Chapter Three - Ramblings
By all accounts, the man was quite...well, bored. Bored and tired. It didn't help that not even God seemed to be on his side, as made evident by the gusts of winds always hitting around the groin area, and the blaring sun beated down upon his neck. It was a hybrid of hot and cold, and his body simply couldn't adjust. The bat pony seemed to be faring better than he did, but only slightly. It was a good thing her armor was dirty, otherwise it would be like a god damn oven in there. The threstral tripped over a branch, causing the human to run into her.
"Get off me!" The bat pony scrambled up, accidentally hitting the human with her helmet. The man let out a groan as he held his face. The threstral quickly apologized, regretting her sudden movements. "Sorry!" she looked at the human concernedly. Not because she actually cared for his well being, but she didn't want the hairless monkey to have a fit. He was already bitchy enough as it is.
"Oww..." the man groaned, holding his even more bruised face. He glared at the pony through a crack between two of his fingers. "Fucker..." He groaned once more, his back bent at a small angle. He was pretty sure that the bat pony was the source of all his problems at this point.
"So that's a yes, then!" The threstral said happily, all traces of her previous mood now non existent. The man clenched the left side of his face, keeping his right eye on the bat pony as he limped after her. The horse seemed to look like she didn't just walk for eight hours straight, which kind of pissed off the man. He didn't like being beat, but it didn't stop him from making excuses on to why he was being beaten.
'She's a soldier right? Didn't she say she used to scout areas out for enemies? Well, no fucking wonder! She literally trained for years doing this.' The hot fire of inferiority was extinguished by the icy comfort of his own rather bullshit explanation. He threw away any notion of his advantages, by simply believing she just had more experience. Not that the bat pony was better than him - no, he simply wouldn't, no, couldn't believe in such blasphemy. It wasn't in his nature to submit, but he'd damn well get as close as he could. An odd character, to an extent.
However, all this compelling conversation between two sides of the mind didn't change the fact the surrounding air was cold as all hell. Arguably, his situation turned a lot better as the sun was finally going down. He put a hand on the back of his neck, instantly yanking it back as the skin around the back of his head stung and seemed to hiss as he made contact. It made him worried, not due to the pain, but mostly due to the fact he was pretty sure he heard sizzling going on back there. But what made him even more concerned, was the fact he couldn't feel it without the area being provoked. It either meant A. It was a minor sunburn or B. he had skin cancer, at least that's what he thinks. He hoped it was A, although it still sucked, it was less suckier than the other one. It still sucked.
The sun was going down though, so he couldn't really complain. It was either getting stranded out in the woods in thirty degree weather with only his casual clothes on, or having the comfort of the burning ball of gas in the sky burning like the big asshole it is and giving you sunburn, plus freezing you balls off. At least he still had some warmth, but nightfall...He could shiver at the thought - if he barely touched his neck, and it hurt more than that one time he let his brother try to help him weld car parts together, then he was pretty sure this was going to suck.
A little farther on, and the human noticed something. It got very cold, very fast. The man is well, by all means, a very confident person. Some would call him cocky, but compared to others, he wasn't exactly a giant cock like some of the people he knew. However, just because he was a bit overly confident, didn't mean he was stupid. By all means, that is very far from the truth. In fact, it can easily be recalled that most of the people he grew up with were blown away by how intelligent he COULD be, it still didn't change the fact he was an ass. Even when complimented, he'd rarely actually accept it, usually rubbing it off on common sense and low expectations.
It was an odd thing really - he didn't consider himself smart, he didn't consider himself racist or sexist, and he often he didn't consider people were higher or lower than him. He just...well, he just was. Hell, the only reason he actually got girls and dates back in high school was because he simply didn't give a damn. You could be poor, rich, fat, or skinny, it didn't matter. Friend or foe, he'd treat you almost the same. Although, most of his 'friends' weren't actually voluntary, as the feeling definitely wasn't mutual. He didn't really give a fuck about anyone, and there really wasn't anything that could deter that fact.
Of course, he wasn't a psychopath, at least not by his standards. For instance, if the pony in front of him was, say, suddenly having trouble walking, he'd probably attempt to help her. Unless he had to carry her. Fuck that.
His shoes flip flopped and leaked water as he walked below the forest's canopy, following the threstral. They didn't really have a plan, besides just walking in a certain direction until civilization was found. The man stumbled weakly after the bat pony, barely keeping up the pace with her.
"Can we stop?" his legs were throbbing, he couldn't possibly walk any further.
"Can we stop?" The bat pony mimicked, saying it in a whiny voice. The human braked abruptly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I don't sound like that!" He said angrily as the bat pony turned around to look at him and rolled her eyes.
"I don't sound like that. Wahh wahh, i'm a hairless monkey, boohoo! Stop being a little filly!" She responded in kind.
"Well... Shut up!" He threw his arms up in the air in frustration.
"You shut up!" she flared her nostrils. The human instantly foresaw the future, and decided to avoid his face being repeatedly beaten by that golden horseshoe. You think it's funny, but it isn't. It fucking hurts.
"Eugh!" The human let his arms fall down to his waist, only to bring up his wrist in order to wipe sweat off his face. "For fuck's sake, I just want to take a break! We've been walking for ten fucking hours! Maybe even a dozen! Let me take a god damn rest, Mrs. Stick Up Her Ass!" He said hostilely, lumbering down into a sitting position. The bat pony looked at him confusedly.
"What does this have to do with donkeys?" She asked. The man looked at her, and promptly flipped the fuck out.
"Fine, here let me spell it out for you, you dumb fuck! Why do you always have a fucking pole up your god damn clit, you fucking cunt!? It seems like all you can fucking do is make this even more frustrating for me, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time dealing with you!" The man stood up, glaring at her "You're a fucking degenerate, you fucking disgust me, and you're a fucking parasite! Fuck! You!" He emphasized the last two words by getting up into her face, giving her the oh so delightful middle finger. The threstral looked at him, a trace of what seemed to be tears forming in her eyes. The threstral looked up at him, and opened her mouth.
"Honestly, I didn't know what half of those words meant." The man simply stared.
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The human's spirits had soared in the past few moments, because they found something almost as good as civilization. A road. Albeit, a dirt road, but a road all the same. Unfortunately, the pair hadn't found any signs or a marker to led the towards a settlement of some sorts, but he couldn't really complain. At least the hard part was over. All they had to do was to follow it, however the fact that they still were in the forest unnerved him. The road wasn't exactly clear - vegetation crowding up sizable portions of the path - but it was undeniable that this was indeed, a road. There was no way it couldn't be, he'd find it hard to believe that some magical thing actually took the time to make it instead of the midget horses that inhabited the place.
By now it was nightfall, and it worried the oddly matched team. The trees seemed to close in to seal the gap every step they took, although the threstral was pretty sure it was just her mind playing tricks on her, and the human simply not caring enough to pay any attention. Both of them were tired, even the energetic facade the pony was wearing was slowly being chipped away due to sheer fatigue and other bodily needs. The threstral wasn't doing too bad, as she still wasn't so thirsty. She was hungry though, and in more than one way. The urge to sink her fangs into a warm creature and hear the skin give way under her sharp canines was a rather pleasant thought. As much as she wanted to do just that to the monkey beside her, a part of her wanted to wait until they reached civilization. Who knows, she might need to tie a knot and the human would have already been sucked dry like a juice box. Might be worth it though.
The human was honestly tempted to pull out his phone and play some tunes, but he didn't exactly know how the threstral would react. He contemplated it for a moment - nah, the fuck am I playing? He down right pulled it out and put it on the highest volume setting, scrolling through songs to see which he should play. The threstral wasn't paying attention at the moment as the man scrolled through his selection.
"Should I play some Aerosmith?" he mumbled, quickly shaking his head. "Bon Jovi? Nah..." He frowned. "U2? Fuck that. The Cranberries? Umm...nope. Uhh..." He put on his most shit eating grin he could possibly muster. He'd piss someone off today. A loud noise came from the phone as the song began to play, several strange noises emitting from it. The threstral looked over, her eyes curious.
She really hated that hairless monkey right now.
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The bat pony's nerves were on it's last legs after the unending assault of terrible 20's pop music and 'dubstep'.
'Whatever the hell that is...' she snorted as the hairless monkey seemed to be doing a strange ritual of some sorts, well, maybe that's what anypony would think it would be doing. She was pretty sure it was doing it out of spite. She still didn't understand why anyone in their right mind with such advanced technology waste it's potential on such...foul music? The threstral hoped all of his kind weren't so annoying. It wasn't like she might see them anyway, and even though she was a kind, gentle pony, she was really wondering why his parents didn't just leave him on the street somewhere. By all means, he wasn't the biggest dick she'd met before. In fact, he was actually quite nice compared to them. But the thing the really irked her, was that it was doing this on purpose just to get a kick out of it, unlike previous assholes she had met before who weren't even aware of the fact that they were,well, assholes.
The music wasn't helping either, or whatever was playing out of that hoof sized box of his. For all she knew, it could be black magic or some shit. She honestly was tempted to smack the thing out of the monkey's hand. She was willing to do pretty much everything at this point, just to get him to stop. It couldn't be that durable, right? It's just a little fancy box.
Although, it could survive one of the tallest waterfalls in Equestria, and that wasn't exactly anything to sneeze at. That was a tall plunge, and it barely looked like it got a scratch. To be fair however, they were practically in a steel coffin. With cushions. Very, very filthy cushions.
The threstral really didn't know how she got into the steel carriage with the primate, or if it even owned in the first place. It wasn't exactly a unreasonable assumption if she was pretty sure he was stealing. She found it quite easy to believe, actually. Still, she had never seen such... a strange animal. Even those monkeys she read about from books that described and cataloged animals in the rain forests of those countries and what not. She couldn't for the life of her remember what their names were. She really should've taken geography.
Alas, too bad the past is the past.
However, the human was actually doing quite well in terms of mood, although it was in the suffering of someone else, no matter how menial. He really didn't like the music that much - maybe one or two perhaps, but that was about it. His old friend Phillip would've hated it. It was still funny as all hell though. After all, he couldn't be an unhappy fuck all the time, now could he?
At least it wasn't like those road trips he took with his family, but now that he looked back at it he kind of wished he had enjoyed it more. Didn't change the fact his folks and bastard siblings were still snobby imposing fucks, but he digressed. It wasn't so bad back home when he was growing up, he actually had a lot of friends and hell, he almost could have acquired a scholarship if he actually tried.
Try. Well, that's a rather foreign word when placed next to the man's name in a sentence. He could have tried to be a four point oh student, if he tried. He could have settled down and had a family having plenty enough to sustain themselves, and then some. He could have tried to be successful in the military, medical school, law school, anything you named he had a mild interest in it, besides cosmetology of course. But he didn't, and now that he thought about it, he didn't know why he didn't. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. Well, he would try not to.
Honestly, he really didn't know why. School was easy as hell - at least to him - and really, he rather enjoyed participating in it. Most of the time anyway. At least he never failed, he supposed that was good enough.
He could have pondered it more, but a sudden wake up call via phone being snatched out his hand and thrown against the dirt road.
"Hu- What the fuck are you doing?! Now how am I going to listen to my god damn tunes?" He cursed, glaring at the pony and taking a look at the cracked phone. It's speakers crackled, signaling it's malfunction.
"That's what you get for putting me through...whatever that was!" the threstral said angrily, her feminine voice ruining any threatening tone that she could have attempted. The human was fuming, his fists clenched in rage. He was tempted to swing a fist at the pony, but thought better of it. After all, he was pretty sure if he hit her his fist would only be rewarded with pain. Lots of pain.
"Well, you could have just asked, you bastard!" He fumbled with his hands, throwing them up in exasperation. He didn't think her face could frown any harder. It did.
"I asked you at least ten bucking times, but you were too busy doing your dumb -" she attempted to stand up and fling her hooves around, only to fall on her side to the ground. She quickly dusted her self off and stood on her all fours. "Well, you get the idea!" The human scowled at her response.
He hunkered down and dusted off the cracked phone as he picked it off. He blew across the screen of it, fiddling with the power button. Nothing. Not even a hum, or a spark of light, nothing. He sighed, before yelling angrily.
"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" He threw the phone as hard as he could, the husk crossing over the forest's canopy. He was about to pounce on the pony to beat her face in, but was stopped as he heard something. They both froze, turning their heads to see what direction it came from. When they were clear they just heard local wildlife, they immediately returned into the battle stances, their eyes locked into a staring contest. The human blinked, and opened his eyes to find himself to be lying on the ground with his belly up. The pony tried to slam her front hooves into his chest and his face, her feverish attempts slowly wearing the human down as he tried to keep himself from getting hit in the face. Again. His efforts were for naught however, as made evident by her golden horseshoe hitting him in the jaw.
Fortunately, the man, who you may or may not be rooting for, managed to wiggle his feet under the pony and kick her off. He scrambled up, his arms hurting like a bitch. It felt like he had been ran over by a horse. Which may or may not be close to what actually happened. He turned around and lunged at her, tackling her while she recovered, her back facing him. As his body made contact, her legs gave out from the sudden change of weight, practically making her hopeless as the man had her in a headlock. She had never been in such commonly practiced human rituals, as found apparent as she attempted to breathe.
"Can't...breathe...!" she struggled to get out, only to find the pressure on her neck suddenly being released as the human scrambled up. She gasped, rolling over to her back as she struggled to consume oxygen. She felt hands around her hooves, causing her to scream and kick. The human's grasp was released as her was kicked in the shin, causing him to let out several 'ows'.
"Oh, why hello there! I see you two are having quite the dispute." The threstral turned her head towards the voice, seeing an elderly pony smiling warmly at them. The human nudged the pony to get up with his foot, causing her to bounce up. She smiled nervously as the human scratched the back of his head in a little bit of a confusion.
"Uh...herro?" he couldn't help but have his speech slurred a bit, his cheeks having taken even more of a beating. He waved. The human waited for the pony to greet the old pony.
"Hu- oh, hello!" the threstral woke out of her stupor as the human pinched her through a gap in her armor.
"I see your both quite tired, perhaps I could interest you in staying in my home for the night?" The pair nodded vigorously. The elderly stallion chuckled, letting out a small laugh. "That's the spirit, I suppose." The two followed the stallion, erasing any traces of hostility between them as the thought of a warm bed and dinner cooled the fire between them.
The man and the blood sucking bat pony might finally get a break. A small one.
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I liked this chapter, a good change from the last few, sometimes just having a nice breather spare chapter is good, also I like the fact that she still drinks blood and has cravings for it. Its my head cannon for threstals :D keep up the good work.
5367697 good. I tried writing in a more...well, a different manner.