing, wonderful mare, but that hadn't stopped her from totally just murdering Rainbow.

"I-I'm trying! I just keep falling!" she wailed. The ground was getting horribly close.

"Use your magic, idiot!" her teacher shouted. "Haven't you ever flown before? Push your magic through your wings!"

She pushed her magic through her wings.

A hot blast of air surrounded her. Wind billowed downwards, pushed far faster than her feathers could move. Grunting, Rainbow forced her wings to keep pumping, to fight her considerable inertia. She desperately strained against gravity, and slowly managed to decrease her speed from 'splat' to 'somewhat survivable'. After all her accidents at high speed, she had put in a lot of practice at surviving.

Dash rammed her hooves into the ground with a loud crack. Ignoring the stabbing pain in her joints, she twisted herself into a roll, bleeding off the deadly momentum. The gravel burned her, crunching noisily as she spun forwards. Before long, a stone wall rammed into her flank with a thump, and Rainbow finally came to a dusty, painful stop.

She immediately collapsed onto her unbruised side, gasping for air.

Okay. That wasn't deadly. She wasn't dead. But it still really freaking hurt.

"Hahaha! Nice one, squirt! You did it!"

Wow. Spitfire had seen everything, hadn't she? Oh. My. Gosh.

Rainbow hid her face, totally mortified. She had never been so embarrassed in her life.

A wide grin was plastered on the face of the orange mare, even as she flew down to land. "Good news! I think I've sniffed out your problem. Magical control. Can't say I've ever seen it this bad, but there's a first time for everything. At least it's easy to fix, eh?"

"E-easy? You mean it?" Dash scrambled to her hooves, her aches and pains forgotten.

"You betcha." Spitfire ruffled Rainbow's mane. "You've already got the magic, you just need to know how to use it. I mean, your max speed might not be up to its usual level, but I can probably have you in the air pretty soon. A few hours, tops."

"Omigosh, that's awesome! Thank you so much!" A few hours? Heck yes! That was way better than Dash had hoped for! She'd be able to fly again!

As long as the pegasus could fly, she could practice.
If she could practice, there was nothing in the world that could stop her from improving.

Phew. Boy, you never know what you have until you lose it. Rainbow was never going to take her wings for granted ever again! Sure she'd lost her ability to fly before, but it had never seemed more like a serious, permanent condition than it had yesterday. What a fright that had been.

Hey, hadn't she had made that exact promise to herself several times before? The one about taking her wings for granted. She'd totally ignored those promises after a couple of days. Maybe Dash's track-record wasn't too great when it came to a constant, sincere feeling of appreciation.

Eh, whatever.

"Haha, anything for a fan, kid." Spitfire seemed to be amused by her enthusiasm. "You gotta work hard, though. No more skiving off to dye your mane while I'm teaching you."

"Dye my mane?" Uh, was the orange mare trying to say that Rainbow colored her hair? That kinda stuff was more like Rarity's business. "I don't dye my mane. My rainbows are all-natural." Not that she hadn't heard that one before, of course. Nopony else had her awesome six-color style, not even Celestia. Most ponies didn't even have two colors!

Yep, proof of her awesomeness, in rainbow form. She'd always been really proud of that. It gave her the feeling she was born to do the Rainboom.

Spitfire snorted, waving Dash's objections aside. "Sure, kid. But take it from me, there's nothing wrong with redheads. I mean, it's no orange, but I think it looks pretty good on you! Got a nice contrast going on with the blue, you know?"

"… wait, what?"

Twilight glanced left and right down the tunnel. There were only two options.

"Okay, so we have diamond dogs on one side, timberwolves on the other. What a conundrum," she sighed. "Well, since Rarity isn't here to whine at the dogs, I vote we go back to the wolves, and see if we can scare them off. Don't they hate loud noises? Of course, I don't have any pots or pans, but—"

Both her friends had suddenly and mysteriously disappeared. The entire corridor was empty. Where had everypony gone?

Oh, great. Just great. Pinkie had run off, and she must have dragged Fluttershy with her. For crying out loud, this wasn't a good time to split up! Now Twilight had to find them, and make sure the other mares weren't in any danger. Did they go back to the cave entrance? Or did they …

No, they wouldn't have. Surely not.

"What ponies doing in Rocky's tunnels?" The echoing tones of a diamond dog bounced off the stone walls.

"Funk." Twilight swore. She quickly ran ahead, down the twists and turns of the tangled warren. It didn't take long before she rounded a bend to see the other two ponies. They were facing a bipedal canine.

Books flickered through her mind. Canis lupus adamantus: sentient, self-aware. A moderately intelligent creature. Smart enough to learn basic speech, anyway.

The confused dog was currently being cheerfully accosted by a bright-pink pony and her yellow partner in crime.

"What are we doing? We're exploring! Wanna join in?"

Dammit, Pinkie. Stop being … you.
Huh. On second thought, this expedition was probably destined to fail from the start.

Fluttershy turned to her compatriot, tilting her head in bewilderment. "We're exploring? I thought we were hiding."

"Hidesploring!"

The diamond dog growled, extending some very sharp claws in a threatening motion. "You make fun of Rocky! Answer better! Why ponies here?"

"Ahem." Twilight coughed, drawing attention to herself. Putting her best hoof forward, the unicorn trotted over to the tiny gathering, and sketched a courteous bow to the canine. She kept her tone respectful as she answered the fractured question.

"We didn't mean to intrude on your home, Miss Rocky," the librarian said. It was female, as far as she could tell. "We were chased into your tunnels, and had no other way to go."

The dimwitted animal snorted at their plight. "What chase puny ponies? Squirrels?"

Well, that was rather dismissive. Twilight felt insulted. Who was the one living in a dirty hole in the ground again? It wasn't the ponies, that was for sure.

"Um, I'm not sure if you know them, but we call them timberwolves." Fluttershy nervously tapped her hooves together, giving the dog a nervous smile. "They can be very dangerous. Lots of ponies used to die to timberwolves before they were driven out of civilized Equestria."

Two ragged ears perked up. "Oh! Barky biters! Rocky know them! They scary, but not so bad if you smart like Rocky."

"Why's that?" Twilight asked, repressing the impulse to make a derisive comment. Thankfully, the canine didn't notice her quick roll of the eyes. It helped to relieve the sarcastic pressure. "Is there something that you use to drive them off? Some kind of noise-maker or siren, perhaps?"

"There burny birds not far away." The dog nodded wisely. "Barky biters hate burny birds. They not want to catch burning, so they run away."

Intriguing.

"Snrk!" A snort from Pinkie, who had started to snigger uncontrollably at the ridiculous names the diamond dog was employing.

Rocky looked understandably offended. "What so funny?" she barked. "Why you laugh at Rocky?"

Ugh. They can settle that one themselves. Twilight ignored the shouts, sinking her head in thought. It was important to understand exactly what the diamond dog was getting at.

"Let me get this straight. You're saying if we lead the 'burny birds' over to the wolves, they'd run away?" A 'burny bird' was almost certainly a phoenix, which was a living avatar of flame. It made sense that the timberwolves would be scared. After all, if Twilight was made of wood, she'd run away from even the slightest hint of fire. Or lightning. Or thunder. Which … would explain the fear of loud noises! Oh, this would make an excellent thesis.

"That right, pony." Rocky nodded calmly, before trying to grab a giggling Pinkie in some type of chokehold.

Fluttershy raised a wavering hoof. "Um, I … I think I should be the one to go get the birds. I've taken care of a phoenix before." Despite the inherent courage in that statement, it was clear the pegasus had no idea how to avoid the wolves.

Quick Twilight, stall for time. "Er, while that's technically true, I have serious reservations with the idea of sending you into a den of wolves. Alone. Let's see if we can't think of a better idea." Good enough.

Really, they just needed to find some way of keeping Fluttershy safe, so that the mare could work her empathic mojo with the birds in peace. Maybe a distraction of some sort?

Pinkie sprang away from Rocky and struck a pose. "Don't worry, Fluttershy! Pinkie Pie is on the cases!"

That was wrong in so many ways. Twilight desperately tried not to sigh as she corrected the party-enthusiast. "On the case. Singular."

"What? You want a singalong?" The earth-pony chirruped. Apparently the pink mare had misheard the librarian, perhaps deliberately. "Well, okay! I wrote a super-fun cake song just the other day! I can switch a few words around, and we'll have a cave song in no time!"

They didn't need a singalong.

"No. That's okay, Pinkie," Twilight ground out. "I'm sure we'll manage without a musical interlude. More on topic, how were you planning on helping Fluttershy?"

"I can distract the doggies! I'm good at distractions!"

Yes she was. A distraction, hm? Unfortunately, that was the same conclusion Twilight had come to. There was a flaw, though. Diversionary tactics didn't make the rudimentary plan any safer, they just shifted most of the danger onto the pony doing the diverting. That was unacceptable.

What a pain! With Fluttershy's animal problems and Twilight's injury, they just didn't have the right collection of abilities to rescue the Element with their usual ease. Pinkie had even inexplicably lost her superpowers, and the earth-pony's remaining skills at entertainment were most useful in towns and cities, not the wilderness! Argh! How was she supposed to formulate a plan if nopony could do anything?

Twilight frowned, scrunching up her face in thought. This situation might not be ideal in any respect, but there had to be a better way to go about this. If only they hadn't lost their talents. Perhaps she could convince Rocky to lend them a hand? How could she do that? The unicorn had nothing to trade.

"Distractions?" Fluttershy repeated Pinkie's offer, sounding very concerned. "Oh, that sounds awfully dangerous, Pinkie! I really don't think you should be near the wolves at all!"

"I'll be fine!" the baker boasted. "I know Déjà-Fu."

"Two quills, an apple, four bits, an' a comb."

A soft, purple cloth was lifted off the table with a flourish, revealing the items in question.
Three times in a row, she had done that! That was no stinking fluke; Applejack was cured!

Velvet clapped her forehooves together. "Well done, dear! That's a huge improvement!"

"Aw, shucks." The farmer nudged up the back of her Stetson in embarrassment. "A few tests don't mean nothin'. Though, uh, thanks fer gettin' mah head sorted out, Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle. Bein' that daft sure was a mighty strange feelin'."

Moonlight started levitating the assorted items into a drawer with a smile. "For one of Twilight's friends? Nothing is too strange." He laughed.

Hey, that rang a bell. "Mah friends? Gah! Rarity! Shoot, Ah plum forgot about'er! Ah'm real sorry, Ma'am, Sir, but Ah gotta go find the poor gal!" Oh boy. Applejack was in for a major talking-to when the dressmaker got a hold of her. Keeping the mare waiting would only make it worse.

"You want to go out?" Velvet's eyes widened. "Er, are you sure you're up to it, sweetie?"

The farmer pumped a leg to show her strength. Fit as a fiddle, she was. "Ah'm real indebted to y'all, but Ah'm fine, now. More than a hunk o'cotton between mah ears. But y'see, Rainbow flew off, and then Ah ran off, and Ah was supposed to come back ages ago! Rarity's gonna be in a right state, she is."

Twilight's mother bit her lip, but nodded. "If you're certain you can do it, then we won't stop you, Applejack. Please be careful, though. This is a busy city."

The earth-pony nodded solemnly, and walked over to the doorway. At the last moment, she turned her head back to Twilight's concerned parents. "Don't you worry none. Ah spent a good while in Manehatten as a filly. As long as mah noggin ain't empty like yesterday, this'll be a breeze."

_______________________________________________

Applejack sat down. Rarity wasn't here.

This was the right place alright. That was the wall the unicorn nearly rammed her face into. Got a good close look at that one.

Well, the earth-pony should have expected it, to be honest. Can't just walk off and hope somepony stands in the same place overnight. That'd be ridiculous.

But the fussy old dressmaker couldn't even see properly. Where could she have gone without help, darnit?

It was going to be real difficult to find a single unicorn in a city of thousands. The twittery thing was probably hob-nobbing with snobby ponies in some fancy building. Well, good for her, but Applejack couldn't see through walls. No, the farmer needed a proper plan.

If only she had a better view of the area. Should she climb a building or something? Boy, this'd be a lot easier with a pair of wings.

Wait a sec, what about Rainbow? Applejack could find the pegasus, and get her to look for Rarity. Yeah, there was some proper sense. After all, Dash always hung around on low-lying clouds when she wasn't working. That meant the pegasus was tons more visible than hiding in some darned building while there was daylight burning. Those nutty city-slickers, and their strange obsession with stuffy air. Crazy.

Let's see. The nearest cloud-bank was … over on the other side of the city. Quickest way there would be to cut straight through the main town square. Yup, that shouldn't take too long.

Seizing upon her course of action, Applejack pushed herself back up and began to trot her way over to the plaza.

As the farmer walked, ponies started to bump into her. It began to get awfully crowded. She did her best to keep an eye out for Rarity, but it soon became obvious that most of the other folks seemed to be heading in the same direction. In fact, it felt like the earth-pony was being herded into the center of the city, for some mysterious reason. Maybe a little eavesdropping was in order.

Applejack flicked her ears over to her right, focusing in on a garrulous-looking couple. A mare and a stallion, both unicorns. Of course, most everypony was a unicorn, round these parts. The pointiest of the three races was by far the most common pony-kind in Canterlot.

The mare was excitedly reading a poster of some sort. "I wonder what the announcement is going to be?" she said.
Her companion huffed, his nose in the air. "Perhaps they are finally going to reveal what yesterday's blasted ruckus was about." He pretended to swoon in a disturbingly fancy way. "Oh, I could barely sleep, I was so worried! Explaining themselves is the very least the palace could do!"

Announcement, huh? The farmer tried to get a glimpse of one of those posters that were being flailed around, but the best she could make out was a shaky image of yet another unicorn in a fancy uniform. Bah, it was probably just some upper-crust windbag, anyway. They were all the same, those types – just a whole bunch of hot air in a pony-shaped balloon. The 'announcement' was probably pointless, then.

Crowds upon crowds piled into the plaza, filling up the exits and walling Applejack in. Unless she wanted to elbow half of Canterlot out of the way, it looked like she was stuck here for a while. She sighed. Alright. That was fine. The wind was low, and the clouds weren't going anywhere, so she might as well see what all the dog-gone fuss was about.

A wooden stage looked like it had been hastily built in the middle of the square. Everypony else was watching the thing, so that was probably where this whole shindig was going to happen. Whatever it was.

Sure enough, trumpets blared out a quick sequence of notes, and a hush fell over the audience. The silence was soon broken by the measured steps of a pony stepping onto the platform.

Hey! Now that was rare, a town crier! The stallion bore a megaphone cutie-mark, along with the well-ruffled shirt that signified his profession. Harrumphing, he opened his mouth.

"A Report To The Citizens Of Canterlot!" he boomed, the sound sending shockwaves through the air, and flattening the hair of the first three rows.

Whoah. That was some set of pipes!

Looking satisfied, the town crier continued at a slightly lower volume. "Due to the continued absence of the Royal Sisters, a Prince Regent shall be crowned at noon today, here in the Royal Plaza. Until the Princesses return, King Blueblood shall be the acting Potentate of Equestria!"

All Applejack got from that heap of nouns was a heckuva lot of capital letters being thrown around. Er, what was a Ree-Gent, anyway? Potato-Nate? Ah well, the statement seemed to spark a big reaction in the crowd, at least.

The farm-pony hummed an old country tune to herself as she watched the ponies around her. They were arguing, gossiping, murmuring, shouting, and generally being very noisy. "But this fella's called Blueblood, eh?" She scratched her head. "Now why the heck does that name sound so darn familiar?"

Pinkie peered outside.

The wolves were in position.
The ponies were also in position.

It looked like 'Operation Fireworks' was a go. Maybe the earth-pony had only just come up with that name, but her point still stands. Stood. Whatever. She was too tense for tenses.

She nodded grimly, psyching herself up for the war she was about to begin. It was time. They just needed the signal to begin.

Any time now. Aaany time now.
Okay, it had been at least ten seconds. She was perfectly entitled to be bored after such a long delay.
Pinkie turned around.

Party-poopers. The ponies weren't actually in position. Her teammates were having a last-minute conversation, or something. Shaking her head, Pinkie trotted over to them.

As she approached, Twilight switched from gnawing on her lip to anxious muttering. "I don't like this. I don't like this at all," she mumbled.

Fluttershy nervously hovered closer to the worried unicorn. "Twilight …"

"I’m not used to this," the librarian admitted. "This role. I'm helpless now. I can't help you. There won't be any backup magic spells to save you guys, and I … I just don’t want to put you two in danger. I don’t want either of you to get hurt."

D'aaw. Pinkie's keen eye for trouble had spotted the problem. And it was an adorable problem. "Hey, we’ll be fine! You came up with a super-duper plan, Twilight! Besides, you have a really sore horn, right? That's because you already protected us with your magic shield-explodey attack! So you definitely helped us, even if you can’t blow up a mountain like usual."

The mare chuckled weakly at the jibe. "Aheh. I guess. Look, I’m really, really worried, girls. Please … please be careful for me."

"W-We’ll do our best." Fluttershy nodded.

Pinkie added her own reassurances. "Yeah! When am I not careful?"

"Ghk!" Surprisingly, that comment only seemed to make the unicorn even more anxious. Twilight took a few deep breaths. "Okay. Okay. Fluttershy, are you ready?"

"As r-ready as I’ll ever be."

The librarian stepped to the side. "Remember, you can't slow down. Both Pinkie and the rest of the plan will be relying on your new speed. Get set. On three. One. Two."

The pegasus shook out her feathers in preparation.

"Three." Twilight swung her hoof down.

Fluttershy swept her wings back, twisting them ever-so-slightly. With a 'whumph' of displaced air, she spun forwards, twisting her body through the tiny gap in the stone. A cone of whistling wind surrounded her form, and the pegasus was soon just a distant streak of yellow, bending the trees in her passage. Twilight’s new ribbon snapped around wildly in the gale.

"Now! Pinkie, you're up!" the unicorn shouted to her.

The self-styled 'martial arts master' yelped excitedly, and bounced outside. It was time to do what she did best. Well, second-best.

Maybe fourth.

"Hey you!" she screamed at the startled wolves, some of which had just turned to chase Fluttershy. They began to growl menacingly at her, but she confused them by laughing.

"Yeah, you lot!" She grinned. "I hear you mutt-ering. Why don’t we paws for arf a minute? Not to be sappy, but I think the root of alder problems here is that you won’t leaf us alone! I’d beagle-ad if we could get past the moments of sheer terrier, ‘cause that’s barking up the wrong tree! If we could just twig to talking, it willow-pen up much more fetching situations! Oak-ay?"

Yes.
Terrible puns, her one true power.

"Oh, Pinkie." Twilight groaned loudly.

The earth-pony burst out laughing. "Ahahaha! I was saving that up for ages! It totally worked, too! They look really mad!" she giggled as she dodged the infuriated canines.

"I think they always look like that."

"Pfff—hahahaa! That's even better!"

Why, the absolute nerve of that doctor.

Not only was his manner rude, he had the absolute gall to tell Rarity that there was nothing wrong with her eyes! That was, of course, patently ridiculous. She was no simpering hypochondriac, thank you very much!

Thankfully, Fancy Pants had believed her story, and had sent off for a most fashionable blindfold. That way, he said, others would not have to ask why her eyes were closed. How considerate he was. The genteel stallion even provided her with a personal caretaker! Truly, Mr Pants was the epitome of gallantry!

"Would milady care for any more tea?"

Rarity smiled in what she hoped was the appropriate direction. "Thank you, Jeeves. That would be lovely." She just needed to find her teacup.

Groping around with her magic, she winced as she felt her blundering movements knock over the teapot. The brown liquid gurgled slowly into the carpet, and the unicorn sighed. Bother. The butler was most professional, simply bustling over to the cleaning supplies. He might not have seemed to bat an eyelid, but Rarity mentally berated herself. Such oafishness was unbecoming of a lady of her caliber.

She raised her head. "Jeeves?" she asked.

"Yes, milady?"

"Would you happen to have an area where I may … brush up on my magic? I find myself needing a defter touch." That was an understatement. She was far too used to doing her magic by sight.

Unlike Twilight, that is, who was rather a bit of a show-off. Juggling animals and sorting books with her eyes closed, using only her sense of her own magic to perform the tricks. Really. Was all that absolutely necessary?

Rarity doubted it.

There was a ruffling noise as the butler rustled his mustache. "A magical practice area? Not as such, no. I must apologize. However, if milady desires, we possess a most spacious balcony. Would that suffice?"

"Oh, that sounds splendid, Jeeves. My thanks," she said, stepping away from the partially ruined breakfast.

With a gentle hoof on her shoulder, the old stallion ushered her out of her room, and along what must have been a corridor or two. As Rarity walked, a slight breeze began to brush against her neck, sending goosebumps up her spine. The fashionista tightened her blindfold with a mental tug, securing it to her head more firmly. She wasn't going to lose Fancy's gift to some silly gust of wind.

"Here we are, milady. Simply directing your spells forwards is perfectly safe. This balcony was designed such that no building could be tall enough to spoil Master Pants' view. All magic used will merely dissipate harmlessly in the air."

What an absolute treasure the butler was. She made sure to thank the stallion warmly. "You have my utmost gratitude, Jeeves."

"Milady is most kind."

Nothing for it but to start, she supposed. Rarity focused upon her horn, and the wellspring of energy that poured into it.

As it turned out, practicing was difficult. The dressmaker had to confess, she was a tad bit rusty when it came to her sorcery. Twilight had both finer control and more power than her, so Rarity usually relied on the other unicorn for most of her magical needs. It wasn't a one-sided relationship, though! That sort of needy behaviour made her feel ill. No, she made sure to thank the librarian, every time she asked a favor. With lovely dresses and hats. Twilight seemed to think it was more than worth it, given the ecstatic beaming Rarity received in return for the gifts.

The sun rose higher, and the blind unicorn's efforts dragged on with the hours. Eventually, Rarity had exhausted most of her small repertoire of charms. There only remained one left that she had not tried. But this spell was special. It was a natural expression of an inherent ability of hers! For unicorns, these sorts of things are usually related to cutie marks, like Shining Armor's shield conjuration, or Princess Cadence's love sorcery.

Rarity was no exception. She had deliberately saved her best for last. After all, an intuitive composition always feels so much better than a learned one, and the dressmaker wanted to end on a high note.

Unlike some ponies, she only had a single natural spell. However, her unintentional use of it was the origin of her cutie-mark, and she was very fond of the little thing. It allowed her to detect gemstones, beautiful crystals of all kinds! Lovely, really.

She had named it Sonoro.

Twilight had learned it in an instant, like that mare did with every single other spell she clapped eyes on, but Sonoro wasn't a common charm by any means. Well, at least, Rarity hadn't seen anypony else using it. She didn't want to, either. Having her very own secret spell made her feel just a little bit special, and she didn't get the chance to feel that terribly often.

The unicorn began to prepare herself, enjoying the powerful rush of energy. As she did so, her elderly but kindly caretaker began to have a whispered conversation with another servant. The maid in question seemed quite distressed. Rarity idly wondered why.

Jeeves' monocle clinked loudly as it dropped to the stone. "What's this? That oaf, Blueblood, a king? Poppycock!" he gasped.

Rarity fumbled the spell. In her shock, she accidentally put in much more magic than was required. Really rather a lot more, in fact.

As in, hundreds of times too much.
And oh, how her magic sang.

Piercing notes of pure sound rang out from all around her! Gemstones were scattered absolutely everywhere in the wealthy district, and every single one of them joined together in an otherworldly, glorious song. The haunting, chiming melody swirled and spun around her, daubing her surroundings in visible tunes and tones. That street, painted blue by a delicate chord. That tower, dyed gold by a lovely major scale.

She gaped in shock, unable to believe the results of what must have been her ears, rather than her eyes. The depictions may be crude, and the colors were simply wrong, but the end result was unmistakeable.

Despite her blindfold, for the first time in twelve long hours, Rarity could see. She could really see!

"Dear Celestia," she breathed weakly.

Her knees trembled at the interlocking patterns of a magical, crystal-lit city, glowing as if lit by a hundred-thousand colored lights. There was true inspiration here, just waiting to be unleashed upon the world! It was a glorious sight, incredibly beautiful. Yes, Rarity could once again see.

But she didn't like what she saw.

"Milady? Is something the matter?" Jeeves asked.

Everything was wrong. "No, Jeeves. Nothing at all." Rarity felt quite light-headed, but not from her burst of uncontrolled magic. There was something else bothering her.

Ordinary sight could not pierce through buildings, but her new, surreal, bizarrely-sharp vision could. Two streets over, behind a public library, thousands of ponies gathered around a rickety stage as a blazing crown was lowered onto Blueblood's head. The despicable snob was shimmering a violent red as the regal circlet descended.

Yet even that was not the cause for her shock.

In comparison, the light from the crown was nothing. But that was only because there was an actual Element hanging around Blueblood's neck, suffusing the entire area with a rather sinister-sounding A-flat. The feeling of the thing was unmistakeable, but the form was completely new. A compass-rose of ruby, the same shape as that idiotic stallion's cutie-mark. None of the Elements looked like that.

Still, that ominous crimson light seemed familiar. Why, if the stone had been cut into the design of a lightning bolt, then …
Ah.

Oh dear. Rainbow was going to be so upset.

Blueblood adjusted his crown and frowned.

The peasantry was being disturbingly unruly today. A coronation is an inspiring moment. Surely the crowning of their monarch was an occasion deserving of applause, if anything in their pitiful lives was at all!

Yet not a single pony in the audience was smiling.

So. It had come to this, had it? They were going to dismiss him as some mere pretender? As an usurper of the rightful crown? Even after all the trouble he had gone to, after he had worked so hard to gain the strength he needed! He could raise the sun for them! What more could they want?

How disgustingly uncivilized of them. The inconsiderate ponies should respect the sacrifice of those noble unicorns who had given him their power.

Not that they knew about that.

Prime Minister glanced at him, and redoubled his efforts to sway the increasingly hostile crowd. Trembling, the idiot of a stallion mopped up more perspiration from his brow with the damp handkerchief held in his shaking hoof. "A … as I said, please honor your new ruler with—"

"Boo! Bring back the princesses!" somepony yelled.

The dam broke, an enormous outcry of contempt and loathing washing against them. As expected, the bureaucrats were terrified, cowering before the onslaught of abuse thrown their way. But with his new strength at the forefront of his mind, Blueblood stood tall against the tide of discontent. He knew what had gone wrong. He knew what had ruined the coronation.

It was quite simple. Everypony hated him.

Everywhere he looked, he saw only anger, distrust, and scorn directed his way. The citizens hated him, and didn't care if he knew it. He was nothing to them.

King Blueblood trembled in rage. Who were these ponies to insult him so? He was royalty! He would have their unwavering respect!

When a tomato narrowly missed his new crown, he lost control of his temper. Stepping forward, he shoved aside the sweating mess that was the head of government, and took his place at the front of the stage. The crowds jeered at him, even as he fixed them with a commanding, sweeping glare. "You! All of you! I am your King! You will respect that, or face the consequences!"

It didn't work. They laughed! They were still laughing! How dare they? How dare they!
These worms! These vermin! They were less than scum, and they were making a mockery of his finest hour!

Blueblood held his head in pain as the taunts and ridicule only grew. Stop! Stop!

"That is it! I have had enough!" he roared, eyes bulging in rage. "I am the King! As your King, I have the right to order you all! I give you my very first order!"

His throat burned as he sucked in a breath.

KNEEL.

Ten thousand threads of nothing burst outwards, tied to the new monarch's gullet. They twirled and danced in the wind, howling in mindless hunger. With a burst of light, there was a rippling sensation. A stolen echo of a sound – if sound had a taste and a color and a scent, and carried the shivering chill of sweetened fear.

The ponies at the outer fringes of the square screamed in terror and tried to run. Their attempts to escape were amusingly futile. Why, Blueblood simply had to chuckle at the expressions on their faces. One by one, each of the citizens choked on nothing, clutched at nothing, and fell. The King smiled, watching as their own limbs betrayed them, as their flesh grew weak and cold, and their hair turned white. With a piercing wail, the whirlpool of magic curled inwards and wrapped around him, fading the outside world to an impenetrable black.

When the darkness receded, he was the only one left standing in a very wide radius.

He felt … different. His horn felt longer. The tips of his blond mane and tail were oddly colored, now. Each hair looked as if it had been dipped in a different pot of paint, the rainbow hues merging into a dull brown from a distance. And there was something sweet on the tip of his tongue.

The King breathed in deeply, enjoying the taste of … strength. Strength beyond measure.

Yes. The world would bow to him. Seas would rise, and mountains would crumble. Nations would fall to his incredible might.

Blueblood did not require the worthless wings of an alicorn, or even the treacherous, untrustworthy support of the peasants he ruled. No, the one true monarch had discovered a much greater power.

KNEEL BEFORE YOUR KING.

Fluttershy ducked.

She spun and swerved, branches whizzing past her at phenomenal speeds. Despite her swiftness, the pegasus knew exactly where she was going. Rocky had been quite thorough in her directions, despite her awkward grasp of language.

Twilight had, after much thinking, eventually come up with a plan. It was a good plan, but because of the unicorn's terrible wounds, it hadn't really involved the mare at all. The librarian had seemed pained at her own words, as if blaming herself for being injured. Well, Fluttershy would just have to do something about that when she got back! She had fixed Pinkie, and she'd fix Twilight too, if she had to! Nobody was going to be feeling sad tonight.

Um, grr.
Yes, assertiveness was key. Remember that.

Oh, but that was all for later. She had a job to do, now. It was a very important job, so she really shouldn't be getting distracted.

There, a glimpse of her destination! Through the gaps in the trees, the finely-woven nest stuck out to her like a neon sign in the dark. With a reversed double-stroke of her wings, Fluttershy slowed to a hover beside the tiny home.

A flash of red and gold heralded the arrival of two birds, plumed in fire.

Fluttershy absolutely adored them on sight. They were just like Philomena at her best – images of avian grace, and clothed in living flame. Heralds of death, rebirth, and justice! Of course, the phoenixes had a much more important quality to her at the moment. They happened to be anathema to their highly-flammable attackers.

"Oh please! Please, I need your help!" she cried with tears in her eyes. "My friend is being attacked by timberwolves! Please help her!"

The birds were obviously surprised, glancing at each other in confusion, but they didn't take flight. Fluttershy stifled a whimper as a stray thought hit her. There was a problem she had forgotten.

She had no Kindness left.

The fiery avians warbled a complex duet, as if arguing, and then rose from their nest in tandem. It seemed they had come to a decision. Despite her lack of Kindness, the two birds acknowledged the request with simultaneous nods. Her heart rose into her chest, and the pegasus stammered out her thanks as best she could.

Fluttershy spun around. "This way!"

Flying as one, the group of three soared back towards the cave. As they approached, she could see Pinkie still dodging the wolves. It was a good sign, as it meant the earth-pony was uninjured for the moment. The birds beside her, however, pumped out a shocking burst of heat in response. Trilling in anger, they barreled downwards, trailing fire from the tips of their outstretched wings.

It only took a few high-speed passes before the wooden automatons began to smoke. Giving up, the pack fled as one, squealing loudly in pain and fear. It looked like forcing timberwolves to face beings of pure plasma was beyond even the Element's power.

With a cocky squawk, their saviors moved to follow the beasts, chasing them far away.

Fluttershy blinked. She could have sworn that the last phoenix winked at her, just before it disappeared.

Then the two ponies were left alone.
The wolves were gone. They were gone!

Fluttershy didn't know whether to laugh or cry in relief. She split the difference by performing a midair twirl, as Pinkie danced a little jig of joy.

"Yes! It worked!" the baker shouted, gyrating like crazy. Several of the moves Pinkie was performing seemed to require impossible flexibility, but from the beaming grin stubbornly attached to the earth-pony's face, the contortions didn't hurt at all. "Woo! Yeah! Hahahaa! Go Fluttershy! We won! We won! We wo—"

The sound of a sickening crack cut off her celebrations. The pink mare slumped bonelessly, collapsing to the ground.

A particularly annoyed gryphon lowered her bloody talons. "Wrong," she spat. The body of the party-enthusiast lay unmoving in front of Gilda, victim to a devastating strike to the head.

"Pinkie!" Fluttershy screamed. "P-Pinkie! No!"

"Feh. I should have known. It never, ever works. You can’t trust anyone. Not even slaves, the worthless dogs. You guys should have been long-dead." The gryphon gripped the earth-pony's body by the neck, and lifted the weight easily with one claw. With the casual shake of a talon, Pinkie's head lolled, and her limbs swung grotesquely, like the lifeless parts of a macabre doll.

It was monstrous. Fluttershy nearly retched at the sight.

"Fine, then. How does that saying go? If you wanna get something done right …" The murderous carnivore tossed her prize aside like trash, and looked straight at the horrified pegasus. "You have to do it yourself."

Gilda smiled.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Oh damn. That came out of... well, not nowhere. Gilda was obviously there the whole time. But still. Damn. Looks like she even shocked Clover the Clever into silence. (EDIT: Never mind. Missed the move at first. )

Also, very interesting development with Dash. Rainbow hair a sign of her connection to Loyalty? I wonder what other physiognomics are fading...

Meanwhile, Rarity is now apparently Daredevil. I wonder if this means she'll have to start a law practice.

And as for Applejack, I really hope she wasn't in Blueblood's area of effect...

In any case, a fantastic chapter. As always, looking forward to more.

[Umbra Languish]

1215709

FOME, on most of your points, I can't give anything away. I've been debating it, but I really can't. Spoilers, you understand.

But Rarity? She might not be an ace attorney, but being blind gives her so many snappy law-related one-liners you have no idea.
No idea.

[FanOfMostEverything]

1250133 I wasn't really expecting response. The review was more reaction than question, just getting my thoughts out for you to see and appreciate. And by "appreciate," I mean "witness the mental turmoil thou hast wrought, so that thou mayest wax mighty upon thy reader's woe and lamentations."

...Huh. May have gone a bit too heavy on the subtext.