No Such Thing as "Happily Ever After"

by SilverThunder

Investigation

“So, it says here you’re a pretty quiet student, why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself Fluttershy.” The man in the suit said, trying his best to sound polite.

Fluttershy sat at the opposite end of the table in the tiny windowless room.

“Um… I’m sorry, but my dad said I wasn’t supposed to talk to you people without a lawyer... um, what did you say your name was sir?” She said quietly.

“Call me Mr. Smith.” He said, sifting through a stack of papers on the table. “A lawyer hu? That’s right, you are technically still a minor, but you look old enough to me to answer a few questions. After all, you’re not guilty of any crimes, are you?”

“Oh no, I would never!” she gasped.

“Ok then; so tell me, see anyone… strange around town in the last few weeks?”

“Well, yes, she had the cutest little talking doggy!” she stopped. Mr. Smith raised a brow, just as Fluttershy began to blush in embarrassment.

“Talking dog?”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would believe me. I guess you wouldn’t believe the rest either then, sorry.” She sounded genuinely apologetic.

Mr. Smith grinned and leaned forward to whisper to Fluttershy. “Ms. Shy, I’ve seen far stranger things than a talking dog before, trust me.” He leaned back into his chair and sipped a cup of coffee. “Go ahead, what else about this person?”

“Well, she saved the town, maybe even the world!” Her exclamation was strangely quiet. It was obvious she was a shy and reserved individual. It would be fairly easy to interrogate her.

“Wow she did all that?” he said, faking his surprise. The kid was obviously brainwashed or something. He grinned at the thought, poor girl. This was obviously going to be a waste of time. He leaned back in his chair. “Did she… stop the sun from falling or something?” he said mockingly.

“Oh no, Sunset Shimmer turned into a monster and turned everyone in school into zombies! It turns out she was from another world all along!”

Mr. Smith fell forward. “Wait, what?!”

-“Alright Dash, I don’t have time for this crap!” Mr. John yelled, standing to the side of the table, putting his face in hers and banging his fists on the table. Rainbow Dash sat with her arms folded scowling at the agent.

“Pff, I’m not sayin anything G-man!”

“I got half a school in rubble, police telling me there’s been an attack, and Homeland Security looking for someone to roast for a terrorist attack! If you don’t start talking, you might just find yourself in prison for hiding the truth!” He continued to pound on the table.

“You can’t scare me!” Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out, and mocked the agent, repeating what he said. “meh meh meh your gonna go to prison! Ooh I’m soooo scared… ha! You gotta do better than that, my dad’s a drill sergeant.” She laughed.

“Argh!” he threw his hands up in the air. “Every student in school is pointing at you six, you know something, and I’m gonna find out what!” He turned around to face the door and light a cigarette. “Hmph, didn’t think you’d be a traitor to your own country, some patriot you are.”

Rainbow dash stood suddenly and knocked the chair over in anger. “Don’t you EVER say that about me!” she yelled. “I’m loyal to my country, I’ll do anything for it!”

She paused, then leaned against the wall with her arms folded. “Fine, I guess it doesn’t really matter if I tell you anyways.”

Mr. John sighed in relief and turned back to her. “I knew you’d come around.” He took his seat and shuffled through some papers. Rainbow Dash stared at him, slightly irritated. “Now, tell me in a nutshell what happened, we’ll hammer out the details later.”

“Now you’re probably not gonna believe me, but just listen ok?” she picked up the chair and took her seat. “There was a crown you see, apparently from another world.”

-“Applejack, right? You can call me Mr. Smith.” He smiled, shaking her hand from across the table.

“Sooo, why am I here exactly?” she asked. The teenager seemed fairly confident.

“Well, I’ve been talking with some of your fellow students. I’ve heard some interesting stories, perhaps you could… expand upon them for me.”

“Err, what now?”

“Tell me what happened in the last week.”

Applejack nodded and removed her hat. “Oh… that. Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to tell you. Whadya wanna know?

”Mr. Smith opened a folder with the picture of Sunset Shimmer. “What about this person here, how does she fit into all this?”

“Her… well she was a no good, lousy, low down bully before Twilight came along. Guess she was some kind of evil villain from another world, come along to take over our world.” Applejack smiled. “She aint hurtin no one now though, Twilight took that crown back and she’s been nice as pie ever since.”

“Trying to take over the world hu?” he replied.

“Yup, that crown turned her into some sort of flying demon thing, turned a few other students into them to, and made everyone else zombies! Started throwin fire from her hands!”

“Well, how did this Twilight character save the day?” he asked.

“Um, magic I guess, I don’t really know to be honest. It was real weird, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash grew wings, Rarity grew a horn, and we floated up off the ground and started to glow all funny like.” She paused to think

“And this Twilight person? What was she doing during this?” he asked, growing more and more intrigued.

“Well, I think the power was really coming from her, she made us float in the air, and she shot this beam and took down the monster!” Applejack said excitedly.

-Mr. John flicked the ashes of his cigarette into an ashtray sitting on some papers on the desk. It looked untidy and disorganized. Rarity sat on the opposite side of the table, shaking her leg and biting her lower lip.

“Mhmm… looks like you have a promising future ahead of you kid, It would be a shame if all that came crashing down.”

“Quite.” She said, staring at the mess on the table. Without a thought, she burst forward and started organizing the mess. Mr. John didn’t stop her, only smiled in satisfaction. She sighed in relief as she sat back looking at the tidiness.

“So… why am I here? Regardless, I think you’re goons could have at least been a bit more polite in escorting me.”

“Yah, I’ll remember that next time…” he rolled his eyes. “I’ve been talking to some of your friends, but I still don’t really understand what happened this week. Care to explain?”

“Well now, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific than that.”

“Ok, let’s start with this crown I’ve been hearing about.” He said.

“Ah, yes, the crown. Well, Fluttershy stumbled upon it first, I only saw it later. Beautiful trinket, supposedly it was exceptionally valuable.” She looked as though she were remembering a fond memory.

“How so, was it made of gold or something?”

“Oh, nothing so crass made it valuable, but yes it was made of gold. No, it belonged to Princess Twilight.”

“Princess?”

“That’s right! Royalty, and I met her. Oh what an experience, if only she had stayed long enough to make me famous!”

Mr. John snapped his fingers, “Stay focused kid.”

She scowled at him. “Well, anyway, the crown was a powerful magical element of some sort.”

-“-and then they said I was really good at making cupcakes, who knew! But it didn’t start till I was only ten years old, after I came here with my family from the farm. That was pretty boring but-“

“Ms. Pie…”

“-when I saw it I was completely blown away, I mean a horse? Who would have thought! But that wasn’t even the weirdest part, this one time-“

“Ms. Pie!” Mr. Smith rubbed his hand through his hair.

“-came out of the pool, but I wasn’t even wet! Then we walked through this forest, and ran into another one! I was only there for a few hours before this one with a horn-“

“Ms. Pie please!” Mr. Smith yelled.

“O, right, sorry!” she giggled.

“Alright, I need you to be honest with me. Now, if you say yes, you won’t get in any trouble ok?” he said, trying to sound as polite as possible. She nodded quickly and happily. “Do you do drugs?”

“He he, no of course not silly!” she giggled again.

“Did you have any… sugar or caffeine?”

“O no! That stuff makes me hyper, it’s never good for me!”

“Right then, you wait here while I step out for a moment ok? I’m going to get you some water and a cup, I’ll explain what to do later.” He stepped out of the room and shoved one of the guards wearing a black uniform with a pistol at his hip inside and closed the door.

Mr. John walked down the hallway and greeted Mr. Smith.

Mr. John shook his head, “Christ Cook, I don’t know what to think, they’re all saying the same damn thing.”

Mr. Smith started chuckling, and ran his hands through his hair. “Hey, maybe this is part of the bigger picture. I don’t think the mimics are involved this time though, no hives or missing persons, but I think we’re onto something.”

“So what are we going to tell top?” Mr. John asked.

“Tell them we might have a live x-ray in custody, I think it’s time we talk to this Sunset Shimmer character in person Pit-bull.” Mr. Smith replied.

Mr. John nodded and walked back down the hall. Mr. Smith turned to go back into the room.

“-but it turns out she was a changeling all along, who knew! But of course I’m getting ahead of myself, the princesses-“

“Ms. Pie, you’re free to go.” Mr. Smith said, his guard sat in the chair with his head on the table. “I still want you to do something for me, before you leave make sure you stop at the front desk and tell them you need a U.A.; they’ll know what you mean.”

-“Sunset Shimmer, 453-4985, born August 1st, 1996, right here in this town.” Mr. Smith said, sitting in the chair across the table. Mr. John stood next to Sunset Shimmer, staring at her with his arms folded across his chest.

Mr. Smith continued. “Sais here your parents own a business ‘out of town’ and you live mostly alone. But we all know that’s a lie don’t we?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” She stared down at her lap, arms folded.

Mr. John slammed his fist on the desk. “Are you kidding me?! Don’t play stupid monster! Your blood test already came back from the lab, you’re not human!”

“He’s right; that means you don’t have any civil liberties here. That means if you don’t cooperate, we’ll just send you off to get a fun little vivisection for your troubles.” Mr. Smith said smiling.

“I’ll tell you everything you want to know…”

“That was easy. Alright then, why don’t you start by telling me all about where you’re from and how you got here.” Mr. Smith said.

Comments

[lordofmyth]

..........fairly certain her blood test would BE human since, well, she is human. or they would not have the capacity to detect anything unusual in her blood to begin with. tech cannot detect magic.

[Field Marshall Nuggetman]

3846592

Or do they?

[Field Marshall Nuggetman]

YES

I BEEN WAITING FOR A FIC LIKE THIS

I could have wrote it but I'm bad as fuck

[Shpoople96]

:3 It's delicious~

[lordofmyth]

3846655 probably not.

[ISS]

Time for serious things

[boothnat]

3846655
DUN DA DUNNNN!!!!

[LunerMagick]

3846592
There probably was nothing wrong with sunset shimmer's blood test; they probably said there was to scare her into talking.

[Clay]

-“-and then they said I was really good at making cupcakes, who knew! But it didn’t start till I was only ten years old, after I came here with my family from the farm. That was pretty boring but-“
“Ms. Pie…”
“-when I saw it I was completely blown away, I mean a horse? Who would have thought! But that wasn’t even the weirdest part, this one time-“
“Ms. Pie!” Mr. Smith rubbed his hand through his hair.
“-came out of the pool, but I wasn’t even wet! Then we walked through this forest, and ran into another one! I was only there for a few hours before this one with a horn-“
“Ms. Pie please!” Mr. Smith yelled.
“O, right, sorry!” she giggled.
“Alright, I need you to be honest with me. Now, if you say yes, you won’t get in any trouble ok?” he said, trying to sound as polite as possible. She nodded quickly and happily. “Do you do drugs?”
“He he, no of course not silly!” she giggled again.
“Did you have any… sugar or caffeine?”
“O no! That stuff makes me hyper, it’s never good for me!”

LOL!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh the laughs I got from that!

[Spiritus Arcane]

First off, really underhanded interrogation tactics, especially with Fluttershy.

Second, this...

Your blood test already came back from the lab, you’re not human!”
“He’s right; that means you don’t have any civil liberties here. That means if you don’t cooperate, we’ll just send you off to get a fun little vivisection for your troubles.”

...right here is something that always scares me to death could happen if we ever do make first contact. We treat the visitor like a science experiment, then wonder why they're blasting us back to the stone age for carving up their ambassador.

Granted, Sunset isn't an alien dignatary, but when g-men in fics like this start spouting off stuff like that, it just makes me wish the MIB would kick the door down and neuralize them back to grade school.