Not Everypony's Good at Everything

by RainbowDangerDash97

Auditions

"Hey, Twi..." Rainbow Dash groaned. She came out of the dressing room in Rarity's boutique, clad in shining armour (Twilight's brother, Shining Amour, had lent her that suit of fine armour), slowly floating to her unicorn friend. Twilight was delighted. She had a pair of spectacles upon her snout, and her hair was tied back professionally into a neat tight bun. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Please, stand over there - next to Rarity." She beckoned for the pegasus to stand on backstage. She also checked a box on her schedule.

"Next! Scooooootalllloooo!!" Twilight called out, to the fitting room next to Rainbow Dash's. She was obviously calling a chicken, and that was how you called a chicken by its first name.

The orange pegasus filly was wearing a silky black tuxedo, complete with a red bow-tie. She grinned, flashing her white teeth about. "At your service, madam!" she laughed. "Awesome!"

She didn't wait for Twilight to tell her where to stand. Chickens belonged to a pen, but THIS chicken belonged to Rainbow Dash. She stood next to Rainbow Dash, trying her hardest not to lose her mind.

The list went on and on. Until--

"This is uncanny!" Twilight squealed. "We've JUST enough actresses for our show!"

"What's the big deal?" a background pony groaned. It wasn't her fault that SHE had to join this acting mumbo jumbo. "Shall we start already?"

"Of course," Twilight said. She shouted, "ACTIOONNNN!!!!"

The stage lights went dim. Rarity, dressed up in a beautiful red dress of silk, stepped out of a

"Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, where art thou?" she asked.

"Gimme a second, Rarity," Rainbow called out. "A Sonic Rainboom's on the way."

"Ewww!" Rarity squealed. Of course, she knew what Rainbow meant when she said "Sonic Rainboom." It soon became clear, when a foul stench filled the auditorium.

"Stick to the script, girls!" Twilight shouted, in a loud whisper. "And start with the first chapter."

Rarity cleared her throat. "Being a Princess, all day, all night. 'Tis the night I feared most. Why, even those beggar ruffians are better off than I." she mourned, putting on a sad face.

Fluttershy landed next to Rarity, lying flat on the floor. Twilight had kicked her onto stage, from above. Due to her stage fright, Fluttershy had to be forced. She gulped and said, "P-P-Princess, why do thou mourn?"

Rarity sighed and said, "Fair mule, fair mule."

Fluttershy twitched her ears (which were in a mule costume.)

"Thou understandeth not," Rarity said. "'Tis the day we shall be married, to somepony we cannot imagine."

"O beautiful lady of the East," Fluttershy whimpered. "Take heart, and the solution shall come to thee. I-I-I take my l-l-leave."

Fluttershy rushed off stage, crying.

"Take heart, she tells me," Rarity wailed. "How? HOW?!"

"And there was a silence then," Twilight narrated, reading from her book. "Princess Fairity did not bother herself anymore about the situation. And then, the colt appeared."

"Father, I do not wishest to marry this young colt," Rarity cried out.

The stench came back. "Sorry! Another Sonic Rainboom!" Rainbow Dash called out, from backstage, laughing like a foal.

Twilight, from her hidden place behind the curtain, glared at Rainbow Dash. The pegasus continued laughing.

Twilight Sparkle grinned with excitement, kicking Scootaloo on stage.

"Why, hello, Princess, O most lovely of ponies," the orange filly said, trying to stifle her laughter. "You - I mean, thou art the --"

"Pray tell me, who art thou?" Rarity asked, in disgust.

"Scooooootallooooo!!!" Scootaloo cried out.

Twilight groaned and said, "Your name is Scooby-Doo!"

"What - why?" Scootaloo asked.

"Because it rhymes," Twilight explained. "Now ONWARD!"

"My name, O graceful pony of the East, is Scooby-Doo," Scootaloo introduced herself, kissing Rarity's hooves, and nearly throwing up.

"Charmed, Scooby-Doo," Rarity said. She brought her hoof up quickly, causing it to knock against Scootaloo's jaw. "Ow!" the filly cried out, grasping her jaw and howling in pain.

"My apologies, Scoot-by-Doo," Rarity gasped.

"Fair lady, I do not feel pain when thou art beside me," Scootaloo groaned. What would Rainbow Dash think of her if she found out the filly was doing this? "Let me introduce thee to my sister, Painbow Thrash."

Rainbow Dash zoomed out of the curtain, clad in shining armour. "Pleasure to meet thee, O ye of little strength," she shouted.

"Pleasure to me thee, too, O most powerful of counts," Rarity said, pleasantly.

"'Tis my brother, Jappleack," Rainbow said, stifling her laughter.

"But Painbow Thrash's brother had something else in mind. One day, he entered the Princess's room, and locked the door behind him." Twilight narrated.

AppleJack, dressed in dirty rags, whispered to Rarity, "Princess. O fair Fairity."

Rarity squealed. "What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" AppleJack asked. She spat out in disgust, "Twi? Do Ah have ta do this?"

"Of course!" Twilight snapped back.

"Oh, please, stay away. Keep your distance," Rarity shrieked.

AppleJack faked a evil snicker. She pushed Rarity on a bed, and ripped out her costume. She did the same to Rarity.

"What do you think you're doing, AppleJack?"

"Jappleack," Twilight Sparkle corrected.

"Oh! Stop it! Stop it at once!"

"Get your dirty hooves off me, you ruffian!"

"Go away! Oh! Stop at once!"

"Mmmm! That felt good, Apple- I mean, JappleAck."

"Stick to the script!" Twilight screamed.

"Oh - alright then," Rarity said. "GO AWAY!!!"

"It wasn't long before somepony heard the desperate cries of the young Princess," Twilight Sparkle read out loud. "It happened to be the Jester, the Knight and his Dictionary."

"You leave her alone!" Pinkie Pie cried out, before seeing herself in the mirror, and laughing at her ridiculous costume.

"Oh? And uh..why? Ah can do as Ah please, Jester," AppleJack grunted. "Whaddya gonna do?"

"Keep making out with her and find out!" Sweetie Belle cried out. Being a dictionary, she had all the quotes and sayings written down in her mind. "If you don't mind...that is..."

"Yer think? Come at me," AppleJack taunted. "Ah'm better than all of ya."

"Whaddya have in mind?" AppleBloom asked, brandishing her sword.

Twilight Sparkle continued narrating, singing, "And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass AppleDoom charged in full of zeal! And the rapist named JappleAck was raping no moooooree… when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!" (get the reference? XD)

"Wait a minute! This is outrageous!" Rarity cried out. "Even though I was lucky the whole making out scene was fake, and AppleJack didn't actually touch me, this is shameful! Twilight, we shall not have any more auditions. We have proven ourselves already, darling!"

Twilight looked offended. "Oh..." She turned to leave.

"Don't be sad, Twilight darling!" Rarity called after her. "I didn't mean that. I simply meant we shall not have auditions. When Princess Celestia comes around, we'll do the play for her."

"Really? Pinkie Promise?" Twilight asked, eyes lightening up with hope.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly - stick a cupcake in my eye," the mane six and Cutie Mark Crusaders groaned. Pinkie Pie was the only one enjoying it. In fact, she was fairly enthusiastic.

Twilight walked away, smiling cheerfully. The other mane six shot each other looks of despair and horror.