The Snooty Deign Dilemma

by Shramper

Dull Deviation

I’ve always been told by my grandparents to “Never underestimate one’s resolve.” and I stand firmly behind that phrase. You could almost say it’s a family motto, and because of it, we always see great potential in everypony we meet. It doesn’t matter if one is incapable of one thing or the other, somehow somepony makes it through and in the end are the victors among the defeated.

This story I’m going to tell you is a great example of that quote, both as a moral, as well as individually for everypony in this tale. Because “To never underestimate one’s resolve” can work for, not just one pony, but for a group if they stick together and endure the hardships they encounter. The story I’m about to tell holds this moral, so pay attention, as it’s an important lesson that a group of friends have learned to cherish after the initial problems that’s led to Pet Peeve’s scenario.

The main character/heroine of this story… isn‘t what you‘d think she is. Snooty Deign is not what anypony would think of when they are told to imagine a heroine, or a main character. Snooty is exactly what her name implies, she’s arrogant, condescending, egotistical, and quite frankly a snob. One couldn’t possibly be around Snooty long enough before they become snooty or miserable themselves. To have the endurance and patience to accept Snooty for who she is, is a feat in itself. And Rarity is one of those ponies.

“What kind of treatment should we ask for today, darling?” Rarity asks Snooty, as she reaches for her coin purse at the front desk of the Ponyville Day Spa. Rarity has learned that variation with Snooty helps keeps things interesting, and that taking “the usual” can leave Snooty a lot more miserable than Rarity can handle.

“I suppose the ‘Sweet Ginger & Milk Body Glow” service sounds alright…” Snooty thinks aloud as she scans the entirely of the menu. Rarity smiles and rolls her eyes. Every visit, Snooty spends about fifteen to twenty minutes choosing from the menu, which hardly charges in the first place. One would have to wonder why the services Snooty chooses are always different, considering the purpose of each treatment.

“The Sweet Ginger & Milk Body Glow is lovely.” pipes Lotus Blossom, one of the spa ponies who runs the place. “For an hour, you get a thorough body wash, scrub, a warm milk treatment with grape seed body oils from far away lands!” Lotus almost blushes at the mention of the treatment. Rarity could almost tell that the service has to be good, if the spa staff themselves wish for it.

“…So where’s the ‘Sweet Ginger’?” Snooty chimes, as she angrily stares at Lotus. “What do you mean THOROUGH body wash? From where does these grape seed body oils come from?!” Snooty speaks in a neutral but demanding tone, as Lotus’ smile and peaceful starts to quickly fade into hesitation and confusion.

“Oh… well… after the bath the mane starts to…” Lotus tries to clear her throat, but Snooty eyes could pierce anypony’s psyche.

“I don’t care, the service is false advertising. How many people have taken this service, only to find that they’re not really getting what they paid for? How much is this anyway?”

“… it’s um…” Lotus gulps loudly. As she looks down into her book, she finds that the price is reasonable… to a Canterlot citizen. “140 bits…”

“Of course it is!” Snooty raves as she starts to stomp out of the building. “C’mon Rarity, let’s go.” Rarity glances at Lotus, who is red in the face. Rarity apologizes for Snooty’s behaviour, and quickly follows after Snooty outside of the Spa.

“Snooty, darling. You could have just chosen one of the other… more reasonably priced treatments.” Rarity almost chokes on her words. The spa’s services are usually that expensive, but never unfairly so. Rarity and Snooty have been frequent customers at the Ponyville Day Spa for at least 6 months. But for Snooty to suddenly rant about their pricing isn’t uncommon. “Maybe we can come back tomorrow, when you’re more in the mood. Perhaps we can go to the café and have a cup of tea?”

“More overpriced services, I’m tired of it. I think I’m just going to go home.”

Snooty trots off down the street, as Rarity looks on in disappointment. But she’s not going to let Snooty ruin her day. “She probably just needs to let off some steam” Rarity assumes, as she turns towards the spa. The ‘Sweet Ginger & Milk Body Glow’ treatment rather does sound lovely.

Snooty walks down the street, sneering at anypony that catches her glances. Despite the clouds only sparsely covering the sky, with the sun shining bright, this just isn’t Snooty Deign’s day.

Snooty glimpses an earth pony with a light brown coat and dark brown mane with orange highlights skipping happily towards the art store with a bunny on her back, calmly picking it‘s teeth of carrots with a twig. Bags packed with paper and an assortment of other materials burden the pony, but she sees Snooty and smiles, changing her path and walks towards her.

“Hey Snooty! Wonderful day, isn’t it?” hums Dexie Canvas. “I was just about to take Angel here to the art store and grab some supplies. Would you like to help me?”

Dexie Canvas and Snooty, as you can probably guess, are friends. But with Snooty, it’s never really that simple. Snooty could probably consider Dexie a friend, but couldn’t really say it without looking elsewhere other than straight into somepony’s eyes. Dexie and Snooty only know each other through a group of friends they occasionally get together with.

“Dexie… why are you taking Angel shopping for art supplies? Where is Fluttershy?” Snooty only vaguely remembers that Dexie is doing some work for Fluttershy, but it only just narrowly escapes Snooty’s train of thought.

“I told you yesterday, Snoots.” Dexie sighs. “Fluttershy wants me to baby-sit and tutor Angel while she goes grocery shopping. Have you seen the art Angel has made lately?” Dexie unhinges her bags and sticks her nuzzle inside while Angel gives Snooty a judgemental look. Angel and Snooty, from past occurrences, never got along. While Snooty and Angel exchange mean looks, a piece of paper with colourful crayon drawings interrupt Snooty’s view.

“Angel drew this just this morning!” Dexie proclaims as she holds up a piece of parchment with a drawing of Angel and Fluttershy. It’s rather rough, but from what one could see, it looks like Angel is riding Fluttershy atop a throne, being fed an assortment of vegetables from birds.

“I suppose that’s…nice.” Snooty scoffs. “The proportions though are all wrong, and the colours aren’t correct, especially for the throne. Also Fluttershy’s hair doesn’t work like that.”

Dexie’s expression shoots from cheerfulness into disdain. “So? Angel is only a bunny. He doesn’t have the skills and experience that you or I possess.” Snooty glances to Angel, who gives the same expression, but flicking the twig towards her. It isn’t unknown that Snooty can paint, and in the past has worked with Dexie amongst some other ponies in town with some art projects, such as murals and posters regarding events. But Snooty has always critiqued whatever artwork happens upon her, and doesn’t hesitate to give her ‘feedback’ for any to hear.

“Would it kill you to say something ‘positive’ about it?” questions Dexie, as she hands the paper to Snooty. Snooty smiles sarcastically, and scans the paper, squinting and sniffing all the while.

“Well… I SUPPOSE the birds are nicely drawn… and I can at least understand what’s even going on in this… scene.” Snooty looks at Angel for some kind of approval, receiving no such. Dexie grabs the paper from Snooty.

“Look, if you can’t say something nice about it, then I’ll just take it back.” Dexie packs the artwork back into pack, and starts to set off, signalling Angel. “I suppose I’ll see ya later.” Snooty hasn’t the slightest idea what’s gotten into Dexie, as she leaves with her head lower than before. “Probably Angel.” Snooty bets. “What a spoiled little thing.”

Snooty continues down the street, but has no intention of going home. It’s only just after 2pm, according to the Sun in the sky. Snooty considers what she can do until she has to go home for dinner, when she remembers about a book she’s been hoping to find a couple days ago.

Snooty enters the Library, where she is greeted by Spike.

“Hey Spike… how’s it going?” Snooty sputters. Snooty isn’t fond of Spike, and won’t admit that she’s only a LITTLE BIT scared of Dragons. Spike smiles, mischievously. Spike suddenly burps a large green flame to reveal a letter for Twilight presumably. Snooty jumps back, and falls on her plot, dazed.

“Much better now!” Spike giggles. “Twilight is just over there… dealing with Media.”

Spike is talking about Media Mod, a unicorn with an yellow-orange coat and a black mane. Just as much as Spike’s crush for Rarity is no secret in Ponyville, the same can be said for Media Mod’s crush on Twilight Sparkle. Snooty looks over to see Media helping stack books, while Twilight reads off a list out loud. Media doesn’t stop looking at Twilight.

“Oh, Hello there!” welcomes Twilight. “How can I help you?” Snooty notices Media signalling to her, clearly telling her to go away.

“I was… looking for a…um…” Media is really distracting, even Spike is holding his hips in disbelief. Twilight knows exactly what’s going on, and her worried look in her eyes says everything.

“Here! Let me see what I can do for you. Media, you’ve been a great help, why don’t you go help Spike reorganize the books in the Historical-Fiction section?” Twilight gives Media a look, and with wobbly legs, Media shuffles over to the other side of the Library, shortly followed by Spike.

“Thank Celestia, that colt is unavoidable. Thankfully Rarity has taught me a few things.” Twilight giggles, as she walks with Snooty towards a nearby desk. The desk soon organizes from a pile of papers to neat stacks with Twilight’s magic. “Now, how can I help you?”

“Media is still bothering you, huh? Will colts ever learn?” Snooty scolds, as she witnesses Twilight’s Magic, swirling feathered pens, books, and notes all around the Library. “I’m looking for a book on Philosophy. Most notably documentation by Fran Bake.” Just then, a loud gasp is heard, likely Spike, followed by the falling of books.

“I got this, Twilight! Don’t worry! I can handle this!” exclaims Media, as a series of bumps and bashes, oofs and ouches, can be heard from across the room. Twilight shakes her head. “Why did I agree to let him help…”

“Ahem.” Snooty urges. “Fran Bake?”

“Ah yes, Fran Bake! What a fascinating philosopher. Established inductive reasoning for scientific methods.”

“Yes, I’m well aware…”

“The father of empiricism, the theory of knowledge coming from sensory experience.” Twilight interrupts.

“Yes, yes, now about that book…”

“Did you know that he was both an Attorney General AND a Lord Chancellor at some point? Most notably in…”

“YES, I’M WELL AWARE OF THE LIFE OF FRAN BAKE.” shouts Snooty. Twilight looks surprised, but smiles.

“Hehe… sorry. I got carried away I suppose. I wasn’t aware of your knowledge on Fran Bake. Let me see what I can find.” Books start flying out of various shelves, and into alphabetical order in front of Snooty and Twilight. Twilight starts reading each book title out loud. Some of the books before them almost have nothing to do with Philosophy.

“What’s with the other books? I wanted Philosophy related…” Snooty snaps, as she gives odd looks to books regarding Ancient History and Shake Speare.

“Oh… sorry” Twilight replies. “These are books with sections relating to his history, as well as some that quote him. I’ll be less specific I suppose.” Several of the books, among a few others are put away, some of which, Snooty sees, as being the books she’s looking for.

“Don’t put those away.”

“Which ones?”

“The ones over there.”

“These?” The very books Snooty didn’t want are laid out before her. Snooty starts snorting impatiently.

“NO. The ones you put in the top shelf over there. I want the ones regarding the philosophy, not this history crap.” Snooty frowns. Twilight gives her a serious look.

“Please, be more clear and patient. Do you have a name for the book you’re looking for?” Twilight takes note on the books Snooty doesn’t want, but the slight shaking of her pen from writing is noticed by Snooty.

“Fran Bake. Anything regarding his philosophy. I don’t have a name, I just want a book either about, or by him.” Snooty starts to get urgent, almost demanding the books. Twilight maintains her composure, and in silence, fetches 3 books for Snooty. Snooty looks at all 3 books, while Twilight looks on, hoping something is chosen.

“These won’t do. I’ve already read them.” Snooty snaps. She waves the books furiously away. “Don’t you have anything else?”

“I’m afraid we don’t…” Twilight nervously states. “Our library is very limited… maybe you can find what you’re looking for in Canterlot?” Snooty immediately gasps.

“You do realize how far away that is.” sneers Snooty. “You know, not all of us can fly, or simply TELEPORT there.” Snooty doesn’t regret a thing she says, and ignores the angry looks Twilight gives her.

“If you can’t be understanding, and calm down, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. The book you are looking for is not here.” Twilight sternly replies.

Snooty boils to the response. In her anger, she flips the table, and angrily leaves, slamming the door behind her. Twilight almost completely loses it, when she suddenly stops and slowly turns around towards Spike and Media.

“Media.” Twilight says ever so calmly, but with a hint of rigged dynamite behind it. “Thanks for the help. Can you please leave, I need to have some time alone.”

Media doesn’t dare contend against Twilight, as he quickly bows and leaves the Library. As he closes the door softly, he turns to see Snooty roughly digging at the ground her with hooves.

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?” booms Media. “I won’t get to see her for another two days!” How Media knows that, I’m sure no one would like to know.

“You’re pathetic, you know that?” Snooty laughs. “It amazes me, really, it does.” Snooty starts to walk around, but finds she is swiftly followed by an angry Media.

“Well then, why don’t you help me? Give me some advice or something. I’ve tried everything.” Media complains. Of course, he’s tried everything a colt could possibly come up with. Little does Media really know, Twilight is well aware of his crush towards her. But Media takes whatever hint or gesture Twilight gives as a sign of something that isn’t really there.

“She’s just using you now, like a dog. This is quality entertainment.” Snooty remarks, as she starts cheering up a bit. Media starts to blush.

“She is not, I’m no slave. Maybe to love… or something.” Media realizes what he just said when he sees Snooty on her back laughing.

“What do you know? You’ve never been in love. This is serious, Snoots!” But Media can’t reach her. Snooty is crying at this point. Media then storms off as Snooty finishes her laughing fit. Snooty gets up to find that Media is too far to catch up with. Her stomach starts to rumble.

“Oh that’s right… I didn’t really eat lunch today.” Snooty remembers, as she decides a little snack would cheer her up more. She starts to saunter towards Sugar Cube Corner.

Snooty arrives at Sugar Cube Corner to find a small crowd sparsely gathered around the building. Thankfully there is no need to wonder what’s happening beyond the crowd, as the attention is towards the roof, where a hot air balloon appears to have crash landed. Two heads poke out of the fabric.

“That was… AMAZING!” shouts Pinkie Pie excitedly. “Let’s do it again!” The other pony, beside Pinkie, is a white coated unicorn with a black and white mane.

“What has Daft Domino done this time…” someone in the crowd sighs. Everyone else hums in combined worry and wonder. Daft Domino and Pinkie Pie have only become partners in practical-pranking-crime since a week ago, and the two have been infamously causing harmless trouble in Ponyville since. Until today that is.

“Did I mention that I have no idea how to fly a hot air balloon?” remarks Daft, who scratches his head, smiling. The two laugh, unaware of the gathering of people around the store.

“Daft!” a voice yells. “What did you do now?!” The voice has a slight shrill to it, as a cyan earth pony with puffy pink hair runs out of the building. Mr. Cake, just as angry, is right behind her.

“UUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM…” shouts Daft, who feels he must shout such an answer. The next thing anypony sees, is Daft climbing through the top window along with Pinkie Pie.

“Daft! Pinkie! Get back out here, before I drag you out!” as Mrs. And Mr. Cake wait impatiently, Snooty looks to her left and right to find Daft and Pinkie eating cupcakes earnestly looking to see what’s going on. No one has noticed except for Snooty.

“You guys are ridiculous.” whispers Snooty, as Daft and Pinkie try to contain their laughter. “You guys can’t possibly get away with this. You know how much damage this probably cost?”

“Oh, relax Snooty.” Pinkie casually walks with Daft away from the scene. Snooty soon follows. “Look how much attention the shop is getting now!”

“Exactly! Just as we planned.” says Daft, who took a quicker step then usual. Snooty takes that as one of the many signs that what Daft says is a lie. You could say he’s compulsive, but it’s always in a joking manner.

“I don’t think you guys understand. The other times have mostly been forgivable, but this is absurd. Go back and apologize!” Snooty demands. Daft and Pinkie look at Snooty, then at each other.

“Oh alright.” Pinkie complains. “I suppose I’ll see ya later Daft.” Pinkie trots away humming towards the crowd.

“Well?” Snooty asks angrily. “You’re responsible too ya know.” Snooty gives Daft a serious and angry look, much like a parent.

“Well… not exactly.” Daft responds. “It wasn’t my idea this time.” Snooty notices Daft’s attitude entirely changed. He must be telling the truth. Daft starts to walk away while Snooty walks alongside him.

“Pinkie had this idea to hang a hot air balloon over Sugar Cube Corner as a promotional advertisement to encourage people to buy her exclusive brand of cupcakes. She asked me for help, and I agreed.” explained Daft, under his breath. “We were able to rent a hot air balloon, and were on our way until Pinkie had a crazy idea!”

“And that was?” Snooty asked, annoyed but curious.

“Well… she wanted to hang off the edge of the balloon by a rope with a megaphone, to attract attention. At the time, it made sense.” smiles Daft. “But I had no idea how to fly the hot air balloon, so we crashed.” Daft grins. One thing Snooty knows about Daft Domino, is that he never frowns.

“What a story.” Snooty replies. “But it still was your fault, for going along with this crazy plan, and for crashing the balloon.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Hopefully I’m not in too much trouble. I’ll give Mr. and Mrs. Cake time before I come back and help fix the mess.” Daft walks off, while Snooty stays put. It was quite a shock to Snooty to see Daft this mature. A majority of the pranks and schemes both Pinkie and Daft do are mainly Daft’s influence on Pinkie. Snooty thinks that Daft has learned that lesson this time, so Snooty decides to leave Daft be.

It soon starts to get late by the time Snooty makes it to the suburbs of Ponyville, when she finds two ponies talking loudly behind her. Snooty decides to ignore the ponies and kept walking at a brisk pace until she starts to realize they’ve gotten quiet. As she walks past a lamppost that hasn’t been lit for quite some time, she gets more nervous, as the clopping of hooves behind her start to get louder and louder.

Snooty quickly behinds to rear up, ready to kick whoever is following her, until she looks behind her to see none other than Applejack and Bond Remedy.

“What are you guys doing!?” Snooty exclaims. “Real smart to closely follow a mare this late at night.”

“That’s the question isn’t it?” slurs Bond, as he struggles to hold up Applejack, who does the same. “What’s a mare like you doing, walking the streets all by herself this late at night?”

“You oughta have a partner with ya.” responds Applejack, who hiccups a bit. “ Can be dangerous round these parts. Especially in a ’dangerous’ town such as Ponyville!” Applejack and Bond guffaws as they brush past Snooty into the distance, leaving Snooty behind.

“Drunks. Like they could even handle themselves in such a condition.” Snooty thinks aloud. “Why does Applejack even drink with Bond Remedy anyway? Don’t they both have work in the morning?”

Little does Snooty remember, that Bond actually works for Applejack at the moment, temporarily. Bond Remedy did some contract work for Sweet Apple Acres as part of a career agency that’s been helping him find work. Before then, Bond used to be a pharmacist, but with the pay and hours he was receiving, and the lack of need for such a occupation in Ponyville, Bond decided to move on with his life to do different kinds of work.

“I’ll catch up with ya later, Snoots!” Snooty hears from ahead in the distance. Snooty acknowledges and continues to her modest abode, where she finds the lights upstairs are on.

Snooty enters her home to her relief. It’s been a long day, despite Snooty being unemployed. She wipes her hooves on the front mat, and wanders into the kitchen, where she opens the pantry to see what’s available. It’s almost barren of any nourishment.

The kitchen of Snooty’s home is usually void of food. Not because she eats it all, but because she can’t be bothered to go grocery shopping, and usually eats out. But when there is food, it’s not usually up to her to make it. Snooty walks upstairs to find the door to her roommate’s room closed. She knocks on the door, twice.

“Yeah?” a voice is heard. “Come in, or whatever.” Snooty opens the door to find Pet Peeves, earnestly writing on some parchment with a dog at his feet. The dog perks her ears up and angrily barks at Snooty.

“I see you still hate me for last time, Lupa.” Snooty indicates. “What about you? Forgiven me yet?” Pet Peeves’ eyes don’t leave his paper.

“You never apologized in the first place, for kicking my dog.” He snaps. “Don’t expect my dog to forgive you most of all.”

“I didn’t kick your damn dog. She was lounging on the stairs and I tripped over her!” Snooty gives Lupa an annoyed look. “What‘s gotten into you lately... Your dog as well. Both of you have been weird lately”

“Me? I‘m fine, but you‘re right about Lupa…” responds Peeves. “I took her to the vet earlier today and I‘ve been told that she‘s not sick or anything.” Pet Peeves looks at Lupa, who hasn't lost sight of Snooty. No one entirely knows which breed of dog Lupa is, as Peeves found her wandering around the Everfree Forest, and eventually to his backyard. The two have been inseparable since. Despite Lupa’s dominant behaviour, and anger issues, Peeves always assures everyone that she can be very submissive and friendly. But as far as Snooty is concerned, this wasn't Lupa.

“Well… do something about it, or else I will.” Snooty replies, but Lupa assures her it’s not a good idea.

“Yea, sure. I‘ll get right on that.”

“Whatever.” she snorts. “Going to bed. Try to be a little more quiet tonight, unlike last time.”

“Wait, what? What are you-” Snooty slams the door.

When Pet Peeves isn’t in his room, doing whatever he does, he does what any other pony would do. But no matter what, he’ll always annoy Snooty somehow. This includes cooking for the two of them, bathing and washing of clothes, going shopping for necessities, yet somehow Peeves has maintained his patience, almost more than Rarity can for Snooty.

“What is his deal anyway.” Snooty considers. “If it wasn’t for that dog and his dumb noises at night, I would have had a pleasant day I bet. I wish I took that spa treatment after all.” Snooty enters her room, and slumps down on her bed.

“I’m exhausted.” Snooty closes her eyes. Rarely does she go to sleep before Peeves does, but the night before, neither of them could barely sleep.

“…Parents should have called him ‘Pain-in-the-Ass…” Snooty mutters as she drifts off to sleep. A few minutes later, the lights in the house turn off thanks to Peeves. As he walks up the stairs after putting Lupa to bed in her cage, he sees Snooty passed out on her bed. He gives her a frustrated, yet confused look, before he turns to look towards the kitchen downstairs,

“What is going on?” Peeves walks towards his door, with each step on the floor heavier, and heavier. The door closes silently, and a soft murmuring can be heard from downstairs, where a dog starts to whimper.

Author's Note:

First run at a fanfic, between friends. Hope this good enough, and that I established some of the characters.

I have 2 more chapters. Let me know if you want to see them.

-Shramper

Comments

[La Barata]

I'm not 100% sure on this yet, but you earn a UV for at least ATTEMPTING something clever and original.

You've got some spelling and grammar issues (coughtitlecough) but otherwise it looks actually pretty good.

[Shramper]

4490619 Fixed the title. Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated!