Happy Hallmark Day

by ColdFlame

Pinkie Pie

Even in a town full of gleeful, brightly colored ponies you found it hard to give yourself a decent reason to be happy today. You probably could thank your lucky stars you hadn't been transported to a world full of demonic wolves that attack you through angles in your dreams or something. Seriously, that'd just be weird. But in all seriousness you had swallowed a major emo pill today and found yourself unable to find anything to be really thankful for at the moment.

Hearts and Hooves Day was after all just Valentine's Day in Equestria, and as a "forever alone" kind of guy, that meant today might as well as not exist for you. In fact it would probably be better if it didn't exist for you. Unfortunately it did, and now you were stuck having to live through it because clearly the universe must hate you. At least you felt like that right now. It was why you were off to the library to grab a couple of books to read while you holed up in your house for the day, after all.

You walked by Sugarcube Corner and noticed the Cakes preparing all the love-themed deserts inside. You were glad they had given you off today in order to "be with your special somepony" even though you didn't have one. Though it was a good enough excuse to use so you wouldn't have to watch ponies with their own special someponies all day while you worked in the bakery. Walking onwards , you get a strange feeling of being watched and look over your shoulder. Nothing.

Wait, is that cotton candy you smell? Turning about face you suddenly bump noses with lovechild of the Energizer Bunny and Sheogorath.

"Hi, _____! I thought you weren't coming in to work today! Wait, are you? No, that can't be right. The Cakes told me you weren't and I thought it must be because you had a date today with your special somepony. But you're not with a special somepony! Are you going to go get her? Is it a her? If it's not there's nothing wrong with that. I had this one cousin who had a friend who had an uncle with a roommate that was with another stallion. So like I said, nothing wrong with that! But why are you here, then? Ooh! I know! You were on your way to the library to go get a book to distract yourself from the state of your lonely existence in a world where you're the only one of your species on a day when everypony isn't meant to be alone!"

"Um... yes?" you said unable to think of anything else.

"Oh, okay!" Pinkie says before bouncing off past you, cheerfully.

Pinkie was always able to cheer you up in most cases. Or she just really pissed you off. But even when she did you could never stay too mad at her for long. She had a strange effect on you where no matter how mad you were at her, you couldn't help but smile and just have fun with her antics. This was the first time that hadn't happened. This time, Pinkie had made you feel even more depressed than you thought you were going to be today, smiling in her usual way all the while.

"Hey, whatcha thinking about?" she asks looking down at you. Down? Where is she that she's looking down at you? Oh yeah, she jumped on your shoulders when you were brooding about your depression because Pinkie Logic.

"Pinkie I'm not in the mood today. Can you please just leave me alone?" you said with a frown.

"What? What's wrong, _____?" Pinkie asked as she hopped down and began to walk beside you.

"It's just, it's just stupid. That's all," you said, not in the mood to get into your feelings with the pink mare at your side. As much as you enjoyed Pinkie, she wasn't exactly the pony you would go to for a deep conversation or anything overly serious. Still it might be good to vent to someone... somepony.

"Stupid as in taking a "leap of faith" off a really tall building and thinking you'll survive just because there's a small pile of something soft on the ground below? Ooh! What about stupid as in escaping from a horde of angry guards by sitting on a bench in the middle of two other humans who only look slightly similar to you? Or stupid as in you just don't want to talk about how lonely you feel?"

"Uh the last one," you said, bewildered as usual by her offhand comments. "The first things you said were just retarded."

"Oh, okay!" Pinkie said before she bounded off for the second time.

"Jeez, doesn't she have work or something?" you mutter to yourself as you keep walking through town.

"Nope! I already made enough treats for today, so now I can spend the day off!" Pinkie yelled from behind you.

"How did you, you know what? Nevermind. I'll see you around, Pinkie," you yell back before you move on. About twenty minutes later you reach your destination with no more "encounters" with the Pink Menace. You open the library doors to find what you definitely had not expected nor wanted to see in the Golden Oak Library. No, get your mind out of the gutter! Didn't you see the rating I gave these stories? Seriously, if Pinkie Pie can break the fourth wall so can I.

"SURPRISE!"

A spray of pink and red confetti is blasted into your face as you walk into the library. Recovering from a mini heart attack, you open your eyes to see a big banner stretched across the ceiling that reads "Singles Party." Oh God, Pinkie what have you done?

Before you knew, it you were pushed into a chair in front of a table by Pinkie and found yourself face to face with a mare with an electric blue mane and sunglasses on.

"Uh hi?" she said looking from Pinkie to you.

"Now kiss!" Pinkie said happily attempting to push you both together.

"Pinkie, no! This is not okay!" you yelled, resisting her with all your might.

"Dude, what the shit is wrong with your friend?" the mare across from you yelled.

"I'm not sure to be honest," you managing to free yourself from Pinkie. "Pinkie seriously, what the crap was that about?"

"You said you were lonely before. So I decided to throw you and all the other single, lonely ponies a party!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Uh, sorry dude. I'm into mares," the sunglasses pony said before getting up and walking off to presumably go find like-minded mares. "But hey, good luck!" she yells back as she disappears into the crowd.

"Pinkie I didn't even know her! And something tells me you didn't either. How did you even get this whole thing together in such a short amount of time, anyway? You know what, no. Don't answer that," you said with fear of an explanation that would be lengthy enough to leave your skeleton confused.

"I'm sorry, _____, I just wanted to see you smile today like every other pony," she said with a frown.

Well don't you feel like an a-hole? You sigh and wrap an arm around Pinkie. "Pinkie, I appreciate what you did, or tried to do for me. But you went about it the wrong way. Most people... well I guess ponies too, don't start kissing until they at least go on a date."

"So if I find you a pony to go on a date with, you'll be happy?" she asked with a noticeable return of her cheerfulness.

"Sure," you said with a smile. "I mean, if you can actually find a pony who wants to go out with me..."

"Great! Pinkie Promise you won't move!"

"Do I have to really Pinkie Pr-"

"PINKIE PROMISE!" she yells grabbing your shirt (somehow) with her hooves by the collar.

"I Pinkie Promise! I Pinkie Promise!" you say with the fear of God, Celestia, Luna, and Cthulu coursing through your entire body.

After what felt like dozens of "dates" with random ponies, the party seemed to finally start to calm down. It was also getting dark out and you hadn't even realized how long Pinkie had basically kept you prisoner. Out of all the ponies you met, only two outcomes ever played out. The first was that the mare Pinkie tried to set you up with wasn't compatible with you and she would part with you on amicable terms. The other outcome was that everything would be going really well until Pinkie would unceremoniously boot your "date" from her chair and rush off to find a new one.

"I thought that one purple Pegasus with the silver mane was gonna turn out well, too" you mumble as you watched Pinkie Pie push her back into the crowd. "Didn't she say she had a sister around town, too? Maybe I'll end up with her next so Pinkie can screw that up."

"Nope! Flitter couldn't come to this party! Maybe next time, _____!" With that, Pinkie bounced off to look for another victim. You sighed and buried your head in your hands while you waited for her to return. Counting off about ten seconds or so before Pinkie returned, you looked up and to your shock saw a mare whose face seemed glued to the table, void of consciousness.

"Pinkie, what did you do to her?" you groan.

"Oh _____, she was like this when I found her! Anywaaay... this is Berry Punch..." You bury your head back into your hands and slowly feel yourself drifting off as Pinkie basically acts out the date for both you and the inebriated mare across from you.

"Unh what happened? Where am I? Who are you people?! I will not be trapped in here like a rat!"

"_____ calm down! It's alright.'

"Sorry Twilight," you said groggily as you slowly got up from the chair you had been in for basically the entire day. Said chair was also the last sign of the party Pinkie had forced you to partake in. Somehow there was no trace left of the party Pinkie had thrown. Lazy writing? Pinkie Logic.

"You okay, _____?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Just tired. Hey, where were you all day and why did you let Pinkie Pie make a mess of your library?" you said as your senses and wits slowly returned to you.

"Broke a Pinkie Promise," Twilight said looking down with a shiver. That was all you needed.

You and Twilight say your goodbyes and you decide to just head home and sleep the rest of Hearts and Hooves Day away. On your way home you notice a pony with a straight mane walking with their head down. They stop and look up at you for a second before moving on. Isn't that Pinkie?

"Pinkie? Pinkie Pie!" you yell running over to her. "Hey, what's up with you? Your mane's all... flat."

"Oh, hey _____. I'm sorry I ruined your Hearts and Hooves Day," she said with a blank expression.

"What? No you... you didn't. I wasn't even really looking forward to this day anyway. Really it was better to spend it with a friend... and a bunch of random ponies... but still, you tried."

"So... you had fun?" she asked looking up at you.

"Yeah. I guess so. In a really strange way."

Pinkie's mane shoots back up to its usually puffy form and she smiles wide as the Cheshire Cat and starts to prance off rambling happily about making her friends smile.

"Hey Pinkie! Wait!" you yell as she turns to face you. "If you were trying to set me up with somepony all night, why did you always pull all the mares I got along with the best away from me?"

Pinkie's mane deflates a little and she looks to the ground shyly like a young child who knows they broke into the cookie jar before dinner. "I don't know... I just thought... I didn't feel good when other mares made you smile, or when you made them smile. I love to see other ponies smile. But I feel happiest whenever you're smiling. I don't know why."

"I think I know why," you said as you walked over to her. "It's the same reason I can't stay mad at you, even when you pull something like you did today."

"Why? Ooh is it because we both like cotton candy? Or because we're best friends?"

"Well, yes. But it's also something else," you said leaning down so your face is level with hers.

"Ooh I know!" Pinkie says, her eyes shining brightly. You both lean into each other as your lips touch just as they had been meant to all day.

"It's because of the way you make me smile," you said as you two part lips. Pinkie looks at you quizzically and shakes her head.

"No. That's not it!" she said to your surprise.

"What? But, Pink-" you started before Pinkie cut you off with her hoof to your mouth. She smiles and hugs you happily, never breaking the embrace as she tells you what you really meant to say.

"It's because I love you, silly."