"Gyrados use hydro pump!" Called a young trainer
The massive sea Pokemon let out a beam of water from it's mouth, it's target a very small baby Pokemon named Togepi
Togepi let out a shriek before getting covered head to toe with water. When the water stopped being fired you could see a shield a of light around Togepi. "No it used protect!" Yelled the trainer.
Togepi then decided to make it's assault and used metronome, Togepi shaked it's one little digit up and down and then awaiting the outcome of the move, it was thunderbolt! A stream of electricity emerged from Togepi's body heading straight for Gyrado's.
The Gyrados riled in pain as the sting from the thunderbolt came, "Don't give up Gyrados we need that Togepi for my little sister!" Yelled the trainer. Gyrados shook of it's pain and looked at the little pokemon with determined eye's. The Togepi however looked back with total fear. "Okay Gyrados let's give hydro pump another go!" The Gyrados repeated the same action as before but with more power.
The Togepi used metronome again hoping to pull out some trump move so it can see the light of day without any pain. It was Teleport! Togepi's eyes opened with joy as it was quickly fading away. But where it would be teleported to would be entirely up to fate.
Togepi eye's fluttered open it was currently in a grassy field it stoop up on it's leg's and looked around. It's current location was unknown to the small egg Pokemon.
As it was looking around it saw a small settlement just a minutes walk from it's current location. It also saw a small farm with apples.
Its stomach started to growl, realising it only had a couple of berries before it battled that trainers sea serpent it started to walk to the farm.
Togepi climbed over the wooden fence with ease, as it approached a tree it saw how tiny it was compared to the tree , it realized it needed to take drastic measure's. It needed to use fly with metronome.
It was any ordinary day for the apple family the CMC were playing tag around the barn, Big Mac was hauling carts full of apples into the barn and Applejack was getting ready to buck her third tree of the day. As she raised her hind legs in preparation to buck the tree there was a loud explosion that almost made her fall.
Applejack looked in the direction of the loud explosion but couldn't see the damage that ensued.
The trio of second graders rushed to Applejack's side
"What in the name of Celestia was that!?" Applebloom yelled
Applejack looked back at the girl's and said "I don't know but you three get inside the farmhouse with Granny and I'll go investigate" She said determined
Okay so maybe using metronome backfired but hey it wasn t Togepi's fault how could he possibly know that he would get giga impact?
Togepi didn't look at it like it was a complete failure, I mean apples were scattered every where so time to eat! He grabbed three apples before finding a nice spot by laying inside a apple bushel four feet away.
Togepi then heard the presence of another "pokemon" As it peaked it head out of the bushel with confusion It saw what looked like a new species of pokemon! It had a stetson hat on its head and three apples on it flank, Togepi assumed that it defined that pokemons species.
Togepi's parents Togekiss and Staraptor always told him the best way to make friends is to share. But before Togepi could get out of the bushel to give a apple to the new species of pokemon it galloped away. Togepi hopped out of the bushel and made it it's mission to deliver this apple.
As AJ reached her farm she noticed that the rest of the mane six and Spike were there, "Girls how did you get here so fast?" Asked AJ
"Uh duh Ponyville practicly jumped at the explosion from your farm" Stated the cyan pegasus.
"Really, It was that loud?" Aj inquired
"What was that explosion anyway?" Asked Twilight
Aj looked behind hernself and put her hat onto her chest, " It was one of my tree's something knocked it right of it's root's"
As the girls continued to talk about the subject Pinkie noticed something behind AJ.
"Hey Applejack"
The farmer looked at her friend and answered " Yes Pinkie?"
"Who's your new friend?" Pinkie pointed a hoof behind her.
All of the girls looked behind her and were astonished with what they saw.
It was a very small and what looked like a baby holding a apple, it had a happy expression on it's face.
"What a cutie!" Fluttershy said She swooped it off her feet and began snuggling it in her warm embrace.
"Wow that could be a new species of animals!" Twilight exclaimed
"Toge-Priii!" The small creature said
"Wait could this thing be the cause of the explosion and the tree being knocked down?" Asked Rainbow Dash
"Rainbow Dash how could something as cute and innocent as this be the cause of the explosion?" Inquired Rarity
Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head and said "Well it's something we've never seen before and it just appear's out of now where!"
Twilight thought about this for a moment and said " Rainbow could be right we should at least calm the town down and bring it to the library for further examination" All of the girls nodded in agreement.
"Toge-Prii!"
Ponyville was doomed
I like the idea for the story. It has potential for sure. However, the potential it has is buried beneath a poor execution. The grammar in the story is not unbearable, but it is an eyesore. The grammar issue is especially notable in the first few paragraphs. A lot of the issues are relatively easy to fix, like the apostrophes used for plural nouns and comma placement. Some of the other issues will need a bit more work.
The biggest problem in the story is the execution of dialogue. The sentences do convey the intent of the characters, but they lack a flow to them. The speech is disjointed and awkward while not really making sense in some cases. A simple rephrasing can fix some of these, but others may require a bit more of a do-over.
Overall, the best advice I can give you is to try reading this aloud. Often times simply hearing it can help you realize which sections need revision and which parts are okay.
Good luck on the rest of the story. I'm curious to see how it will turn out.
MADNESS
Madness?
THIS
IS
EQUESTRIA