Dungeons and Ponies

by Darkrainb0wdash

Prologue

Sit Down

Vicven

I was sitting on a stool, leaning on the counter of my bar. It had taken years to build my demiplane and mansion, and one of the few reasons was just because I wanted a bar. Yes, demiplane and mansion, I’m that damn powerful, and filthy rich! I had put a bar in at sometime for when I was bored. I was talking to Wilaver, my bartender.

“That was when we met Jarkore,” I said.

“The dragon?” Wilaver asked.

“Yep, the four of us were walking down a road next to a small mountain. On the other side was a desert, but we didn’t know it at the time. He was laying on a rock in the sun, taking a nap. He was blended in so well, none of us noticed him. We got closer, and the rock moved to glimpse us. When we realized what we were looking at, we were practically scared shitless!

“The first thing out of his mouth was, ‘Hi! What brings you here?’

“Now, hearing a dragon just being friendly out of the blue is,needless to say, a little strange. We tried to sneak away from him, but we didn’t know that brass dragons can breathe a knockout gas. When we woke up, we were buried neck deep in sand. I’m not sure how long we were in his cave for, but it must have been a few days at least. While we were buried, he just talked to us.”

Wilaver raised an eye brow. “He just talked? Don’t dragons normally just eat you off the road?”

“If you piss them off, but that’s only chromatic dragons… usually. After we had finished our little quest, I came back to him. For months, he taught me about things I didn’t even know existed. I walk out of his cave a few months later, and bam, I’m a dragon disciple. I even had the scales and wings to prove it.”

“How long ago was this?”

“I don’t know, thirty years? I wonder how he’s doing.” I tilted my head back and downed the rest of my mead.

“Why don’t you go find out?” Wilaver took my glass, and turned to the keg behind him. He turned to knob on the spout, and more cold mead filled my cup. “You remember where his cave is don’t you?” he asked, handing back the alcohol.

“Course I do! Caves don’t just up and move, you know.”

“Then go see him. You’re old pals right? He’d be glad to get a visit from you.”

I rolled my eyes, and raised my cup, downing the drink in one breath. Wilaver took my cup to clean when I walked out the door. Damn his powers of persuasion. I actually had to do something other than sitting on my ass all day. I’ll pack my stuff, and leave in the morning, I thought.

My house was big, and I could barely walk in a straight line. I always drank too much. On the way to my room I tripped over my cat, and put a hand on the wall to steady myself. Luckily, I saw Lilith come around the corner. She was my first servant, and another of my great friends. I blacked out after that.

The next morning, I was woken up by the damn sunlight again. “Damn it.” Sometimes I wished I could make it go away, but then all my grass would die and I put too much effort into having a great lawn. I was wrapped in the warmth of my covers, so I guessed Lilith had taken me here. If I had come in by my own power, I would have flopped onto the bed. My vision swam as I slowly rose from the bed. It was still early,but I would need all day if I wanted to get to Jarkore before night. I could see fine in the dark, but it was a pain in the ass to deal with smart ass bandits who didn’t know I could see them.

I went to the chest at the foot of my bed. Inside was all my traveling gear minus food. One of the straps had broken off some time ago, but that was better for me. This way it was more comfortable for my wings. I had no armor to use. Being a sorcerer, armor would get in the way and make it harder to cast spells.

I grabbed my amulet of epic natural armor, and a ring of universal elemental immunity. They are pretty straightforward. The amulet of epic natural armor does, what else, gives me natural armor. With the amulet of epic natural armor, I get fairly hard to cut when it is around my neck, even saving my life from a crazy ninja I’d pissed off. The ring of universal elemental immunity makes me immune to all elemental attacks. That’s right, any wizard that can cast hellball ain’t got nothin’ on me!

At the bottom of the chest were the weapons, a short spear; I don’t need nothin’ else! I picked up my short spear and hit it on my hand, and it changed into a regular sized spear. Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you it has the changeling enchantment on it. I can switch it from short to regular, regular too long, and vise versa.

I started out of my room, and down the stairs, but I wasn’t ready to leave yet. I turned to the right instead of going straight for the door. I still needed to pack all of my rations. I kept the kitchen fully stocked with food, and it was easy enough to find a few apples to eat along the way.

I went back to the front door, and took a few steps outside. Just like every day, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and the wind was blowing. It was the perfect time to leave. I hit the ground twice with my spear and said, “Gate.” The portal appeared in front of me, showing me the Material Plane.

With a step, I had completed my interplanar travel. I was in the city of Bahli. Jarkore’s cave was only about a day’s walk from the city. However, being my lazy self, I decided to teleport. I tapped the ground again, and screamed, “Teleport!” Pop! I was gone.

About fifty miles away, I popped back into existence. The cave was well lit so Jarkore could see his gold glimmer in the light. His massive hoard was in the back of his cave, but there wasn’t much else. Sticking out of the pile was a small hole, his nostril. I walked up to the pile and poked around with my spear.

I found another hole behind a large scale, his ear. I learned forward, and took a deep breath. At the top of my lungs, I screamed, “Jarkore, wake up!”

There was a sudden shift under my feet. A loud roar filled the cave, as Jarkore sent sending gold pieces cascaded down his back. I lost my balance, and fell to the bottom of the pile.

Jarkore rose to his full height, towering above me. His roar turned into a yawn, and he thrashed his head around. His wings expanded to their full size, one wing was as long as six men stacked one on top the other. His yawn subsided, and he started to look around. Finally his eyes landed on me, and went from being droopy to a flat glare

“You,” he growled. “What is it now, Vicven?”

“Aw, are you mad because of what I did last time?”

“You left me die at the claws of two great wyrm blue dragons! They nearly tore me to shreds! Gave me a scar right across my eye.”

He was right. His brass colored scales had a line where they had been ripped out by the other dragon’s claw.

“Damn. How did you get out of it?”

“I had to hide in the sand like a coward! I am so old that I have long forgotten my age, Vicven. Hiding made me feel like I was a tiny wyrmling! You wouldn’t be half the man you are today if it weren’t for me, and you left me to die!”

“Hey, I’m sorry. I just dropped by to see how you were doing.”

“Get out,” he said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute,” I said, putting my hands up. “I’m just here to catch up on old times, maybe even hunt a dragon or two.”

“Get out or I’ll throw you out.” He rose up higher, trying to intimidate me, but I held firm.

“No.” Before I knew it, I was between his teeth. He wasn’t biting hard enough to kill me, but it was hard enough to restrict movement. It was dark, and rather dry, but that’s what you get for living in the desert. I could feel him moving, and soon after, I was in the air. The damn bastard threw me!

My wings quickly caught the air and I steadied out. Hovering in the air smirking, I shouted to him, “Is that all you’ve got?”

Jarkore was turning back into his cave but stopped. He turned back around, and looked at me. “Vicven… I’ll kill you!” he shouted. I had taken one step too many over the line.

The smirk on my face dropped off when he took flight. “Shit.” I had fought with him before, but I had never fought against him. He was stronger than me. His bite and claw attacks were far more powerful than anything I could hope to achieve. I wouldn’t stand a chance against him alone.

He started to inhale, taking in as much air as he could be for attacking. I tried to fly away, but I didn’t have enough time. A column of fire sped towards me. I was maybe one hundred feet away from him, but his breath could go up to one hundred and twenty feet. I was well within his range, with only one way out.

I did the first thing that came to mind and cast a spell. It was another teleportation spell, although it was rushed. Most of you aren’t sorcerers or wizards, so you don’t know what a teleportation mishap is. In short, it’s a botched spell. I get hurt, and thrown only the gods know where.

I tried to teleport back to Bahli. I was very familiar with this city, and shouldn’t have even been able to have a mishap. Never the less, I got a damn mishap. There was a burning in my side like a wolf biting me, and pop, I was gone.

~~~~~

It was quiet. I took a quick look around to see if Jarkore was still there. There was no fire, and best of all, no Jarkore, but something was off. Everything was slowly moving closer. The mountains in the distance, and the ground below was- Fuck, I’m falling.

I started to beat my wings with all my might, but didn’t catch any wind. This was one of the few times that I wished I still knew a spell to magically slow my fall. The ground was coming up too fast. If I didn’t do something, I would be in one hell of a mess. Trouble was that I couldn’t do anything.

The first thing that I would be hitting was a tree. The last time I had fallen into a tree was quite a while ago, and I had forgot how much the branches would hurt.

Then, it hit me - not the tree - an idea. “Polymorph!” I cast the spell and changed into a two thousand pound stone golem. I curled up into a ball as best I could, and braced for impact.

I crashed through the top of the tree, and kept going. There was a gap between the top, and another layer. Strange, but nevertheless, I went through it. There was another open space, and like before, I went through. I hit a third open space, but instead of breaking through to the next layer, I stopped.

I reverted back to my normal self, to inspect the damage. I was sore all over, but fairly unhurt. If I hadn’t cast that spell I would have had some broken bones-if I were lucky. All my gear was still on my back, except for a certain spear of mine. Almost as if a god had sent it to me, it clattered onto the floor in front of me.

I gingerly picked it up, examined my surroundings. What I saw resembled a alchemist’s lab. There were tubes running up into the ceiling, and a large, glass tank connected to some more tubes. There were some test tubes on a counter with unknown liquids in them.

I looked up to see where I had fallen. There were three layers to the tree. That didn’t surprise me, though; I knew plenty of elves that lived in trees. What did surprise me was what stared back at me.

It was a purple something, and a smaller purple something. I did find out what they were, but I’ll tell you later. The larger one said something, and the other one ran off. Slowly five more of the creatures poked their heads over the side of the hole. They were a bunch of different colors. There was the purple one, along with white, orange, blue, yellow, and a pink one too.

There was more talking, and the blue one flew down in front of me. Frankly, it looked like a very small and very weird pegasus. It was actually smaller than a pony, instead of coming up to my chest, it was only at my waist. It had light blue fur, and a rainbow mane. Its back sprouted two wings that kept her afloat in the air. The strangest part of all was its ass. There was a tattoo of a cloud with a rainbow colored lightning bolt coming out of it. It was like a brand, but it was a part of the fur, not a burn.

It shouted something at me in a different language. It sounded like Celestial, but I didn’t know a single word. It had been never been my job to translate. Julius did that as he knew the most languages. The only ones I spoke were Draconic and Common. I didn’t care enough to deal with the blue fuzz ball. I lifted my spear, and pushed it aside. Little did I know that I had just brought the Nine Hells down on my head.

Comments

[Jacob Ellinger]

hmmmm . . . I would read this.

[Jacob Ellinger]

If you mess with one of the main six . . .you're gonna have a baaad time.

Typo spotted

I sounded like Celestial

should read "IT sounded like Celestial"

10/ out of 10 mustaches would read again. more plz.

[Darkrainb0wdash]

4340314
Thank you for catching that.

[Lonelydarkness]

... Yes.

fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/355/4/5/me_gusta_sombra_by_zutheskunk-d5oqe7u.png

[DarkTheDivine]

Interesting.... Why not? Just a playful prediction based on this:

I've killed dragons the size of small mountains

Ironically, Spike is the first character in the line-up. Now then, either Spike ends up as a slave to this figure, or is killed for his hide. Maybe something else will happen. The World Of D&D is full of limitless possibilities.....