Wonderbolts - or not?

by Checkspark

Backstories

Scootaloo gritted her teeth. This was the moment she had been waiting for, the moment she had been born for. Sure, the start had been rocky. Her wings didn’t grow large enough to support her until she had reached an older age than most pegasi need to reach to be able to fly. No matter how hard she tried, she’d never been able to be as great as her idol Rainbow Dash.
That is, until the day everything changed. Scootaloo woke up on that day feeling different. She grabbed her bag and flew out the door to school. Literally flew. Halfway to downtown Ponyville the pegasus realized she was flying. Suddenly, she had thrown off her bag and was doing loops through the air. That was when Soarin saw her. Soarin had been flying over to Applejack’s for one of her signature pies. When Scootaloo zipped by him he couldn’t help but stare.
Now, a recommendation to Spitfire from Soarin and 3 years of hard practice and tests later, here she was. Her final test. Scootaloo lifted her head proudly to the roaring Cloudsdale Arena. She was going to make this moment shine.

Rainbow Dash was ready. She had been ready for years - years that had slipped by her hoof. Her mind roared angrily, remembering the trees crashing in on her and the bright light of the emergency room when she had woken up. Dash could still feel the annoying beep of the heart monitor. Dr. Stable had explained that her careless stunt had brought down an acre of the Everfree Forest. And her flying ability.
Severe wing damage prevented Dash from flying for another year, a week before her final Wonderbolts test. The blue pegasus could still feel the rage and desperation that had clawed at her heart that day. Slowly, the year passed, and Rainbow Dash could finally fly again. But her first flight was shaky and lopsided. When she barely landed, Rainbow Dash was devastated. Her fight to become a Wonderbolt would have to start over.
Not letting her missed year get to her, Rainbow dash trained twice as hard. Yet she still wasn’t able to regain her status as quickly as she had hoped. It had taken 3 years full of determination, failure, hurt, and getting back up again for Dash qualify for the test a second time. And even though she was flying it with ponies she which had idolized her as foals, she was going to do this. It would be easy - the test system was very simple.
There were up to two tests a month. Only the top placing pegasus was allowed the privilege of joining the Wonderbolts. The rest waited for the next test. Once a pony qualified for one test, they could test as many times as it took to pass. Many never did.
Dash looked up to survey her opponents: A pair of lime-green twins from Cloudsdale, a Las Pegasus pony here and there, and.... OH! Dash gasped and rubbed her eyes.
“Unbelievable,” she murmured. The orange pegasus turned around gracefully, also surveying the field. The wisps of her purple mane fluttered in the slight breeze. Rainbow Dash was speechless. “SCOOTALOO??” she cried.

Comments

[Howling Wolves]

This is a very sloppily written story. Events happen and go by on a whim and nothing seems fluid or natural. One of the worst cliches (Dash breaking her wings and not being able to fly for x amount of time) is used and used poorly. Dash also becomes unrealistically cruel to Scootaloo during the test.

I suggest either getting any editor or just scrapping this story, nothing in here is original or worth getting invested into.

[Charzoid]

Hello there! I've already read some of your comment to howling Wolves but you might be taking his comment the wrong way. Its not that anyone is saying you shouldn't of bothered posting stuff or you should change your theme. Many people will judge your first story as their first impression on you as a writer all together.You've now tested the water so to speak and know what kinda critics you can expect here but don't take it as a bad thing. When you really do wanna start making stories that you care about,its people like this that can be helpful so you'll know what to improve or what to think on.
There are multiple groups on this site for both beginners and long time writers that will help with editing,story ideas,story art covers,plus everything else.
Also a piece of advise on replying to comments. Do you see where there's a line with a thumbs up and thumbs down on people's boxes? Follow it to the far right where you'll see an arrow and click the arrow. If you see a bunch of random numbers appear in your box then you did it correct and that person should receive your comment.