I Barely Know Me

by Trinity Copper-Fox

Seven: What is This Nonsense?

Weeks passed with me working as Ponyville’s liaison. Nightmare Light only showed up every few days, just as the citizens were beginning to wonder if she wouldn’t come back. Mostly, she got away without a scratch, but I would occasionally wake up with the odd bump or bruise. After those nights, Discord always showed up to make sure I was alright. I ended up losing track of how many times I had to tell him I’d had worse.

Over time, the townsponies got used to the situation and I had less and less to do. In the mornings, I went down into the bunker to check on the orphans. Dusty Geode was always there, of course, working on something or other. He’d split some large caverns into separate living quarters and worked out designated areas for each family to call home in case of evacuation.

The orphans were an interesting bunch; the younger ones took to playing an unending game of hide-and-seek, making everypony else trip over them fairly often. The older ones, on the other hoof, did all they could to help Dusty and their caretakers. One group of colts specifically looked up to Dusty, following the stallion around.

I had worried that the foals wouldn’t take well to being stuck underground, but I was surprised at their morale. They had taken this change of situation and treated it as an adventure. Every day, they still found new corners of the bunker for the little ones to play in.

Of course, Discord accompanied me to the bunker every day. I wasn’t sure why, though. Coming underground seemed to put him in a bad mood. He had little tolerance for the foals and always reacted brashly to Dusty Geode. I told the draconequus on multiple occasions that he didn’t have to, but he always ignored my assurances.

Today was especially bad. Discord had transformed himself into a gray pony, though he kept his odd assortment of horns and wings, and insisted on standing between me and anypony else the entire time. When Dusty Geode approached us, Discord draped his feathered wing over my shoulders, a low rumble building up in his chest.

“Discord, will you behave?” I hissed, shrugging his wing off me. Or, rather, trying to, as he just shifted so my attempts had no effect.

“Why, Lunar, dear, I don’t see how you can say such a thing,” he jeered, the deep tone cutting off as he spoke. “Really, don’t you know by now that behaving is no fun?”

“If you want to have fun so bad, then play with the foals. I bet they’d love for you to completely rearrange the entire bunker.”

He gasped at my suggestion, pulling his wing back as though I’d burned him. “You want me to play with the brats?”

“Only if you continue to insist on being rude.” I sighed and took a few steps forward to greet Dusty. “Hello, Dusty. How is everything down here today?”

“Same as always,” he muttered, eyeing Discord with an inscrutable expression. “The caretakers from the orphanage went to market a little bit ago.”

“Have you had to use any food from your store of preserves?”

“No. I’ve actually been helping them out with bits so the foals can eat better. They’ve started to grow on me.” As if to demonstrate this, one of the little fillies peeked out from behind his mane.

“Should I be talking to somepony about providing the orphanage more funding?” I murmured, noting how skinny the filly was.

“That might be wise.”

I nodded and jotted down the note. When I looked up, the little filly was trembling, terror on her tiny face. I followed her gaze to Discord, who had transformed his head into a skull. “Discord!”

“What?” he grumbled, turning his death-mask to me. “Not funny?”

“No, it’s not.”

“Fine,” he sighed, transforming back to his real form. “Are we done here?”

“You can go wait for me outside if you’re that bothered.”

“Not a chance.”

“We don’t need anything else down here, Miss Rainbow,” Dusty interjected, watching me more closely than I was comfortable with.

“Wonderful, then we’re done here. Warning!”

Before I could react to anything, Discord had snapped his claw and we were above ground again. He had me tucked under his arm as he looked at my notes. I swung my hooves reflexively for a moment before letting them hang limp—I had inexplicably gotten used to his antics.

Sometimes, it was even a little…fun.

“Now, there are no damages to check on today,” he said, tromping forward. “You have some free time, so we’re doing something fun!”

“Such as?”

Before I’d finished speaking, Ponyville had vanished. My eyes struggled to register out new surroundings as he set me on the ground. From what I could tell, the patch of land we stood on was floating in a swirling void. In fact, everything was floating, including the house in front of us.

“Welcome to my little slice of time-space!” Discord bellowed, also floating. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s certainly different,” I muttered, looking around. “But we’re supposed to be in Ponyville.”

“Oh, they can spare us for a little bit. Do come in and take off your cloak, I’ll get you some tea.” With that, he floated up through the door, leaving it open. Sighing, I spread my wings, pushing my cloak back and flying up into his house. The inside was a cacophony of colors.

The room was oddly proportioned, the floor sloping down on one side and the walls coming together at awkward angles. Along the back wall, arcing over a door to another room, was an upside-down staircase leading to another door in the ceiling. Rather than having windows, the walls were adorned with glowing drapes over empty frames. As soon as I flew through the door, gravity ceased to exist. I stopped flapping my wings and hung suspended in the air. A couch and a recliner floated sideways near a table.

“I’d rather have hot cocoa,” I called, watching him swim through the door across the room. It took a moment to figure out, but I used my wings and hooves to find my way into the recliner. A passing coatrack tapped my shoulder and I surrendered my cloak and saddlebags to it. “If you have any, that is.”

“Of course.” He appeared on the couch a moment later, holding a cup of cocoa out to me. I expected that, since we were sideways, the liquid would pour out and float around us, but it somehow managed to stay in the cup. When I lifted it to my lips, the hot, chocolatey liquid flowed into my mouth and down my throat just the way it should.

“Is that cinnamon? It’s delicious.” I took another long sip and he grinned. “So, how are we supposed to know when they need us?”

“Oh, this little dimension is attuned to certain ponies. They can just call my name and we’ll hear it.” He took a sip of his drink. “I sent a note to Spike letting him know where we are.”

“Ah, good,” I laughed. “Your house is interesting, by the way. Very surreal.”

“You’re not uncomfortable, are you?” he asked, looking worried.

“Oh, no, I like it,” I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s very…you, you know?”

He grinned. “Do you want the grand tour?”

“Would that even be useful? I’m betting you change it every day or so.”

Discord’s guffaw drew my eyes, and I watched him twist around. I had never paid attention to the way mirth diffused over his face, but watching him now, I felt something stirring in my gut. I shook myself and took a long drink of my cocoa.

“Discord!” It was a disembodied voice that sounded like Spike.

“Oh, we’ve barely been gone ten minutes!” Discord muttered, his face falling—falling off his head, actually, and drifting toward the ground. I stifled a laugh and downed the rest of the cocoa as Spike continued to call for him.

“Where’d that coatrack go?” I muttered, glancing around. He immediately caught the coatrack out of the air and passed my cloak and saddlebags to me. As I got my gear back on, the disembodied voice switched gears.

“Captain Wuzz!”

“What…who’s Captain Wu-what are you doing?” Discord was grinning, trying to hurry me along. He was wearing a strange outfit now, carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows, and he had a mane of blond, flowing hair.

“Are you prepared to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes?”

Discord’s dimension vanished and we were back in Ponyville.

“Guys night?!” Discord enthused. Spike grinned sheepishly, scratching at the back of his head. Discord deflated—literally, falling down flat like a pancake—and huffed, “We haven’t had guys night in ages.”

“You play Ogres & Oubliettes?” I asked, trying to hide my curiosity.

“Yes. I know, it’s not me at all, but it’s actually quite fun.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s…I’ve read all three rulebooks, I would love to play, but I’ve never had anyone to play with.”

“Spike, Lunar may just be a bigger nerd than you,” Discord chuckled, making me blush in embarrassment.

“Oh, never mind,” I muttered.

---

Nopony came to talk to me during the hours I sat in Town Hall—it had started getting cold a week ago, so we’d moved inside—so my report to the princesses was just about the funding for the orphans. Twilight said she’d have the Mayor look into the budget and offered to let me stay with her in the library for the night, but I declined. Discord, as usual, accompanied me on the trek back to my tower before sunset.

“Lunar, dear, I truly do think you ought to stay in Ponyville,” Discord muttered, walking beside me. “If you stayed in Ponyville, I could at least protect you.”

“You are literally the only creature who knows where my tower is,” I responded, not for the first time. This argument was getting familiar—and I was starting to find that familiarity comforting—because he brought this up almost every evening. “I’m perfectly safe here.”

“Ponyville would only be safer for you. The princesses, me, the royal guards—you’d be well guarded.”

“You know full well that that’s not true. You’re ignoring two very important factors.”

“Yes, your wings. Which the princesses really should know about, by the way.”

That was new.

“What?” I turned on him, beginning to feel that all-too-familiar sting of betrayal. “You know why they can’t know…”

“You think they’ll attack you. Really? You know these ponies now. They’d never attack you for being an alicorn.”

“You can’t know that!”

“You think I’d let them attack you?”

“I don’t know! You’re the god of chaos! That doesn’t exactly scream predictability.”

“Lunar, they have to know!”

“I’d rather turn to stone forever!”

He reeled back, fire in his eyes.

“No, you wouldn’t!” he roared. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“I know plenty! Why do you keep insisting on this?!” I snapped, surging into the air to get on eye-level with him. “Nopony has protected me before, why should this time be different?!”

“Because, you insufferable nincompoop, I care about you!” For a split second, surprise overtook his features, but then his expression solidified with determination. “I care about you,” he repeated.

I dropped to the ground in shock, jarring my legs.

“Lunar? Are you alright?” He lifted me up, concern on his face.

“Hey, let me go!” I muttered, squirming until he complied. Hooves firmly on the ground, I stared at a tree for a moment, then turned and continued walking. “I think I can manage to get back home by myself from here.”

“Wait just a moment!” A thorny bush sprouted in my path, forcing me to stop and look back at him. “I just told you that I…have feelings for you, and you’re—”

“What is this—this nonsense you’re spouting at me now?” I huffed, feeling my cheeks heat up. “I mean, you’re the god of chaos, that’s a little…”

“A little what, Lunar?” he growled, taking hold of my chin in his paw.

“Unbelievable! A little unbelievable, Discord!” His grip loosened and I was able to pull away. “I can’t make myself believe it.”

“Well, why not? And don’t you tell me it’s because of your past, I already know you don’t trust anypony.”

“You’re always so flippant,” I offered, rolling my eyes. “You can’t honestly tell me you don’t think of me as a toy. Me and everypony else.”

“Except that I can! I took you to my home!”

“So what? You come to my tower every day! It’s not like I ha—” My voice faltered and I lifted my hoof to my mouth, turning away. There was no way. “I am going home.”

“Fine,” he grumbled, and the thorns vanished. He walked alongside me in silence to my tower’s clearing. I glanced up a couple times to see him scowling and a flushed feeling crawled up my neck.

There’s no way, I thought, shaking my head. Really, it’s not possible.

“Goodnight, Lunar,” he muttered as I started closing the door behind me.

“Goodnight, Discord.”

Author's Note:

Did you know that draconequi are monsters in the 3.5th edition of Dungeons & Dragons? That's a thing I found out this week. That's part of why I'm including Ogres & Oubliettes even though it isn't part of season 4. The other reason is I just decided to have fun with this. I do what I want!
Also, "what is this nonsense?" is a thing I say just all the time.