Okay so this story is really really good buuuuuuuuut your grammar is making it really hard to enjoy. The plot is pretty damn good and I would favorite this if I could but I can't due to the grammar. For now, you get a like because I'm a sucker for good plots....(get your mind out of the gutter). You should get somebody to look over your stories to pick out these tiny mistakes. It would make the story a lot more enjoyable.
Okay so this story is really really good buuuuuuuuut your grammar is making it really hard to enjoy. The plot is pretty damn good and I would favorite this if I could but I can't due to the grammar. For now, you get a like because I'm a sucker for good plots....(get your mind out of the gutter). You should get somebody to look over your stories to pick out these tiny mistakes. It would make the story a lot more enjoyable.